Post your funny sex moments: Part 2 1/2

xcellerate said:
It varies by the girl. I've had girls that were essentially flavorless and others that were...less than tasty. Eventually you end up just saying "**** it" and going nuts.

I don't have any funny stories, just terribly kinky ones...
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Oddly enough, I've not had a "gross" tasting one, and I've eaten out all the girls I've had sex with...except for the fatty. No...just no.
Speaking of fatty...

When I first started doing her *this lasted for a month..* we were going at it, and she was like "Here try this..." *lift legs over my shoulders* At that point, I could TRULY see her rolls everywhere. I about vomited all over her, and was just like "uhhh, not feelin' it..."

Yeaahhh...*gag*
 
Unfocused said:
LOL maybe she had some problems with making skidmarks on her underwear and took precautions?
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CyberPitz said:
I thought red wings was eating a girl out on her period, which I've earned.
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Best posts in this thread. I do have some stories but they are not mine though. This guy in my welding class comes from upper Vermont. Well anywho one time he says he got a HJ from his cousin. :x So I said "isn't that incest?" I look around at the group around me for support like "right guys?!" and they are all quiet, smoking their cigarretes or just looking down. :p Then he replies "no it's not because I didn't **** her." He screws just about anybody though. One time he said he got wasted with 2 girls on a camping trip. He ****ed one then later on he ****ed the other girl. She was fat too but all he cared about was the sex. Me on the other hand am not looking for sex which completely makes my class confused at me. Yes there guys out there (like me) that want you, for you, and not just for sex! :p
 
CyberPitz said:
Oddly enough, I've not had a "gross" tasting one, and I've eaten out all the girls I've had sex with...except for the fatty. No...just no.
Speaking of fatty...

When I first started doing her *this lasted for a month..* we were going at it, and she was like "Here try this..." *lift legs over my shoulders* At that point, I could TRULY see her rolls everywhere. I about vomited all over her, and was just like "uhhh, not feelin' it..."

Yeaahhh...*gag*
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How can you screw a girl that disgusts you? D:
 
Yeah, then there would be two of them, and only one of you



edit: Hehe, your own personal fatty threesome
 
I cant imagine ever feeling the need to bang an absolute fatty, but depends how libidinous you are, I am quite happy to go without for long periods of time, nae fussed TBH.
 
I'm too young to have my own, and I love this thread :)naughty:), so I hope you guys don't mind that I bump it.
 
I think I already told the story where me and my girlfriend were in the woods doing it, and some old people walked by.


How about this one -

I was doing it in the closet with a girlfriend of mine and her mom opened the closet door and asked, "what the hell do we think we are doing"

She cursed and closed the door, we both kinda like, "haha, holy shit". So I finished up and left.
 
friend of a friend had gotten a car, so I decided to help her christen her car. so we're going at it in the back seat. now generally the ceiling is pretty high, except of course for the rear light. which my head was repeatedly hitting. so I'm going at it and my leg cramps out a bit and I jerk a bit and whack my head off it pretty hard. I curse in pain she thinks I'm cumming...


and then afterwards we got back in the front waiting for the condensation to go away I draw my trade mark smiley face in the top right corner of the windshield.

of course we're hanging out with our mutual friends and of course someone askes "... why is there a happyface on your windshield?" when noone is looking she gives me a dirty look.
 
so my girlfriend is like, "watch this" and pulls into a construction site and we start humping in her truck. when we were finished, again, she is like, "watch this", and I said, "no, don't - just back up", but she decided to show off or something and she drove up a curb into some mud bogg shit and get her truck stuck. So she had to call some guy to come pull her truck out of the mud.
 
VirusType2 said:
so my girlfriend is like, "watch this" and pulls into a construction site and we start humping in her truck. when we were finished, again, she is like, "watch this", and I said, "no, don't - just back up", but she decided to show off or something and she drove up a curb into some mud bogg shit and get her truck stuck. So she had to call some guy to come pull her truck out of the mud.
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you have an insane girlfriend..insane I tell you..
 
Jesus you guys live in awsome areas, here there is hardly any action at all, not even my mates with girlfriends get as much as you guys I doubt lol.

****ing hilarious thread however lool.
 
Why in my 2 weeks away have these forums become sex obsessed.
 
soulslicer said:
you have an insane girlfriend..insane I tell you..
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Actually, they were all stories about different girls.

It seems that there is always at least one funny sex moment with any girl.

I know I told the one about the boxing gloves and the bloody vagina, the one about the incorrect usage of toilet paper, the one about the muddy truck hump, the one about people watching as we did it in the woods, and the one about getting caught by her parents - I've got many more - some of them I won't speak of. I've already said too much.

Most of them relate to not having a good place to ****. Did I tell the one about sex outside of where I worked, next to a dumpster? I think I already have. Might have to go back a few pages.

I'm interested in having new sex adventures to add to my exciting bed-time stories for my grand-kids - if I ever have kids ... who also have kids.
 
I tried to jack off with a condom on when I was like 13 because I thought it was supposed to feel like really having sex.
 
REVIVAL.

Last night, I was gonna cum on my girlfriend's face but I missed and hit the wall behind her, literally about 3' behind her.

Then when wiping it off the wall, the paint came off with it.

Luckily she found it hilarious too.
 
She shouldn't have found that funny at all. Your jizz is made of acid and her face would have melted off if you'd had your way.
 
There may be two amateur pornographic films of me floating around the internet. I have absolutely no assurances that either of them were kept for "personal use."

In one of them, me and my friend do a high-five over this chick's back. We also did a "Go Team Venture!" beforehand. I wouldn't mind if that one got onto the internet, I just want to see it. Another friend was filming. The girl's husband was watching. I really believe that one is on the internet.

The other one, not so much. When I talked to her on the phone she was asking me if I would hold something for her because she wanted to see what she looked like giving a blowjob, to which I naively replied, "What, like a mirror?" That one probably hasn't reached the internet. We had sex in her parents' real estate office. That conference table is tainted.
 
Once upon a time, I had sex. Story over. That's funny enough as it is.

Aye, she was a beautiful lass. She had a whale's ass and a dolphin's blowhole, Harghargharghargharharg.
 
Goddamn, a whale's ass you say?

1220765671277dd0.jpg
 
I'm glad this thread is back, it used to make me laugh so much :LOL:
 
Darkside55 said:
There may be two amateur pornographic films of me floating around the internet.
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Porn of you floating? TELL ME HOW YOU DO THIS MOVE!


Also... last thursday or friday two of my co workers were discussing a porn where two dudes high fived each other over the girls back... I'm not even joking.
 
about 5-6 months ago around my birthday a co-worker of mine who is married decided she give me a present in my car. we drove to a somewhat quiet parking lot and she proceeded to make out with me. I had no clue she had feelings for me but it was cool and as we're making out this huge SUV pulls right next to us. These Middle Eastern elderly men with turbans are sitting in the SUV staring at us. We were making out for at least 5 minutes and were going to go further had these perverts not pulled up to us and made us feel uncomfortable. they really looked like they never got laid and were really jealous. but yeah she would have definitely gave me head had those guys not shown up. so i pulled us away from that parking lot and realized we had to get back to work at that point.

Also that was probably one of the most random things to happen me in a long time.
 
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