The best/worst chatup lines you've ever said/heard
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seinfeldrules
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Did it hurt?
Huh?
The fall from heaven.
Are you out of breath?
No, why?
You've been running through my mind alll dayyy longgg.
Was you daddy a butcher?
No, why?
It looks like someone took two fine pieces of meat and shoved em down the back of your dress.
Huh?
The fall from heaven.
Are you out of breath?
No, why?
You've been running through my mind alll dayyy longgg.
Was you daddy a butcher?
No, why?
It looks like someone took two fine pieces of meat and shoved em down the back of your dress.
ComradeBadger
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This has to be the cheesist thing I've said. Girl poledancing in a tent for moi.
Me "Next time, can I be the pole?"
No, I'm not proud of it, but it worked :O
Me "Next time, can I be the pole?"
No, I'm not proud of it, but it worked :O
The Monkey
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The_Monkey said:
Bad^Hat said:
Do we see a connection?
M
Mo' Justice
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"Have you ever heard of an Aussie kiss? It's like a French kiss, but downunder"
I wouldn't recommend that one.
I wouldn't recommend that one.
burner69
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"Do you like chicken?... Well taste this, it's foul"
"Wow, I've never been with more than one angel in a night."
"Nice shoes! Fancy a f*ck"
"You're the most beautiful girl in the room... well... you're not, but can I have a kiss anyway?"
"Want a drink?... (to barman) What's the cheapest you've got."
"It's my Birthday and I'ver never been kissed." (gets a snog) "I've never had a BJ either"
"Want to dance?" "No thank you." "Don't thank me, thank God someone even asked you."
"Wow, I bet you have a GREAT personality."
All of the above I've used
they don't all work by the way
"Wow, I've never been with more than one angel in a night."
"Nice shoes! Fancy a f*ck"
"You're the most beautiful girl in the room... well... you're not, but can I have a kiss anyway?"
"Want a drink?... (to barman) What's the cheapest you've got."
"It's my Birthday and I'ver never been kissed." (gets a snog) "I've never had a BJ either"
"Want to dance?" "No thank you." "Don't thank me, thank God someone even asked you."
"Wow, I bet you have a GREAT personality."
All of the above I've used
they don't all work by the way 
SubKamran
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Hmmmm...
"You musta been born on the sun cuz you are HOT."
And the best I've seen (and plan to use):
"You know, if you jumped off a bridge, I wouldn't follow."
"You wouldn't?"
"No... because I'd be at the bottom to catch you."
:cheers:
Though it's not truly a "pick up" line.
I don't use pick up lines anyways.... if I use them, they're used jokingly to someone I know well.
"You musta been born on the sun cuz you are HOT."
And the best I've seen (and plan to use):
"You know, if you jumped off a bridge, I wouldn't follow."
"You wouldn't?"
"No... because I'd be at the bottom to catch you."
:cheers:
Though it's not truly a "pick up" line.
I don't use pick up lines anyways.... if I use them, they're used jokingly to someone I know well.
el Chi
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Chat up lines are pretty much always catastrophically bad. Like bad in an if-I-was-a-girl-and-you-tried-that-I'd-spray-mace-in-your-eyes-and-kick-you-in-the-bollocks-till-you-bled way bad. Here is the break-down and response to some I have heard over the years:
Example 1:
"Do you have any overdue library books?
'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you!"
So what you're trying to do is act sexy and charismatic by comparing me to a library book? Wow, cheers for that one you bookish wanker. You're not even intellectually bookish because if you were you'd exhibit an ounce of creativity rather than acting like a prick. Here's fun, go down to the library with your "fine" books and get out a female physiology book 'cause that's all the action you're going to get with that sort of attitude. Now stop whimpering - it's just a bit of mace.
Example 2:
"How do you like your eggs? Fried, scrambled or fertilized?"
I can't even begin to convey how grimy this is. What you're implying is that I stay at yours and the next morning, as you display your amazing culinary skills by cooking an egg - thereby just out-doing paraplegics, but only just - you will have successfully IMPREGNATED ME!? How is that sexy or charming or witty? Why not try:
"Hey baby, want me to accidentally father your child because I was too lazy to buy a condom?"
To which I reply:
"No, now f*ck off to a sperm bank if you're so desperate to make babies. At least with that sort of impersonal situation no-one can be repulsed to the point where they consider forcibly not letting you father anyone's babies ever. And stop whinging, it's just a bit of mace. Oh and yeah I guess you won't be able to father anyone's babies anymore. Ever."
Example 3:
"Have you got any Irish in you?
