Miscellaneous

Status
Not open for further replies.
*in my best old man voice*

You young wipper-snappers becareful of dose bitces...Dey will tell youse dey is on da pill, den wham, next thing ya know, youse gonna be a da-da. Trust me, dat is how my son got here, and why I got hitched....
 
Omg, there's huge ****ing 2 inch roach clinging to the ceiling right above me, and i'm getting scared that it's going to drop down right onto my face.

Gonna get my pellet gun...

EDIT: Great, I put two holes in my roof before hitting the bastard.
 
Cleaning the house isn't too bad when there's loud music blaring from my bedroom.
 
sinkoman said:
Omg, there's huge ****ing 2 inch roach clinging to the ceiling right above me, and i'm getting scared that it's going to drop down right onto my face.

Gonna get my pellet gun...

EDIT: Great, I put two holes in my roof before hitting the bastard.
Click to expand...

I want a full report on what happened before, during and after.
 
Azner said:
I want a full report on what happened before, during and after.
Click to expand...

So, I kicked back in my chair, horny as all hell, leaned way back in my chair in one last vain attempt to mentally release my sexual tension, and as I opened my eyes and sighed, I saw this huge, god awful cockroach sitting on my ceiling. Well, he was actually resting on the edge of one of the supporting beams running parallel to the ceiling, but it was basically the ceiling.

His ass end was facing right towards me, and all I could see of his head were these two gi ****ing gantic cock-like antennae laying flat against the beam he rested upon.

I gasped, ran to the bathroom, and rubbed one out as fast as I could. Upon returning, I notified HL2.net of the enemies position, and proceeded to retrieve my pellet gun from the cum stained crevice I call a room.

She leaned against a chair sitting in the middle of my room, and her foresights were missing, but she'd have to suffice. I grabbed a large tin of Gammo Match Grade pellets, but the tin was rusted shut.

"Dammit" I thought to myself. "I'll have to waste my Hunter Grade Rounds, and i've only got a small tin of those..."

The tin slipped open easily. I snatched three rounds with my right hand and grabbed my gun with my left, sprinting back to my computer chair.

Now, my computer is pressed right up against the wall, in the corner of the room. the back of the computer is up against dry wall, and the right side is blocked off by a big sliding screen door to the right side of my house. The roach was on the right side of the supporting beam, so an approach from the left side of the room would be impossible. Yet an approach from the right would mean utter death for myself, as upon successfully engaging the enemy, its dead corpse would fall flat against my face.

So, I slid my screen door open and stood outside of my house, firing into it. I loaded a round, and took aim. I had no idea if i'd hit the bastard or not, as what should have been my front foresight was instead a big hunking mass of barrel, wavering aimlessly between the posts of my aft sight.

I hesitated. My grandma was in the kitchen with her older sister, and my gun was nowhere near silent. I hoped that my grandma and her kin were deaf enough to not notice the sound of my gun going off, lest I be bombarded by a flurry of Filipino expletives and old rice.

*PAP*

I saw my opponent scurry across the ceiling, away from a small pellet sized hole. He stopped in his tracks about 5 centimeters away from the hole, and wavered his frontal cocks around in the air, most likely trying to decipher from which direction the attack originated.

I too paused. My mouth slowly slid open, as my ears searched for the sound of my grandmothers disapproval.

"O? Pilakfan buhayanla. BAKALAK DIKAFLONG!"

No, she hadn't noticed. I quickly loaded another round before the bastard could attempted escape, re situated my body half in the sliding door, half in the room, and quickly slid my weapon to attention.

*FWAP*

*PSSSSSSSS CRACK!!!*

****! Not only had I missed AGAIN, but i'd just barely averted utter destruction. Upon glancing towards the ceiling to survey the damage i'd done, I noted two brand new pellet sized holes. Judging by the subsonic pissing noise I heard in my right ear, i'd hit the beam the roach rested upon, but the round, missing the roach, proceeded to ricochet off of the beam, hit the ceiling, ricochet off of the ceiling, and wizz right past my head.

I didn't want to leave my house a pile of rubble, so I sprinted back to my room and grabbed my airsoft gun, a stock auto electric civ model AUG. This gun not only lacked a foresight, but also an aft sight. However, my confidence with the weapon was notably greater, considering that this was my primary when I played airsoft with what few friends I had left.

I grabbed my brand new 300 round hi-cap mag. She was still half full, so I zipped the cheap plastic winding wheel on the bottom of the mag and slapped it into the but of my rifle, simultaneously using my right thumb to snap the plastic safety on top of the trigger to the "safe" position. Sliding my 600 mAh batt into the back of my gun, I sprinted back to the killing field, hoping that bastard roach hadn't left.

