Head Crab Rotisserie style - A many people many post fan-fic

Sloth

Sloth

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One paragraph per post to contiue the thread along all proceeding posts MUST make some sense.
I couldn't be bothred writing a fan-fic so i thought ppl should make their own. (Post to contuie the story!)

First Paragraph
The two men huddled aroung the fire, warmth flowed through them. Upon a small stack sat a lump of slowly cooking meat.
"How long till the head-hummper is cooked?"​
"Don't worry it'll be done in about ten minutes, relax. It'll taste fine."​
"It's just that i've never had it before, what does it taste like?"​
"Chicken!"​

Now post the next paragraph, and moving this sorry fan-fic along!
 
Mainly thanks to forums and computers, I've lost my imagination so I can't continue the story. :(
 
"Chicken?" The first man said increduleously.
"Chicken" the second said firmly.
"Where did you find it?" asked the first man.
"Over there." said the second, pointing.

Keep going...
 
"what? underneath the dead guy?" asked the first
"yeah. just kinda laying there" replied the second
"cool. shotgun (bags/dibs on) the left claw"
 
"But why did you kill that guy?"
"He was pissing me off, that's why"
"Dear god, I'll never piss you off"
"Whatever, shut up now and let me concentrate on cooking this head-humper"
 
Come on, someone continue the story. Just post something, I don't want look like an idiot and continue from my own post.
 
"I think your cooking it too much" said the first guy
"What was that?" the cook exclaimed
"Nothing, its just that i dont like burnt meat"
 
Then they looked up.
"What's that?" asked one.
The other was rising slowly in the air by his neck.
 
"Wait!" said the cook, " We dont need it....... its just sam playing with the gravity gun"
 
"I see you guys have resorted to eating bloody head-hummpers." Sam laughed as he walked back into the camp, a Grav Gun in his hands.
 
Just then a crate fell off from a combine dropship
"What is it?" the first guy said
"Let me get that crowbar that popped out of nowhere and open it"the Cook Said
 
Some how i don't see how that makes much sense:
"Let me get that crowbar that popped out of nowhere and open it"the Cook Said
Click to expand...

but meh
 
As the cook pried open the wooden box ration upon ration pakc fell out all around his feet.
" Well it looks as if we have a few side dishes to go with the headcrab"
 
But as they opened the ration packs, the cook yelled out in anger "More bloody headcrabs!"
 
"Well," said Sam, "Anybody in the mood for Antlion?"
"Sure," the cook said "Broiled or fried?"
"Im in the mood for some City 17 fried Antloin!" said Sam
 
"Well if we're going to antlion hunt, we'd better get some bugbaits" The cook said
"damn it, I left the last ones to the rebel outpost a few blocks from here" Sam replied
"Well you go get them, I'll just...uh, stay here and watch the fire"
 
Just then they heard the familiar gurgle of something they had learned to hate,a headcrab zombie."oh crap,Sam,you can watch if you really want to but were taking all the weapons with us."the cook said.
"alright i'll come but let me shoot the zombie first.
 
"BLAM!!!" went the shotgun as the zombies inards burst into so many peices of rotten flesh.
"Damn, I just washed this shirt too. Oh well. Lets go get us some tasy ant lion.....crap, I think I here an APC." sam said
 
"APC what?"
"Combine APC" grunted Sam. He lined up his shot. And paused.
"That dosn't sound quite like a Combine APC..." he muttered.
 
*meanwhile*

"Damn, I just serviced this APC last week and already it's gurgling and sputtering" Said combine #1

Combine #2 replied, saying "It probably would last longer if you didnt ram so much crap with it"

"But what's the big plow thingy on the front for then??"
 
"Man I don't know, maybe it's just for making the whole thing look ugly."
"You think?"
"Well look at it, it looks like a Warthog!" The second combine looked back at the APC
"It does?"
 
A speaker crackles to life-"get outa there in five minutes,were launching the mortar rounds(the headcrab bombs) into the area,it's populated with about 700 resistance members.Clear out the remains later get your but out of there now".
"Crap" said combine soldier#1
 
*Just an idea, this would be a fkn cool HL2 movie (like Red VS Blue) with the Resistance as one side, and the Combine in the APC as the other*

"Five minutes, give us 10, this APC needs a service" -Combine Driver​

Outside the APC drives into a large pothole, causing it to stop completly.

"Shit, now what are we going to do? Walk back to base. Man, f**k you and your driving skills."​
 
[mortar shell packing and launch facility]

A metrocop leans over an opened mortar shells, 3 labeled dispensers above him, he asks another metrocop:
"Soooo.... Normal, poison, or fast?"
"Ummm... give em a variety pack" replied metrocop #2
"Sure" said metrocop #1 and he started singing to himeslf
"One crab two crab three crab four! five minutes then we launch the shells. six crab seven crab eight crab more! Shove em in then we close the door!"

[/mortar shell packing and launch facility]
 
evilsloth said:
*Just an idea, this would be a fkn cool HL2 movie (like Red VS Blue) with the Resistance as one side, and the Combine in the APC as the other*
Click to expand...
Yes, that would be cool. A machinima series in HL2 could surely be extremely awesome, even thought you might wanna use an idea less like Red vs Blue.

*the two combine quickly rushed past the combine garage, running for their life*
"Oh shit oh shit oh shit, we're toast! There's no way we're ever gonna make it outta here fast enough!"
"Why can't you just tell them to not bomb us, you've got the radio!"
"I used the batteries for... uhm... something else." He quickly looked away.
"I really don't want to know any more. Man, let's just hope it takes them the same usual twenty minutes to load the shells!"

