Zero Puctuation reviews Batman:Arkham Asylum

Thought that was one of the best in ages. Spot-on about the boss fights. They were crap and the Titan boss fight was repeated ad nauseum.
 
I haven't found his reviews to be anywhere near funny for a long time but somehow i always manage to watch them anyways. God ****ing dammit.
 
Yahtzee usually rips a game to shreds if its bad in any way, no matter how small a niggle, so this just confirms how awesome this game is.

And, frankly, it IS an awesome game.
 
It's mostly a hit-or-miss with Yahtzee nowadays. This week was definitely a hit though, and it IS an awesome game.
 
How come every time I watch one of these and then read the thread, there are a bunch of people saying "not funny" or "he's hit or miss these days" or "Yahtzee's losing his touch" or something like that? Just enjoy it. I've watched nearly all of them and I always find them worthwhile.
 
Moto-x_Pat said:
How come every time I watch one of these and then read the thread, there are a bunch of people saying "not funny" or "he's hit or miss these days" or "Yahtzee's losing his touch" or something like that? Just enjoy it. I've watched nearly all of them and I always find them worthwhile.
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Exactly. It's his job. And he does a good one.
 
Moto-x_Pat said:
How come every time I watch one of these and then read the thread, there are a bunch of people saying "not funny" or "he's hit or miss these days" or "Yahtzee's losing his touch" or something like that?
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Because he's not funny, hit or miss these days, and/or losing his touch, and thus cannot be "just enjoyed" or "found worthwhile."
 
Dax said:
So Yahtzee is not allowed to like a game? What?
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Yahtzee is, generally speaking, not an idiot, so him really liking such a mediocre game is... disappointing. I expect such low standards from the rest of you mutants.
 
I have yet to afford this title but I will be getting it. It was kinda funny, not the best. The box design got me laughing.
 
Yorick said:
...a mediocre game is... disappointing. I expect such low standards from the rest of you mutants.
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Oh, look at me with my monocle and top hat as I sit in my drawing room with a Riedel of Mouton Rothschild, smoking my camacho whilst I guffaw at you lowly peasants playing your mediocre video games about a ruffian vigilante who fancies dressing up as a bat. Surely enjoying such a game speaks volumes about your heritage and upbringing, and a man of my stature who only plays the finest in interactive home console and personal computer media would not be caught dead playing such a travesty of pixels.

Now if you gutter-dwelling wastrels will excuse me I need to go sniff my money while a Taiwanese ladyboy rubs 'her' feet all over my back in a soothing massage, what what.
 
Darkside55 said:
Oh, look at me with my monocle and top hat as I sit in my drawing room with a Riedel of Mouton Rothschild, smoking my camacho whilst I guffaw at you lowly peasants playing your mediocre video games about a ruffian vigilante who fancies dressing up as a bat. Surely enjoying such a game speaks volumes about your heritage and upbringing, and a man of my stature who only plays the finest in interactive home console and personal computer media would not be caught dead playing such a travesty of pixels.

Now if you gutter-dwelling wastrels will excuse me I need to go sniff my money while a Taiwanese ladyboy rubs 'her' feet all over my back in a soothing massage, what what.
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don't you act like that when talking about music too? Mnawww, Britney Spears is for white trash and naive girls. MNAAWWWW!
 
Might be yer confusin' me for someone else, boyo. I never much say anything on music in this place; I gots no reason to drop into the music forum 'cept on the rare occasion I post what I'm listening to at the moment, or that one time I made the Lordi thread nobody batted two eyes at.

And f'r the record Break the Ice and Toxic are good songs, says I.
 
It seems Darkside is taking part in 'International Talk Like A Pirate Day'.
 
'Tis a time honored tradition.

Batman was once a pirate, y'know. 'Twas an Elseworlds, or some such, to my recalling. Leatherwing, the tale was called.
 
Yorick said:
Yahtzee is, generally speaking, not an idiot, so him really liking such a mediocre game is... disappointing. I expect such low standards from the rest of you mutants.
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Have you played the game?
 
Didn't ya read, ye squinty-eyed sea dog? The man's too fancy for the likes of us and ours! Can't be seen enjoyin' a Batman game.
 
I played the Arkham demo, and that was really enough for me... it was good, but I don't see how they could have made a $50 game out of it.
 
Letters said:
I played the Arkham demo, and that was really enough for me... it was good, but I don't see how they could have made a $50 game out of it.
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Play the game and find out.
 
