Long distance relationships

Non-Sequitur

Non-Sequitur

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Probably a really stupid forum to talk about this in, but hey I'm not thinking that straight right now. Here's the question: have you ever been in a long distance relationship, and if not, would you ever bother with one?

The girl I loved moved far, far away from me and we promised to keep contact everyday... and we did up until the past couple of weeks. Well, that was 6 months wasted as of course, I have walked away very hurt as she is now with a guy that is twice my age, and is completely out of my reach. Even if I went running after her, things wouldn't have changed. I'm just so down at the moment, and I'm finding it hard to see past all this. But I guess, better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Sadly I still care about her and love her. I'm just in a bad mindset and I'm ultra depressed.

Words of advice? Don't ever bother with a long distance relationship. It's not worth the stress or the trouble. Find someone close that you know will always be able to be with you. And if you do end up in a LD relationship and somehow make it work, well, you did something I couldn't. :(
 
relationships, on the whole, tend to suck.
 
yeah i've been in a long distance relationship before... they aren't worth trying to keep going... seriously. If she's moved on, as it seems she has... you need to as well. The first few weeks, maybe months will be hard... but eventually when you think about her... you'll only shrug rather than feel the pangs of pain.
 
Raziaar said:
yeah i've been in a long distance relationship before... they aren't worth trying to keep going... seriously. If she's moved on, as it seems she has... you need to as well. The first few weeks, maybe months will be hard... but eventually when you think about her... you'll only shrug rather than feel the pangs of pain.
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Yep, it's definitely hard considering where that where she works, she's online all day. And whenever I'm in front of the PC, it makes me want to talk to her. This is my place where I sit to relax, and it's been fouled somehow by the knowledge that while here I can type and she will read. And then I know that one day, she'll just be gone... another in the vast ocean of humans... and she'll be there until the day I die. Never going to see her again. And she really was my ideal girl... I guess the reality of it was that she wasn't, because if she was ideal she would have done everything in her power to hang on to me as well. Argh. My brain, it aches. Thanks for the responses. Makes me feel less alone. :)
 
Yep, it's definitely hard considering where that where she works, she's online all day. And whenever I'm in front of the PC, it makes me want to talk to her. This is my place where I sit to relax, and it's been fouled somehow by the knowledge that while here I can type and she will read. And then I know that one day, she'll just be gone... another in the vast ocean of humans... and she'll be there until the day I die. Never going to see her again. And she really was my ideal girl... I guess the reality of it was that she wasn't, because if she was ideal she would have done everything in her power to hang on to me as well. Argh. My brain, it aches. Thanks for the responses. Makes me feel less alone.
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I know exactly how you feel. 2 years ago, I graduated from my old school. For the last year I had there, the entire time I spent it with this girl, her name was Jackie. We were just friends really, but towards the end, I realized that I was truly in love with her. But I was too afraid to make a move back then, to tell her how I feel. On the last day, we said goodbye and I felt like I was being torn in half. We graduated, and went our seperate ways. For weeks I was a shattered person, not wanting to do anything and all I did was sit in my room looking at her picture and wishing we were together. Eventually I learned how to deal with the pain, but it was still there, just hidden in the depths of my mind. I started having dreams about her, and I couldn't even talk to her friends that went to the same school as me because it brought back the agony to the surface.