Would you like some?"
Yes, I'm a quarter Irish. Your move Sherlock.
Example 4:
"How much does a polar bear weigh?
No I don't know either, I'm just trying to break the ice."
This one I might consider actually, provided they did it in a semi-ironic way. So well done to the guy that uses this one well. If you can't pull off irony then you look like a cheesy wanker. But I'll spare you the mace. For now.
Example 5:
"I might not be Fred Flintstone, but I can still make your Bedrock!"
Oh wow! I see what you did there you clever clever man. I say clever but I'm using it as a relative term. I'd say you're a lot more like Fred Flintstone than you think because you clearly have the mental capacity of a cave man. In fact, I'm impressed you managed to string words into a coherent sentence. But you also implied that you are either into extremely rough sex or that you're extremely fat. You get a few marks for your triumphs over intellectual adversity, but you're still heavily in minus points.
Mace.
Example 6:
"Your father must've been a thief, because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."
I'm sorry, I feel sick. Your attempt at trying to come across as a hopelessly romantic poet has back-fired somewhat and you just sound like a hopelessly uninventive tw*t. Oh and thank you for implying that my father is a felon. That was very nice of you. As a gesture of good will, please allow me to spray your eyes with mace and kick you until you bleed.
Other responses:
"My dad's in jail."
"My dad's dead."
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
Example 7:
"Oh no, someone call heaven - there's an angel missing!"
Variation on:
"Did it hurt?
The fall from heaven!"
Ok. Well that was about as cheesy as the whole "stars for eyes" thing, except without the allusions to poetry. Especially that second variation. Actually thanks for your consideration, yeah it did hurt. In fact, I shattered my pelvis. Now I'm just acting bitter but I don't care. Oh and also, if you're so concerned about angels, then why are you trying to get one to commit carnal sin with you? Sinner. To the bowels of hell with you. But not before some internal bleeding
Example 8:
"You'll do!"
Mace. Kick. Mace. Kick. Mace. Kick. Repeat ad infinitum until he is either dead, you are arrested or you run out of mace. If the latter happens, run as quickly as possible to the bar, get a few bottles of spirits and pour them into the wounds.
It's more than he deserves.
And here's one a friend of mine was challenged to use for an entire night:
"I'm looking to start a long-term relationship"
An interesting one, this. If done with sufficient amount of irony then it might just work in terms of starting a conversation. Just. Otherwise, you'll probably make the poor girl run a mile. Unless of course you happen upon some desperate lonely girl who is either on the rebound or a high-maintainance bunny-boiler. On the plus side, you might not get maced or have your testicles returned to the inside of your body.
Oh, and he got a special award for making it slightly more extreme by going down on one knee.
And here's another one a friend of mine tried - a paraphrasing of the conversation:
"So you're a vegetarian? Do they do special vegetarian menus at restaurants? They do? Would you like to check that out some time with me?"
Oh dear me. She called it contrived. I agree. But no mace.
One that actually worked for a friend of mine:
"You alright?"
Oh he's a man of pure sex, alright.
Direwolf: I'd like to congratulate you on your chloroform chat-up line. One of the funniest things I've read all day
Pi Mu Rho - Very good too
Example 1:
"Do you have any overdue library books?
'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you!"
So what you're trying to do is act sexy and charismatic by comparing me to a library book? Wow, cheers for that one you bookish wanker. You're not even intellectually bookish because if you were you'd exhibit an ounce of creativity rather than acting like a prick. Here's fun, go down to the library with your "fine" books and get out a female physiology book 'cause that's all the action you're going to get with that sort of attitude. Now stop whimpering - it's just a bit of mace.
Example 2:
"How do you like your eggs? Fried, scrambled or fertilized?"
I can't even begin to convey how grimy this is. What you're implying is that I stay at yours and the next morning, as you display your amazing culinary skills by cooking an egg - thereby just out-doing paraplegics, but only just - you will have successfully IMPREGNATED ME!? How is that sexy or charming or witty? Why not try:
"Hey baby, want me to accidentally father your child because I was too lazy to buy a condom?"
To which I reply:
"No, now f*ck off to a sperm bank if you're so desperate to make babies. At least with that sort of impersonal situation no-one can be repulsed to the point where they consider forcibly not letting you father anyone's babies ever. And stop whinging, it's just a bit of mace. Oh and yeah I guess you won't be able to father anyone's babies anymore. Ever."
Example 3:
"Have you got any Irish in you?
Would you like some?"
Yes, I'm a quarter Irish. Your move Sherlock.
