The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper
- Thread starter 15357
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NÜk
Guest
Sorry, that really is a prime example of how bored I can get in the perpetual non-event which is my life
N
NÜk
Guest
Lmao, I like
15357
Companion Cube
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- Jan 11, 2005
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I don't do this often but:
Internal Memo
To: all
From: Editor
Subject: Fired!
Fleabaine is now fired and is not welcome here anymore.
now who wants to take its place as The ------?
----------------------------------------------------------------
Notice
You may be next if you don't post! i'm out of ideas.
Internal Memo
To: all
From: Editor
Subject: Fired!
Fleabaine is now fired and is not welcome here anymore.
now who wants to take its place as The ------?
----------------------------------------------------------------
Notice
You may be next if you don't post! i'm out of ideas.
AJ Rimmer
Tank
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2004
- Messages
- 6,451
- Reaction score
- 11
EXTRA EXTRA! Fired reporter fires on mass!
Anticitizen Fleabaine, fire from his job at the Daily Citizen only ours ago, has barricaded himself behind some park benches in the central plaza and is firing on anything that moves. So far he has fired down 29 civilians, and two minutes ago he killed a Civilian Protetion Officer in cold blood. One minute ago the Combine Council for Civilian Casulties reported that this autrocity must be responded to and immediately sent out units. The CCCC also expresses its sympathies for the civilians injured, stating;
"I'm sure some of them were nice, but we're talking about a CP officer that was shot! Keep with the programme or you'll be reprogrammed to stick with the programme!"
Anticitizen Fleabaine, fire from his job at the Daily Citizen only ours ago, has barricaded himself behind some park benches in the central plaza and is firing on anything that moves. So far he has fired down 29 civilians, and two minutes ago he killed a Civilian Protetion Officer in cold blood. One minute ago the Combine Council for Civilian Casulties reported that this autrocity must be responded to and immediately sent out units. The CCCC also expresses its sympathies for the civilians injured, stating;
"I'm sure some of them were nice, but we're talking about a CP officer that was shot! Keep with the programme or you'll be reprogrammed to stick with the programme!"
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Warning! City-wide alert as gamer is stupid!
The entirety of City 17 was put on a city-wide alert today when a rogue gamer, known only as 'M4573r_Ch31f_133+' said officially that he liked Halo2 more than HL2.
"Come on, people!" he shouted, on top of his quality car from Combineyota. "You all know the truth! Our PROPHETS ARE FALSE! Halo 2 Is the REAL ultimate FPS! Blah! Energy Swords! Plasma Grenades! Really Stupid AI! It's awesome!"
In a tense standoff he was shot down by combine forces after a strider broke in through a wall in an entirely un-scripted event.
Jintor is on the scene and dosn't have a headcrab attached, no matter what some people say.
The entirety of City 17 was put on a city-wide alert today when a rogue gamer, known only as 'M4573r_Ch31f_133+' said officially that he liked Halo2 more than HL2.
"Come on, people!" he shouted, on top of his quality car from Combineyota. "You all know the truth! Our PROPHETS ARE FALSE! Halo 2 Is the REAL ultimate FPS! Blah! Energy Swords! Plasma Grenades! Really Stupid AI! It's awesome!"
In a tense standoff he was shot down by combine forces after a strider broke in through a wall in an entirely un-scripted event.
Jintor is on the scene and dosn't have a headcrab attached, no matter what some people say.
15357
Companion Cube
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State of Emergency Declared!
Civil Protection officers are now trying to contain all Halo2 lovers.
Also, Fleabaine was arrested but somehow escaped after breaking open an APC.
Total Civilian casulties: 12,393
CP casulties: 12
Halo2 lovers casulties: 100,294
In other news, BLACK THURSDAY
Stock Markets Crash!
ACME is only surviver!
Suicides Continues!
BEEP!
Civil Protection officers are now trying to contain all Halo2 lovers.
Also, Fleabaine was arrested but somehow escaped after breaking open an APC.
