So I'm depressed

[TCfromBN]

I didn't leave Stig for Joel, and yeah, we didn't say anything because its not something you can easily bring up, and we didn't want to hurt/depress him or ruin any chance of remaining friends. ... Sorry? I know sleeping with the ex's friend is a canonically evil thing to do, and I shouldn't have kept it from you, Dave =/

:|

You would have probably had a better chance at friendship if you would have at least talked about it in some fashion.

But it makes things better that you didn't leave him for the other guy.


Edit:


it seems that hl2.net has officially turned into /halp/life2.net

 

[spunge]

This kind of thing tends not to last more than 6 days, and they will all be mighty sucky days - but you've just got to live through it. If you can convince yourself that you'll be fine in a week or even two weeks it'll be manageable.

As for the procrastination, you're nothing compared to me. For starters you got around to actually posting this thread - something I could plan to do but never would. Especially if i was in a depressed mood.

From the fact that you posted this though, I would guess that you don't want to hear "get used to it / we all go through this" blah blah etc. and you want people to believe that you are depressed. If this is the case read about it. It would make more sense to you if you classified yourself as a specific type of depressive (put simply, long term / short term / periodic etc.) and would help you get through it.

Seeing a therapist would serve no real value, unless you just want to label yourself as depressed and have certain people see you that way, making it more believable to you if you commit to seeing a therapist.


In reality, to solve the problem : share 'Sadie' without 'Joel' knowing - aside from dropping hints for the lolFX

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

All's lol that ends lol then?

 

[Acepilotf14]

Well I bashed my head against my desk.
I want /halp/ too.
Please? It huuuurts.

 

[Pesmerga]

EDIT: Diseases don't have to be infectious. Is 'disorder' better?

Yeah, whatever, chemical imbalance.

 

[Tarkus]

:|

You would have probably had a better chance at friendship if you would have at least talked about it in some fashion.

Better chance at friendship, and better chance at not hurting him so badly

 

[Cheomesh]

Better chance at friendship, and better chance at not hurting him so badly

True enough :|

People do make mistakes however; we need to remember this.

 

[Stigmata]

It's not foolish at all, especially if the guy IS your best friend. Being best friends isn't just about getting drunk together and whatnot, it's also about caring about eachother, no matter how gay this sounds. If the guy knows you could get ticked by this, he SHOULD tell you about it

The caring thing goes both ways though. I know they care about me, and it is a canonically shitty thing to do, but how am I supposed to turn around and call them assholes for that, you know? We're only human, and it's not as if I have (or want, or need) any control over the situation. They're just two of my friends.

 

[Krynn72]

I had basically the same kind of realization myself several years ago. I felt the same way, because it was the first time that I ever really took a look at myself and saw who i really was. I dont even know what triggered it, it was probably just a random thought that sparked a who onslaught of questions about myself. It was also right when I was about to graduate highschool, so that "turning into an adult" thing may have sparked this too. I saw that I was a procrastinator, totally unmotivated to do anything, with no desires of any sort. Nothing ever got me excited, i had no passion for anything in life at all. I saw that I too had several racist thoughts that always went through my head daily. I always knew I lied about some things, but during this look in the mirror I realized that everything I did and said was a lie. In order to avoid any kind of "talk" with my parents, I always just told them what I knew they wanted to hear. And basically thats how I had lived my life, just doing things, and saying things that people wanted me to do. "Yeah dad! I love playing football!" "Yeah, I really want to stay in the band and play my stupid ****ing trombone!" "Yeah, I totally want to go to college and learn about lame shit so that I can get a lame job!"

For the first two years of my college life after this revelation I became really ****ing introvert. My parents offered me the money and opportunity to move into a dorm so I could get out of the house (it was close enough to commute to) but I declined saying that I didnt think I could live in such a small space. If I were to tell the truth, it would have been because I didnt want to meet anyone, because I had an incredible fear of not being accepted. For two ****ing years I commuted back and forth from school and home, every day, and did nothing else. No friends to hang out with, nothing. I got a job so that my parents wouldnt ask me about it, but even that job had like no interaction. It was working in a retail store, after hours putting up signs, and I didnt see anyone for spans of hours.

