Internet Dating

[Farrowlesparrow]

Who cares if it's "absurd". You guys are absurd.
People all live in "their" own realities. I don't see how being happy "with" a relationship on the "internet" is especially wrong compared to what you guys believe about the "world". But then as we can see, it's very hard to "accept" that someone else's view "of" the world can be just fine for that "person" even if it doesn't "conform" with your own.

 

[repiV]

Very well put.

Don't hear that every day.

Who cares if it's "absurd". You guys are absurd.
People all live in "their" own realities. I don't see how being happy "with" a relationship on the "internet" is especially wrong compared to what you guys believe about the "world". But then as we can see, it's very hard to "accept" that someone else's view "of" the world can be just fine for that "person" even if it doesn't "conform" with your own.

Like I said, he can do what he wants. If you post your experiences on a discussion forum, you have to expect that not everyone will necessarily see events in the same way that you do. Telling the world you have an "internet relationship" is inviting criticism, at the end of the day. And for that matter, nothing anyone has said here is meant in a derogatory fashion at all.

For what it's worth, I think it's wrong for a number of reasons. Firstly, because living an "internet life" is psychologically unhealthy and completely unproductive. The current generation has fewer social skills than ever before - because they don't spend anywhere near as much of their time socialising as they should! We're becoming a society of isolated individuals. It's a concern on a personal level, and it's a concern on a wider level too.

Secondly, because attraction isn't about logic, it's about emotion and subtle things like body language. You can't fall in love with someone over the internet, whatever it may seem like. Vegeta could meet this girl tomorrow and have absolutely no chemistry with her whatsoever. And anyone who says it isn't about looks to a large degree is fooling themselves.

Thirdly, because it belies an underlying emotional immaturity no different to when you think you've met the girl you want to marry at the age of 13 (after speaking to her once). It's not the path to a happy and fulfilling life. Snap out of it!

 

[Vegeta897]

What is this "internet life", this "alternate reality" you keep talking about?

I use the computer to chat and webcam with her. I'm communicating with HER and she's communicating with ME. Where does this alternate reality or internet life come into play?

If you talk to your girl on the phone and text her a lot, does that mean you're living a "cell phone life"??

Why does the fact that I can't see her physically or touch her magically turn this into me living an internet life or alternate reality?

"It's not the path to a happy and fulfilling life. Snap out of it!"

Oh noes, I'm happy in my own way and not the way you think is 'normal', I'd better ****ing stop!

And for you to suggest that my social skills are going to dwindle because I have an internet relationship is just ridiculous. I still have a personal life, you know? I still talk to people like friends and family. And I do talk to her with my voice. Where is the lacking social interaction you see here?

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

@ repiv lololol

Okay, it's a forum for discussion, fair enough. But the others especially seem to take such offence to the idea that an internet relationship is possible. And you aren't accepting that it is a possibility. You're simply stating that it's just wrong and unhealthy, but several people (including myself) have experience with it that suggests the contrary.

I think I'm a pretty healthy individual. I recently moved to Paraguay to teach, and I find my life to be fulfilling. I'd prefer to have a girlfriend here, but the nature of my recent move has meant that it's just not possible to be with the one I want.

It started on the internet, and then we met up, and there was chemistry. You could say we got lucky. I think that would be true, but I also like to think that given the experience I've had both on and offline, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. I knew that an internet relationship wouldn't be the same, but I consider the person worth it to spend the time apart that we have to. Those few weeks we have every year or ever few months are worth the time apart.

So what started on the internet has changed into a more 'traditional' long distance relationship.

I don't think anyone here believes that a relationship that never moves onto something else beyond the internet is going to last forever. Perhaps they're happy with just having the intellectual and emotional companionship for a time though.

I wouldn't be happy living without any sort of physical contact for the rest of my life, but I'm willing to delay it for the right person. And even though I now know that this person works for me, before I had to take the chance and commit to something that could have gone wildly wrong. But it didn't. So I guess you could say I took a risk and it paid off. I don't think that was unhealthy.

An internet relationship doesn't mean that you're living an "internet life". So I don't think I really need to address that, because you're taking it to an extreme.

This post wasn't exactly planned so it drifted a bit, but I guess it says what I want.

 

[Sulkdodds]

Firstly, because living an "internet life" is psychologically unhealthy and completely unproductive.
Secondly, because attraction isn't about logic, it's about emotion and subtle things like body language.
Thirdly, because it belies an underlying emotional immaturity...

I think of all the charges there the one about "in-person" experiences is the most coherent. Love is fundamentally communicative (like an STD) and so much of communication happens outside the scope of language.

Number three doesn't stand up so well. It seems perfectly possible to court on the internet with total awareness of what one is doing. And too many people meet on the internet and then really gel IRL - ie, progress to a more socially accepted form of relationship - for the concept to be without merit. Some people may put it in a little too Cartesian a manner but there is something to this mind-over-body business.