Total Civilian casulties: 12,393
CP casulties: 12
Halo2 lovers casulties: 100,294
In other news, BLACK THURSDAY
Stock Markets Crash!
ACME is only surviver!
Suicides Continues!
BEEP!
P
P.B.Iman
Guest
And on a lighter note...
This piece of speculation has been passed to your intrepid reporter...
Another day has passed in City 17, the sun is going down and I think to myself that it is untouched, beautiful, far removed from the oppression and the pain, how wonderful it must be to be free like the sun, how wonderful indeed...
Yes indeed, how wonderful, although I must remind you out there folks that our 'leaders' do not look kindly on speculation such as this. Remember - philosophy is your enemy!
- Note #323 from the Combine Helpful Advice Programme (C.H.A.P)
- Do not under any circumstances try in any way to fight against our mastery - doing so will most probably result in a terminal investigation.
This piece of speculation has been passed to your intrepid reporter...
Another day has passed in City 17, the sun is going down and I think to myself that it is untouched, beautiful, far removed from the oppression and the pain, how wonderful it must be to be free like the sun, how wonderful indeed...
Yes indeed, how wonderful, although I must remind you out there folks that our 'leaders' do not look kindly on speculation such as this. Remember - philosophy is your enemy!
- Note #323 from the Combine Helpful Advice Programme (C.H.A.P)
- Do not under any circumstances try in any way to fight against our mastery - doing so will most probably result in a terminal investigation.
Agent G-Man
Newbie
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2005
- Messages
- 193
- Reaction score
- 0
Master Chief from Halo and Halo2 in is City 17!
15357
Companion Cube
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
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- 15,209
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The Daily Citizen Code of Conduct
1. No spam
a. never
b. you die
2. All most obey the Editor
3. All most post at least 3 times a week
a. unless you are a traitor or a bastard freak of nature
4. No only-titles posts
5. Pictures are recommended
6. Obey all Directives.
7. Not In My BackYard
a. this code has no meaning whatsoever.
1. No spam
a. never
b. you die
2. All most obey the Editor
3. All most post at least 3 times a week
a. unless you are a traitor or a bastard freak of nature
4. No only-titles posts
5. Pictures are recommended
6. Obey all Directives.
7. Not In My BackYard
a. this code has no meaning whatsoever.
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Beachhead Struck... but where's the Beach?
After horrifical causualties Combine Forces are proud to claim that they now hold the largest stretch of non-existant beach in the world.
'We had completely over-run the Rebels and the antlions' says officer 133-th4, 'but when we were walking along, BOOM! and then the beach didn't exist anymore! The sea had pulled back some 20, 30 metres... there were loads of stranded leeches. We had great stir-fry for afternoon tea, you know... have you tried Leech stir-fry? Great stuff. Say, what's that on the horizon... uh oh...'
The Tsunami that strck shortly afterwards is said to have had no relations to the total existance failure of the beech at all.
Neither were the massive explosives that occured some 2 hours before when Combine Forces destroyed the small town of 18TS.
After horrifical causualties Combine Forces are proud to claim that they now hold the largest stretch of non-existant beach in the world.
'We had completely over-run the Rebels and the antlions' says officer 133-th4, 'but when we were walking along, BOOM! and then the beach didn't exist anymore! The sea had pulled back some 20, 30 metres... there were loads of stranded leeches. We had great stir-fry for afternoon tea, you know... have you tried Leech stir-fry? Great stuff. Say, what's that on the horizon... uh oh...'
The Tsunami that strck shortly afterwards is said to have had no relations to the total existance failure of the beech at all.
Neither were the massive explosives that occured some 2 hours before when Combine Forces destroyed the small town of 18TS.
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2003
- Messages
- 2,388
- Reaction score
- 0
Door-locking spree cripples Civil Protection
The Protectorate today confirmed that the disruptive lockdowns on seemingly random doors had nothing to do with them.
Although the magseals are indeed Union technology, it has been reported that the black, dial-like exterior locking mechanisms were stolen from a hijacked bulk shipment earlier this year.