I dont know what happened, but all of the sudden I got sick of it. I got sick of just letting myself be that way. I decided I needed a change, a major one. I just moved out, went several thousand miles south and went to school for something I had little passion for (which was the most passion I have for anything). I moved into an apartment with a roomate who I met over the internet. Talk about nervous, I was ready to back out of it right up till the second I stepped out of my car and met him. But this led me to meet other people through him, and now I have some very good friends in my life. Ive been forcing myself to do things like going to parties, going to class, and getting interested in things. Now my major motivation is simply not being the person who I was. I have changed a lot since I left, and all for the better. Im still not who I want to be yet, because I still know there is a lot wrong with me as a person, but its all the more motivation for me to keep improving.

Another thing I found to be of incredible help is the phrase "fuck it." I used to be really prone to anger and sadness. I'd get angry about any sort of offense I'd get subject to, and any kind of "betrayal" as I saw them. Then one day I just decided "Fuck it." fuck getting angry, fuck caring about what people do or say, fuck getting sad. If something happens that I should get pissed off about, I just force myself to say in my head "Fuck it" and then I just dont care about it any more. I know it seems unlikely, but its improved my life so so much. I dont even get road rage now. I have been cut off by assholes on the road more times that I care to count, but I havent ever hit the horn in my life except to get someone's attention. Never flipped anyone off, drove up next to them to shout profanities, never even swore at them inside my own car. Ive been insulted, and provoked, but I just never cared, I just say "fu[/I]ck it" and smile, and its made things so much better. Its kind of my "Hakuna Matata"

So, I know this isnt going to help you out a lot, but I wanted to let you know that other people go through this too. What helped me was forcing myself into change, so maybe it can help you out too. Whatever it is though, just hang in there, and you'll figure it out.

And remember:

or fuck it. Whichever one works best for you

 

[TCfromBN]

Props to Krynn. You gained some respect.

+1000

 

[Krynn72]

**** it.


Oh wait, a compliment WHOOHOO!

 

[Acepilotf14]

Krynn = +1000 respect

 

[Stigmata]

<snip>

I hate you.
















Hakuna Matata is stuck in my head now.

<3 you Krynn, thanks for the story. It's oddly comforting to know I'm not the only one like this; which is a stupid thing to say because it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but when you're depressed you feel like the only depressed person in the world. Thanks

 

[Krynn72]

Glad I could help.

And its a wonderful phrase!

 

[lame-o]

Everyone goes through it, it's what you do with it that makes it something specific to you.

 

[Stigmata]

Hakuna Matata ain't not passing craze. It means no worries for the rest of your days. It's a problem-free philosophy; Hakuna Matata!



Feeling slightly better now

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Ok **** all ya'll.

Anyone wanna lend me a copy of The Lion King now? :|

 

[MJ12]

Well Stigy, not that what I say matters much.

But I can relate to your problems to a certain degree. I go through what you do, except in phases instead of constantly.
I think a therapist would help, I had one for like 5 months once for free. Very helpful, very relaxing. Just make sure you are comfortable with your therapist.

Eventually I felt pretty confident to move on from the therapist. Occasionally I still go a little nuts. But eh, nothings wrong with being nuts.

I would suggest a learning (i.e. not to have "fun") psychedelic experience, to reset your compass...

That's really not going to help in the long run, in the end it doesn't solve any actual problems.

When I was incredibly depressed all I would do is sleep and sleep so I could avoid my problems and emotions and crap, it really didn't do anything. It just kept pushing my problems back. Eventually I had to deal with them.

The only way to handle something is to deal with it full frontal.

 

[Stigmata]

Well Stigy, not that what I say matters much.

But I can relate to your problems to a certain degree. I go through what you do, except in phases instead of constantly.
I think a therapist would help, I had one for like 5 months once for free. Very helpful, very relaxing. Just make sure you are comfortable with your therapist.

Eventually I felt pretty confident to move on from the therapist. Occasionally I still go a little nuts. But eh, nothings wrong with being nuts.[/quote]I went through the same thing about eight months ago, only to realize now that the "pretend me" was the one going through the therapy, so now I'm coming across all the underlying issues that have been left unresolved since I was about 10

When I was incredibly depressed all I would do is sleep and sleep so I could avoid my problems and emotions and crap, it really didn't do anything. It just kept pushing my problems back. Eventually I had to deal with them.

