The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper
- Thread starter 15357
- Start date
- Status
AJ Rimmer
Tank
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2004
- Messages
- 6,451
- Reaction score
- 11
EXTRA EXTRA! THE UNIVERSAL UNION REMOVES ALL FUNDING FROM THE DAILY CITIZEN
The universal union has decided to remove all funding from the Daily Citizen, which hereby declares itself an independent newspaper!
We no longer have to pretend the combines all do only good things!
Of course, the magazine still have to obey Combine Censorship Command (The CCC)
In related news, today nothing 'really' bad happened as a direct result of Combine control. Most people don't feel 'extremely' depressed because of the combine and the streets are only slightly more filthy since the combine took over.
...I hate my job.
The universal union has decided to remove all funding from the Daily Citizen, which hereby declares itself an independent newspaper!
We no longer have to pretend the combines all do only good things!
Of course, the magazine still have to obey Combine Censorship Command (The CCC)
In related news, today nothing 'really' bad happened as a direct result of Combine control. Most people don't feel 'extremely' depressed because of the combine and the streets are only slightly more filthy since the combine took over.
...I hate my job.
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2003
- Messages
- 2,388
- Reaction score
- 0
This reporter hearby retracts all past statements (with the exception of the Gman's filth-purveying ways) in order to regain his paycheque. Uh, I mean penchant for... the... uh... truth. Yes.
I interviewed five citizens on the way here- two were so happy they were lying on the ground in... um... strawberry sauce but three commented on how happy they were with the beatings so thoughtfully distributed by the Civil Protection, who helpfully popped their many hernias back into place.
I interviewed five citizens on the way here- two were so happy they were lying on the ground in... um... strawberry sauce but three commented on how happy they were with the beatings so thoughtfully distributed by the Civil Protection, who helpfully popped their many hernias back into place.
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
ROFL.
Jintor has been ressurrected from the dead, in order to collect his paycheck. All searchers may look in the Pay Office, 101. Jintor also reports that the Combine are all nice and warm, and would love to be of assistance to any Combine wandering around the area. The Truth is precious to us. Precious...
Jintor has been ressurrected from the dead, in order to collect his paycheck. All searchers may look in the Pay Office, 101. Jintor also reports that the Combine are all nice and warm, and would love to be of assistance to any Combine wandering around the area. The Truth is precious to us. Precious...
15357
Companion Cube
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Messages
- 15,209
- Reaction score
- 23
---------------
note: this article has been censored by the CCC(combine censorship command)
------ ----------- --------- and -------- have -------- blood --------- citizens --------- happy ----------- Big Brother ----.
Principles of INGSOC ------ ----- ------- and -------
Administrator Breen said today,
"------- -------- ------ ----- --------- --------. ---------- ----- ---?"
Perhaps the -------- --- ----------- ------- --------- of ----- ----- 3 0 2 2 9
----- ------- good ------ civic --------- ------ ------- beaten ------ combine ----.
note: this article has been censored by the CCC(combine censorship command)
------ ----------- --------- and -------- have -------- blood --------- citizens --------- happy ----------- Big Brother ----.
Principles of INGSOC ------ ----- ------- and -------
Administrator Breen said today,
"------- -------- ------ ----- --------- --------. ---------- ----- ---?"
Perhaps the -------- --- ----------- ------- --------- of ----- ----- 3 0 2 2 9
----- ------- good ------ civic --------- ------ ------- beaten ------ combine ----.
15357
Companion Cube
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Messages
- 15,209
- Reaction score
- 23
Lack of Cheese causes massive Riots!
Every single store in City 17 ran out of cheese today. The people who didn't get cheese went around the streets with crowbars and hacking anything to oblivion.
Zones A127 to G094 were lockdowned today by Civil Protection officers.
Every single store in City 17 ran out of cheese today. The people who didn't get cheese went around the streets with crowbars and hacking anything to oblivion.