And as for number two, I'm skeptical about how much being on the internet counts as being "isolated". Even if it does, there's no necessary connection between "internet life" and "internet girlfriend" unless you allege a slippery slope.

I can't help seeing it as perverse that one would persue romantic prospects on the other side of the world than in one's own back yard. After all, even dating sites are intended as a prelude to a meeting of local flesh. But now the size of a person's social circle has the potential to be much larger than ever before, much more easily. It should be no surprise that people happen to fall for those who live on its fringes. And who the hell has ever been able to control that?

EDIT: This post was intended to directly follow repiV's. Now it comes off as a less impassioned, more logically-orientated covering of the same ground as Farrow and Veggies. So basically what they said?

 

[Vegeta897]

Whether or not I'm capable of being happy without physical contact for an extended time is an attribute of MINE, and nobody else can determine that for me. I understand that most of you telling me what I'm doing is stupid don't share that attribute.

 

[No Limit]

Whether or not I'm capable of being happy without physical contact for an extended time is an attribute of MINE, and nobody else can determine that for me. I understand that most of you telling me what I'm doing is stupid don't share that attribute.

Can I ask how old you are?

 

[Vegeta897]

I'm 20.

 

[Eejit]

See veggie you're just wrong. They just haven't found the reason yet.

 

[repiV]

What is this "internet life", this "alternate reality" you keep talking about?

I use the computer to chat and webcam with her. I'm communicating with HER and she's communicating with ME. Where does this alternate reality or internet life come into play?

It's just not the same as real face to face contact. If that were the case, we'd never bother visiting our friends that live far away - we'd just webcam them instead. In fact, why bother leaving the house at all? Just work from home and communicate from home. Sure saves on transport costs.

I have a phone, and teh interwebs, but I still go back to London to see friends and family once a month, despite the fact that I can't stand the place...if I can be arsed to spend several hours in a weekend crouched over the fuel tank slogging it up and down the motorway anyway. Which is not always the case.

If you talk to your girl on the phone and text her a lot, does that mean you're living a "cell phone life"??

Depends if you see her in person or not.

Why does the fact that I can't see her physically or touch her magically turn this into me living an internet life or alternate reality?

Because you haven't met her and you don't know her. It's not like you're maintaining with contact with someone you met before, she won't be "real" to you until you've actually met the woman properly.

"It's not the path to a happy and fulfilling life. Snap out of it!"

Oh noes, I'm happy in my own way and not the way you think is 'normal', I'd better ****ing stop!

You're being awfully defensive, which I suppose is understandable in a way but noone's out to get you or anything. Personally I think you must have wanted some sort of reaction, else you never would have mentioned it in the first place. It's obviously controversial from the start.

And for you to suggest that my social skills are going to dwindle because I have an internet relationship is just ridiculous. I still have a personal life, you know? I still talk to people like friends and family. And I do talk to her with my voice. Where is the lacking social interaction you see here?

Every evening when you're couped up on the computer til gone midnight instead of living your life?

Okay, it's a forum for discussion, fair enough. But the others especially seem to take such offence to the idea that an internet relationship is possible. And you aren't accepting that it is a possibility. You're simply stating that it's just wrong and unhealthy, but several people (including myself) have experience with it that suggests the contrary.

I don't think there is much validity in a purely online relationship/friendship/whatever. It's a proven fact that communicating with people over the internet or phone does not stimulate that part of us that requires social interaction in the same way that actually seeing them face to face does. This cannot be more important than in the context of a relationship.

I think I'm a pretty healthy individual. I recently moved to Paraguay to teach, and I find my life to be fulfilling. I'd prefer to have a girlfriend here, but the nature of my recent move has meant that it's just not possible to be with the one I want.

It started on the internet, and then we met up, and there was chemistry. You could say we got lucky. I think that would be true, but I also like to think that given the experience I've had both on and offline, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. I knew that an internet relationship wouldn't be the same, but I consider the person worth it to spend the time apart that we have to. Those few weeks we have every year or ever few months are worth the time apart.

So what started on the internet has changed into a more 'traditional' long distance relationship.

You met up. There's the key factor. You're keeping an existing relationship going. I can't see how a relationship can even exist until you've met the person in the first place. I don't have a problem with using the internet as a method of meeting people, but I treat it as just that. You want a date or not - no you want to get to know me better first? Well quit wasting my time then, that's the point of a date - I don't have the time or patience for email tennis. As you can tell, it hasn't been a great angle for me.

I don't think anyone here believes that a relationship that never moves onto something else beyond the internet is going to last forever. Perhaps they're happy with just having the intellectual and emotional companionship for a time though.