The only way to handle something is to deal with it full frontal.

That's exactly what I feel like doing. But yeah, I do understand that I can't fix my problems unless I take them head-on. Which I'll be doing as soon as I get a therapist (again).

 

[MJ12]

I went through the same thing about eight months ago, only to realize now that the "pretend me" was the one going through the therapy, so now I'm coming across all the underlying issues that have been left unresolved since I was about 10

That's exactly what I feel like doing. But yeah, I do understand that I can't fix my problems unless I take them head-on. Which I'll be doing as soon as I get a therapist (again).

I understand what you mean by the "pretend me" as I can relate from time to time.

The only way I could fix that was by being blatantly honest with myself and everyone I spoke to about almost everything.
Being blatantly honest can become habitual, and it's good to be even blatantly honest about the embarassing or uncomfortable things.
At first it will shock people or disturb them, but eventually they learn to get over it. It helps you boost your confidence to a degree, and it also allows you to solve past and present problems which seem otherwise uncomfortable.

 

[Steel.Inferno]

I was pretty depressed a while back, went through the whole therapist thing for a few weeks, but it wasn't really helping. I couldn't talk frankly to the guy at all, partially because it was like an intervention from my parents.

Fast forward three months and I'm a lot better, which came out of talking to an old friend that I hadn't talked to since she moved (5 years prior). The key to it was on like the second week or talking to her or something, I said I wasn't going to be honest with her on everything or just say I didn't want to talk about topic x right now. Through her, I turned toward things I enjoy that are also productive, like writing or reading and instead of procrastinating and doing nothing like I used to (TV, video games, etc), I procrastinate from life and work on something I give a shit about, the writing. That puts me in a better mood, and then I can work on the homework or whatever after an hour or so. <3 Bri.

Of course, the current project I'm working on for writing may not be conducive towards my mental health.

 

[Cole]

Haha you should see my mood swings. There huge! One moment you'll see me so happy, the next moment im just "**** it". I use to be a really depressed person. I mean constantly depressed. I hated everyone, everything. I was fat and didn't try anything at school. I hated life and thought about running away or doing something stupid. I hadn't had a girlfriend in forever. But I turned myself around because of a single girl, that wouldn't go out with me and made me realize what I needed to do to be happy. At the start of my high school year, I would have never of thought I would have changed this much and be this happy. I'm a completey different person compared to the start of my high school year. For the better. I'm now a senior.

Look, you could go to a doctor and get some anti depression medication. However the best element for the mind is some sort of physical workout. Thats why I'm learning how to juggle a soccer ball. I get depressed easy because the smallest thing can just set me off into a really sad mood. Yet when I go outside and run or juggle a ball i'm so concentrated on keeping myself running or not letting that ball touch the ground.... You forget your stressed or depressed. Then by the time your done, you're so physically exhausted you don't have the energy to be stressed out or depressed.

Trust me, I don't care if your skinny, fat, whatever your body type is. Go out and learn some sort of exhausing physical activity. Being physically exhausted is quite a nice feeling and that right there will make you happy. Plus you'll be way to physically exhausted to think about girls, backstabbing friends, depression, being sad.. etc..

Whenever your feeling depressed just go out take a jog around the block, take a nice long walk, start juggling a soccer ball, go shoot some hoops, etc.. Just do something thats gonna tire you out. It will help.

 

[Wanted Bob]

I'm with Cole, physical exercise is a great way to keep your spirits up. Always cheers me up or gets me back on focus.

Wish I could be of more help, but I dont really have any experiences to enlighten you with (that was an amazing one by Krynn though). Hope you're starting to feel better.

 

[evil^milk]

Everyone goes through it, it's what you do with it that makes it something specific to you.

Probably the best thing I've read in this thread.

Do you think she hid it from you because she was "trying" to be considerate by not letting you know immediately at once, possibly with the knowledge that you'd react this way? Maybe she would've let you known when things got less tense.

Since we're all sharing stories I guess I'll share mine.