Zones A127 to G094 were lockdowned today by Civil Protection officers.
Fliko
Newbie
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2003
- Messages
- 2,708
- Reaction score
- 0
We Want You!
(Breen pointing in a picture)
*few pages down*
Citadels new saying
"All your base are belong to us"
Wanted: Mr.Gordon Freeman
Noticeable features: Wears a HEV suit (Orange suit)
Doesn't speak, always runs, happens to carry around a weapon of some sort, favourite is crowbar.
Prize: Work at the Citadel as a Janitor, get "Clean Food" and get to wash the Citadel's windows!
(Breen pointing in a picture)
*few pages down*
Citadels new saying
"All your base are belong to us"
Wanted: Mr.Gordon Freeman
Noticeable features: Wears a HEV suit (Orange suit)
Doesn't speak, always runs, happens to carry around a weapon of some sort, favourite is crowbar.
Prize: Work at the Citadel as a Janitor, get "Clean Food" and get to wash the Citadel's windows!
halflifeguy
Newbie
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2004
- Messages
- 893
- Reaction score
- 0
Somebody Dies!!!!
Details after the game................
Details after the game................
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Who are our staff?
The Daily Citizen wants you! Yes, you, specifically, to identify who the heck are our current staff! Our Editor, 15357, knows who they are. But do you? Because i don't. Tell me, please!
STAFFING!
W00t!
*please submit more articles!*
The Daily Citizen wants you! Yes, you, specifically, to identify who the heck are our current staff! Our Editor, 15357, knows who they are. But do you? Because i don't. Tell me, please!
STAFFING!
W00t!
*please submit more articles!*
Stigmata
The Freeman
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2003
- Messages
- 15,904
- Reaction score
- 371
Nope. Just read The Principles Of Newspeak, or whatever Orwell's description of the language is. Well, to tell the truth, it was two weeks ago when I read it, but I'm fairly sure it would be doubleungood.FireCrack said:
B.B. bellyfeel doubleplusgood dailycitizen.
Bleh, I tried. Newspeak is hard.
Agent G-Man
Newbie
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2005
- Messages
- 193
- Reaction score
- 0
Always wanted to see with ONE eye!? ONE EYE! Join the Combine Elite and we'll make you more powerful than you can imagine!!!!
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
How Videogames obsess your KIDS!!!!!
The Universal Union's Reasearch Team, the Assimilated Social Scientists (ASS) have discovered shocking news - videogames cause people to go out there and kill.
"In the protecting that our Combine Benefactors do every day, week and month," says an ASS Marketing Associate and Nullifier (ASSMAN) "We have found copies - illegal pirated copies! - of the game Half-Life 2 in many Rebel Fortresses. Whilst it is plain that we support the selling of as many 'video-games' as is possible, in order to... uh... keep the population in peace, and definitely not in a 'zombie-like' state, that violent games such as this... Half-Life 2... are a total killa."
Jack Thompson, another ASSMAN, reports: "It is plain obvious that this is the video-game industry's fault. No-one would ever commit crimes if video-games were never sold. The Romans would have simply created a beautiful commercial empire, Hitler would have retreated across the Alps, AIDS, poverty, disease and famine - all these would dissappear! In fact even Death itself would go away, and never come back, were Video-games to be destroyed and never sold again."
In other news, City 17 land plots are now being sold in bronze, silver and gold packages - with the occasional 'collectors' package up for grabs in more upmarket retailers. Dr Wallace Breen is reported to have let off some Steam because of problems with some Gearboxes and Valves.
The Universal Union's Reasearch Team, the Assimilated Social Scientists (ASS) have discovered shocking news - videogames cause people to go out there and kill.
"In the protecting that our Combine Benefactors do every day, week and month," says an ASS Marketing Associate and Nullifier (ASSMAN) "We have found copies - illegal pirated copies! - of the game Half-Life 2 in many Rebel Fortresses. Whilst it is plain that we support the selling of as many 'video-games' as is possible, in order to... uh... keep the population in peace, and definitely not in a 'zombie-like' state, that violent games such as this... Half-Life 2... are a total killa."
