Funniest what-Iwould-do-if-HL2-didnt-work

_-_-SELAS-_-_

_-_-SELAS-_-_

Tank
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OK... picture this... You have just bought HL² and your getting ready to play the game with your top of the line computer, but something doesn't work, and no patches will help.

Now Im gonna issue a contest for the funniest How-I-would-go-POSTAL-if-HL²-didn't-work-after-I-just-spent-50-bucks reply. The PRIZE will be a funny random link or more perhaps. If the above aren't enough to ultra-piss you off your welcome to make up your own story. :)

Collecting evidence had gotten old a few hundred bullets ago..
 
Pull all the hair out of my head, make a ravage out of my room, go to the local Department Store to get a crowbar, murder everyone in the Department store because I think they're all aliens in my hallucination, screaming towards all the cops I run by 'NO, I DON'T WANT YOUR BLOODY BEER!' and later on rape the first woman that looks like Alyx...

But this was obviously a joke, ofcourse.
 
I would dress up as a headcrab, go to Valve's offices and then jump on Gabe's head, not letting go until he fixes it personally
 
this is very nice thread indeed.

well I will hunt every developer working for valve with my :sniper: AK476:cheese:
 
1. flip over my cd to check if the other side works
2. when this doesn't work get pissed at my wife
3. reformat and reinstall my OS
4. this time, start with the last cd
5. get pissed at my wife
6. spit on every other game i own
7. try my other comp
8. repeat 1-7
9. start crying hysterically
10. Take a crap (usually works to gather new insights)
11. Call support number Vivendi
12. Get laughed at by a French dude
13. Go to my neighbour kid who owns a better pc and watch how he enjoys hl2 en repeat every 5 mins "lemme now, i wanna, i wanna"
14. lock him up in the closet and steal his comp
15. VICTORY!!!!!!!!!
 
I would hack into the valve network and install linux on every pc i can reach.
I also would place annoying popups in the sorcecode that will display my naked butt ingame every 5 minutes.
 
I would dress up as a headcrab, go to Valve's offices and then jump on Gabe's head, not letting go until he fixes it personally
Click to expand...

ROFLMAO!

That can't be topped. :cheers:

I can imagine Gabe screaming "Not in the face... PLEASE, not in the FACE!!!" while trying to fix the problem of an angry gamer on his head.

po' Gabe... :p
 
I can enlighten you all by informing you, there will be 3 judges in this contest:
My evil voice.
My good voice
And ofcource me.
Or maybe I can just pick my top 3 and put them in a poll? Anyways Ill do it tomorrow or when ever I feel like it but no earlier. :)
 
í take my receipt, go to the store were i got hl², and trade it for a new one!! i would repeat this until i got a working hl².......
 
i can't reply to that thread cuz i dont have "a top notch computer"
if it dont work with my celeron 800 and tnt2 (and the game is SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH THAT) i'll by a new video card, if it dont work with my new video card i'll wait until i can by a new processor, if it STILL doesn't work, someone will have to die, and it's not me. ^^
 
I would shout at my computerscreen until he gets so afraid of me that he defenatly make HL2 work fine:cheers:
 
take it back to the shop and swap it for Doom 3.

:bounce: j/k
 
I would draw the lambda symbol on the front of 50,00 spoons and a cute little headcrab on the back. Then i would hide them i the pockets of passing people in the high street, sortof like backwards pickpocketing with spoons. Then i would play a game where i use a metal detector to find those people again, when i find one of them if they still had the spoon i would give them a fork with a picture of gordan on to go with there collection if they didnt i would draw a picture of alynx on there forehead.
Then i would make a song where the only noise was a picture of a head crab(think about it) and then only eat head crabs and then only breath headcrabs and then i would only live headcrabs and then i would be a headcrab,
beat that mister smarty head crab


:dozey:
 