When I hit high school I changed my personality for the worse. Let's just say I was pathologically introverted, and I never contributed anything to anyone, meaning, but not limited to, never speaking to any of my friends, being elitist, being selfish and self-centered. And then one day it dawned on me. Who the **** am I? Who have I been all these 5 years? I was so detached from society that I had a mental breakdown and it all collapsed. I noticed everything around me fall apart, and people knew. And some evil enemies I had made almost made sure I didn't survive to live to tell the story.

If you're feeling constantly like your life has gotten out of control, you need to get help. When all my problems were no longer mine, but everybody else's, things got way out of hand and I nearly lost my life. Should I elaborate?

All those things in the OP you posted can be helped. It's a matter of building character, drawing strength from your weakness. You take your weakness. You face it. You conquer the mother****er. And when you've done that... on to the next problem. One at a time! Bring it on. There's nothing in this life that can bring you down... unless you feel like your enemy has gotten the best of you.

Right now I can sorta relate what you're going through. All the advice they tell you, "Grow a pair, go have fun, x, y, z..." won't sound inspiring or uplifting AT ALL.

I can tell you this. Talk. Talk to your best friends, to your therapist. Let them know that these problems you're going through. They'll let you know that ALL of them, with proper attitude and determination, can become your strengths. They'll give you warmth, power, and the will to face your problems.

I made the mistake of making all my problems mine, and mine only. It cost me money, time, effort, and more than half a year to be able to start dealing with it.

I used to be the ones who argued that what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger, it makes you weaker.

I learned, now looking back in retrospect, that what doesn't kill you INDEED makes you stronger. It's all what you draw from it. If you feed hate, passions, and make enemies, you will be weaker. If you feed love, friendship, and benevolence, you will be stronger.

Anyway, my eyes are burning like crazy.

BBL

 

[Cheomesh]

I wonder if my rantings where of any use to you.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Just gonna butt in here, only skimmed most of the thread but I think I got the jist.

...when you're depressed you feel like the only depressed person in the world.

Exactly. This is why people telling you things like "it happens to everyone" or "you aren't special" aren't comforting (shock horror). God, I hated that when I was in the thick of depression. You know what it does to people when you say that? It makes them feel guilty about their problems, and guilt is the worst thing you can give to someone who's feeling worried or stressed or just plain depressed about something, because it compounds things so badly and makes it twice as hard for them to get out of it. (Disclaimer: Atleast as far as my experience went, but maybe I'm abnormal. >_>)

But, posts like Krynn's can be helpful since they're actually coming from first-hand experience and not just shallow reassurances, so don't think I'm having a dig at that. Much respect to you, man. I'm going through something similar at the moment, a kind of "fuck it" phase, I guess you could say. Gotten real tired of where my life's going and just taking it like a bitch so, for better or worse, I've taken up the reins and I'm trying to make something of it. Hasn't been incredibly successful so far, but it's a work in progress, and I'm feeling better already just for trying.

Stig, I can't really identify with what you're going through enough to give you any real meaningful advice, but I think I know where you're coming from in generel. Seeing a therapist/counseler/whatever could help, but don't be expecting a miracle cure. It can be great to have someone to bounce your thoughts off of and to advise you on how to deal with things (don't be alarmed if they suggest medication outright ), but you have to be willing to put in the effort yourself aswell. I know that in that kind of headspace effort is usually the farthest thing from your mind, so I won't tell you that you have to do anything, just that it helps; you really need to find your own ways to motivate yourself, which can be hard. The other thing you should consider is that therapists/whatnot vary, and you might not get one who understands your situation the first time. Don't be afraid to shop around a little (as money/time allows), as it might be all for nothing if you just get the vibe that they don't care or don't know where you're coming from at all. That alone can be enough of a downer, especially having to deal with it every week/every other week with no real result (also, they usually charge even for missed sessions).