Since those 2 years, there have been times when I thought I had moved on and I could fall in love with someone else. But every time I stopped seeing that person I just felt more alone and I wished I was with Jackie, because I was only happy when I was with her. I told my friend about it and he said I should call her up and ask her out, so, I did. I called but she wasn't home, I spoke to her mother and her mom sounded excited that it was me. I got so happy because I figured "If her mom's excited to hear from me, Jackie must have said good things" and then when I tryed calling Jackie again, I got through to her but she seemed.....subdued, unexcited, as if she didn't know me. She seemed so unenthusiastic about talking to me that I didn't even bother asking her out. I wanted to die. I wept all night. The next day, I just shrugged and said "Oh well", and tried not to think about it. I thought I was over her. Then a few weeks later, a kid I know said to me "Hey Ed, how's Jackie doing" I said "How should I know? I haven't seen her in 2 years" and then he said "Oh, I hear she's got a boyfriend, you should beat his ass for stealing your bitch"
So I figured, maybe she just didn't want to talk to me because she already
had a boyfriend. I was so angry at myself for not making a move those 2 years ago. So I tried not to think about her. I got in another relationship with a different girl, whom I learned was a slut. I got that girl to stop selling herself for sex, so that's good, but we broke up. Fast forward 6 months and here we are. 3 weeks ago, I had a dream about Jackie. Strange, how I had a dream about someone I haven't seen in 2 years or thought about in a long time. I told my best friend about it, he said "Wow, you must like her alot for you to have dreamed of her. The only dreams I have of bitches are wet ones." And then a week ago, I had another dream, and it got me thinking about Jackie again. When will it end? I still care about her but now our relationship is all but impossible. How can I call her again without her thinking I'm some sort of stalker? But whenever I think about the future, it doesn't.... feel like we're done yet. I don't know how, but I just feel like I'll see Jackie again and that it's not over. lol, and who says the force isn't real :p
 
Whoa...

I would offer advice, but I don't think as a 15 year old who got his first girlfriend only like 3 months ago can really offer love advice. Good luck though.
 
Location is one of deciding factors of a relationship. It comes to no surprise that lack therof contributes to its difficulty. But no one ever said that is was impossible.
 
No, they tend to not work out. I have been in a few, and none did.
 
adulus said:
Whoa...

I would offer advice, but I don't think as a 15 year old who got his first girlfriend only like 3 months ago can really offer love advice. Good luck though.
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I got you beat, I'm sixteen and look like I am goin nowhere
 
I was(am) 17 before I got my first real girlfriend. We've been together for eight months, and have talked a lot about me going off to college. I'll be starting my senior year in high school this fall, and although it's a year away, it seems too close. And, if I get into the college of my choice (KU) I'll be 20 miles away. It isn't horribly long-distance, but it's not a bike-ride to each others houses.

Although I can't offer advice for long distance relationships, I can say that it (the pain) will eventually go away. I had my heart broken twice by girls that I *thought* were going to work out.

I'm very sorry about your experiences. The best advice I can say for right now is play some damned CS (DoD, NS, whatever floats your boat) and just kick the crap out of anyone and everyone. :)

/me hugs Non-Sequitur, in a non-gay way.
 
Mr-Fusion said:
Get a webcam and have some hardcore cam sex.
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My roommate used this technique with his gf last year. While I was sleeping. :dozey:
 
yeah man im sorry to hear that.. i kinda have been in the same situation. I was goign out with this girl for a long time and all of the sudden she didnt want to be with me and she started goin out wih this new guy i was like wtf.... then i was like whatever i got the poon tang! LOL owend
 
sHm0zY said:
yeah man im sorry to hear that.. i kinda have been in the same situation. I was goign out with this girl for a long time and all of the sudden she didnt want to be with me and she started goin out wih this new guy i was like wtf.... then i was like whatever i got the poon tang! LOL owend
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the ever vacuous shm0zy strikes again!
 
Non-Sequitur - I can offer you no words that will help save these, it will get better with time. I know you can't imagine life without her now, but remember how you were before you met her? You will get to that point again.

FoB_Ed said:
I know exactly how you feel. 2 years ago, I graduated from my old school. For the last year I had there, the entire time I spent it with this girl, her name was Jackie. We were just friends really, but towards the end, I realized that I was truly in love with her. But I was too afraid to make a move back then, to tell her how I feel. On the last day, we said goodbye and I felt like I was being torn in half. We graduated, and went our seperate ways. For weeks I was a shattered person, not wanting to do anything and all I did was sit in my room looking at her picture and wishing we were together. Eventually I learned how to deal with the pain, but it was still there, just hidden in the depths of my mind. I started having dreams about her, and I couldn't even talk to her friends that went to the same school as me because it brought back the agony to the surface.