Vandals have since began irreversably sealing any door they please, forcing citizens and Civil Protection staff alike to take increasingly linear routes.
The same terrorists are thought to have populated potential tactical strongpoints with recharge and medical stations, granting the so-called "Resistance" very convenient outposts for their violent guerilla assaults.
"Do you know what they do?" whined Protectorate Officer #341 this morning, "they break in and leave high-calibre guns everywhere- I mean, just lying around. The other day ol' Bob #456 opened his office door, only to find that some bastard had left a .357 on the storeroom table- it meant this passing maniac just had to pick it up and blow his brains out."
Note that Bob #456 was thought to have covert Resistance sympathies, so his killer has since been promoted- to Stalker. Because #341 spoke ill of this man, he is due to be reprocessed. 200lbs of #341 Fertiliser ( It's Organic!(TM) ) will be auctioned off in a days time.
The Protectorate today confirmed that the disruptive lockdowns on seemingly random doors had nothing to do with them.
Although the magseals are indeed Union technology, it has been reported that the black, dial-like exterior locking mechanisms were stolen from a hijacked bulk shipment earlier this year.
Vandals have since began irreversably sealing any door they please, forcing citizens and Civil Protection staff alike to take increasingly linear routes.
The same terrorists are thought to have populated potential tactical strongpoints with recharge and medical stations, granting the so-called "Resistance" very convenient outposts for their violent guerilla assaults.
"Do you know what they do?" whined Protectorate Officer #341 this morning, "they break in and leave high-calibre guns everywhere- I mean, just lying around. The other day ol' Bob #456 opened his office door, only to find that some bastard had left a .357 on the storeroom table- it meant this passing maniac just had to pick it up and blow his brains out."
Note that Bob #456 was thought to have covert Resistance sympathies, so his killer has since been promoted- to Stalker. Because #341 spoke ill of this man, he is due to be reprocessed. 200lbs of #341 Fertiliser ( It's Organic!(TM) ) will be auctioned off in a days time.
AJ Rimmer
Tank
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2004
- Messages
- 6,451
- Reaction score
- 11
Deadies better than liveies
According to a recent poll conducted by DC reporter, the late AJ Rimmer, shows that no less than 97% of all Combine soldier like dead rebels over living ones, and 93% of all humans asked prefer dead combines over anything. And if these strong indications will not convince you, maybe hard cold facts will;
Dead people are responsible for less than 3% of all crimes in City 17, and 97% of all crimes commited by deceased people are counts of littering. These facts have been fully backed up by S.T.I.F.F. (Society for Terminated Individuals Fairness Federation)
/AJ Rimmer, Daily Citizen
According to a recent poll conducted by DC reporter, the late AJ Rimmer, shows that no less than 97% of all Combine soldier like dead rebels over living ones, and 93% of all humans asked prefer dead combines over anything. And if these strong indications will not convince you, maybe hard cold facts will;
Dead people are responsible for less than 3% of all crimes in City 17, and 97% of all crimes commited by deceased people are counts of littering. These facts have been fully backed up by S.T.I.F.F. (Society for Terminated Individuals Fairness Federation)
/AJ Rimmer, Daily Citizen
kupocake
Tank
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2004
- Messages
- 6,127
- Reaction score
- 16
Box Office figures still soaring with Film Piracy cases on the rise
An estimated 1/3rd of all Citizens visit their local theatre every week, new figures released by the CBFC (Combine Board of Film Classification) suggest.
A recent remake of the Combine Science Fiction classic 'Metropolice', (in which happy-worker citizens learn to appreciate their combine overlords through the happy medium of a beautiful robot woman) topped Box Office charts for the last year. The biggest flop was Citizen #999002226/CC's "Top Gunship", a movie about two rival synths serving in the universal union's 7 Hour War.