Example 4:
"How much does a polar bear weigh?
No I don't know either, I'm just trying to break the ice."
This one I might consider actually, provided they did it in a semi-ironic way. So well done to the guy that uses this one well. If you can't pull off irony then you look like a cheesy wanker. But I'll spare you the mace. For now.
Example 5:
"I might not be Fred Flintstone, but I can still make your Bedrock!"
Oh wow! I see what you did there you clever clever man. I say clever but I'm using it as a relative term. I'd say you're a lot more like Fred Flintstone than you think because you clearly have the mental capacity of a cave man. In fact, I'm impressed you managed to string words into a coherent sentence. But you also implied that you are either into extremely rough sex or that you're extremely fat. You get a few marks for your triumphs over intellectual adversity, but you're still heavily in minus points.
Mace.
Example 6:
"Your father must've been a thief, because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."
I'm sorry, I feel sick. Your attempt at trying to come across as a hopelessly romantic poet has back-fired somewhat and you just sound like a hopelessly uninventive tw*t. Oh and thank you for implying that my father is a felon. That was very nice of you. As a gesture of good will, please allow me to spray your eyes with mace and kick you until you bleed.
Other responses:
"My dad's in jail."
"My dad's dead."
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
Example 7:
"Oh no, someone call heaven - there's an angel missing!"
Variation on:
"Did it hurt?
The fall from heaven!"
Ok. Well that was about as cheesy as the whole "stars for eyes" thing, except without the allusions to poetry. Especially that second variation. Actually thanks for your consideration, yeah it did hurt. In fact, I shattered my pelvis. Now I'm just acting bitter but I don't care. Oh and also, if you're so concerned about angels, then why are you trying to get one to commit carnal sin with you? Sinner. To the bowels of hell with you. But not before some internal bleeding
Example 8:
"You'll do!"
Mace. Kick. Mace. Kick. Mace. Kick. Repeat ad infinitum until he is either dead, you are arrested or you run out of mace. If the latter happens, run as quickly as possible to the bar, get a few bottles of spirits and pour them into the wounds.
It's more than he deserves.
And here's one a friend of mine was challenged to use for an entire night:
"I'm looking to start a long-term relationship"
An interesting one, this. If done with sufficient amount of irony then it might just work in terms of starting a conversation. Just. Otherwise, you'll probably make the poor girl run a mile. Unless of course you happen upon some desperate lonely girl who is either on the rebound or a high-maintainance bunny-boiler. On the plus side, you might not get maced or have your testicles returned to the inside of your body.
Oh, and he got a special award for making it slightly more extreme by going down on one knee.
And here's another one a friend of mine tried - a paraphrasing of the conversation:
"So you're a vegetarian? Do they do special vegetarian menus at restaurants? They do? Would you like to check that out some time with me?"
Oh dear me. She called it contrived. I agree. But no mace.
One that actually worked for a friend of mine:
"You alright?"
Oh he's a man of pure sex, alright.
Direwolf: I'd like to congratulate you on your chloroform chat-up line. One of the funniest things I've read all day
Pi Mu Rho - Very good too
DoctorGordon
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"High quality merchandise"
Dr. Freeman
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Mo' Justice said:
omg
"you look beautiful but ya know, me on u would look hotter"
lol no i didn't use that line but i did watch someone use it :E
Brian Damage
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"Would you like a Worm Do?"
<Girl asks, "What's a Worm Do?">
"Oh, it crawls along the ground, like this..." <Makes wriggling motion with hand>
- From Red Dwarf...
<Girl asks, "What's a Worm Do?">
"Oh, it crawls along the ground, like this..." <Makes wriggling motion with hand>
- From Red Dwarf...
dream431ca
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is that a mirror in your pants or can I see myself in them??
AntiAnto
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Worst
Once, I said something in a wrong conversation and it looked like: "Did you see his erection?"
Best
A girl was talking to me and I really liked this girl. Then she said that she loved me. A bit later, I said that I loved a girl too but didn't want to say who she was. She answered that she would like to kill this girl. Then, with my romantic skills, I said something like: "You know, suicide is bad". I was so proud of this. But at that time I was 12 years old.
Once, I said something in a wrong conversation and it looked like: "Did you see his erection?"
Best
A girl was talking to me and I really liked this girl. Then she said that she loved me. A bit later, I said that I loved a girl too but didn't want to say who she was. She answered that she would like to kill this girl. Then, with my romantic skills, I said something like: "You know, suicide is bad". I was so proud of this. But at that time I was 12 years old.
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