It seems like you might have some problems that need looking at besides depression, but even so, that can't be helping. One thing you need to be wary of is that depression amplifies any other bad feelings you're having - or even creates them as a way of "justifying" why you're feeling that way in the first place (atleast in my experience). You might already be aware of this, but that doesn't mean you're not effected by it. It's kind of a hard thing to be able to identify depression and say to yourself "I'm just feeling depressed, but it'll pass", and even if you do know how to recognise the signs it's not always that easy. But at the very least, when you are in a relatively good headspace, you should try and reflect on some of the things that have been making you feel crappy and try to be honest with yourself about why and how they're actually effecting you. You might find that alot of things you had thought to be big burdens are actually just a result of being depressed and trying to find reasons for it where there are none - or blowing things out of proportion because they seemed convenient (for lack of a better word) at the time.

Anyway, sorry if this seems like shallow advice or just doesn't apply to your situation, but I figured I'd throw it in there just incase. Hope you find the answers you're looking for, you always seem like a really cool guy around here.

(Also, lol halplife2.net )

 

[Druckles]

So is this where I share my testimony with you to try and help you to? Personally I don't think it's best for you, as you'll only end up comitting suicide, and they aren't really what we're discussing. I don't have anything "helpful" at all to say, seeing as my views on suicide seem to be different from the rest of the world. The only method of being of any use to you would be to tell you to stick by your friends. They're a surprisingly rare commidity for certain people, and they're the only people who are going to keep you alive.

Without any friends, and without anyone besides you to make you actually feel your worth having around, you will fall back into depression. Certain people require a certain amount of friends/attention, and often that's overlooked by people, but seriously just keep your friends by you and you'll be fine.

My guess is that your friends leaving you "out of the loop" simply made you feel unwanted, and then causing you to look at yourself and wonder about whether you really mattered.

 

[Bad^Hat]

I'm pretty sure he said he wasn't suicidal. There's a big difference between wanting to kill yourself and not caring if you die. I'm not really sure if it has to do with the intensity of the depression (or other mental illness) or a person's own circumstances or convictions, but it varies between people. For my own part, no matter how deep I got in depression I never became suicidal, even though I thought alot about death. I often felt as Stig seems to though, like I didn't really care if I were to just die for whatever reason.

Friends are definitely important though, yeah. Even if they can't help you with your problems directly, having them around can keep you from sinking even further into it. Being alone in this sort of thing doesn't tend to help with your confidence or self-esteem.

 

[Raziaar]

Man. I just read your first post. I am really sorry to hear about your situation man. I have many problems myself, so I know completely where you're coming from. You have my sympathies and my respect for acknowledging you have a problem. I'd write something longer, but I have to go to family gathering for thanksgiving... and I'm sick so it's going to suck.

 

[CptStern]

shit Stig, that's a heck of a lot for one person to deal with. You're a little hard on yourself but I dont really know the circumstances beyond what you've revealed ..I dont want to give you some half-assed moralising or advice on how to be happy because I dont think anyone has the key but suffice it to say that many people deal with the same issues; it's how they deal with it that differs from person to person relative to severity. That said I'm glad you're seeking help, it'll help you find ways of coping with depression, dealing with your self worth and taking steps to take control of your life as a preventative to the lows associated with depression

as to your friends, ex or not it's still shitty of them ...I think you need a change of scenery, as it is now you're just setting yourself up for a cycle of depression, it doesnt have to be big; go for a walk, go to the library/bookstore/outside ..the point is to change up your enviroment a little at a time

..set yourself small goals to combat procrastination dont pile up things all at once, do small things a little at a time

 

[Baserape>]

I think someone has mentioned this, you need to break the ice and ask them straight up. If they deny it, walk away feeling ashamed. If they admit to it deal with it and let it go. They might be too worried of upsetting you or angering you to tell you.

Remember friends are for life, girlfriends/boyfriends come and go. I hope you look back at this thread in a few days/weeks and feel ashamed at yourself for being so negative. If not then I wish you speedy recovery and a prosperous, long life.

 

[Gargantou]

All normal, you're not special at all.
Depression is a phase, comes and goes.
We can't all be happy all the time.

Calling it a phase is a bit absurd in my opinion, I myself have been quite heavily depressed the past 7 years of my life, and only started to feel somewhat ok mentally since I got anti-depressants.

If you honestly think it's 'just a phase', then you don't know what a real depression is.