I would probably ask my computer if he has a the flu virus, then wonder if its a trojan horse, get a feedbag for the poor horse who has to live in that small mini tower, build him a nice solid wood stable with norton in the corner waiting to NUKE HIS ASS, make a paper mache headcrab with fake halloween guts and other junk inside, get my video camera to work and film mysef beating the crap out of the headcrab with my full size 1337 crowbar, get one of my bored frieneds to dress as the combine with a fake wood mp5 i made in my woodshop, beat the crap out of him and wonder why theres red blood instead of green or yellow, wonder why cable jacks dont hook to my usb port, use aluminum foil to connect them while it transfers as super 1337 video, get so bored i make more fake wood guns like in half-life and half-life 2 that actually drop a clip (yes people that detailed), end up painting them and sniffing the paint, throwing the crowbar into the air to myself and ending up hitting myself, wake up months later to discover there was a floppy disk in my drive that wouldn't let my computer start up, buy the new ati graphics card to discover it's obsolete, and wonder why i did all this when i could have simply ejected the floppy disk and hl2 would have worked anyway.

-=[Super]=-
 
I'll try everything. If it doesn't works, i will pick up a crowbar, murder all the Valve guys, put my SCUD's to work and blow everything in my sight.
 
Originally posted by king John I
I would draw the lambda symbol on the front of 50,00 spoons and a cute little headcrab on the back. Then i would hide them i the pockets of passing people in the high street, sortof like backwards pickpocketing with spoons. Then i would play a game where i use a metal detector to find those people again, when i find one of them if they still had the spoon i would give them a fork with a picture of gordan on to go with there collection if they didnt i would draw a picture of alynx on there forehead.
Then i would make a song where the only noise was a picture of a head crab(think about it) and then only eat head crabs and then only breath headcrabs and then i would only live headcrabs and then i would be a headcrab,
beat that mister smarty head crab


:dozey:
Click to expand...

.....ditto:borg:
 
I would take out my manipulator, grab a coffeemachine with it and shoot it trough a window of the Valve office:)
 
I'd spam the HL2.net forums, crying and saying that the freakin HL2 game is all bad, but by the time I'd get my post written and have time to read it to make sure it posted, the damn thread would already be locked by one of the poopy admins.

;(
 
I would rather not speculate on this one because with my luck it may actually happen.
 
oh, oh, changed my mind i would actually just play it on my mums laptop, and it would be ok too she has a 1.8 pentium 4 and a geforce 4 and 512mb of ram. Problem solved, deos this win the prize? well deos it?
 
Originally posted by king John I
oh, oh, changed my mind i would actually just play it on my mums laptop, and it would be ok too she has a 1.8 pentium 4 and a geforce 4 and 512mb of ram. Problem solved, deos this win the prize? well deos it?
Click to expand...
=þ
Funniest... The keyword is fun. (its supposed to be fun) :)
 
1. uninstall
2. update virus definitions
3. defrag
4. open windows help and then ask myself what the hell i am doing
5. reinstall
6. when error message pops up just sit still, stare, grit teeth and count back from ten
7. defrag
8. call my friends for help who all happen to have it working
9. install patch
10. call girlfriend and tell her she was right about computers all along
11. defrag
12. put both hands on either side of monitor and shake violently
13. keep checking at random intervals to see if computer has been replaced with mac
14. come off the strange trance that i have been in for the past few hours because my soda has been mysteriously drugged
15. pick up the mac
16. find the nearest iron maiden and destroy the mac
17. find my computer and delete trojan horse written exclusively for HL2
18. crucify ANON
19. defrag
 
Originally posted by Murray_H
I would dress up as a headcrab, go to Valve's offices and then jump on Gabe's head, not letting go until he fixes it personally
Click to expand...

Unbeatable. Just plain unbeatable.:)
 
I got anotherone:

I would register a new domain:
www.hl2petition.tofixmyproblem.com and advertise this site all over this forum and have my head so far up my 4$$ to not notice no-one gives a sh!t.