Jack Thompson, another ASSMAN, reports: "It is plain obvious that this is the video-game industry's fault. No-one would ever commit crimes if video-games were never sold. The Romans would have simply created a beautiful commercial empire, Hitler would have retreated across the Alps, AIDS, poverty, disease and famine - all these would dissappear! In fact even Death itself would go away, and never come back, were Video-games to be destroyed and never sold again."
In other news, City 17 land plots are now being sold in bronze, silver and gold packages - with the occasional 'collectors' package up for grabs in more upmarket retailers. Dr Wallace Breen is reported to have let off some Steam because of problems with some Gearboxes and Valves.
Weapons of the Combine, by The Daily Citizen columnist, Citizen #54343246643834723.
When the glorious Combine saviours first arrived on Earth, they wielded not their now well known C-158. They wielded standard Combine issue C-155s. However, seeing the designs of once popular small-arms manifacturers, they saw potential in these primitive designs. Most impressive was the designs of Heckler & Koch. The Combine made deals this company: They would produce weaponry for the combine, with access to far superior Combine technology, and stay in business. Within a year, one of the companies, Heckler & Koch, had finished their first weapon designed for the combine. The CB-156 prototype was a relatively light design, based on a former rifle model called the "SIG 552". However, it was still energy/laser based. This prototype was tried out by the Combine and field reports varried. On one hand, Combine soldiers reported that the rifle's design was really convenient when it came to mobility, its light weight and its fast rate of fire impressed a lot of soldiers. However, it had its downsides, too. The rate of fire was of course adapted to the Combine energy type TX-15, which meant that the "stopping power" was insufficient. Many combine soldiers reported that it was most fit against human targets. It simply cut it against the zombies and "Headcrab carriers". This design was later split into two designs - C-157 and CSF-157. The first of which was a version rebuilt to be used as a support weapon for Combine soldiers in the City. With the recent molecular compacting technology, it proved an excellent infantry support weapon. The CSF (Combine Special Forces) variant was issued to the Combine Special Forces and is still in use to this date, with a few minor optimizations. After this weapon was finished, the Combine still needed a replacement for their relatively heavy C155s. For this, Heckler & Koch adapted a bullet-based design - the MP-7. The MP-7 like the CSF157. It features a retractable front grip and a flat top on which a scope can be mounted. This was exactly what the Combine did. Along with this, the Combine also adapted this weapon to be able to fire grenades. This design is now refered to as the Combine Standard Issue 158 - CSI-158. Field reports reported that it was pretty much effective against any form of hostiles, be they Human or Alien. This weapon is now used by all Combine soldiers as a primary weapon.
Source - CMA, Combine Ministry of Armament.
When the glorious Combine saviours first arrived on Earth, they wielded not their now well known C-158. They wielded standard Combine issue C-155s. However, seeing the designs of once popular small-arms manifacturers, they saw potential in these primitive designs. Most impressive was the designs of Heckler & Koch. The Combine made deals this company: They would produce weaponry for the combine, with access to far superior Combine technology, and stay in business. Within a year, one of the companies, Heckler & Koch, had finished their first weapon designed for the combine. The CB-156 prototype was a relatively light design, based on a former rifle model called the "SIG 552". However, it was still energy/laser based. This prototype was tried out by the Combine and field reports varried. On one hand, Combine soldiers reported that the rifle's design was really convenient when it came to mobility, its light weight and its fast rate of fire impressed a lot of soldiers. However, it had its downsides, too. The rate of fire was of course adapted to the Combine energy type TX-15, which meant that the "stopping power" was insufficient. Many combine soldiers reported that it was most fit against human targets. It simply cut it against the zombies and "Headcrab carriers". This design was later split into two designs - C-157 and CSF-157. The first of which was a version rebuilt to be used as a support weapon for Combine soldiers in the City. With the recent molecular compacting technology, it proved an excellent infantry support weapon. The CSF (Combine Special Forces) variant was issued to the Combine Special Forces and is still in use to this date, with a few minor optimizations. After this weapon was finished, the Combine still needed a replacement for their relatively heavy C155s. For this, Heckler & Koch adapted a bullet-based design - the MP-7. The MP-7 like the CSF157. It features a retractable front grip and a flat top on which a scope can be mounted. This was exactly what the Combine did. Along with this, the Combine also adapted this weapon to be able to fire grenades. This design is now refered to as the Combine Standard Issue 158 - CSI-158. Field reports reported that it was pretty much effective against any form of hostiles, be they Human or Alien. This weapon is now used by all Combine soldiers as a primary weapon.
