REALLY need mature guys here to help me out.

[ShinRa]

Ok me and my girlfriend just broke up, but not entirely. She feels she needs time to mature to handle a serious relationship, but she doesn't want me to forget that she loves me and cares about me. Now guys, I'm gonna get mushy on you, I love her so much it hurts, and I can't settle to just be her friend. How can I get her back? Can I get her back? ;(

 

[alehm]

Let her go.

Sometimes when you have a bone fracture you have to break the bone in two in order to allow it to properly heal. Same thing goes in fractured relationships.

Easier said than done dude, I know. And she isn't going to be the only one to hurt you, trust me, if her heart isn't in the relationship then it isn't worth putting yours in it because you will only get hurt again and again.

When she truly loves you she will not care about maturing first, or seeing other guys, she will love you and you only.

Love is a commitment, not a feeling. When she is ready to make a commitment it'll go a lot easier on that heart of yours

 

[PriNcE oF SpAcE]

alehm is right.

if you really love her then respect her wish and see what happens...I think the worst thing you could do for either of you is trying to force the relasion ship on her.

 

[OCybrManO]

If it's the truth and not some "it's not you... it's me" line to get rid of you... then I would have to say that the best thing to do is wait until she is ready.

Support her decision and back off for a while.

Just be a friend for now and if she wants to come back she will.
If not... there is nothing you can do about it.

Do not try to pressure her into a relationship... it will only push her away.

 

[ShinRa]

Thanks guys. It's really hard though you know? I love this girl so much. She told me I don't want you thinking I don't love you or care about you because I do, but I feel I need time to just go crazy as a teenager and mature enough to handle a serious relationship. I just want her back guys, I really do, I don't know how long I can take just being her friend without breaking down.

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by guinny
Ok me and my girlfriend just broke up, but not entirely. She feels she needs time to mature to handle a serious relationship, but she doesn't want me to forget that she loves me and cares about me. Now guys, I'm gonna get mushy on you, I love her so much it hurts, and I can't settle to just be her friend. How can I get her back? Can I get her back? ;(

Hey man, just my 2 cents, Im aware not all girls are the same.

Anyways, same shit happened with me a year or so ago with my gf of 2 years at the time. Said all the same things. I spent all this time trying to find ways to get her back and stuff. Turns out she was just a whore who wanted to sleep around for a bit then try to get back in with me. Just keep an eye out for that. In my experience if a girl doesnt totally break up with you, or just wants a "break" it translates into "theres some other guy I wanna mess around with, but I want you to fall back on"

 

[ShinRa]

She's not like that, she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.

 

[Guest]

Alright cool man, was just sharing my experiences. And Ill admit from those experiences I tend to have a jaded outlook on women in general

 

[ShinRa]

Yea I can understand why. Alehem, your words speak the utmost truth.

"When she truly loves you she will not care about maturing first, or seeing other guys, she will love you and you only.

Love is a commitment, not a feeling. When she is ready to make a commitment it'll go a lot easier on that heart of yours "

I am now living by these words, and slowly repairing the damage done.

However, this doesn't change the fact I want her back, because I do, badly.

 

[fragglerox]

First off this is the oddest place to ask this question. So on the serious side, I say let her go. There is that old addage about if you love something then you set it free, and if it loves you it will come back. Well that has lasted a long time, and I feel that it lasted so long because it is so true.

Another word of advice. Time will heal. It might hurt so much you would rather die, but if you just keep going you will live and you will love and you will find someone else... I've been there.

On the lighter side you'll have plenty to keep yourself occupied with HL2 comming out. So don't burn any bridges, be nice and let love and time run there course.

Last thought. You can not change someones heart. You should let them know how you feel, but becareful, don't over-do that.

Hope this helps.

 

[ShinRa]

Thanks alot man, well said. I'll do that. She knows how I feel, she feels the same way, but she still feels she needs her time. So I'm gonna give it to her, and pray to god she comes back.

 

[DarkelP]

Same kinda thing happened to me man....i was in a terrbile state, i mean a serious terrible state, But i kept goin, just giving her space and not forcing her into anything....and i admit its not easy keepin a cool head about this, but then, i met a girl, and this was at the point when i was really getting bad. I fell for her within a second, i totally forgot my ex, and we went out the next day, and so far its been 2 weeks and 6 days.
Now what im tryin to say is, yes its a bitch now, but keep going, because life has a thing of throwing a surprise at you when you least expect it. I'm much happier with this new girl then i was with the old girl.
I'm not saying that you will meet a new girl, but something good will happen soon, you could meet someone new, or she could come back to you. Either way, just way and see what happens....