:) brings back memories of a total headcrab
 
I would snap the CD in half, drive to the mall with one of the pieces of sharp cd, and find the asshole clerk who sold me the game. Even though its not his fault I need someone to blame, and someone to hurt. I would slice off his heels, cut off his ass and glue them both to his head. I would the go to the escalator outside the store, and take all the HL2 boxes and throw them on it, the pour gas all over the escalator and the HL2 boxes, and light them on fire. It would be a big moving, rotating, swirling HL2 fire storm. After I watched them burn. I would get into my car and drive into a wall at 145 miles per hour, launch out the front window with my sharp piece of cd in my hand, fly all the way to Valve headquarters and in mid air while flying chop off Gabes head while screaming 9/30! 9/30!!!. After I landed I would hit up a bar, and threaten the bar tender with my cd shard for a free alcohalic beverage of my choice. I would then light him on fire as well. After I vented a little bit, and released my anger I would find some drunk girl from the bar to drive me all the way back to Connecticut to find that Valve released a patch that woulda fixed all the problems with HL2 not working. And then I would kill myself.
 
there is a lot of hostility towards valve just below the surface for the majority of these people..

for me: i'd lose my mind, getting progressivly angrier and more hateful until i've broken and destroyed most everything in my apt. then, being morbidly distraught, i'd drop out of school and wander the streets, becoming a heroin addict. eventually, i'll get sobered up and move to east asia (country unspecified) on my sudden inheritance. eventaully, through a surprising and seemingly impossible series of conicidences, i'll become a political force in my new land, playing intelligently behind the scences on behalf of a dissident faction, using my foreigner-status to gain access and information that my native allies cannot. i'll also become something of a dandy. eventually, i'll play a pivotal role in planning and pulling off a successful military coup, and then be appointed top advisor (and secret lover) to the queen. the queen (who naively trusted me too much) will meet with a tragic steamboat accident, and since she had had no hier, i will become the new king!! in the midst of a bloody war between the US (and australia and UK) and (newly communist) russia and china, my country will take over much of south asia, scoring victories in bhutan, laos, parts of cambodia and bangaldesh! using tech savy labor from these places, i'll create a personal code team that will create PC games for me and me ALONE!! i will play these games with increasing displeasure and eventaully have my team methodically assinated, even my best friend Kamphong. most horribley, i will take Kamphongs long time love as my wife!

in the aftermath of the WW3 i mentioned, no power will stop my tyranny, and evetually i'll rule over much of the eastern hemisphere. but a "pleasure" trip to bangkok will lead to a recurring illness in my kidneys. my suspected (and indeed true!) infidelity will become a national scandal, which will loosen my iron grip on my country. it becomes a moot point though, as i'm slowly dying anyway (in reality, it is my vengful and deceiving wife who is secretly poisoning me!). and finally, on my deathbed (as the rest of the world celebrates the demise of a horrible tyrannt) i will whisper into my wifes ear "half.... life.... two...." and then expire. she will never tell anyone what my last words were.

let's hope it works when i buy it.

-lt
 
Well, I would probaly kill whoever had that floppy in my a drive... look on page 2 for my post. after that i would probably remake the E3 video in real life... then i would eat truckloads of green jello....poop green and do it all again!!!
 
I would build train tracks right up to valve building and get a freight train to drive right through them, with people with paint ball guns on the back. then I would hit them with the hard stuff,
A leaflet campaign, and then get a viagra company to spam them into oblivion.
 
i would just instantly implode the second i knew it wasnt going to work.
 
I would ban everyone; all 10,000 of you. And then laugh, like a mad man and then
omgfxthxomgzufkcingsonofabitch roflfofoolollolololololloololol

/me dies
 
I'd weep into my Half-Life 2 t-shirt and then marry it.
 
have a heart attack then roll over ass up in your face and just lay there till some1 comes and fixes it.
 
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