Source - CMA, Combine Ministry of Armament.
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2003
- Messages
- 2,388
- Reaction score
- 0
Authors Accused of Self-indulgence
Last night a former-government watchdog condemned the abundance of third-party creations in the Union statements known as "fanfics".
The Commitee for Single Universe-Confined Stories, who have branded fanfics "propaganda" in the past, expressed their disgust at the growing trend of fanfic authors introducing new characters and even new species and civillisations into their work.
"It's awful," said Frederic Gurner, a spokesman of the CSUCS, "these idiots seem to think they can betray the sanctity of this universe by introducing their own creations."
In a responding statement, the entity known as Maintonon proceeded to obliterate the CSUCS headquarters.
He was later commended by Union representatives for his quick and decisive action.
Last night a former-government watchdog condemned the abundance of third-party creations in the Union statements known as "fanfics".
The Commitee for Single Universe-Confined Stories, who have branded fanfics "propaganda" in the past, expressed their disgust at the growing trend of fanfic authors introducing new characters and even new species and civillisations into their work.
"It's awful," said Frederic Gurner, a spokesman of the CSUCS, "these idiots seem to think they can betray the sanctity of this universe by introducing their own creations."
In a responding statement, the entity known as Maintonon proceeded to obliterate the CSUCS headquarters.
He was later commended by Union representatives for his quick and decisive action.
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Combine Sporting Star sends obscene Breen Messages
In the news today: First a Combine Nurse, then a Combine Mother-of-two, and now, a Combine metropolice. Sporting legend #8848 has been found guilty of sending obscene Breen messages to all.
"I was drunk, on petrol, you know?" commented #8848 as he staggered blindly out of court. "it's hard to get anything that's not petrol when this world is run by the (rebels - ed). Obviously. Ah, that stings, wah!"
#8848 will be sentanced to Death. Although the jury hasn't decided yet, he'll get killed anyway. Thus spaketh his Honour #9349.
In the news today: First a Combine Nurse, then a Combine Mother-of-two, and now, a Combine metropolice. Sporting legend #8848 has been found guilty of sending obscene Breen messages to all.
"I was drunk, on petrol, you know?" commented #8848 as he staggered blindly out of court. "it's hard to get anything that's not petrol when this world is run by the (rebels - ed). Obviously. Ah, that stings, wah!"
#8848 will be sentanced to Death. Although the jury hasn't decided yet, he'll get killed anyway. Thus spaketh his Honour #9349.
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2003
- Messages
- 2,388
- Reaction score
- 0
"Marwax Eist" Came, Saw, and Conked Out
Due to another space-time distortion (which, we must point out, the Space-time Thingy League apologises for, as it's two hours late) a strange-smelling miasmic cloud has appeared over City 17.
Claiming to be a higher power that has travelled here from far in the future, the orange-tinted "Marwax Eist" expressed its displeasure at its own delayed arrival.
The Cult of Aural Discharges were near-orgasmic with glee, as they've long been derided for believing in such an entity.