 

[ShinRa]

Optimistic thinking...yea...I'll try it. It's really hard though and you know because you've been through it. The thing is though, I don't want another girl, and I never really get a chance to meet other girls because I go to an all-boys private school, and the rest of the girls in my town suck. She was perfect and I let it slip.

 

[DarkelP]

I didnt want anyone else, but i just happend to meet my new girl in a park, and it was so unlike my luck.
And you didnt let it slip, she's the one who wanted to have a break, she's the one who wanted it, not you, so dont blame yourself. And hey, she might come back, so you wouldnt of let her slip.
And I know its hard...its hard as hell, i hated it, and i did stuff i regret even to this day...but just hold in there, it'll all work out in the end.

 

[Solidarnosi]

I'll say this guinny, I'm 35 years old and have been married to the love of my life for 4 years now - but before I met her I never could have hoped that she even existed. I've found that as I have gotten older not only does time heal all wounds (life is collecting scars) but I have mellowed emotionally; you'll look back on it as exactly what should have happened at that time in your life. Trust me.

 

[ShinRa]

So you think I should take this time to mature as well?

 

[ComradeBadger]

Yes. You should...

 

[ShinRa]

If that was sarcastic it made me smile for a second. If not, I think I will.

 

[KiNG]

damn alehm that was the best advice iv heard for a situation like this.

if u only knew how much i know u feel guinny. everyone said the right stuff. just follow their advice the as best u can.

 

[Obraxis]

Hey man, im goign through the same right now.

Im 21, my Ex was 22. We both met in the Freshman year of college, and I fell head-over-heals in love with her at first sight. She didnt want a serious relationship, but we both got involved seriously after a few months. It was both our 1st serious relationship. We were together for 2.5 years.

but a few weeks ago, she let me know that she was wanting out of the relationship for a while now, but couldnt tell me because I was 'such a nice guy' and didnt want me to be destroyed. She said she didnt feel the same way as she felt when we started going out. She didnt want to 'settle down' at only 22 years old. She wanted to see what life was goign to throw her.

Only thing is, she told me one of my lecturers at college had been emailing and seducing her, and she fell for him and wanted to see him. As you can imagine, I was devastated. I still kinda am. Especially since he is 40, divorced with 2 kids. Messes with your head. :x

Everyone I spoke to said she wasnt worth it and I should not contact her at all - even though I still wanted her back. I phoned her, begging, askign what i did wrong or I could change, but she told me strieght up I shouldnt live in hope, and I should move on. Her parents said that she was being childish and stupid, but it was her decision.

Im now trying to get my life back together. I had made plans with her to move to London, both get work and all sorts. But its all gone tits-up. I havnt been able to produce any work/showreel to get me a job (3d), and im tryign to get out of the house. I need to meet new people.

Anyways time does seem to heal, and leave scars. Lets just see what the future holds for us man. Good luck.

 

[ShinRa]

Amen bro. Yours is alot worse than mine, and I hope the best that it works out for you. Someone who does that to you ISN'T worth it. But my girl didn't leave me for anyone. She basically said I want to be single for now and mature. So does that mean she really doesn't love me?

 

[Stone]

I don't know what to say that hasn't been said...I just hope you guys pull through.

Its made me smile and sad, reading this, at the loss of all of yours, and the matutity that has gone into these posts, things like these make me proud to be party of this community, and I hope that everything works out for you guys....

...good luck

 

[ShinRa]

Thanks stone. Have you ever experienced love? Like a love so strong, you never want to let it go? No matter what happens?

 

[Stone]

Originally posted by guinny
Thanks stone. Have you ever experienced love? Like a love so strong, you never want to let it go? No matter what happens?

I have experience it...
You are meant to love only twice in your life....Your first love and your True love....

I'll never forget her, she ripped me apart inside, i spent days alone, not going out, i lost my appitite, i wanted her back... I needed her back, I had a hole inside me where she used to fill, I needed to hold her close to me, i needed to be with her, i needed just one more day with her, but alas it never happened, and i'm really only just starting to recovering 2 years later...

The hole is still there, I can feel it there just thinking about her, while I type this, I want to just reach out and hug her, but i can't and it hurts me to think that, I loved that girl and she destroyed me for it, I find it hard to trust anyone nower days, I trust only two 3 people completely with everything... Its hard to live without your love, but you have to, you may contemplate everything, you my try everything, and do anything to get her back....but in the end you can't... I live by the old saying now that "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"... I write alot when i hurt, it helps to calm me

Now, just thinking about her, i am having to hold back the tears but it will eventually heal, although i'll never forget her, and i'll always be reminded of her, i'll live...