Romantic Comedy is still the most popular genre among female citizens, with popular films including "There's Something about Citizen #25556/B" and "How to lose the interest of a human male citizen in one galactic standard week" Family movies like 'Child Citizen #7622KJ's Delivery Service' and 'Child Citizen #82344HH and the Political Conscript of Azkaban' are also doing particularly well in the face of long standing restrictions on the non-artifical manufacture of new child-citizens.
The figures come as the MPAA announces that it is to bring a further 27 courtcases against citizens accused of illegally distributing popular combine films over combine-net's "BreenTorrent" network.
The accused citizens are alledged to have shared Television episodes of "A night in with Wallace Breen" and popular public address classics like "Transmission #5572" and "Transmission #6672".
An estimated 1/3rd of all Citizens visit their local theatre every week, new figures released by the CBFC (Combine Board of Film Classification) suggest.
A recent remake of the Combine Science Fiction classic 'Metropolice', (in which happy-worker citizens learn to appreciate their combine overlords through the happy medium of a beautiful robot woman) topped Box Office charts for the last year. The biggest flop was Citizen #999002226/CC's "Top Gunship", a movie about two rival synths serving in the universal union's 7 Hour War.
Romantic Comedy is still the most popular genre among female citizens, with popular films including "There's Something about Citizen #25556/B" and "How to lose the interest of a human male citizen in one galactic standard week" Family movies like 'Child Citizen #7622KJ's Delivery Service' and 'Child Citizen #82344HH and the Political Conscript of Azkaban' are also doing particularly well in the face of long standing restrictions on the non-artifical manufacture of new child-citizens.
The figures come as the MPAA announces that it is to bring a further 27 courtcases against citizens accused of illegally distributing popular combine films over combine-net's "BreenTorrent" network.
The accused citizens are alledged to have shared Television episodes of "A night in with Wallace Breen" and popular public address classics like "Transmission #5572" and "Transmission #6672".
Agent G-Man
Newbie
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2005
- Messages
- 193
- Reaction score
- 0
You must all hate me, don't you?
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Jintor Completely outperformed in all corners!
In a massive show of retaliation, other journalists have rushed in for the few minutes after our estemed editor returned from his holidays, and made gigantic, well written articles, and have been rewarded for their persistance! Jintor, however, languishes in a corner, so badly screwed that he is reduced to making articles like this one. And no, he has no mouth in his chest. That is a rumour.
Be careful out there, you don't want a slow moving but not-very-deadly Bleach-reading zombie to get you.
In a massive show of retaliation, other journalists have rushed in for the few minutes after our estemed editor returned from his holidays, and made gigantic, well written articles, and have been rewarded for their persistance! Jintor, however, languishes in a corner, so badly screwed that he is reduced to making articles like this one. And no, he has no mouth in his chest. That is a rumour.
Be careful out there, you don't want a slow moving but not-very-deadly Bleach-reading zombie to get you.
A
Antlion Hunter
Guest
New Movie Literally Eating Up Competition
Reporters went in to interview movie's stars.
So what is the premise of "Free Ichy"?
Citizen#g43463535f::Its about a little boy who walking along the deserted beaches befriends a baby Ichthyosaur,who later grows too big,starts eating any police or beachgoers,and is protected from death by the boy.
Ok sounds good.So how do things turn out for your characters?
"Ichy" is released only to be blown out of the water by a watermine.
And you?
Oh i go in the sea with him only to be eaten alive
Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk....Thanks for your time.
"Free Ichy" is now available through Breen-V-D and holo-vision.
Reporters went in to interview movie's stars.
So what is the premise of "Free Ichy"?
Citizen#g43463535f::Its about a little boy who walking along the deserted beaches befriends a baby Ichthyosaur,who later grows too big,starts eating any police or beachgoers,and is protected from death by the boy.
Ok sounds good.So how do things turn out for your characters?
"Ichy" is released only to be blown out of the water by a watermine.
And you?
Oh i go in the sea with him only to be eaten alive
Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk....Thanks for your time.
"Free Ichy" is now available through Breen-V-D and holo-vision.