 

[Stigmata]

I've decided to take a break from my life right now. I don't know how long this break will last, and I don't know if I'll talk to any of you for the duration. I do want to thank all of you for your kind words and support, your stories and your suggestions. Though I can't feel it, I know that under other circumstances I'd be outright joyful that any of you care about me. It shows that, at least in some small, distant way, I matter to people outside my minuscule circle of friends.

Goodbye for now.

 

[Gargantou]

Good luck Stigmata, I hope you manage to piece things back together and can become mentally(and physically ofcourse) well again as soon as possible!

//Regards Gargantou

 

[Druckles]

I've decided to take a break from my life right now. I don't know how long this break will last, and I don't know if I'll talk to any of you for the duration. I do want to thank all of you for your kind words and support, your stories and your suggestions. Though I can't feel it, I know that under other circumstances I'd be outright joyful that any of you care about me. It shows that, at least in some small, distant way, I matter to people outside my minuscule circle of friends.

Goodbye for now.

*hugs you*

We all love you stiggy!

And are you really called Dave? I have a theory that people call Dave have crappy lives. But I might be biased.

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

We've all been there man. Exercise, do some work, play TF2, anything that will take your mind off the deperssion and make you feel better.

EDIT: Hey, I'm called Dave!

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

This break had better not mean you'll be off Xbox Live for the holidays, I've yet to mongle ass at some Halo 3, Warthog Run.

 

[repiV]

I've decided to take a break from my life right now. I don't know how long this break will last, and I don't know if I'll talk to any of you for the duration. I do want to thank all of you for your kind words and support, your stories and your suggestions. Though I can't feel it, I know that under other circumstances I'd be outright joyful that any of you care about me. It shows that, at least in some small, distant way, I matter to people outside my minuscule circle of friends.

Goodbye for now.

Mate, I know what you're going through. I've been there myself.

The good news is that you CAN conquer it. You CAN become a happy, functional, productive member of society. You CAN live a normal life. These things are not just concepts reserved for the fortunate people of the world, it's within your reach.
I had a bloody miserable childhood, and fought a myriad of completely different yet equally difficult problems simultaneously, some of which I am not prepared to divulge here. For the longest time I didn't experience happiness or joy, either.
But with a little push and a shove, and a whole lot of hard work, I overcame it all. I became a completely different person - an extroverted, popular person with a positive attitude towards life. The complete opposite of what I was before.
The best part of all is that conquering all the obstacles that stood in my way has made me a very resilient and very determined person, and there is nothing on earth that can bring me down now.
You can conquer your obstacles, and you too can turn your problems around into a platform from which you can develop character traits that will send you to great places in life.

It's not easy. It's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but it's oh so worth it. When you're finished taking a break, feel free to drop me a line. I'd be more than happy to help you out in any way that I can. You will beat this shit.

 

[Nemesis6]

I disgust myself in almost every way. I don't even fear death right now. I'm not suicidal, but if I were to die then I know that that would be it. That would be the end. There's no afterlife; no God and no Heaven. There are no ghosts, no spectres, no aliens, no spirits, no dreamworlds, no supernatural activities. There is nothing but atoms, radiation, and flawed perceptions. Life itself is nothing but a chemical reaction, and when I'm gone, there will be nothing left of me but flawed representations of myself in everyone's mind, all of them complete fabrications.

Last time someone did this, some guy saw it fit to post "CRAWLING IN MY SKIN" with a picture from that song by Linkin Park. That was hilarious.

When you're depressed you make mountains out of molehills and you focus on things you shouldn't. People told me this and I didn't take the advice to not do so, either, and it's hard to do so in this state of mind. You knock yourself for the parts of your personality that you don't like, mostly not realizing that you're finding problems where there are none. For example,
Pathological liar? Racist? Afraid of rejection? So what? What does it matter? You were not born this way so you can change it. And at that point we're back to square one - Which of these parts need changing? You can only make that choice when you're not depressed anymore.

By the way, you'll think this is bullshit but I actually saw the majority of my own problems in your post.

 

[NeptuneUK]

Ive done the crawling in my skin posts a couple of times, but only to those 10-14 year olds who think their life isnt worth living because their parents grounded them for being defiant shits etc....