Post your best joke

[ray_MAN]

As the title suggests post your best joke here. NOTE: Please no racist jokes or predjudice jokes. Go ahead y'all make me laugh!

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Well, i found my signature funny. I'l try and find a decent joke though.


For you people reading this in the furture when i change my sig. Here it is....Spooky eh, im talking to you in the future...anyway.

"Shufti: ...No, but we can hang ourselves before they do it."
Polly: "I'm told thats a very painful way to die."
Shufti: "Who by?"

 

[Feath]

A man walked into a bar.

Ow.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

A man walked into a bar.

Ow.

Another man walks past the bar but trips over a limp body....pile up begins.

 

[ray_MAN]

LOL I can see it now.

 

[Brian Damage]

What's the time when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to stop eating those mushrooms.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

What's the time when a wolf attacks the elephant?

Time to go to school and learn about where these things live.


Funny, that sounded.....funny in practice.

 

[_-_-SELAS-_-_]

Mushroom Mushroom!

 

[Dedalus]

what do prawns and women have in common?

the head's full of shit but the pink bit tastes great.

 

[Brian Damage]

Psilocybin! Psilocybin!

Are blond jokes allowed?

 

[ray_MAN]

Sure man...

 

[ComradeBadger]

what do prawns and women have in common?

the head's full of shit but the pink bit tastes great.

Arf.

Anyway:

Why do Blondes wear Green lipstick? Becuase Red means stop.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Blonde jokes?


Well, i have this one...not really a blonde joke, just a trick.
Just press it!

 

[ray_MAN]

Farrow I hate you for that link.

 

[Maxi]

Haha the adress is a BIT of a giveaway

 

[ray_MAN]

I didn't look at the address.

 

[Brian Damage]

How do you know a blond's been using the computer?

Whiteout on the screen, a coin in the floppy drive, CD drive's been used as a cup holder, condom on the joystick, the keys have been pried out and alphabetised (with errors), the mouse has been stamped on, the case has been painted pink...

Never let it happen to you.

 

[RoyaleWithCheese]

A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods
bear: yo rabbit, do you have the problem that the shit sticks to your fur?
rabbit:no
then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit

 

[Brian Damage]

EDIT: God damn it, the blooming forums told me that earlier one hadn't gone through!

 

[ComradeBadger]

What goes Blonde Brunette Blonde?

Blonde doing a cartwheel.

Why do Blondes wear knickers?

To keep their ankles warm.

What do you call a Blonde in a Mercedes

Divorced.

 

[RoyaleWithCheese]

Husband comes home and gives his wife some flowers. The wife answers: rrigghht, so now I'm supposed to spread my legs for you again?
Husband: why? don't you have a vase?

 

[Brian Damage]

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

 

[ComradeBadger]

This isn't the best joke, or anything, it's just the one I hear the most:

Your mum.

Ugh.

 

[Brian Damage]

Why did the blonde take a bath in the sink?

Because that's where you wash vegetables.

 

[ray_MAN]

LOL keep these babies coming. I hav one:
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

 

[ComradeBadger]

What do you call an intelligent Blonde?

Dyed.

(A variation on Brian's earlier joke )

 

[RoyaleWithCheese]

Best blonde joke ever

 

[Brian Damage]

How do you make a blonde stare?

Hand her a carton of orange juice marked "Concentrate".

 

[ComradeBadger]

Link is broken

 

[Brian Damage]

Yeah, for me too.

 

[The Mullinator]

This isn't the best Ive heard but it is pretty funny sometimes. Just don't take offense to it as it isn't actually true.

Man: Ya my Dad died in a Jewish internment camp in Nazi Germany.
Lady: Oh my god I feel so sorry for you.
Man: Ya he fell out of a guard tower.

 

[The Terminator]

BAHAHAHA, Ive heard that one before, its awesome. Now for mine, its not so much of a joke and it is ****ing hilarious:

<asr> 'fo sheezy.
<Sabboth> what the **** does that mean in english? you should understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the language of the 'streets' as it were.

 

[Feath]

Best joke ever:

Daikatana

 

[Brian Damage]

Those are quotes from that quote site...

Not that that's a bad thing...

EDIT: Daikatana... now that's a bad thing.

 

[Anable]

Awesome, no one has taken any of my dead baby jokes yet...

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porche?
I don't have a Porche in my garage.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Add coke and some icecream.

What's easier to get out of a barrel: dead babies or bowling balls?
Dead babies because you can use a pitch fork.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.

How do you fit a dead baby in a dish bowl?
A blender.

How do you get it out?
Fritos.


And yes, I am going to hell.

 

[Anable]

Oh, and as I see some are already aware of: www.bash.org rocks the party.

 

[Jhahn2k4]

Gah.. Those aren't cool..

 

[SLH]

For great how to keep idiots amused jokes try this link:
http://www.acejokes.com/idiots/keepamused.html

 

[Dedalus]

what's grosser than gross?
having a dream about eating chocolate ice cream and waking up with a spoon in your ass.

what's green and cold and sits in the corner?
a dead baby

what's large green and cold and sits in the corner?
a pile of dead babies

what's large green and cold and sits in the corner and is moving?
a pile of dead babies with a live one eating it's way out




dead baby jokes are sick...but i couldn't think of anything else.

what does a woman and a condom have in common?
always in your wallet never on your dick.

 

[Brian Damage]

What's the difference between a petty thief and a jailor?

One nicks watches, the other watches nicks.