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Stars are out (literally)
In a Press Report today, the Combine are proud to announce that they have, quite literally, 'taken down the stars'.
'We figured that those damn twinkly thingies in the skys at night were a big waste of budget' said combine official P:#00443, 'so we took them down. No big deal. By the way, we think that we'll soon be able to phase out 'daytime'. I'm sure our citizens will adjust.'
The combine is reported to have used 'mind altering' technology to simply make it so that all our citizens cannot see the stars anymore, via our water supply. However Sydne^h^h^h Combine Waters strongly denies these claims and furthermore encourages Citizens to drink their Combine-provided water... or else.
(In other news, the one-time city of Hollywood, now known as City 34, has been exploded. No-one knows why. Some have speculated, but the second they started they mysteriously grew bullet wounds and are to be treated... yeah... treated.)
In a Press Report today, the Combine are proud to announce that they have, quite literally, 'taken down the stars'.
'We figured that those damn twinkly thingies in the skys at night were a big waste of budget' said combine official P:#00443, 'so we took them down. No big deal. By the way, we think that we'll soon be able to phase out 'daytime'. I'm sure our citizens will adjust.'
The combine is reported to have used 'mind altering' technology to simply make it so that all our citizens cannot see the stars anymore, via our water supply. However Sydne^h^h^h Combine Waters strongly denies these claims and furthermore encourages Citizens to drink their Combine-provided water... or else.
(In other news, the one-time city of Hollywood, now known as City 34, has been exploded. No-one knows why. Some have speculated, but the second they started they mysteriously grew bullet wounds and are to be treated... yeah... treated.)
L
Lambada
Guest
New Citizen Uniforms!
Tired of wearing the same old boring clothes day after day? Then read on!
This week sees the exciting release of a whole new line of designer clothes for citizenry! Place an advance order now!
We begin with an exciting new style of jumpsuit! Take your pick from drab blue, slightly more drab blue, and even more drab blue with vomit stains. You will be the envy of your neighborhood block unit.
Tired of wearing the same old boring clothes day after day? Then read on!
This week sees the exciting release of a whole new line of designer clothes for citizenry! Place an advance order now!
We begin with an exciting new style of jumpsuit! Take your pick from drab blue, slightly more drab blue, and even more drab blue with vomit stains. You will be the envy of your neighborhood block unit.
Want Free Food? Lodging? A Job?
Then just apply at Nova Prospekt. There well set you up as a stalker. Never worry about material concerns like food and lodging. Don't worry over a job. You'll always have one! Just apply now, and get started!
City 17 Train Station
Train to Nova Prospekt.
Just walk in!!
Then just apply at Nova Prospekt. There well set you up as a stalker. Never worry about material concerns like food and lodging. Don't worry over a job. You'll always have one! Just apply now, and get started!
City 17 Train Station
Train to Nova Prospekt.
Just walk in!!
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2003
- Messages
- 2,388
- Reaction score
- 0
Personals:
Lonely citizen seeking a woman who knows how to bypass the suppressor field.
Open-minded priest seeks strong-stomached woman for romantic walks, violent rampages, and perhaps more. Must like gibbeting gibbering zombies.
Civil Protection officer seeking partner. Must be aged between 18-40, and must enjoy being extensively brainwashed and forced into a new role.
Large robot yearns for companionship. Models weighing over five tons need not apply. Must have a socket compatible with a 67X C-Class port.
Young, strong willed woman wants to know what you meant about a cat.
Famous administrator-type can offer a range of benefits to any applicant.
Doctor seeking "assistant". Must be good with headcrabs, and capable of repairing a 45-billion amp Phased-Focus Teleport Relay. During roleplay, of course.
Doctor wanting consistant companion who won't run away or get captured every five minutes. Must not expect conversation.
Lonely citizen seeking a woman who knows how to bypass the suppressor field.
Open-minded priest seeks strong-stomached woman for romantic walks, violent rampages, and perhaps more. Must like gibbeting gibbering zombies.