Regrettably, some sort of footprint appeared in the centre of the being, and just as it was trying to explain the meaning of life it vanished with a flatulent noise; the resultant blast killed a man and immolated 2.4 badgers.
The CAD, in following this prophetic occurence, became the Order of the Big Stompy Foot of Discharge Splatting.
Due to another space-time distortion (which, we must point out, the Space-time Thingy League apologises for, as it's two hours late) a strange-smelling miasmic cloud has appeared over City 17.
Claiming to be a higher power that has travelled here from far in the future, the orange-tinted "Marwax Eist" expressed its displeasure at its own delayed arrival.
The Cult of Aural Discharges were near-orgasmic with glee, as they've long been derided for believing in such an entity.
Regrettably, some sort of footprint appeared in the centre of the being, and just as it was trying to explain the meaning of life it vanished with a flatulent noise; the resultant blast killed a man and immolated 2.4 badgers.
The CAD, in following this prophetic occurence, became the Order of the Big Stompy Foot of Discharge Splatting.
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Letters!!
Dear Daily Citizen,
I have noticed an alarming trend in our fair city today, City 17. It seems that people are generally stomping around in gas masks! It's not even Holloween yet! And apparently some people in gas masks are beating other people up! Gang Warfare! Directly on our streets! We are ashamed, Daily Citizen. Ashamed that our police force is too lazy to stop these gangs from 'claiming' our streets as part of their 'turf'. Why, I even heard that this Gas-Mask gang, or "Universal Union"(What a yucky, Icky name!) have destroyed military installations! What are we to do, we can't even go out of our $50 million mansions.
Signed,
Disgusted of City 17
Dear Daily Citizen,
I have noticed an alarming trend in our fair city today, City 17. It seems that people are generally stomping around in gas masks! It's not even Holloween yet! And apparently some people in gas masks are beating other people up! Gang Warfare! Directly on our streets! We are ashamed, Daily Citizen. Ashamed that our police force is too lazy to stop these gangs from 'claiming' our streets as part of their 'turf'. Why, I even heard that this Gas-Mask gang, or "Universal Union"(What a yucky, Icky name!) have destroyed military installations! What are we to do, we can't even go out of our $50 million mansions.
Signed,
Disgusted of City 17
15357
Companion Cube
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Messages
- 15,209
- Reaction score
- 23
Jintor said:
Dear Disgusted of City 17,
Expect a visit from the CCIA(Combine Central Intelligence Agency) soon.
Now, whats your ID number and address?
Sincerely,
Daily Citizen
p.s. get out of there! Run for your life! Ru- *bump*
Agent G-Man
Newbie
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2005
- Messages
- 193
- Reaction score
- 0
Dear Daily Citizen and CCIA,
By classified orders of level 6 authorization, you are ordered to ceast operations on subject Jintor immediately.
By classified orders of level 6 authorization, you are ordered to ceast operations on subject Jintor immediately.
Trade routes from and to City 13 closed
Trade routes from and to City 13 was closed this morning as a result of the growing rebel problem. The trade routes have always been a hotbed of rebel terrorism. The main problem there is attacks, improvised explosive devices, and general ambushes by rebels in order to loot any possible cargo shipments being escorted. The trade routes will be closed untill the Combine find a fit solution to this growing problem. Meanwhile, citizens will have to due without water and food untill then. Remember: You have the rebels to thank for this.
Trade routes from and to City 13 was closed this morning as a result of the growing rebel problem. The trade routes have always been a hotbed of rebel terrorism. The main problem there is attacks, improvised explosive devices, and general ambushes by rebels in order to loot any possible cargo shipments being escorted. The trade routes will be closed untill the Combine find a fit solution to this growing problem. Meanwhile, citizens will have to due without water and food untill then. Remember: You have the rebels to thank for this.
