Understanding females - Hl2.net verison

[Ravioli]

Females...who are they? what do they want? where do they come from? what is their goal? are they trying to kill you? what do they eat? how do they breath? do they take nasty shits? how do you plant your seeds inside her of her? Why does she dress weird? Why does my penis get solid when i look at specific parts of her body?

These are the kind of questions that torture us males everyday. So let us gather together in this...secluded space where no female has set her evil foot in (as far as we know for now :O ). Let us gather our knowledge about these mysterious entities and learn to how to understand them, so that we can one day...do "it" :O:O:O

No but for real, some of us are older than the others and have more experiance when it comes to girls. Do you ppl have any tips for us fools who has never touched a female (not even a slight poke)
Questions, answers, tips, stories, help, information...anything.

Only thing i can contribue with is to introduce my friend Black-Jack.You see, when i ask myself the question "does she like me?" i often ask my friend Black-Jack in my head. He hits me furiously in my face, stomps on my face and stumech, rapes me in the ass and breaks my wrists and beats me with a baseball bat and says "LIKE YOU??? LIKE YOU??? SHE HELPED YOU WITH YOUR ALGERBRA CUZ SHE WAS TOLD TO YOU BITCH:..****S IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

That way i assume she doesnt like me and i forget about it, which is good in a way that i never get dissapointed but also i never try anything which might be the reason why i have yet to touch a female even tho im almost 18 now. Yes, laugh all you want but FFS its hard.:hmph:

 

[No Limit]

My advice to the hl2.net community that has helped me throughout life. If you are ever intimidated by a girl simply picture her in your head sitting on a toilette taking a giant dump just like we all do. That will knock em down a notch or 2. :cheers:

 

[jimbo118]

how do you plant your seeds inside her of her? Why does my penis get solid when i look at specific part of her body?

facepalms*

 

[The Monkey]

Females...who are they? what do they want? where do they come from? what is their goal? are they trying to kill you? what do they eat? how do they breath? do they take nasty shits? how do you plant your seeds inside her of her? Why does she dress weird? Why does my penis get solid when i look at specific parts of her body?

These are the kind of questions that torture us males everyday. So let us gather together in this...secluded space where no female has set her evil foot in (as far as we know for now :O ). Let us gather our knowledge about these mysterious entities and learn to how to understand them, so that we can one day...do "it" :O:O:O

No but for real, some of us are older than the others and have more experiance when it comes to girls. Do you ppl have any tips for us fools who has never touched a female (not even a slight poke)
Questions, answers, tips, stories, help, information...anything.

Only thing i can contribue with is to introduce my friend Black-Jack.You see, when i ask myself the question "does she like me?" i often ask my friend Black-Jack in my head. He hits me furiously in my face, stomps on my face and stumech, rapes me in the ass and breaks my wrists and beats me with a baseball bat and says "LIKE YOU??? LIKE YOU??? SHE HELPED YOU WITH YOUR ALGERBRA CUZ SHE WAS TOLD TO YOU BITCH:..****S IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

That way i assume she doesnt like me and i forget about it, which is good in a way that i never get dissapointed but also i never try anything which might be the reason why i have yet to touch a female even tho im almost 18 now. Yes, laugh all you want but FFS its hard.:hmph:

Hmm, what do you know, Ravioli has been knghenry all along.

 

[Reginald]

Be yourself around women. If they don't like who you really are, what's the point? I act myself around women all the time and recently I've met the most amazing girl I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She makes me extraordinarily happy and she shares many of my passions. Hell, she even has a favourite dinosaur*, how many girls can you say that about?

And remember, any girl worth your time, i.e. not a complete slut and extrovert, is as nervous as you are. They're invariably just as scared of starting a conversation as you are.

And, if all else fails, get drunk, offer a hot girl alcohol to get her drunk, kiss/shag/receive-blowjob-from the girl, get her number then 3 days later give her a call and see if she wants to meet up sometime. It's a tried and tested method.

* It's ornithocheirus by the way.

 

[CyberPitz]

Just don't be intimidated by them. Go out on limbs, be yourself, be comfortable. Don't be uptight and nervous. Just think to yourself, "What's the worst thing that could happen if she rejects me? I get to go try with another girl." It's not like they will even think about you for another 20 seconds, and then gossip about you with everybody that walks by. Just go, try, if you fail, find out what you did wrong, and work from there.

 

[Angry Lawyer]

Women are incomprehensible. Don't even try getting into their heads, just try to hold on and enjoy the ride.

-Angry Lawyer

 

[evil^milk]

Read David DeAngelo. Should get you on the right track.