Civil Protection officer seeking partner. Must be aged between 18-40, and must enjoy being extensively brainwashed and forced into a new role.
Large robot yearns for companionship. Models weighing over five tons need not apply. Must have a socket compatible with a 67X C-Class port.
Young, strong willed woman wants to know what you meant about a cat.
Famous administrator-type can offer a range of benefits to any applicant.
Doctor seeking "assistant". Must be good with headcrabs, and capable of repairing a 45-billion amp Phased-Focus Teleport Relay. During roleplay, of course.
Doctor wanting consistant companion who won't run away or get captured every five minutes. Must not expect conversation.
Agent G-Man
Newbie
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2005
- Messages
- 193
- Reaction score
- 0
Ever wanted to try water that will completely make you forget all your troubles?
Buy Dr. Breen's Water Beverage!
*P.S. we are not responsible for any memory loss after consumption of water*
Buy Dr. Breen's Water Beverage!
*P.S. we are not responsible for any memory loss after consumption of water*
Darkwolf
Tank
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,528
- Reaction score
- 0
5 day Hostage Situation End 35 Hos-, um Terrorists Dead
Universal Union police "Stormed the Front" of the Daily Citizen headquarters today in a last ditch attempt to end (-ed) a five day hostage situation.
The situation began when when an underpaid (gets $0c p.a.) water dispensing machine, (Try the cool mellowing effects of Breen's Natural Water Co.) launched a bottled projectile at a human male employees groin.
The enraged male then grabbed a nearby Breenbucks®©™ coffee and threatened to forcefeed it to another emplyee if he was not given a $10c pay rise.
When the UU got off their Commited and Energetic (-ed) asses they managed to end the situation with only 35 terrorists (-ed) dead and 64 wounded. Here is an exclusive interview with the commander of the operation.
"Excuse me sir, I'm from the daily citizen, would you mind answering some questions?"
"Continue, puny human!"
"... i-i-i-i-i-is it t-true that you..."
"What?"
"Um... actually drank a five day old Breenbucks®©™, considering it is made from 99.5 percent gametes?"
"...Ye-"
"Ok thanks, bye!"
This reporter then proceed to hide in the nearest dumpster as the extremly intellegent (-ed) officer proccessed what he said.
After sorting through countless terrorists (-ed) bodies, the faithful (-ed) UU police packed them into trucks suspiciously labled "Breens 100% Bovine Meat®©™"
In other news, vending machine sentience removed. Is this right?
Man discovers that saying "Fine! Kill me for all I care!" infront of a CP is NOT a good idea.
(ok that sucked but... it was my first try)
Universal Union police "Stormed the Front" of the Daily Citizen headquarters today in a last ditch attempt to end (-ed) a five day hostage situation.
The situation began when when an underpaid (gets $0c p.a.) water dispensing machine, (Try the cool mellowing effects of Breen's Natural Water Co.) launched a bottled projectile at a human male employees groin.
The enraged male then grabbed a nearby Breenbucks®©™ coffee and threatened to forcefeed it to another emplyee if he was not given a $10c pay rise.
When the UU got off their Commited and Energetic (-ed) asses they managed to end the situation with only 35 terrorists (-ed) dead and 64 wounded. Here is an exclusive interview with the commander of the operation.
"Excuse me sir, I'm from the daily citizen, would you mind answering some questions?"
"Continue, puny human!"
"... i-i-i-i-i-is it t-true that you..."
"What?"
"Um... actually drank a five day old Breenbucks®©™, considering it is made from 99.5 percent gametes?"
"...Ye-"
"Ok thanks, bye!"
This reporter then proceed to hide in the nearest dumpster as the extremly intellegent (-ed) officer proccessed what he said.
After sorting through countless terrorists (-ed) bodies, the faithful (-ed) UU police packed them into trucks suspiciously labled "Breens 100% Bovine Meat®©™"
In other news, vending machine sentience removed. Is this right?
Man discovers that saying "Fine! Kill me for all I care!" infront of a CP is NOT a good idea.
