Post your funny sex moments: Part 2 1/2

Orgasms help with my migranes sometimes.
 
toaster-chan said:
Orgasms are supposed to be excellent headache remedies. For women, at least...?!

Though most of my headaches are from sinus infections so idk if that really applies to me. ;_;












(for some reason after saying that my mind went straight to nose raep and semen stuck in the sinuses. whyyyyyyyyyyyy)
Click to expand...

all of that blood away from the brain can give you a headache.
 
How do you mean? My dick is in no way connected to my brain!
 
I'll "debate" that issue with her, if you know what I mean :naughty:
 
Pesh's fault! Pesh's fault! Pesh's fault!

Thread contribution: I have never had sex.

That's pretty funny, right?
 
lol dat iz funy. I waz bout ta mak post bout dis tyme wen i had seks wif dis hot blodne chik but den i was leik "o wait lol i neva did dat lol".
 
Yesterday me and my gf were getting into it, i'd just given her oral and she was about to return the favour for me.

Then my mate phoned, man was I pissed off.

So there I am talking to him when suddenly I feel hands tugging off my boxers, and then taking me into her mouth. Needless to say i'm really enjoying this whilst trying to keep a conversation with my friend going. I lost track of the times i stalled the converation with things like 'hold on' 'bah! I lost my trail of thought!' etc.

In the end I said '**** it mate, i'm in the middle of a blowjob and you're being too distracting talk to you later'

My gf bit my cock for that.
 
Krynn72 said:
lol dat iz funy. I waz bout ta mak post bout dis tyme wen i had seks wif dis hot blodne chik but den i was leik "o wait lol i neva did dat lol".
Click to expand...

wate, were did did my posts go? i shoul prably make a thread ask modorators if mayby or somethign you think its not that serious or really should make thread ask about it probly rite?


Vegeta897 said:
Pesh's fault! Pesh's fault! Pesh's fault!

Thread contribution: I have never had sex.

That's pretty funny, right?
Click to expand...

We can change that :naughty:

rae said:
Yesterday me and my gf were getting into it, i'd just given her oral and she was about to return the favour for me.

Then my mate phoned, man was I pissed off.

So there I am talking to him when suddenly I feel hands tugging off my boxers, and then taking me into her mouth. Needless to say i'm really enjoying this whilst trying to keep a conversation with my friend going. I lost track of the times i stalled the converation with things like 'hold on' 'bah! I lost my trail of thought!' etc.

In the end I said '**** it mate, i'm in the middle of a blowjob and you're being too distracting talk to you later'

My gf bit my cock for that.
Click to expand...

That's kind of odd, I would have just told my friend immediately that I would call him back unless it was something really serious.
 
I love playing the game of "Trying your best to keep a conversation over the phone/in person while getting a BJ." I always fail :(
 
Last night I was smoking a joint and getting a blowjob, and I was so drunk that I dropped the joint and burned the girl's shoulder. Sorry about that D:
 
JNightshade said:
Last night I was smoking a joint and getting a blowjob, and I was so drunk that I dropped the joint and burned the girl's shoulder. Sorry about that D:
Click to expand...

That will teach her to be in the way of your drugs!
 
Fanny farts are always funny (a fanny is another term for pussy in the uk ;)). If you time things right and really go for it at the right moment you can set off an orchestra of parps - cue horrified look from recipient as her flaps flail around like curtains in a storm.
 
People With Poorly Compositioned Avatars Make Me Cringe.
 
Funny seks story, eh?

Haven't you learned? Sexual intercourse is one big joke.

"Eeewww, disgusting! You mean... *fluid transfer*?"

DemolitionMan39.jpeg
 
I've had my head locked between her legs and then thrown headfirst into a wall. That was weird and not at all planned according to her, but I know better.
 
This is embarrassing but..
One time me and my owner were going really fast. She was really sweating a lot. She went to grab at my breaks, but her hand slipped. We both lost our balance and ended up rolling around on the floor. Sometimes, when she reaches for me, I break a little too fast, you know? Embarrassing. She wasn't put off though, we just kept on going.
 
ugh, wut, lol...

Ahhhhhhhhhh, I remember one. How the hell did I forget it...?

My GF at the time came to my place, plastered drunk. *Yes, she was drunk and driving around...she did that a lot, and I told her how dumb it was.* We were laying there, started fooling around, and started having sex. Out of nowhere, she grabs her shirt and blows her nose on it. I was like "D:....."*Keep sechsing, as she made this AWESOME squeak noise.* But yeah, it was just out of the blue weird and random.
 