Since those 2 years, there have been times when I thought I had moved on and I could fall in love with someone else. But every time I stopped seeing that person I just felt more alone and I wished I was with Jackie, because I was only happy when I was with her. I told my friend about it and he said I should call her up and ask her out, so, I did. I called but she wasn't home, I spoke to her mother and her mom sounded excited that it was me. I got so happy because I figured "If her mom's excited to hear from me, Jackie must have said good things" and then when I tryed calling Jackie again, I got through to her but she seemed.....subdued, unexcited, as if she didn't know me. She seemed so unenthusiastic about talking to me that I didn't even bother asking her out. I wanted to die. I wept all night. The next day, I just shrugged and said "Oh well", and tried not to think about it. I thought I was over her. Then a few weeks later, a kid I know said to me "Hey Ed, how's Jackie doing" I said "How should I know? I haven't seen her in 2 years" and then he said "Oh, I hear she's got a boyfriend, you should beat his ass for stealing your bitch"
So I figured, maybe she just didn't want to talk to me because she already
had a boyfriend. I was so angry at myself for not making a move those 2 years ago. So I tried not to think about her. I got in another relationship with a different girl, whom I learned was a slut. I got that girl to stop selling herself for sex, so that's good, but we broke up. Fast forward 6 months and here we are. 3 weeks ago, I had a dream about Jackie. Strange, how I had a dream about someone I haven't seen in 2 years or thought about in a long time. I told my best friend about it, he said "Wow, you must like her alot for you to have dreamed of her. The only dreams I have of bitches are wet ones." And then a week ago, I had another dream, and it got me thinking about Jackie again. When will it end? I still care about her but now our relationship is all but impossible. How can I call her again without her thinking I'm some sort of stalker? But whenever I think about the future, it doesn't.... feel like we're done yet. I don't know how, but I just feel like I'll see Jackie again and that it's not over. lol, and who says the force isn't real :p
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If you want this girl, you need to get into her circle (Don't even bother anyone). Pick a friend of hers that you both knew at school, then become friends with this person again. Devote a bit of time to it and you should be able to become friends with some of her other friends.

If your patient, you should end up becoming friends with Jackie, through association of friendship with her friends.

*Neo voice* Where you go form there, is a choise I leave to you *Neo voice*

Just be patient, don't push or you will scare people away. Good luck.
 
FoB_Ed said:
IEventually I learned how to deal with the pain, but it was still there, just hidden in the depths of my mind. I started having dreams about her, and I couldn't even talk to her friends that went to the same school as me because it brought back the agony to the surface.

Since those 2 years, there have been times when I thought I had moved on and I could fall in love with someone else. But every time I stopped seeing that person I just felt more alone and I wished I was with Jackie, because I was only happy when I was with her.
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You know, it's so bad, but I can see myself going down this path too. I know exactly what's happening, and I know all the advice that someone can be given in a situation like this... forget her, move on with your life, keep your mind busy and you'll find the right person... But at the moment, my brain won't accept that I'm losing her forever... I'd still be willing to do anything to have her in my life and it's so draining that there's nothing I can say or do that will win her love again.

FoB_Ed said:
So I figured, maybe she just didn't want to talk to me because she already had a boyfriend. I was so angry at myself for not making a move those 2 years ago.
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I'll ALWAYS regret my actions 3 months ago, I still could have flown to Latvia (yes, Latvia from Australia) to be with her... she was still in love with me, she still wanted me. Then she got sick and we lost contact for a short period of time... Things started changing and she ended up in hospital and in surgery. Those weeks were so bad, I had no way of knowing how she was, caring so much... I almost died from worry... anyway, she met someone else in the time... things started changing and before I knew it, we were becoming strangers... Our phone conversations started getting strained and she was obviously hiding a lot of feelings from me. And then she started giving me the, "I don't want to hurt you," routine... and as days went on, eventually came the "I don't love you anymore," bombshell. "We're never going to be together, etc etc"... that was a couple of weeks ago. And now I'm torturing myself by still talking to her, desperately hanging on to something that is never going to happen.