[mortar shell packing and launch facility]
Overwatch command: "Good work boys, packed 'em faster than ever before, only three minutes, a new company record!"
"Thankyou sir!"
[/mortar shell packing and launch facility]

"Well, they usually give the resistance a five minute warning when they bomb such a large area so we'll be okay!"

[mortar shell packing and launch facility]
Overwatch comman: "Let's not give these bastards a warning this time, fire at will boys!"
[/mortar shell packing and launch facility]

"Yeah, you're right, we'll be fine.
 
Personaly i'd be willing to work on a HL2 mahinima. Red vs Blue doesnt realy have a set plot and neither does this, i'd say they are only similar through disimilarity, or disimilar through similarity.

Is disimilar even a word?


[back at the rebel camp]

A radio crackles on...

Metrocop1:"Attention all resistance members we..."
Metrocop2:{subdued}"Hey we werent supposed to warn them"
Metrocop1:".. uhh... yes.... we are radioing...."

"..to warn you..."

"...that we arent going to..."

"...warn you..."

"...about us shelling you..."

"...now..."

"...umm..."

"...ok, how about..."

"...we definatly havent warned you about anything at all"

"... period..."

"umm... that is all"

The radio fell silent.


"Umm.. ok... that was odd..." said sam, "I'l just leave and not get shelled by those shells that they didnt warn us about"

"Umm but didnt they warn us byt tellingh us that they werent warning us abut warning us that they were shelling us" said the cook

"?" was the only word that coud describe what sam was thinking at that moment.

"Ok" said the cook, how about we go outside and find out whatever that thing that doesnt sound quite like a combine APC is and ride it if it turns out to be an umm... non combine apc... or somthing" replied the cook

"I'm realy confused" said sam

"We all are" replied the first two guys in unison.
 
*if we do a HL2 mahinima (but better than Red VS Blue) i'd work on script, roflol, this is getting hilliorus*

-5 minute after leaving the rebel camp-
"We were suppost to turn left back there, not right!" Cook was outraged.
"No, no i used to live round here, the plaza is just here." Sam replied
"Havn't we been past here before?"

-Two Combine-
"i rember reading the maps before we got here, we turn here."

The combine walk around the courner and
-BLAM-
they walk into the few Rebels.
 
The first combine soldier, who'se name was Lnagston was initialys shocked as he saw the four rebels walking towards him.
"Langston! run!!!!!!" Said the yet to be named combine soldier, as the two ran chased by the rebels they eventualy found themselves cornered.

"Crap, we're gonna have to fight" said Combine_S #2
"Umm ok.... i left the guns in the APC" replied Langston

"WHAT!!!!!!"


Meanwhuile on the other end of the dark ally the rebels were entering

"ready to take them on" Said sam, gravity gun in hand
"Yup" said the cook while brandishing a frying pan

The other two rebels just stood there, being non-integral to the plot

As sam and the cook raced down the alleyway towards the combine a series of large booms sounded in the distance, as they closed on the two hapless soldiers a mortar shell landed in the alley cutting off the cook, Sam, Langston, and the other combine now revealed to be named Nathan, from the other two resistance members.

Then in hordes all diferent varities of headcrabs pulled forth from the shells. It was like a giant interracial headcrab orgy!

The Cook and Sam simply raced past Langdon and Nathan smashing open a window and running in. angdon and nathan, not wanting to become neural slaves followed.

The headcrabs didnt follow becasue there was an npc_clip brush in the window.
 
I actually have some nice story ideas for a Machinima series in HL2, it's just I can't do nothing but write script, otherwise I might have tried doing something by now.


"Man, I'm gonna get a heart desease from all this stress!" Nathan cried out while hiding inside the small room.
"You know what, you should really go to the union about this. I mean you're young, and you have five thousand Volt extra combine upgraded heart, you really shouldn't have to worry about your heart at your age." Langston sounded very sympathetical.
"Yeah but you know, it's part of the job, I don't wanna be a bother y'know."
 
The 2 resistance members (non important) tried to run, but could not get away due to the wave of Head Crabs.
Several Poisonous head crabs leaped upon the first member, instantly Paralyzing him and started to attach themselves.
The second member (trying to hide) was pummeled by his fellow ressistance member (recently turned Zombie) his flesh being ripped away by his friend's own hands.
 
*MarcoPollo wtf, that was just slightly wrong*

Nathan turned to Cook and Sam and said in the hollow OverWatch voice
"Truce?"
"If you stop using that stuipd voice, yes" replied Sam, with him Cook noded.
 
"Oh, okey then, but liften, we've got to get out of here! And faft!"
"I'm sorry what?" The cook looked confused.
"Oh he has a lisp." Langston explained. "He uses the overwatch voice scrambler to hide it."
"That'f right, a lifp."
"I see..." The cook turned to the other resistance member who was fighting it to keep a straight face. "We'd better go... really faSt. Like, with haSte. Speedily!" *the other man put his fist in his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud*
"Right, let'f go!"
 
Then a Strider burst out from the ground in front of them, its cannon gleaming with a purple-ish hue :p
 
"Oh crap"
"Oh crap"
"Alright!!"
"Yef, now you die you loufy dogf!" The two resistance members looked angrily at them.
"I thought we had a truce!"
"Fcrew trufef you affholef!" Nathan turned on his overwatch voice scrambler again. "Eat this!" They both started firing their guns.
 
CREMATOR666 said:
But to no avail, since the Strider is bullet-proof ;)
Click to expand...
This mattered not, for the combine had of course no trouble with the strider, they were firing at the resistance ;)
 
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