Warning signs your child is a goth, brought to you by the overreacting church

The Dark Elf said:
they'd smite you down with verses from the bible, and if that didn't work they'd just hit you with it instead.


I'd quote something from Steven Hawkings and they would run for the hills.

I thinks its time to tell them that Witch hunting does not exist anymore.

But I would have to agree with qckbeam in that goths are the most friendliest people I've met, its Townies that you would have to look out for.
 
things we have all learnt from this thread:

- marilyn manson is cool
- christians are dumb
- goth chicks are 'hawt'
- something about stephen hawkins
 
And Chavs

I cant wait for that chav hunintg mod for suorce it might be chav wars, what ever it is i want it! :p
 
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. <- Well, I don't think they'd like it if I told them that :p
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) <- lol, no way
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) [Does sucking your wounds count?]
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Expresses an interest in sex
-Masturbates.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
I would've said I was more emo than anything. But Im definitely not emo, and certainly not a goth. And yet I get 25??
Must shoot myself

I bolded those that weren't necessarily important, but the ones that were in a list where most of them didn't apply

25!!
 
Lol i saw that before somewhere. Pretty funny how stupid people are.
 
Raziel-Jcd said:
Lol i saw that before somewhere. Pretty funny how stupid people are.


I was thinking the same thing, but for a whole host of different reasons :)
 
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism

Hahahaha. Oh my. Philosophy, Hinduism and Buddhism being dangerous cults? Christ. Hinduism was over 3000 years old when them fellas over in Israel started to worship a certain god. For all they care, christianity is a cult. But then again, they're not like that.
 
I wonder why they did not mention islamists & jews among those dangerous cults. A lot of people think islamists are dangerous & gee I wonder why ;) Certain people once upon a time thought of jews in the same way. Weren't they christians (depends on who I mean)?
 
This list is clearly a joke you know. I think the author made it humorous but believable.
 
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.

Well looks like we're all Satan worshippers than

And no, I didn't read the whole thread. So if someone has already come up with this incredibly witty remark, I apologize for my extremely rude and barbaric behaviour
 
My oldest son is actually the spawn of Satan. Does that qualify?
 
Pi Mu Rho said:
My oldest son is actually the spawn of Satan. Does that qualify?
Nuh-uh! My brother-in-law says my niece is!
 
f|uke said:
Warning signs your Child is a Christian:

-Frequently wears 'pure' white clothing
-Shows an interest in stigmatta
-Listens to Creed or any other socially unacceptable genres of music.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak unimaginatively.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, angels, miracles, the power of prayer, faith healers, or anything else that involves Jesus.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to their "God" through medidtation.)

-Actually respects authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Behaves at school.
-Behaves at home.
-Eats Cristian-Related foods. ("Life" cereal is an example of this).
-Drinks Christ's blood or expresses an interest in drinking Christ's Blood.
-Watches community access television or any other televanglist media sources.

-Claims to be a Christian.
One of the bests posts I've seen in a while. Well done, sir, I commend thee. :D

I think I got a 23/37 or something, but a lot of these don't pertain to just goths... man, theres plenty of other religiously unacceptable cliques I could be a part of!!! CLEANSE THE EARTH! :imu: IMU SLEEP!
 
Joims said:
And Chavs

I cant wait for that chav hunintg mod for suorce it might be chav wars, what ever it is i want it! :p

You play as a goth and you have to whip the chavs to gain extra points. Problem is they have the guns. :thumbs:
 
DEATH eVADER said:
You play as a goth and you have to whip the chavs to gain extra points. Problem is they have the guns. :thumbs:
Thats ok, chavs have a terrible aim caused by listening to repetative "music" sat in tiny cars and staring off into space, also the years of no hand/eye coordination doesn't help neither, and their more likely to run past you or into walls than at you, oh and all that bulky clothing and baggy jeans hanging around their thighs makes them slow moving targets too.
 
They would just call you a 'geek' and BOOM! They're dead :D
 
Pi Mu Rho said:
My oldest son is actually the spawn of Satan. Does that qualify?

Psst... unless you're Satan, I think your wife is cheating on you!
 
I must of read alot of posts wrongly then :eek:
 
I didn't mean it that way :hmph:

This reminds me of Hercule's obbsession with Bliink ;)
 
Your child may be a goth if.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

Wow, seriously I needed a guide for this. Thank you church.
 
Danimal said:
I didn't mean it that way :hmph:

This reminds me of Hercule's obbsession with Bliink ;)
What is with that guy, anyhoo?
 
Ritz said:
groundling?
Oh, come on! You're from England...you should know all about the old theatre. The poor people, they had to sit on the ground in the middle of the theatre (in the Globe at least). They were therefore called "groundlings". Unless the person TDE is referring to uses that term in reference to something else?
 
He_Who_Is_Steve said:
Oh, come on! You're from England...you should know all about the old theatre. The poor people, they had to sit on the ground in the middle of the theatre (in the Globe at least). They were therefore called "groundlings". Unless the person TDE is referring to uses that term in reference to something else?

Im an idiot, did'nt know anything about this.
 
He_Who_Is_Steve said:
Oh, come on! You're from England...you should know all about the old theatre. The poor people, they had to sit on the ground in the middle of the theatre (in the Globe at least). They were therefore called "groundlings". Unless the person TDE is referring to uses that term in reference to something else?
I'm guessing it was used in a more derogatory bottomfeeder kind of way ;)

(it made me laugh when I read it this morning lol)
 
Anyway....

You don't see a 'how to tell if your child is a chav' checklist do you? But I've never seen a goth be destructive to society, where as with chavs/townies/neds quite the opposite is true.
 
Sulkdodds said:
You don't see a 'how to tell if your child is a chav' checklist do you? But I've never seen a goth be destructive to society, where as with chavs/townies/neds quite the opposite is true.
Buy your kill a chav t-shirts here
http://www.smellyourmum.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=426

I just got to thinking though, the goth / chav thing is just like way back with the Rockers vs Mods thing that went on.. IIRC Brighton was at the center of that too, what is it with Brighton? :)

And this is the closest I could find
http://www.cecimoz.co.uk/flashpanel/ChavAid.htm
:p
 
Brighton...uh...maybe it's because the seaside walls are good for throwing people off?

Seriously though. It may have used to be a seaside resort but it's quite a shithole for such a famous city. Although England is a bit of a shithole for such a famous country...
 
My word of advice... Stay away from Brighton. you won't find too many chavs here but you will find me and sulkdodds... And that's enough to put anyone off :D
 
Suicide42 said:
My word of advice... Stay away from Brighton. you won't find too many chavs here but you will find me and sulkdodds... And that's enough to put anyone off :D
awww no, I wuv you guys!!! <3 <3 <3
 
Farrowlesparrow said:
Is that, Micheal Jackson love or some other kind?
Micheal Jackson love is at this moment in time alleged love hehehe. Gotta be careful what you say, he's so desperate to get off these charges he'll use anything as an excuse, including us talking about it lol :p

And who really wants to be in the dock with him *shudders* now we know why he wears the glove, no fingerprints :E
 
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