I know exactly what I'm doing, I'm in denial, but I can't help it. I don't want to let her go, I don't want to go another day without holding her in my arms... I know exactly how people feel when they say something in their life made them feel like crawling into a hole and dying... I wanted to spend my life with that girl and it's going to take sooo long to heal the scars. Damn humans and our emotions. I wish I could just turn off every feeling I have for her.

FoB_Ed said:
But whenever I think about the future, it doesn't.... feel like we're done yet. I don't know how, but I just feel like I'll see Jackie again and that it's not over. lol, and who says the force isn't real :p
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Good (well, not good, but comforting) to know I'm not alone. I know I'm going to be unavoidably feeling the same way for a long time to come.
 
EC said:
I'm very sorry about your experiences. The best advice I can say for right now is play some damned CS (DoD, NS, whatever floats your boat) and just kick the crap out of anyone and everyone. :)

* EC hugs Non-Sequitur, in a non-gay way.
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That's some nice advice you have there... but I'm really not enjoying games or anything that would usually be a comfort. Staring at the TV obviously isn't going to help much either. Sigh. Don't know what to do with myself.

But your hug definitely helped, cheers mate. :)
 
Arrr

Long Distance Relationships = Bad-tastic

I've been in one before, and we both ended up cheating on each other :eek: (I know it was wrong to do that.. I only found out she was playing away from after we broke up)
 
This thread has made me depressed, reminding me of my history of bad luck with girls. It's not like I have trouble getting them to like me, but I have horribly bad luck after that. Either we somehow get seperated right when the relationship is starting to go somewhere, or the whole thing gets ruined before it has started ;(
 
i was in a long lasting long distance relationship. it turned out no different than any other relationship. she left me for another guy. after three years haha that's so sad. jesus, every time i think about her, a wave of grief washes over me. oh well.

all my relationships are that way(girl leaving me when she finds someone else), and girls always come up with a bs excuse like "i don't feel like i'm good enough for you, i'll f*ck this guy" yeah yeah. anyways, with the guy who's pining over jackie. there's a girl in my past that i feel the same way about. i say persue her. if you were such close friends, she won't think it's like stalking. you're just trying to get back in contact after all this time. and if she's dating someone... how do you know the guy isn't a bastard?
 
Dangit, this is depressing. Apparently I need to bury the memories deeper. :p
 
Slap yahselfs :p

Live moves on, go with it.

Breaking up always always sucks if you actually felt anything for the person before.

Long distance relationships can work, it depends on the people.

I've been with my gf for 1.5 years now, we started off in York together, she's now in Edinburgh, I'm in Birmingham. I think its working out alright.

Anyhow must be off I've got a 5 hour train journey to hers. She's buying dinner :p
 
Non-Sequitur said:
But I guess, better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?
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Agent K said:
..Try it
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I think that while it was a simple movie quote, it sums it up perfectly.

You need to either take the rough with the smooth and accept that having relationships will always end in doom. Or always finished with them before they do it to you. Or avoid them as much as possible and concentrate on being rich and powerful and just doing things that you want to do and rely on others as little as possible.

Friends will always screw you. Girlfriends will often screw them.
 
The Dark Elf said:
Friends will always screw you. Girlfriends will often screw them.
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thats an interesting quote, but maybe a little bit pessimistic :p

course, you're apparently our resident goth now, so what to expect?
 
CyberSh33p said:
thats an interesting quote, but maybe a little bit pessimistic :p

course, you're apparently our resident goth now, so what to expect?
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Doom, Doom, Doom, Doom lol
 
You cant realy help when life sends a good ol kick in the groin your way...

We all go through somthing simalar at one point or another. The only advice i can offer to anyone is that dont be afriad to make the first move... for alot of people it may be the hardest thing (im one of these people). but it can all work out good, you cant keep sitting back and hopeing because it the opertunity can disappear very fast. it happend to me. But im glad it did. Because im with my current girl now and wouldnt wanna change that for anything. That somone was someone that was under my nose the whole time and i didnt realise that we had so much in common. this is someone i had known for 4 years through school.

