Post your funny sex moments: Part 2 1/2

The time for honoring yourself will soon be at an end.


gladiator050404.jpg
 
Don't be upset that I have Statistics and you don't, Pesh.
 
Because Shamrock has yet to bone Will Smith.
 
Will Smith only does Scientology these days.

I seem to know this Statistics guy, by the way. What does he look like?
 
I'm not sure if this funny, so much as it's just odd, but a few months ago my girlfriend and I were getting into it, and she suggested a we try a 69 - so we're half way into it, and I'm eating her out, and the next thing I know I feel a sneeze coming on, I figure I can hold it back but the next second I sneeze all over her pussy, mucus all over her twat, and pubic mound.

I found myself in one sticky situation, becuase it be rude not to finish the job, but I don't want to lick up my own mucous and snot...she doesn't say anything becuase she's to busy on my end (LOLBLOWJOBLOL) so I opted for reaching over the bed for a blanket on the floor, which I used to wipe up and I continued on.
 
I once had a friend of mine who had sex. Only, he lied.


Soo... I guess that technically wasn't a sex moment for anyone. Or very funny.
 
Irksome said:
I'm not sure if this funny, so much as it's just odd, but a few months ago my girlfriend and I were getting into it, and she suggested a we try a 69 - so we're half way into it, and I'm eating her out, and the next thing I know I feel a sneeze coming on, I figure I can hold it back but the next second I sneeze all over her pussy, mucus all over her twat, and pubic mound.

I found myself in one sticky situation, becuase it be rude not to finish the job, but I don't want to lick up my own mucous and snot...she doesn't say anything becuase she's to busy on my end (LOLBLOWJOBLOL) so I opted for reaching over the bed for a blanket on the floor, which I used to wipe up and I continued on.
Click to expand...

Oh dear god, that would have been hilarious. I was dating this girl at another time, and she was talking about how her ex was eating her out one day, and he took a swig of water, and sprayed it at her crotch/in it. She said she cried for hours. I just lol'd.
 
I missed this thread.

One time I was getting into it but I got hand cramps. Me and my hand laughed all day ;(
 
AmishSlayer said:
You know those showers that have the handles that are ultra-sensitive? You turn the thing 1mm and temperature skyrockets 1,000 degrees and you have to dive out of the way of the water with fearful thoughts of a hospital burn unit in your head.

Well, one time I was having shower sex after a hotel party (at the hotel). I had her held up against the wall and things were going smoothly. Well she started getting pretty into it and must've bumped the handle with her foot or something because a second later, what was once a comfortably hot spray of water turned into a liquid-hot magma spray.

The majority of the shower spray was on my right side so I react first. I spasm in pain and try to back out of the way of the water, letting go with my right arm. She had her arms around me - so her left arm was getting hit by the spray too so she quickly withdrew it.

She is falling to my right because that side of her body has no support anymore and I'm falling backwards into the door, my right arm now flailing for some kind of support. She slapped her left hand onto the wall, stopping her head from cracking into anything as she hits the floor and I crack my forearm just below the elbow on the door's frame as I fall into the door cracking one of the panes of glass.

She bruised her hip from landing on the floor and I walked away with a bruised forearm.


Cliffs:
-Amish has shower sex
-Shower gets way too hot
-Hilarity/pain ensues
-Amish drops girl. Oops.
Click to expand...

Vegeta897:
Until one of you slips and you both fall down, hitting your heads on the door and wall, landing face down in the water. You both suffocate from the water and die there with the water running. 4 hours later the water hitting your skin begins to pierce it, and gradually eats away at all the soft tissue of your bodies. Police are called to investigate after the manager of your apartment wonders why the water has been running so long and does not receive a response upon knocking on your locked door. The police break in and discover the water-rot corpses of you and your lover disgustingly and unnaturally shambled in eachothers forms on the shower floor. The sight is so revolting that the police officer shoots himself right there on the spot. As his body hits the floor, it gives way after being water logged for so long. 2 people in the room underneath are killed by the debris and a fire is started from the TV that was partially crushed. The whole apartment is evacuated.

5 deaths, one pitiful failed attempt at sex in the shower.
Click to expand...
Could have been a candidate for the Darwin Awards. :O
 
I hate when you're going at it, and one of your legs cramp, so you can't keep a steady beat, and it just feels all weird while you going at it, and she's sitting there trying to hump at the inconsistent beat your giving...yeah, sucks, but is funny at the same time.

And, for those who keep PMing me about the pics, I'm at work, wait till I'm off...

I realized I gotta empty my box now, though....rofl
 
Poor children on these forums, wandering in and reading about the explicit sex stories in this thread. lol

Then again I truly doubt anybody on these forums has an innocent mind.
 
Raziaar said:
Poor children on these forums, wandering in and reading about the explicit sex stories in this thread. lol

Then again I truly doubt anybody on these forums has an innocent mind.
Click to expand...

it IS the internet, what were you thinking?!
 
CyberPitz said:
I hate when you're going at it, and one of your legs cramp, so you can't keep a steady beat, and it just feels all weird while you going at it, and she's sitting there trying to hump at the inconsistent beat your giving...yeah, sucks, but is funny at the same time.
Click to expand...

Not to mention the NNNGGG face you make when one of your calve muscles decides to give his impression of being stabbed. Doggy can be a real hassle that way.
 
Shakermaker said:
Not to mention the NNNGGG face you make when one of your calve muscles decides to give his impression of being stabbed. Doggy can be a real hassle that way.
Click to expand...

Yeah! I know what you mean!!










Oh wait.. No, I don't. ;(
 
This thread is like posting a "Greatest Tricycle Experiences" thread on a street racing forum.
 
Wait, I'm confused.












Isn't sex a type of cake?
 
Lol i'm always tender in the sac, so the missuz calls me tender bear :) --->even if we're drunk and goin at it like mad bugga's



but sometimes, there's the other side which she wants to see too :naughty:
and i gladly show it :LOL:
 
Koola Mena said:
Lol i'm always tender in the sac, so the missuz calls me tender bear :) --->even if we're drunk and goin at it like mad bugga's



but sometimes, there's the other side which she wants to see too :naughty:
and i gladly show it :LOL:
Click to expand...

That's not a funny story.:devil:
 
but tender bear! just...it's tender bear dude
 
One time I was taking it from behind while the TV was on and an old episode of Ren and Stimpy came on. Oh man, those two.
 
lol I tried anal for the first time recently. My ass still hurts :D ;(
 
I have no funny stories.

Though once I was in bed with flu, big time. Yeah, my Girlfriend at the time came into the room, being the good full blooded bloke I was I pulled her onto the bed and had my way (okay her way, she was on top and I wasn't up for vigorous lovin') yeah...well afterwards?, yeah?....yeah afterwards she worried i needed to go to hospital.


The lesson to be learned here lads, for the love of god, if your dying of flu, don't have sex.....it just makes it worse....like when you have sex with a headache and afterwards your head is pounding?....yeah like that except your whole body is just like "woah, does not compute *shutdown*".

You just totally crash and your not leaving that bed for the rest of the day.



:imu:
 
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