But that's just it. It's very different to your case...how can you consider yourself to be in a relationship with someone you've never met?

I wouldn't be happy living without any sort of physical contact for the rest of my life, but I'm willing to delay it for the right person. And even though I now know that this person works for me, before I had to take the chance and commit to something that could have gone wildly wrong. But it didn't. So I guess you could say I took a risk and it paid off. I don't think that was unhealthy.

I wouldn't disagree with you, but people move away from their partners all the time and that doesn't qualify as an internet relationship in the same way as striking up a series of online conversations with a girl from China does. If that were the case, soldiers who get sent overseas couldn't consider themselves to have a valid marriage for the duration of their deployment?

 

[Sulkdodds]

VGA: didn't you also say earlier you do yearn for fleshy union though?

 

[No Limit]

I'm 20.

At that age do you really want to spend a year of your life for this? You are young, the early 20s are the best years you got, don't piss it away. You will never get those years back; I wish I could go back to when I was 20.

If you are doing this internet thing do yourself a favor and try to find someone out there in real life. Talk to as many girls as you can; you get better at it with each one and you really have nothing to lose even if they completely reject you.

 

[Stigmata]

To sum up:

Me, veggies, farrow, sulkdodds: <reasons why internet relationships are valid>

No limit, repiv: But it's not real life! Therefore you are wrong!

 

[Vegeta897]

It's just not the same as real face to face contact.

I'm aware. I plan on visiting her.

Depends if you see her in person or not.

I plan on it.

Because you haven't met her and you don't know her. It's not like you're maintaining with contact with someone you met before, she won't be "real" to you until you've actually met the woman properly.

I plan on it.

You're being awfully defensive, which I suppose is understandable in a way but noone's out to get you or anything.

I'm getting frustrated, because you seem to be ignoring the most important things and focusing on the fact that this is an unorthodox way of being happy with a companion.

Every evening when you're couped up on the computer til gone midnight instead of living your life?

Hahaha. I did that already. What do you want me to do, go get stoned?

I don't think there is much validity in a purely online relationship/friendship/whatever.

I plan on visiting her.

Why the **** do I care about "validity" if I'm happy?


Tell you what No Limit, when my current relationship fails as horribly as you prophesize, I'll try for a "real" girl.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

I should add that it was several months before I did have the opportunity to meet up though. I'm not sure if I did call it a relationship until that point. But the significance was that whilst 'courting' this young lady, I didn't pursue anyone else. I was smitten, even though I had never met her. And it paid off well for me. I think this is the point I'm making. I wouldn't judge it as doomed to fail until it's truly obvious that it will.
I'm starting to think that we have a different idea of what a relationship actually is. Perhaps we just define the word differently. I'm not even sure how I define it, but in my mind a relationship doesn't have to involve physical contact. Or even visual contact. A man I consider to be one of my best friends, I have never met. In fact the only pictures I've seen of him had his face occluded first by a towel I think and then a Burger King mask.

 

[No Limit]

Me, veggies, farrow, sulkdodds: <reasons why internet relationships are valid>

If we are all wrong then prove it. There seems to be a lot of people here that did the e-girlfriend thing. For how many of you did it work out? How many of you actually ever met the person in real life?

 

[Eejit]

So, No Limit proves he hasn't really read the posts made by the other side.

 

[No Limit]

So, No Limit proves he hasn't really read the posts made by the other side.

?

I read all the posts. Maybe I killed too many braincells in my day though; which posts are you refering to?

 

[Eejit]

They have already described to what extent is worked out or not and whether they met them in real life, multiple times several of em.

 

[Vegeta897]

If we are all wrong then prove it. There seems to be a lot of people here that did the e-girlfriend thing. For how many of you did it work out?

How many girls have you met in real life? How many worked out?

I fail to see your logic.

And you continue to fail to see what we keep telling you.

 

[repiV]

I'm aware. I plan on visiting her.

Well, I hope it works out for you. All seems a bit far-fetched to me, but there we go.

My landlord has a Chinese visa wife. I say that because she's a lovely sweet lady (and not bad looking for her age) who works like 14 hours a day or something, and he's a disgusting old tightwad closet Nazi man who permanently looks like a tramp and is an absolute twat. Also, they sleep in separate rooms.

That aside, maybe just make sure this isn't the same sort of situation? Not that I'm suggesting you're a closet Nazi or a tramp or a twat or anything. Just an anecdote.

 

[No Limit]

They have already described to what extent is worked out or not and whether they met them in real life, multiple times several of em.

Can you fill me in with a quick summary? My apologies but I don't feel like reading back 10 pages.

 

[Eejit]

Nope. I'm not your researcher.

 

[No Limit]

How many girls have you met in real life? How many worked out?

I fail to see your logic.