Its just a matter of time my friend, just hold on, it'll get better and eventually you'll look back on it as a maturing period, something that was good for you.......

 

[ShinRa]

Deep Stone, really touched me man. I feel for you. Your better than her, remember that. It's just, idk wheter to feel "hey, this is gonna work out and we'll be together again" or "its over, and i'm never going to heal"

 

[Stone]

Thanks Guinny, oh well, i geuss we'll be forever victoms of love and pain...

I think the hardest thing is not to associate them both together...just to remember that love isnt all bad, is one of the hardest things to leanr once its hurt.....

oh well, I geuss we all have to leanr the hard way, and i geuss it is the best way, just don't give up on life, love or women...theres good to be had of them

 

[ShinRa]

A lot of good. And that's why I'm going to fight for my love. I won't smother her, I'll give her her space, but I will make her mine again, over time.

 

[ComradeBadger]

I've never been in love and I'm glad... because I know she'd never love me back .... people seem to think of me as a trophy guy ;(

 

[ShinRa]

You can't say your glad. There's nothing better than love man. One day you'll have it, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. I loved being single, just like you, just flirting with girls and shit. Now I had my first love and I never want anything but her. You'll see...as we've all been saying...in time

 

[ComradeBadger]

I'm sorry... like stone, my first love tore me apart... several times... I was an idiot.... i meant that I hadn't loved since then

 

[ShinRa]

Ohhh ok. Sorry to hear. Is it me or do women control us?

 

[symptom]

Bah, this same shit happened to me. I was going out with this girl for a few years and she just couldn't handle the committment anymore, wanted to be a crazy teenager. It's sad, but most girls at that age just don't want really serious relationships. I would prepare myself to move on, if I were you.

 

[Nostradamus]

My advice..get on with your life...dont hang on to a hope, that was never there... It will only mess you up, and in the end make you very out of touch with the outside world... thats how i had it once, and i just had to learn it th heard way... just to be able to speak to new people, without being afraid of being hurt.....

Life goes on, and so do girls... you just have to grab them, and maybe, jut maybe they will stay with you for a long time..but never forever.

EDIT: Wohooo Prowler

 

[ShinRa]

Oh I'm prepared, I'm just hoping I don't have to...

 

[Sulkdodds]

I'm in love, but she doesn't know it. I'd been just freinds with her for years, since primary junior school. I think it would freak her out to know. We've been best buddies for ages, and she'd find it weird. Both of us are in love with people who don't even know (shes in love with another guy). And...well, we'll see what happens. Maybe she'll be ready someday. In the mean while, I've found myself adept at going on with life. The fact that she lives some 650 mile and two seas north of me doesn't help.
Anyway, good luck. Seeing this thread, makes me think the prophecy may never come to pass.

 

[ShinRa]

What's the prophecy?

 

[SidewinderX]

"better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Keep that in mind.

On the advice side, like someone said, the best thing you can do is be a friend. Don't completly ignore her now, but don't hang around/call/whatever to hte point of being annoying.

 

[Sulkdodds]

the prophecy of the message boards.... hang on sec ill find it. back in a mo.

 

[Sulkdodds]

I'm back. Here it is...

After a great wave of people from somewhere by link, the MB will go into disarray. Spammers will begin to take over the main parts of the MB, most likely the General Forum. Then the General forum will be roped off by the mods and deemed inhabitable by anyone wanting to start a real discussion. Normal members entering the Genral Forum will either disappear or be stricken with a strange form of insanity babbling vulgarities, bludgeoning anything that breathes, and finally suffering an untimely death of full-body explosion. Matching heads with torsos to send home to the folks will become a full-time job. Like a virus the spammers and idiots will spread through out the forum. The Off-Topic forum will be the last place of refuge for the normal members. A great war will break out between the normal members and the spammers. Banning will be used, topic and post deletion will be everywhere, and the smell of what use to be will be stuck in the air. This is the prophecy of message boards.

And thanks sidewinder, I know. If it doesn't come to anything more, if she never knows, I'll still be her freind.

 

[KiNG]

im sorry to bring this up but do u guys remeber when a girl first told u she loved you and really meant it...i can remeber the feeling, butterflys in my stomach smile that wont come off your face and a deep envigorating feeling. god i loved it. hearin her say that almost makes u fall in love if u werent already.
heh sorry might not help but remember the good things in life and foget the rest. dont burry it, let it go.