Work: at the end of my rope

All this reminds me of the time in school when my IT coursework was overdue. It was a database project using Access, so I created a new file and set up a macro so that every time the file opened it'd throw up a pop-up with a fake runtime error in it, which would close the program when you clicked OK. My IT teacher fell for it hook, line and sinker and I got an extension.

I do feel your pain through Stern, I sit near the marketing department at work, and all I can hear all day is "Give me a call and we'll touch base on.." "Let's blue-sky this.." "Take it for a walk round the park and see where it shits..." and other stupid stupid STUPID marketing bollocks phrases.
 
i believe i said earlier that complicated schemes fail... i still say you should knock the bitch out and be done with it, sure her bruises will heal, but she'll still remember that you knocked her the f*ck out
 
Zerimski said:
All this reminds me of the time in school when my IT coursework was overdue. It was a database project using Access, so I created a new file and set up a macro so that every time the file opened it'd throw up a pop-up with a fake runtime error in it, which would close the program when you clicked OK. My IT teacher fell for it hook, line and sinker and I got an extension.

I do feel your pain through Stern, I sit near the marketing department at work, and all I can hear all day is "Give me a call and we'll touch base on.." "Let's blue-sky this.." "Take it for a walk round the park and see where it shits..." and other stupid stupid STUPID marketing bollocks phrases.
Click to expand...

Do you know what they mean?

Touching base, that sounds so infinitly shit.
 
"Touching base" is another way of saying "Make sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet" or, the more sensible "Have a quick chat so we know what we're doing". "Let's blue sky this..." and "Take it for a walk round the park and see where it shits..." mean to give something a try. There's loads more, and it's got to the point where my boss had to take my scissors away from me.
 
Zerimski said:
All this reminds me of the time in school when my IT coursework was overdue. It was a database project using Access, so I created a new file and set up a macro so that every time the file opened it'd throw up a pop-up with a fake runtime error in it, which would close the program when you clicked OK. My IT teacher fell for it hook, line and sinker and I got an extension.

I do feel your pain through Stern, I sit near the marketing department at work, and all I can hear all day is "Give me a call and we'll touch base on.." "Let's blue-sky this.." "Take it for a walk round the park and see where it shits..." and other stupid stupid STUPID marketing bollocks phrases.
Click to expand...



god I guess marketing bullshit-speak is universal cuz I've heard them all


btw not only was your little prank devious but it was also bloody brilliant :)



btw SHE"S STILL ON THE PHONE!!!! and hasnt started up her computer ...tommorrow without fail I'm going to sabotage the phone line and turn the computer on as soon as I get in ...anyone know any good phone pranks to pull on her ...she really is clueless so she wont catch on
 
Icarusintel said:
i believe i said earlier that complicated schemes fail... i still say you should knock the bitch out and be done with it, sure her bruises will heal, but she'll still remember that you knocked her the f*ck out
Click to expand...


one of the guys in shipping suggest I open the door (I have a door leading to the outside of the building) grab her by the scruff of the neck and throw her out ...I really like this idea but I'll lose my job
 
Zerimski said:
"Touching base" is another way of saying "Make sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet" or, the more sensible "Have a quick chat so we know what we're doing". "Let's blue sky this..." and "Take it for a walk round the park and see where it shits..." mean to give something a try. There's loads more, and it's got to the point where my boss had to take my scissors away from me.
Click to expand...
Shout them some suggestions, like "The ideal product for administering the smackdown!" or "Free *fill in the products name*, *choose one of the second lines everybody used with the 'Free Munro"-sig bandwagon*"

You'll get promoted before you can say "Free Munro" or "EA is Valve's new publisher for retail products, not including digitally distributed versions of the game, because those titles will be delivered and updated like before via Steam, Valve's online service".
 
Put a piece of translucent tape on the phonehook (or whatever it's called, the thing that goes up when you pick up the horn and reset the phone when you put the horn down again) dumn bitch won't be able to call.
 
Wait, wasn't her entire reason for being there just the fact that there was a free computer?

What was she there for today if not the PC...?

Maybe...for you, Stern :O
 
/me pokes out eyes with a stick


gahhhhh


she's seriously been on the phone all day ..hey she just got off ...and now she's dialing again
 
CptStern said:
/me pokes out eyes with a stick


gahhhhh


she's seriously been on the phone all day ..hey she just got off ...and now she's dialing again
Click to expand...


Lol, The Office, glue the handset to the phone, when she goes to pick it up, she will throw it across the room!

http://homepage.mac.com/elliottday/theoffice/phone1.html

You could pop out some of the important numbers, like 0 so she can't call anybody.
 
hmmm that might work ...dear god she's eating a candy ...lip smacking is so ****ing loud ..god I'm slowly going insane


okay I cant take it:


she just said "this phone doesnt work" ..I said "what's wrong" ...she said: "I cant dial someone's extension" ..."I dial 238 but nothing happens" ...I say "did you lift the receiver"? ....long pause "oh" ..then she starts dialing

/me pictures the fires of a thousand hells burning her for eternity
 
Search the computer and if you find any important-looking Microsoft Word files, simply password protect them.