And you continue to fail to see what we keep telling you.

You are missing the point. By dating a person in real life you know very quickly wether it will work or not. You don't have to wait a year, spend 2 grand, and travel to china to see someone only to find you aren't compatible. Some will say as many already have that you can quickly tell this over a web cam or chat, I call BS.

You didn't answer my question. Out of all your e-girlfriends how many have you actually met in person. If none what makes you think you will ever meet this one?

 

[Pi Mu Rho]

If we are all wrong then prove it. There seems to be a lot of people here that did the e-girlfriend thing. For how many of you did it work out? How many of you actually ever met the person in real life?

I did, and married her.

Do I win?

 

[No Limit]

Nope. I'm not your researcher.

You have to research what you already know? Never mind, my apologies for asking you to spend a few quick seconds to fill me in on what you already know so I don't have to spend an hour reading back 10 pages.

I don't recall anyone saying they ever met up with an e-girlfriend; if someone did please correct me (I'm not reading back 10 pages).

 

[No Limit]

I did, and married her.

Do I win?

But you're on the HL2.net staff. Everyone knows being on that staff is a pussy magnet for e-dating.

 

[Vegeta897]

You are missing the point. By dating a person in real life you know very quickly wether it will work or not. You don't have to wait a year, spend 2 grand, and travel to china to see someone only to find you aren't compatible.

The visiting china part is completely irrelevant as I told you before, because it is something I WANTED to do, completely independent of meeting her. And oh noes, a year of being happy. How will I live?

Some will say as many already have that you can quickly tell this over a web cam or chat, I call BS.

Fair enough, don't care enough to argue about that.

You didn't answer my question. Out of all your e-girlfriends how many have you actually met in person. If none what makes you think you will ever meet this one?

This is my first. I think I will meet her because I am going to. Wtf are you talking about? Wouldn't it be a good thing if it ended before I met her? Then I wouldn't have to "waste" money visiting a foreign country I had wanted to visit?

I don't recall anyone saying they ever met up with an e-girlfriend; if someone did please correct me (I'm not reading back 10 pages).

Have you been ignoring Farrow's posts? He makes the most valuable arguments in this entire thread.

If you can't commit to an internet discussion by reading what the other side has to say in its entirety, you can leave, because you're just wasting everyone's time.

 

[Sheepo]

You're all lonely ******s who suck. I just won the argument.

 

[Sledgehammer]

Is the difference between an online flirt and an online friend really that big?

 

[nurizeko]

If we are all wrong then prove it. There seems to be a lot of people here that did the e-girlfriend thing. For how many of you did it work out? How many of you actually ever met the person in real life?

Mine turned into an E-stalker and bombarded me with letters, some of which really worried me they seemed off.

internet relationships are almost always built on a foundation of wishful thinking and pre-conceived ideas of what a person may be like. text and the occasional video chat can mislead a person into thinking the person they're talking to is something they're not. it's extremely easy to be misinterpreted using text as a means of communication. there's nothing like a face to face meeting to guage compatibility. the only real difference is that vegeta will need to spend > $3000 to find out what most people take for granted when they meet someone irl

Old quote pages back but well said.

As an example, I am a trollish foul mouthed berk on this website alone, but my E-personality alters depending on the website/forum.


In RL I am a nice bloke.


China girl seems nice now, but there's absolutely no indication she will be such in RL.

Even internet relationships aspire to reality, and real relationships have to survive real life and that requires finding out if you can live with someone regardless of who and what they are 24/7.

Its easy to call a fantasy love when you can hang up/log out on it whenever you want.

 

[Stigmata]

Again, people can lie about any and all parts of themselves in real life too. They don't need the internet to do that.

 

[Bad^Hat]

I'm living with my e-girlfriend (god that sounds dorky).

 

[Sulkdodds]

You frequently interact over LAN.

 

[Sheepo]

^I lol'd.

Again, people can lie about any and all parts of themselves in real life too. They don't need the internet to do that.

My 15 inch penis agrees.

 

[Raziaar]

EDIT: edit?

 

[Vegeta897]

Are you saying Sheepo's penis is actually 30 inches?

If you wanted to make the joke that his penis wasn't that big you should have said you accidentally halved their size.

 

[Raziaar]

Are you saying Sheepo's penis is actually 30 inches?

If you wanted to make the joke that his penis wasn't that big you should have said you accidentally halved their size.

Wow, I posted that and in a literal split second I edited my post because I realized what I intended to say was that I doubled the number of marks.

Quit stalking my posts.

/Stern

 

[Sheepo]

Stranger still, Raziaar appears to have made Sulk's post completely disappear.

 

[Raziaar]

Stranger still, Raziaar appears to have made Sulk's post completely disappear.

I'll make YOU disappear if you don't hush hush!