(ok that sucked but... it was my first try
)
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Messages
- 14,780
- Reaction score
- 16
Rebellion Brewing in Emerald Isles
In the Irish isles, just... north... south... something of the devestated remains of England, there is a faint spark of...
Rebellion.
All combine patrolmen in the 'U.K' sector are advised to be completely reliant on the wills of their local GM. All citizens must now say what they are going to do, preferably really loudly, before carrying them out. Everything now depends on dice-rolls.
It is advised that you get weapons mastery in about 3 sub-trees before you even attempt to take on your local boss, and get a +5 in armour-saves. Halflings, Half-Elves, Elves, Dwarves and other miscellaneous species will be shot on sight. This includes humans.
In the Irish isles, just... north... south... something of the devestated remains of England, there is a faint spark of...
Rebellion.
All combine patrolmen in the 'U.K' sector are advised to be completely reliant on the wills of their local GM. All citizens must now say what they are going to do, preferably really loudly, before carrying them out. Everything now depends on dice-rolls.
It is advised that you get weapons mastery in about 3 sub-trees before you even attempt to take on your local boss, and get a +5 in armour-saves. Halflings, Half-Elves, Elves, Dwarves and other miscellaneous species will be shot on sight. This includes humans.
15357
Companion Cube
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Messages
- 15,209
- Reaction score
- 23
Darkwolf said:Universal Union police "Stormed the Front" of the Daily Citizen headquarters today in a last ditch attempt to end (-ed) a five day hostage situation.
The situation began when when an underpaid (gets $0c p.a.) water dispensing machine, (Try the cool mellowing effects of Breen's Natural Water Co.) launched a bottled projectile at a human male employees groin.
The enraged male then grabbed a nearby Breenbucks®©™ coffee and threatened to forcefeed it to another emplyee if he was not given a $10c pay rise.
When the UU got off their Commited and Energetic (-ed) asses they managed to end the situation with only 35 terrorists (-ed) dead and 64 wounded. Here is an exclusive interview with the commander of the operation.
"Excuse me sir, I'm from the daily citizen, would you mind answering some questions?"
"Continue, puny human!"
"... i-i-i-i-i-is it t-true that you..."
"What?"
"Um... actually drank a five day old Breenbucks®©™, considering it is made from 99.5 percent gametes?"
"...Ye-"
"Ok thanks, bye!"
This reporter then proceed to hide in the nearest dumpster as the extremly intellegent (-ed) officer proccessed what he said.
After sorting through countless terrorists (-ed) bodies, the faithful (-ed) UU police packed them into trucks suspiciously labled "Breens 100% Bovine Meat®©™"
In other news, vending machine sentience removed. Is this right?
Man discovers that saying "Fine! Kill me for all I care!" infront of a CP is NOT a good idea.
(ok that sucked but... it was my first try
good job, but the currency is CC (combine credits)
AJ Rimmer
Tank
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2004
- Messages
- 6,451
- Reaction score
- 11
Edcrab found dead or alive!
Today in a public announcement, Civil Protection Offiicial Spokesman Officer #3323 said that they, contrary to popular rumours, are 100% sure where edcrab is, they are however unsure as to what condition he is in;
"Anticitizen Edcrab is somewhere in or outside City 17, we are not sure whether he is alive or dead, but we do know it is one of the two. He will be brought to justice either way.
Several deseased juditional assosiactions such as the Society for Terminated Individuals Fairness Federation (S.T.I.F.F.), Bodies for Unjustified Correctional Killing Entanglement (B.U.C.K.E.T.) and Dead Enterprisers Against Discrimination (D.E.A.D.) responded to this statement, claiming it to be; "Extremely distasteful, not to say discriminating against those of us who have passed on."
Today in a public announcement, Civil Protection Offiicial Spokesman Officer #3323 said that they, contrary to popular rumours, are 100% sure where edcrab is, they are however unsure as to what condition he is in;
"Anticitizen Edcrab is somewhere in or outside City 17, we are not sure whether he is alive or dead, but we do know it is one of the two. He will be brought to justice either way.