Warbie said:
Fanny farts are always funny (a fanny is another term for pussy in the uk ;)). If you time things right and really go for it at the right moment you can set off an orchestra of parps - cue horrified look from recipient as her flaps flail around like curtains in a storm.
Click to expand...

Good Lord, that's absolutely terrible.

:LOL:
 
giant384 said:
all of that blood away from the brain can give you a headache.
Click to expand...

yeah but that is only for guys


BTW my sex stories?

oh I don't know, they aren't that interesting.


well ok.


when I was a teenager, my girlfriend was over my house and we were getting freaky, but she was on the rag.

I was laughing and lightly jabbing her pussy with a boxing glove on. the blood was splattered on the glove. well, it's weird, but she really liked it.
 
VirusType2 said:
I was laughing and teasing her pussy, kind of jabbing her pussy with a boxing glove on. the blood was splattered on the glove. well, it's weird, but she really liked it.
Click to expand...

She must have been loose.
 
zombieturtle01 said:
She must have been loose.
Click to expand...

lol I wasn't fisting her!

the impact was making her real hot



Like if they get hit in their non-existent nuts, they like it.


EDIT: Vegeta, you wouldn't be a virgin if you didn't have over 9000 posts. Get out there and play the field before the game is over. you are only young once, and the best place to meet girls is at school. after that you will probably need a car.
 
OVER NINE THOUSAND posts, got my red rings today. Screw you.
arms.gif


Not that I make a habit of doing girls on their periods.

Cars! Pfft. I pull by writing in arabic on my arm and claiming I slept with a terrorist. It makes me look dangerous and exotic.
 
You slept with a terrorists :|


:|



:LOL:
 
Ok I have a funny story, and a sort of nasty story.

Funny first: I was eating my girlfriend out when I spot one of those party horn things.

22575134.jpg


and I rip the paper part off. I then shoved the mouthpiece in her vagina and blew her up like a baloon. Needless to say, the ensuing PHERRNT caused much hilarity, especially when she didn't know what it was that I shoved into her glory hole.

Nasty story: We were just having normal sex, on her bathroom floor for some reason, when she just says "SHIT!" I asked what happened, but then I felt it. Her period started while we were in the middle of sex, I could feel the blood just flowing out around my cock. She asked if I wanted to stop, I said nothing, just grabbed some toilet paper and kept humping.
 
one time, I was on the receiving end, I went to move her hair out of the way so I could watch, and bam! Thumb right in the eye.... :(
 
Man, I totally forgot about this thread. Some hilarious stories here :LOL:

CyberPitz said:
We used it, but I guess I can say I feel good that I'm too big for her, Muwaha.

PS, picture of the BJ I received for those who PM.

Some already received :D
Click to expand...

People asked for it??? :eek:
 
Just put the pic's link in spoiler tags. bleh

It would be something like merging this thread and the dirty mugshots thread.
 
Kids, don't try this method of birth control at home:

So me and my now wife were making love in a hotel room while we away for some job training. We didn't have condoms so I was using the pull out method of birth control. So when it came time to cum, I pulled out and ejaculated. But instead of some little spurt, it came out like turning on a fire hose. I wasn't aiming or anything, but ended up soaking her face and eyes. Best part was, she was wide eyed for the whole thing, absolutely covering her left eye with cum.

We both laughed until we cried, then I realized she was no longer crying because it was funny, but because she was in pain. Apparently cum can cause your eye to turn red (like she had more red in her eye than white). She got her revenge because I had to run two miles each way to buy some visine for her eyes.

So kids, make sure you learn two things:

1) Cum in they eye can be very funny, so try it the first time you get laid
2) Find a better birth control method than the pull out method.
 
Sulkdodds said:
OVER NINE THOUSAND posts, got my red rings today. Screw you.
arms.gif


Not that I make a habit of doing girls on their periods.

Cars! Pfft. I pull by writing in arabic on my arm and claiming I slept with a terrorist. It makes me look dangerous and exotic.
Click to expand...

My entire sexually active life, I thought it was Red Wings. Red Rings makes more sense.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MFL
Fascinating look at the ongoing psychological evolution of flat hieirarchies.
Replies
2
Views
2K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
B
Marc Laidlaw releases Half-Life 2: Episode Three's plot
Replies
32
Views
39K
BabyHeadCrab
BabyHeadCrab
B
The leaked maps of the Half-Life 2 episodes - Part 1
Replies
0
Views
48K
Barnz
B
B
The leaked maps of the Half-Life 2 episodes - Part 2
Replies
0
Views
9K
Barnz
B
B
The cut missions of Half-Life: Decay
Replies
2
Views
21K
Evo
Evo
Back
Top