Nope, he was still sitting there, right where I left him, wavering his face cocks all over the place, trying to figure out what the **** was going on. Butt of the gun to the face, front hand on the foregrip...

*BAP!*

He fell valiantly to the ground, the impact of the hard plastic round forcing his stiff body towards me. Quickly dawning my D: face, I jumped backwards out of my house, just narrowly averting a decidedly disgusting facial encounter with his corpse.

He lay on the ground, twitching, trying to escape. But his ass end was now a big greenish-white mess that had conveniently cemented his body to the floor. He had been permanently shitstained to my floor.

I gently rested my weapon on the couch, and ran to the bathroom for some damage control bath-tissue. I quickly tore a sheet off, ran back to battlefield, wipped his still writhing body off of the floor, ran back to the toilet, and flushed his dirty ****ing ass to oblivion.

Mission accomplished.
 
Epic post, but...

sinkoman said:
His ass end was facing right towards me, and all I could see of his head were these two gi ****ing gantic cock-like antennae laying flat against the beam he rested upon.

I gasped, ran to the bathroom, and rubbed one out as fast as I could.
Click to expand...

What?
 
On a related, slightly less epic, more naked subject, I was about to take a shower when I stepped into the stall and noticed a large spider on the ceiling directly above my head. I proceeded to spray it with some Glade air freshener which made him rappel down on his one strand web thing, which got him close enough for me to jump-snatch him out of the air with a wad of toilet paper, and then I flushed him and had to wait a minute and a half for the stupid slow ass toilet to stop using all the cold water (making the shower scalding hot).

While waiting I rubbed one out as fast as I could.
 
Epic post, sinko. And Vegeta's reply made me lol, then rub one out as fast as I could.
 
Fission Maccomplished. I am so ****ing tired still, went to bed at about 2 last night and didn't wake up until about 3 this afternoon. I am never touching that horse shit again weed bullshit. Been playing Bioshock on hard all night and just getting the camera in Neptune's Bounty. Jesus shitting in a bucket full of bears this is hard.
 
Hardest night for me has been one on E... ****in great night...

But don't do it. Once had a saying or a code to live your life by: "Life is an exstacy pill, swallow it and shit gets a whole lot better."
 
sinkoman said:
Omg, there's huge ****ing 2 inch roach clinging to the ceiling right above me, and i'm getting scared that it's going to drop down right onto my face.

Gonna get my pellet gun...

EDIT: Great, I put two holes in my roof before hitting the bastard.
Click to expand...
We had a roach out in the den the other day. The cat killed it. Between cats and house spiders, roaches don't stand a chance around and in our place.
 
I just rubbed one out as fast as I could.




Without a chain, that's just filthy.




Neu Avatarrrr.
 
I have 8 episodes of Arrested Development left unwatched. By tomorrow I will have watched all three seasons in 4 days.
 
I saw someone take on God today.
God said "Bam" in a quiet voice.
For three hours, the aforementioned someone stood completely still after God made his announcement of said "Bam." He then proceeded to be blown off the face of the Earth, and is currently orbiting Bert Newtons head.
 
elkaebee said:
I saw someone take on God today.
God said "Bam" in a quiet voice.
For three hours, the aforementioned someone stood completely still after God made his announcement of said "Bam." He then proceeded to be blown off the face of the Earth, and is currently orbiting Bert Newtons head.
Click to expand...

Who was this man? He sounds either very brave. Or very foooolish.
 
Man, the dairy here has now been robbed twice within the space of the week. This is a marked increase from before, which was... never. When I was in there just now they seemed so nervous. :(
 
Do not ever fear, my figments of imagination, hate, and that place where dreams go to die, I will never, ever leave you.

VirusType2, tell them.
 
We're sorry, but VirusType2 is currently unavailable. Please try again at a later time.

Thank you.
 
No, thank you very much.

We're gonna go out on a little bit of an unusual way here.
 
Unusual is an opinion. I would like my monitor to come alive and attack me, though.
 
Krynn72 said:
I have 8 episodes of Arrested Development left unwatched. By tomorrow I will have watched all three seasons in 4 days.
Click to expand...

Kinetic Static just made a newer and more epilepsy friendly ava.
 
He's just doing this to lure him into a false sense of security.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Krynn72
You guys, what the **** is up.
Replies
11
Views
2K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
TechnoHippyChic
If you post it, they will come...
2
Replies
63
Views
7K
TechnoHippyChic
TechnoHippyChic
Tollbooth Willie
To Those That Stand, Those That Fell
Replies
6
Views
2K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
bbson john
Hi everyone. I am new to this forum!
Replies
11
Views
6K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
MFL
Fascinating look at the ongoing psychological evolution of flat hieirarchies.
Replies
2
Views
2K
Tollbooth Willie
Tollbooth Willie
Back
Top