Yorick said:
Yahtzee is, generally speaking, not an idiot, so him really liking such a mediocre game is... disappointing. I expect such low standards from the rest of you mutants.
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Sorry, I was under the impression Yahtzee was a queer. Thanks for explaYORICK Y U DO DIS
 
Arr, I've been hating Yahtzee since he shat on Sonic Unleashed. And then he spoke ill of Ghostbusters. Now he says somewhat-mean-spirited things about the Batman. A black spot on this man.
 
hes alright, dunno what all the fuss is about. its probably because hes become popular, hes not 'hip' anymore
 
Surely that be the reason and not because he's trying to get laughs by hating on all the wrong games. Nay, must be the ol' "popular things suck" backlash, always a fine excuse to pull out yer arse when people begin t' hate on som'tin.
 
Darkside55 said:
Didn't ya read, ye squinty-eyed sea dog? The man's too fancy for the likes of us and ours! Can't be seen enjoyin' a Batman game.
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Yeah, try again. I own - or have at least played - every single Batman game there is. But frequently games are hailed as masterpieces when they are not (Doom 3, Bioshock, etc) and it irks me. YOU'RE ALL DOING IT WRONG. Simple Fun =/= Best Game Ever.

TollBooth Willie said:
Sorry, I was under the impression Yahtzee was a queer. Thanks for explaYORICK Y U DO DIS
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lols.
 
Nobody said it was the best game ever. And fer that matter, I don't recall anyone ever quotin' DOOM 3 as a masterpiece. Yer eyes and ears be gummed up if yer thinkin' tha's true. But the point is ye're acting like the game is fer mutants, and it's just mediocre. Considerin' ye say ye've played every Batman game to date, if ye're not believin' this to be the best Batman game ever made, and the only one that really captures the feel of Batman, then I'm thinkin' ye're a few planks loose from a deck.

After all, what would ye say would be a better Batman game? The Rise of Sin Tzu? Haw! Nay, Arkham Asylum is the best Batman game a man could hope for, with the most iconic voices and a story written by Paul Dini no less! Its "simple fun" allows ye to easily emulate the brutal yet technical fighting style Batman employs, while glidin' an' grapplin' and usin' yer fancy gadgets to solve mysteries. And by damn if that's a mediocre game then I daresay that all yer protestin' that ye've played EVERY BATMAN GAME EVER MADE doesn't count for spit on my boot.

Some people don't appreciate it when they get a good franchise game that represents the property, always clamoring for som't'in' more. Whatever standards ye've put yer bar at, boyo, ye've done ye a disservice. This be the best Batman game of all time, and beyond that, even if it tweren't Batman, 'tis a good game period.

Oh, and just an aside: if ye think that "simple fun" doesn't equate to a good game, then not only are ye jaded but ye don't know what the vidya is about any more.
 
Darkside55 said:
And fer that matter, I don't recall anyone ever quotin' DOOM 3 as a masterpiece.
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When it came out? It was hailed as one of the greatest games of all time. As was Bioshock.

Darkside55 said:
Yer eyes and ears be gummed up if yer thinkin' tha's true. But the point is ye're acting like the game is fer mutants, and it's just mediocre.
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Press X button to win, bland art style, boring boss fights, and a terrible storyline all do add up to a pretty mediocre game. If it was anything other than Batman most people wouldn't be so wet over it.

Darkside55 said:
Considerin' ye say ye've played every Batman game to date, if ye're not believin' this to be the best Batman game ever made, and the only one that really captures the feel of Batman, then I'm thinkin' ye're a few planks loose from a deck.
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I am not arguing that it is the best Batman game to date, but in what way does that make it a good game? You could say GTA whatever-the-****-number-they're-up-to-now is the best one out so far, and I could give a ****. It's still garbage. Not saying that Batman is, but being the "best thing so far that is still just okay" is, you know, still just okay.

Darkside55 said:
Oh, and just an aside: if ye think that "simple fun" doesn't equate to a good game, then not only are ye jaded but ye don't know what the vidya is about any more.
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That's not what I said. Try reading my post next time, rather than spending so much time attempting to talk like a pirate. YOU ARE NOT A PIRATE.
 
Yorick said:
YOU ARE NOT A PIRATE.
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And ye are not a good judge of the vidya. ARRRR, SNAP!