They're pretty much identical to men, except for the fact that they are less competetive among themselves, are more drawn into drama, are more emotional, and love when a man knows when he follows the games women set for men, loves it when a man doesn't fall for their traps and does pass their tests, and loves it when men aren't predictable, insecure people.

Also, start hanging out with guys who have a way with women. They can teach you a thing or two. Just observe their body language and the things they say.

If your penis gets solid when you stare at specific parts of her body then it means you are a step closer to simply fulfilling your biological role and only purpose in life. Don't freak out - it's normal.

The rest of the questions are silly.

Also, if she rejects the first two to three times, forget about it. If she fails to show ANY interest in you, it is quite certain she'll never be able to be interested in you. And don't take it personally, move on to the next girl, FFS. Don't wallow in self-pity because a girl doesn't like you... it's a waste of time.

 

[TCfromBN]

Advice/etc. :

It's pretty obvious when you begin to like a girl, however, you first need to hang out a lot. (There are some rare exceptions.) Hanging out will allow you to really tell if you like her or not. She too, is going to have to put some effort into establishing a relationship. For example, you shouldn't be putting ALL of the work into starting the relationship. You will both begin to want to be around each other more and more. (You should attempt to make this known.) Eventually, when you feel comfortable and you can tell that she is comfortable, you can go from there...


If it's any consolidation, the HARDEST part of getting into relationships is getting to hang around them a lot. (Which is the first step.) This is especially the case if you are new at school. (Especially High School) This is because the groups of people are already formed and most people are just going to hang out with people they know all the time. The easiest way to meet new people is to go to parties. Otherwise, go with any friends you have at ANY opportunity to hang out with other people.


I haven't really been in a relationship or around girls much for the past 3 years because I've changed schools twice and I moved. These sort of things really hinder any chances at getting to know people, especially when you're on the shy side.

I'm shy in the way that I can't just make friends instantly at school and then start hanging out. I don't know what makes me like that, but it takes me longer to make friends.


The best thing I can tell you, if you've never even touched a girl is to keep up hygiene and do as many social things as you can. If you think that there are any friendships that you want to pursue, invite the new person along with your friends you already have to go out and do something, so it doesn't make it too awkward for the girl. For example: "Hey, me and a few friends are going to (insert whatever), you want to come with?" If the answer is no, it doesn't necessarily mean that the person doesn't want to be your friend. If her reason for not going is legit, then pursue the outing at some other time, not to hastily though. Don't not seek relationships so you can "do it." Just go on with your life, continue with social outings and you'll eventually cross paths with someone you will connect with.

Story:

I've only had a handful of girlfriends over the past 6 years, each probably lasting only a matter of months or less. I found that most of the people that I rushed into things with didn't last at all. There was, however, a girl right before I moved about 3 years ago that I really truly loved. It was devastating for me, because that was my first "true love" I think... Yeah Yeah, laugh, true love... blah blah blah... No, seriously, I think it was. I never got the chance to "ask her out" or however you want to put it, but it was just kind of implied. We hung out every weekend, watched movies, laid out and watched the stars and cuddled, hell we never even made out. (we did kiss)

Bad timing with moving is all... Sure, some people might say if I would have pushed things faster, I could have gotten to "teh sechs" faster. TBH, after being with her for a few weeks, I realized that I wasn't even worried about that, I just wanted to be around her.




Moral of the story: take your time, go slow and the right things will happen.


I suppose, if you're after "teh sechs" then I don't know what to tell you, I'm no pimp.



Edit: Comment on Pitz's post::

If you take your time, you won't have to be worried about being rejected or not, you'll already know the answer.

 

[Phobie]

Lordy lordy

 

[Acepilotf14]

I'm 'attempting' something right now. Will post once it all blows over.
[AKA when I get rejected.]

 

[MJ12]

women want your moneys, that is all.

 

[Phobie]

women want your moneys, that is all.

Good Charlotte philosophy much?

 

[MJ12]

Good Charlotte philosophy much?

Girls don't like boys, girls like milk and honey ?

..uh, I guess.

 

[Sam]

Lordy lordy

Well hi there, are you new OH GOD IT DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS! GET TO THE SHELTER!

 

[Phobie]

Well hi there, are you new OH GOD IT DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS! GET TO THE SHELTER!

Lol'd. It was just today that I said the same about you!

 

[Sam]

Lol'd. It was just today that I said the same about you!

Quiet, vaganimal.

Make me a sammich.

(This is how you deal with girls).

 

[Druckles]

Girls don't like boys, girls like milk and honey ?

