Post your funny sex moments: Part 2 1/2

VirusType2 said:
My entire sexually active life, I thought it was Red Wings. Red Rings makes more sense.
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Red rings sounds more like an STD.

EDIT: OK, STD symptoms. Anyway wings would be more appropriate. IE: earning your wings/piloing/etc. Also, it's more of a streak when you pull yourself out.
 
dO go on.


I say rings because you get that bloody ring around the base of your cock - especially if you were wearing a condom, which keeps the rest of your cock clean.

wings yes like earning your wings.

maybe it is wings then.


unless que-ever could tell us that they are both actually two different things.
 
It's actually wings. Red Wings are simply one set of wings you can get.

Red Wings - doing a girl on her period.
White Wings - taking a girl's virginity.
Pink Wings - taking a girl's virginity while on her period.
Brown Wings - anal.
Gold Wings - golden shower.

That last one you might not want to get.
 
Is that last one giving or receiving? Also, how long can I expect to wait before I get those in the post?
 
I got one.

I was in an eight bed dorm at a hostel in New Zealand, and four couples (I was in one of them) were having sex on the lower bunk in each of the beds. It was pretty bizarre when you look back at it, but the number of options where you can have sex when living in a hostel are pretty limited.
 
Stigmata said:
Everyone has at least one funny sex story. It's a statistic, and statistics don't lie.
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Oh man, oh man :LOL: dude....dude....DUDE, bro. Seriously OMG LOL :E haheh this is gonna....:LOL: oh god this is beautiful. LMAO holy...haha :p I can't believe I did this man but dude there was this one time when....damn....mmm, yes :p LOL oh dude :LOL: wait'll you hear this man. Like seriously, get your inhaler ready or something :LOL: ROFL so yeah that time back in 2006 me and :E....oh man :LOL: LOL this is too much, anyway....so yeah, me and....haheh...um....I got nothing :(
 
Me and the new girl had some fun with fruit rollups. It's not exactly funny, but it was HOT.

P.S. Since I'm a little "new" I tried going down on her, but could stand it (almost threw up). Is it a bad sign, or me, or her, or what? Sorry, don't know a better place to ask.
 
I thought red wings was eating a girl out on her period, which I've earned.
 
Dude, I wouldnt see that as "earning" something, except a mouth full of blood.
 
CyberPitz said:
I thought red wings was eating a girl out on her period, which I've earned.
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I think Red Wings covers both cases, but there should be a Red Wings II or something to differentiate between the two.

That being said, I have my Red Wings, Red Wings II, and Pink Wings :D
 
L3N!N said:
EDIT:
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Man, I once had a threesome with a tricycle. Awesome.

Unicycles tend to have issues though. I hear they're worth it if you put in the time.
 
A-Bike said:
Man, I once had a threesome with a tricycle. Awesome.

Unicycles tend to have issues though. I hear they're worth it if you put in the time.
Click to expand...

Any time A-Bike posts I just have to look
 
phantomdesign said:
Me and the new girl had some fun with fruit rollups. It's not exactly funny, but it was HOT.

P.S. Since I'm a little "new" I tried going down on her, but could stand it (almost threw up). Is it a bad sign, or me, or her, or what? Sorry, don't know a better place to ask.
Click to expand...

Once this girl spent the night with me and I was licking her vagina for a while... Maybe as soon as the next day, I became almost deathly ill. I thought I might die. It might have been mono or something. That whole area down there can have a lot of germs so make sure the girl has bathed recently - like that day.

You ever heard the expression - eat shit and die? Yeah the junk is close to the junk. This was a long time ago, and TBH, I'm pretty she was a virgin, so that doesn't make a difference.
 
A few weeks back me and my girl smoked a bit, and just started taking our shirts off.

I started running my tongue around her nipples when all of a sudden I just chomped on it as though I was starved.
She screamed pretty damn loud and I just sat there, she smacked me pretty hard.
Her nipple didn't even bleed that badly surprisingly, but she kept rubbing it all night.

Eventually she managed to get herself pretty hot and we ended up ****ing for a couple hours until we just passed out.

Woke up in the morning and she was glaring at me because her breast was so damn swollen, dear god... it looked like a bumpy bubblegum bubble.

Needless to say, she wasn't too pleased.
 
VirusType2 said:
dO go on.


I say rings because you get that bloody ring around the base of your cock - especially if you were wearing a condom, which keeps the rest of your cock clean.

wings yes like earning your wings.

maybe it is wings then.


unless que-ever could tell us that they are both actually two different things.
Click to expand...

No, I was lying.
 
xlucidx said:
I started running my tongue around her nipples when all of a sudden I just chomped on it as though I was starved.
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lol shit man that is some funny writing


I remember once, this new girlfriend of mine ... I had her bent over the couch and she had some toilet paper stuck to her asshole. God damn that really killed the mood for me. I couldn't continue. I never said anything to her, but like I figured it was just one of those days right? I mean, I liked this girl.