Several deseased juditional assosiactions such as the Society for Terminated Individuals Fairness Federation (S.T.I.F.F.), Bodies for Unjustified Correctional Killing Entanglement (B.U.C.K.E.T.) and Dead Enterprisers Against Discrimination (D.E.A.D.) responded to this statement, claiming it to be; "Extremely distasteful, not to say discriminating against those of us who have passed on."
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2003
- Messages
- 2,388
- Reaction score
- 0
Edcrab Returns to the Beneficent Heart of the Union
I am happy to again be working for the Universal Union. Our Benefactors have taken me to perfection and beyond.
I have not been shot to pieces following a carefully orchastrated ambush on my hideout, nor have I been wired up to incredible Synth-inspired technologies that have pushed my mental capacity to untold heights.
I am not an emotionless killing machine with lumps of metal in my head. I am the same cynic I have always been.
If you have any comments, questions, or criticism, come alone to my apartment at Block #433. This also applies to my fellow journalists, as my new superiors are eager for me to... discuss matters with you.
If you hear electrical discharges and heavy, otherworldly breathing, do not fear. Merely stand perfectly still and AWAIT THE INEVITABLE...
I am happy to again be working for the Universal Union. Our Benefactors have taken me to perfection and beyond.
I have not been shot to pieces following a carefully orchastrated ambush on my hideout, nor have I been wired up to incredible Synth-inspired technologies that have pushed my mental capacity to untold heights.
I am not an emotionless killing machine with lumps of metal in my head. I am the same cynic I have always been.
If you have any comments, questions, or criticism, come alone to my apartment at Block #433. This also applies to my fellow journalists, as my new superiors are eager for me to... discuss matters with you.
If you hear electrical discharges and heavy, otherworldly breathing, do not fear. Merely stand perfectly still and AWAIT THE INEVITABLE...
Darkwolf
Tank
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,528
- Reaction score
- 0
Synth Strikes
A spokesperson from the Continental Lunatics Initial and Tertiary Organ Rehersal project dedicated to the Idolisation of Synths (CLITORIS), today anounced that the Univeral Unions synth army would go on strike indefinatly until they got better working conditions.
"I mean, more then 90% of all synths have had some form of rocket launched at them!" said the CLITORIS spokesperson,
"At the current workplace 'accident' rate 22.4% of the workforce will be out of comision within the next MONTH!"
The UU has considered redeploying there synths but have decided on a more cost effecitive solution. Dr. Wallace Breen made this anouncment today:
"Greetings rebels of City-17. I have come with a message of co-operation. STOP SHOOTING ROCKETS AT US YOU CHEAP *BEEP*STARDS THEY TAKE NO 733T SKILLZ!!! IF YOU PUT THAT *BEEP*ING STUFF AWAY WE WOULD OWNZ YOUR nUBLETT BUTTS!"
All rocket fire ceased 2 minutes later, only to resume after the tea break.
A spokesperson from the Continental Lunatics Initial and Tertiary Organ Rehersal project dedicated to the Idolisation of Synths (CLITORIS), today anounced that the Univeral Unions synth army would go on strike indefinatly until they got better working conditions.
"I mean, more then 90% of all synths have had some form of rocket launched at them!" said the CLITORIS spokesperson,
"At the current workplace 'accident' rate 22.4% of the workforce will be out of comision within the next MONTH!"
The UU has considered redeploying there synths but have decided on a more cost effecitive solution. Dr. Wallace Breen made this anouncment today:
"Greetings rebels of City-17. I have come with a message of co-operation. STOP SHOOTING ROCKETS AT US YOU CHEAP *BEEP*STARDS THEY TAKE NO 733T SKILLZ!!! IF YOU PUT THAT *BEEP*ING STUFF AWAY WE WOULD OWNZ YOUR nUBLETT BUTTS!"
All rocket fire ceased 2 minutes later, only to resume after the tea break.
- Status