Ahah

 

[Smoke]

Well hi there, are you new OH GOD IT DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS! GET TO THE SHELTER!

Lol'd. It was just today that I said the same about you!

Bahaha, well played.

 

[Deleted member 56031]

*sits in the background and takes notes*

I've never had one either :|

 

[FoB_Ed]

I don't think they're that hard to understand.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Chloroform, a secluded location, some rope, a chair, lube, and a meat hammer.

That's about all you need to understand them.

 

[Krynn72]

This is why we cant have nice things.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Your choice jackass.*





*Lol I wuvs you.

 

[jondy]

I love all you guys. It's like having a family of little Riti Sped tards gambolling underfoot.

 

[Krynn72]

All I have to say is that women are just as equally manipulative and shallow as men.... well women are much more clever in the manipulation arena

I dont think they're any more clever, its just that guys testicles prevent them from listening to their brain most of the time.

 

[Jintor]

Lol'd. It was just today that I said the same about you!

15 - Love.

 

[Shippi]

.

 

[Phobie]

True dat, Shippi.

I think men think we're more sneaky and manipulative than we actually ARE.

 

[Sloth]

All you have to do is find someone you 'click' with. Shippi's right, they're not that different - I understand some of my male friends less than female friends.

 

[lePobz]

Ewww, Girls have cooties.

 

[Glirk Dient]

Girls are a lot like guys. Girls want to get down with good looking guys just like how guys want to get down with good looking girls. Problem is most guys aren't good looking. Girls pay attention to their looks...guys don't usually.

So go shopping somewhere other than walmart, no more $5 haircuts, get some real shoes. Oh and if you have no fashion sense, go shopping with a girl who does.

Once you have done that work on your confidence. Carry yourself in a confident way and you will look twice as good as you actually do. Do both of those things and you will get girls easily.

After attraction you will need some level of game. First off...don't be horny. Most girls have standards and if they don't make them come after you. So basically don't talk about sex. Basically show them your a fun good looking guy who is worth dating. Thats all girls want.

 

[firenbrimstone]

I think I'm breaking an unwritten law somewhere along the way, but.. because of the laughs and even the blood pressure spikes y'all give... I think you've earned it! Plus, I'm not uber-worried about being lambasted by femi-nazis here.

It's actually not much easier for girls. :O

Menfolk are just as equally complex in their own unique ways...

Once you get past being completely overwhelmed, you'll realize several things:

1) Women are insecure about 99% of who/what they are. It's inherent, due to generations of ideologies, stigmas, and general misconceptions as to what is "right" or "wrong".

...and I don't mean glass ceilings and all that crap... I mean.. body images, the ability to be taken seriously if you look like Barbie, or the ability to be appreciated even if you look like Barney....

2) You MUST be yourself. Any woman worth an ounce of your time MUST know the real you. Yes, the one who couldn't call for three days because his cellphone was buried in the sand after a kickass party on the beach.. or, even the one who is afraid of the number 7. (He and I didn't work out.. I was born in '77, he couldn't handle it..) You should expect the same from her, btw. Don't build a relationship off of false pretenses. Seriously. Anyone that can stick with you after you've puked on their shoes.. you should keep them.


By the way, to answer your questions succinctly: Women want the same things as men, with just a bit more cuddling, and a little less farting.

Oh, final thought:

(not even a slight poke)

had so much humour in it, I could barely contain myself. "Not even a slight poke". Poke. LO-freakin' L. Thanks for that!!

 

[Stigmata]

I like to pretend that some awesome girl who's perfect for me will realize how awesome I am despite my lack of fashion sense and confidence.

Hasn't really worked very well. Then again I find most girls to be exceedingly dumb and uninteresting, so I'm not too fazed by it.

[edit] Or maybe it's because I put too much emphasis on having a reasonable emotional and intellectual bond to go along with the sex.

 

[Druckles]

I love how a lot of guys talk about girls like we're a different species. We're people too, not that hard to understand..

No it's not. Basic biology. You're quite different psychologically, however. Oh, and you changed your avatar

 

[Shippi]

.

 

[Phobie]

Girls are a lot like guys. Girls want to get down with good looking guys just like how guys want to get down with good looking girls.

... What?

It's not about looks. It's nice if someone TAKES CARE of themselves, but that's different from being some faggy male model.

 

[Druckles]

... What?

It's not about looks.

Really...? :O

And all this time...

 

[Shippi]

.

 

[Deleted member 56031]

... What?

It's not about looks.

Really?!

*scribbles down on notepad*