It might be hard to move on, and you might say that i have no idea of your situation and have no right to say so, but think of it as just another opertunity to meet someone new, or in my case, discover someone you already knew.

good luck.

as for long distance relationships... not a chance, it might be hard to let someone go that you love, but chances are that there just gonna go out and get someone new...

The funny thing is im the new guy in a broken long distance relationship, the other guy still wants to be with my girl... but she moved on and so should he.
 
burnzie said:
The funny thing is im the new guy in a broken long distance relationship, the other guy still wants to be with my girl... but she moved on and so should he.
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Wait till your the old guy in the relationship, you'll know how it feels to be him :(
 
The Dark Elf said:
Wait till your the old guy in the relationship, you'll know how it feels to be him :(
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True True, but there relationship was long over in her eyes before we got together.
 
The Dark Elf said:
I think that while it was a simple movie quote, it sums it up perfectly.

You need to either take the rough with the smooth and accept that having relationships will always end in doom. Or always finished with them before they do it to you. Or avoid them as much as possible and concentrate on being rich and powerful and just doing things that you want to do and rely on others as little as possible.

Friends will always screw you. Girlfriends will often screw them.
Click to expand...
heh that's a pretty tough way to look at it... if anything, i agree with learning to accept that relationships end like crap. at least that way maybe one could better appreciate the good parts of a relationship. i know i'm learning that. heh.

btw, dark elf... who's in your avatar? *whistles*
 
Jackal hit said:
heh that's a pretty tough way to look at it... if anything, i agree with learning to accept that relationships end like crap. at least that way maybe one could better appreciate the good parts of a relationship. i know i'm learning that. heh.
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Hehe, I just decided relationships are more trouble than they're worth. Way I see it now is if its gonna happen it'll happen, woohoo etc., but i wont go out of my way to make it happen and wont lose any sleep over it if it doesn't.

Things happen for a reason, and if they don't happen then there's a reason for that too.

btw, dark elf... who's in your avatar? *whistles*
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Just a friend :)
 
The Dark Elf said:
Just a friend :)
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damn.

and yeah i think i'm subconsciously breaking myself from wanting any relationships. i say subconsciously because... eh i don't REALLY wanna stop persuing girls. but eh. something something. i'm hungry.


Swamped - Lacuna Coil
 
Jackal hit said:
damn.

and yeah i think i'm subconsciously breaking myself from wanting any relationships. i say subconsciously because... eh i don't REALLY wanna stop persuing girls. but eh. something something. i'm hungry.


Swamped - Lacuna Coil
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A girl I once knew at school who was a year older suggested at the time that I stop looking and they'll come. I took her advice and she was right, a week later I ended up dating the best looking girl in the school.

Every big relationship I've had since then I hadn't been looking for it, it just happened. So I'd consider it very good advice, just sit back, do your own thing, and if its meant to happen it will.
 
I hear evanesence stole their sound from lacuna's coil. thats just what I heard.

fenric, why have you become the dark elf? :|
 
CyberSh33p said:
I hear evanesence stole their sound from lacuna's coil. thats just what I heard.

fenric, why have you become the dark elf? :|
Click to expand...

Oh thats who this mysterious new moderator is... i was wondering how someone who has been round for so long with so many posts got past me... :D
 
The Dark Elf said:
A girl I once knew at school who was a year older suggested at the time that I stop looking and they'll come. I took her advice and she was right, a week later I ended up dating the best looking girl in the school.

Every big relationship I've had since then I hadn't been looking for it, it just happened. So I'd consider it very good advice, just sit back, do your own thing, and if its meant to happen it will.
Click to expand...
yeah the girl i keep pining over from 4 years ago, who i happen to be in sporadic contact with told me the EXACT same advice. don't look for it and it comes quite nicely to you. it really is quite lovely advice. and you're fenric... haha... i thought it was a mystery mod with lots of invisible posts(or something).
 
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