What do you know, next time we go to do it, there was some more toilet paper stuck to her asshole again... Just like a medium sized white flake, kinda balled up like it had been moist. ****ing WTF. Who sticks paper to their ass and leaves it?
 
VirusType2 said:
lol shit man that is some funny writing


I remember once, this new girlfriend of mine ... I had her bent over the couch and she had some toilet paper stuck to her asshole. God damn that really killed the mood for me. I couldn't continue. I never said anything to her, but like I figured it was just one of those days right? I mean, I liked this girl.

What do you know, next time we go to do it, there was some more toilet paper stuck to her asshole again... Just like a medium sized white flake, kinda balled up like it had been moist. ****ing WTF. Who sticks paper to their ass and leaves it?
Click to expand...

What the ****, why am I reading this thread when I'm eating?

D: :x
 
VirusType2 said:
lol shit man that is some funny writing


I remember once, this new girlfriend of mine ... I had her bent over the couch and she had some toilet paper stuck to her asshole. God damn that really killed the mood for me. I couldn't continue. I never said anything to her, but like I figured it was just one of those days right? I mean, I liked this girl.

What do you know, next time we go to do it, there was some more toilet paper stuck to her asshole again... Just like a medium sized white flake, kinda balled up like it had been moist. ****ing WTF. Who sticks paper to their ass and leaves it?
Click to expand...

LOL maybe she had some problems with making skidmarks on her underwear and took precautions?
 
first time - shit happens right?

second time - deal breaker pretty much.


I can't take this seriously with a bright white eye staring back at me, and I wasn't prepared to talk with her about it.
 
Maybe someone's enormous cock streched her ass out too much and so things get caught inside.
 
Stigmata said:
It's actually wings. Red Wings are simply one set of wings you can get.

Red Wings - doing a girl on her period.
White Wings - taking a girl's virginity.
Pink Wings - taking a girl's virginity while on her period.
Brown Wings - anal.
Gold Wings - golden shower.

That last one you might not want to get.
Click to expand...
Pink wings? Dayum.
 
Don't forget green wings! ****ing a girl while she's vomiting on your cock.
 
Don't forget physically impossible. How can she vomit on your dick while you're ****ing her?
 
phantomdesign said:
P.S. Since I'm a little "new" I tried going down on her, but could stand it (almost threw up). Is it a bad sign, or me, or her, or what? Sorry, don't know a better place to ask.
Click to expand...

It varies by the girl. I've had girls that were essentially flavorless and others that were...less than tasty. Eventually you end up just saying "**** it" and going nuts.

I don't have any funny stories, just terribly kinky ones...
 
xcellerate said:
It varies by the girl. I've had girls that were essentially flavorless and others that were...less than tasty. Eventually you end up just saying "**** it" and going nuts.

I don't have any funny stories, just terribly kinky ones...
Click to expand...

If it tastes that bad, she's not taking care of it properly.
 
JNightshade said:
If it tastes that bad, she's not taking care of it properly.
Click to expand...

Hmmmm, now that I think about it, neither of us had showered in 1.5 days and I fingered her earlier that day a few times . . . which probably explains it. Also, before anyone else says it "That's just plain gross" :x

Live and learn! :)
 
Funny sex-related story:

I went to a party this weekend and ended up nailing a cute girl named Deanna. Except... somewhere along the line, I messed up my back in the process. I was too messed up at the time, but when I woke up... yikes. Of course, when I get home, my mom decides it's time to rake the lawn. I tried for a bit, then told her my back hurt. When she asked why, I just kind of brushed it off, and she just told me to keep raking. Ten minutes later, it's practically on fire. I tell her again that my back is killing me, but when she asks what happened, I once again brush it off. She still doesn't get the hint, and tells me to get back to work. Eventually, it just hurts too much, and I tell her again. She responds with "well, what on earth did you do to it? At that point, I was hung over and fed up, so I just yelled

"I F*CKED TOO HARD, OKAY?"

She left me alone after that :D
 
JNightshade said:
Funny sex-related story:

I went to a party this weekend and ended up nailing a cute girl named Deanna. Except... somewhere along the line, I messed up my back in the process. I was too messed up at the time, but when I woke up... yikes. Of course, when I get home, my mom decides it's time to rake the lawn. I tried for a bit, then told her my back hurt. When she asked why, I just kind of brushed it off, and she just told me to keep raking. Ten minutes later, it's practically on fire. I tell her again that my back is killing me, but when she asks what happened, I once again brush it off. She still doesn't get the hint, and tells me to get back to work. Eventually, it just hurts too much, and I tell her again. She responds with "well, what on earth did you do to it? At that point, I was hung over and fed up, so I just yelled

"I F*CKED TOO HARD, OKAY?"

She left me alone after that :D
Click to expand...
Hahaha now that's a funny sex story if I've ever heard one :LOL:
 
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