Post your funny sex moments: Part 2 1/2

CyberPitz

CyberPitz

Party Escort Bot
Joined
Aug 23, 2004
Messages
24,791
Reaction score
7
A continuation from http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?p=2583643#post2583643, as it can't be bumped. Permission from Samon the Great to create new thread.

Last night, I was a bit on the drunk side, and was going to do the anal thing. Well, she still isn't used to it, so I gotta go in slowly and what not. Well, the way we were, and the room was spinning for me, I get the head partially in, slip, and just shove my way all the way in. She goes down for the count on that one, I pull out, she rolls over on her side whimpering.

So I roll her over, and proceed to ejaculate onto her back. Great Success.
 
did u use lubricant? cuz if u gonna do anal, u gotta use lubricant. its gonna hurt if you put the penis in without lube i'm telling you.
 
one time the giorl farted while I was going down on her, apparently she was close and was trying to hold it in...


needless to say I didnt continue


one girl who thought she was really good in bed proceeds to give me the most excruciating HJ in my life, it was like she was trying to get the last of the toothpaste out of the bottle.. All the time she's giving me a look like she thinks she's giving me the best I ever gt in my whole life.
 
MaSter0fDarKneZz said:
did u use lubricant? cuz if u gonna do anal, u gotta use lubricant. its gonna hurt if you put the penis in without lube i'm telling you.
Click to expand...

We used it, but I guess I can say I feel good that I'm too big for her, Muwaha.

PS, picture of the BJ I received for those who PM.

Some already received :D
 
once i didn't have any toilet paper to clean up

LOL
 
won time i wuz haveng sex, get really horny rubbing so orgasm anz here head explode
 
I'm lolling at the thought of a woman's head exploding during climax.
 
Hahah, he only has ten posts but MasterOfDarkness already reminds me of a mix between RJMC and RakuriTenjin.
 
Everyone has at least one funny sex story. It's a statistic, and statistics don't lie.
 
You were dating a guy named Statistics? No wonder it turned out bad!
 
When a guy named "Statistics" says "won't you just let me see your tits?" its a pretty safe bet that its not love.
 
toaster-chan said:
Here's my funny sex story:

Okay, so, it was my first time, right? And I really wanted my first time to be "special" or whatever, and with someone who ~loved me~ and all that sappy shit. So this guy I was dating at the time, Statistics, he was all like "hey baby i totally love you, come on won't you just let me see your tits" and well... one thing led to another, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks. Anyway, later that week he dumped me for some other slut. I asked him how he could do that to me when he loved me, and well it turns out that Statistics do[es] in fact lie</3
Click to expand...
Is this an analogy?

Haha, I said anal.
 
Statistics looked like a nice guy. I can't believe Statistics disappointed you.
 
I think Statistics is a pretty cool guy eh sees tits and doesnt afraid of anything.
 
Stigmata said:
Everyone has at least one funny sex story. It's a statistic, and statistics don't lie.
Click to expand...

Not if you don't have any sex to begin with...

Well, there was that one time that I got carpel tunnel...
 
You know those showers that have the handles that are ultra-sensitive? You turn the thing 1mm and temperature skyrockets 1,000 degrees and you have to dive out of the way of the water with fearful thoughts of a hospital burn unit in your head.

Well, one time I was having shower sex after a hotel party (at the hotel). I had her held up against the wall and things were going smoothly. Well she started getting pretty into it and must've bumped the handle with her foot or something because a second later, what was once a comfortably hot spray of water turned into a liquid-hot magma spray.

The majority of the shower spray was on my right side so I react first. I spasm in pain and try to back out of the way of the water, letting go with my right arm. She had her arms around me - so her left arm was getting hit by the spray too so she quickly withdrew it.

She is falling to my right because that side of her body has no support anymore and I'm falling backwards into the door, my right arm now flailing for some kind of support. She slapped her left hand onto the wall, stopping her head from cracking into anything as she hits the floor and I crack my forearm just below the elbow on the door's frame as I fall into the door cracking one of the panes of glass.

She bruised her hip from landing on the floor and I walked away with a bruised forearm.


Cliffs:
-Amish has shower sex
-Shower gets way too hot
-Hilarity/pain ensues
-Amish drops girl. Oops.
 
Statistics actually dumped you for me toaster, I'm sorry. I'm just too irresistable.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MFL
Fascinating look at the ongoing psychological evolution of flat hieirarchies.
Replies
2
Views
2K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
B
Marc Laidlaw releases Half-Life 2: Episode Three's plot
Replies
32
Views
39K
BabyHeadCrab
BabyHeadCrab
B
The leaked maps of the Half-Life 2 episodes - Part 1
Replies
0
Views
48K
Barnz
B
B
The leaked maps of the Half-Life 2 episodes - Part 2
Replies
0
Views
9K
Barnz
B
B
The cut missions of Half-Life: Decay
Replies
2
Views
21K
Evo
Evo
Back
Top