To actually address some of yer points, first of all, "press X button to win" is an unfair comment and ye know it to be true. Ye're stripping the game down to its bare bones in order to support yer argument, when ye know damn well the combat is a lot more than pressing one button to win, unless ye're actively trying to just stand there and punch without regard for combos or style. Ye think ye can get variation modifiers by just pressing X, ye jaunty jackanape?! Ye need to punch, punch, counter, flip over that guy's head and break his leg, throw that guy into his fellows, batarang the three guys behind ye, execute a dynamic takedown on that guy there, flip over him and do a backwards somersault kick to some thug's head, then get into the face of the last man standing and break his arm! "Press X to win" is a load of bathwater, and either ye're just saying it to prove yer point, or ye didn't play the game much, or ye're rehashing what ye heared on the internet, OR YE'RE JUST PLAIN TERRIBLE AT BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM.

Can't bloody tell me that you can survive the Scarecrow's challenge mode just by pressing X. Takes one hit, ONE BLOODY HIT to fail that mode, and if ye've seen the online rankings for the scores in that one I can guarantee ye wouldn't be spouting this "one button" nonsense.

Secondly, the story is right out of the comics. Take as much offense to that as ye will and call it "terrible," but I'll ask ye what you'd think a GOOD Batman storyline would be. As for me I find that the Arkham Asylum story plays right off Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, and if ye tell me ye didn't like that story--if ye even read it at all--then what business do ye have critiquing tales at all?

The only point I'd concede in yer little list of complaints is that the boss fights were pretty repetitive. Considerin' that fightin' bosses wasn't even that big a part of this game, it's not even a large complaint.

The firm truth is that the good here outweighs the bad. Ye say that nobody would care if it wasn't Batman, and I think ye're wrong, because a game like this that has a fairly nice level of exploration, a simple-yet-extensive combat system, enough nooks and crannies to explore, secrets to find, riddles to solve, and goodies to grab for even the most die-hard completist, well, that makes for a good game.

Ye sound like ye be hurt in yer backside about games getting unfair due, but ye turn around and don't give this game its fair shake. "Oh, they said Doom 3 was good," well we all know Doom 3 was a glorified engine matey, nobody's doubtin' that. "Bioshock got good reviews too and I'm angry," but Bioshock was a good game too up until the last level, what with the Big Daddy and the final boss and the cruddy endings. (Although I hear tell some people actually enjoy the Big Daddy parts, and to each their own) But now ye see and hear good things about Arkham Asylum and it don't quite meet whatever expectations ye might've set for it--and frankly I can't fathom what those were--and now ye're all, "PRESS ONE BUTTON TO WIN SHIT STORY SHIT BOSSES ART SUCKS WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE THIS GAME"

Sounds to me like ye got some kinda chip on yer shoulder or summat. Save for one complaint, just one, all yer words are unfounded and your commentary on art style--which I neglected to address earlier--well, I could be lenient and say perhaps ye just have a different aesthetic for Batman, but when I think about it, exactly what could that be? The art direction in the game was rather good, mate, from the way the ol' billionaire Bat's costume looked, to the redesigns of the villains, to the interiors of Arkham and the grounds. Frankly I can't imagine what kind of art direction you think the game should have gone in for BATMAN; I'd expect a man who states that he's played every Batman game to at least be some kind of Bat-fan, and ye must at least've read some comics...I ask you what direction would you have taken?

I don't think there be a problem with the game. I think the problem lies in yer taste. Ye've got the taste of a barnacle-brained meridian mermaid, and I don't think ye're qualified to rail about anyone's taste in the vidya. Ye've got shit tastes, Yorick. Ye can come back and try to layer yer points against me, and I'll defend against 'em, even whilst speakin' as the dapper captain of this vessel that I am. So ye come on back with yer "one button to win" codswallop if ye think ye've got a pegleg to stand on, we'll talk challenge modes. We'll talk Grant Morrison if you want to talk about story, 'cause Dini fer a certainty lifted the story from that. And we'll talk how Batman's art style has more often than not been brooding and dark. And we can bring up all the other things you're pointedly neglecting too, like how fun it is to explore and glide around, or making stealth attacks from the darkness and gettin' yer enemies' heart rates up while ye hang their partners from gargoyles, and we'll talk about all the neat little things you can do and the mysteries ye can solve that ye're not talking about when ye list yer complaints, yet ye still call the game MEDIOCRE.
 
arrgggh, im goin' ta be needin' a doctor on the poop deck, fer me sides have been split.
 
What have they done to old Dr. Crane? Oh boy he looks bad..
 
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