AJ Rimmer
Tank
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2004
- Messages
- 6,451
- Reaction score
- 11
Daily Citizen Editor 15357 Missing
The beloved editor of the Daily Citizen, 15357, mysteriously disappeared earlier today when he was going for a voulontary trip down to the basement. Officer #45611 of the Combine Security Council had this to say:
"He's been gone for almost twenty minutes, he's as good as dead, give up hope and stop looking for him already."
"But security says he's still in this building! He hasn't left through any of the doors!"
"I said he's dead!"
"What is in that big, black bag you're carrying? And why is it kicking?"
"It's my laundry. And it's not kicking."
"Yes it is, and it sounds like it's screaming too."
"No it's not."
"Yes it... uhmmm... maybe you're right, it's probably not screaming. Thankyou for your time sir. Sorry for taking up so much of your valuable time. Thankyou. Sorry, bye sorry, thankyou, sorry..."
The investigation continues, if anyone has seen our editor (fat chance) please call 555-DEAD.
The beloved editor of the Daily Citizen, 15357, mysteriously disappeared earlier today when he was going for a voulontary trip down to the basement. Officer #45611 of the Combine Security Council had this to say:
"He's been gone for almost twenty minutes, he's as good as dead, give up hope and stop looking for him already."
"But security says he's still in this building! He hasn't left through any of the doors!"
"I said he's dead!"
"What is in that big, black bag you're carrying? And why is it kicking?"
"It's my laundry. And it's not kicking."
"Yes it is, and it sounds like it's screaming too."
"No it's not."
"Yes it... uhmmm... maybe you're right, it's probably not screaming. Thankyou for your time sir. Sorry for taking up so much of your valuable time. Thankyou. Sorry, bye sorry, thankyou, sorry..."
The investigation continues, if anyone has seen our editor (fat chance) please call 555-DEAD.
15357
Companion Cube
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Messages
- 15,209
- Reaction score
- 23
The Return of the Kin- i mean, Editor
I would just like to say, the combine are greate people! Yes, they help us and uhh, are good people!
now i would like to sleep due to those massive wounds that i have.
beware of the CSC
Economy
INGSOC: 12CC (2CC up)
NAQWE: 21CC (-)
UCSC (union of combine socialist corporations): 2108CC (Up 139CC)
SAM : 1CC (-)
FUCC 12(Down 2CC)
I would just like to say, the combine are greate people! Yes, they help us and uhh, are good people!
now i would like to sleep due to those massive wounds that i have.
beware of the CSC
Economy
INGSOC: 12CC (2CC up)
NAQWE: 21CC (-)
UCSC (union of combine socialist corporations): 2108CC (Up 139CC)
SAM : 1CC (-)
FUCC 12(Down 2CC)
AJ Rimmer
Tank
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2004
- Messages
- 6,451
- Reaction score
- 11
15357 - Welcome back!
I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say welcome back to our editor, boss and mentor 15357! And let's hope he's learned to watch where you step in the dark basement, you can easily break a leg or a rib, or knock your head or get a... a gunshot wound to the shoulder... and a tazer burn... and hit your head on a big wooden club... nine seperate times.
Combine Climate Control Council (The CCCC) said tomorrow will be sunny, with just enough moist to make the walls glisten like newly textured bump maps. What? That's gotta be a typo...
Anyway, the temperature in the reflective water will be...
...reflective water? Ah nevermind, and the sun tomorrow will be higly dynamic from a range of what the **** is going on?
I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say welcome back to our editor, boss and mentor 15357! And let's hope he's learned to watch where you step in the dark basement, you can easily break a leg or a rib, or knock your head or get a... a gunshot wound to the shoulder... and a tazer burn... and hit your head on a big wooden club... nine seperate times.
Combine Climate Control Council (The CCCC) said tomorrow will be sunny, with just enough moist to make the walls glisten like newly textured bump maps. What? That's gotta be a typo...
Anyway, the temperature in the reflective water will be...
...reflective water? Ah nevermind, and the sun tomorrow will be higly dynamic from a range of what the **** is going on?
- Status