Simple, yet effective. I did this to my annoying friend at school and I was able to hold his homework hostage until he gave in to my demands. :E
 
Crack the phone open and snip the wire that goes to the receiver. She may be able to talk but, nobody will be able to listen.
 
good ideas ...but I cant be screwing up the phone like that ...I need something I could easily disengage as soon as she goes to the IT guy
 
CptStern said:
good ideas ...but I cant be screwing up the phone like that ...I need something I could easily disengage as soon as she goes to the IT guy
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put tape on the bottom of her mouse... it is a ball mouse, right?
 
no optical ..I have the computer thing all worked but I dont have a plan to get her off the phone ..if she cant use the computer or the phone hopefully she'll leave
 
Ring her from across the room and try to order a pizza. Repeat with different takeaways, and possibly even silly voices.
 
CptStern: There are some phreaking boxes which should work for that phone to make it unable to send calls.

BusyBox maybe? Do a little google work.. There is almost definetely one to suit your needs.
 
ya but then she'd go to my boss and I'd get into trouble ...stern likes to be discreet :E


meh I'll just pull the plug out of the receiver ...she wont notice the difference ...she's really that clueless
 
CptStern said:
no optical ..I have the computer thing all worked but I dont have a plan to get her off the phone .
Click to expand...

Like I said: TAPE IT! Tape the phone hook.
 
I may try that, the only problem is that the tape would be visible as soon as she picks up the receiver


...here's an update ...she hasnt logged into the computer all day because she doesnt remember her password (I told you she was stupid) ...I just talked to the IT guy ..she doesnt have a password
 
It's not clearly visible if you use a small amount of translucent tape on it.

But not to worry, you can't go postal, you hate guns remember? :E
 
Just remembered another prank I did at college. This wouldn't work in this instance I don't think, but I did the old classic of switching the monitor cables or the 2 PCs next to mine.

As for taping the hook, use a small piece of translucent tape on the very top of the hook, should work and be practically invisible.
 
CptStern said:
I may try that, the only problem is that the tape would be visible as soon as she picks up the receiver


...here's an update ...she hasnt logged into the computer all day because she doesnt remember her password (I told you she was stupid) ...I just talked to the IT guy ..she doesnt have a password
Click to expand...
Woa she is dumb, here is an idea. Put some rat poison in the break room, she might decide to eat it.
 
Come on, the only fun in a prank is when its subtle and not easily found out.

'Call' her phone from your computer (you have dial-up networking right?). You will laugh and she will get an earful of loud computer signals. Repeat until she gives up using the phone.

If she asks you whats wrong, tell her the line is probably corrupted and she should try to listen carefully to what the 'person' is saying. Laugh quietly as she endures the racket and tries to understand it....

If you cant use your computer to do it, use a fax machine. Send a fax to her phone. Most faxes will make several attempts to send if a fax doesnt get through, so you can enjoy running back to the office and watching her get several fax signal phone calls.

Viola, she is cured of using your phone. I love my devious brain! How do I come up with this stuff....
 
What does she use her computer for..?



If you want her gone for a while you could turn off the pc at the wall/at the back of the computer and tell her she will have to go to tech support or something... lol.


I'll try think of some evil crafty schemes for ya. :)
 
Come on Stern we need some updates here! some of us are anticipating!
 
Yeah he can't post right now cause he's laughing his ass off because his trick is working. (/wishful thinking)
 
Update: :E


ok so she hasnt used the computer yet despite it being on with the flash file running ..but she hasnt touched it yet!!! arrrggghhhh


...but I did get her with the phone :E

..ok this morning before she came in I sabotaged the phone ..I loosened the shoulder piece turned down the volume down to zero, popped out the "outgoing calls" button (it was already loose) and put every thing back ..so she comes in, sits down and immediately hits the speaker phone button ..but because the volume is down to nothing she cant hear anything ..so she lifts up the receiver and puts the phone to her ear ...and the shoulder piece falls off (at this point I'll inwardly laughing) ...so then she says "what the fudge?" (she's an older lady that never swears) ...so then I hear her say "there's a button missing on the phone" ...heheh, I say "ya <one of the employees> dropped it this morning while moving the scanner (bull) ...she's says "ohhh" ...so she then gets up with the phone (pieces) in her hand and walks out of the room ...5 minutes later she comes back with another phone and asks me to plug it in ...YEARGHHHHHHH

ps. later on as I walk by one of the marketing areas I hear someone say "hey what happened to my phone" (she was out of the office and had just come in) ...I broke out laughing ..good thing she's someone I'm friendly with ..I explained everything and we shared a laugh


so tommorrow I've figured out how to make her use the computer ...In the flash file I'll put in a fake email pop up (our email sends notification) ..she'll try to click on it but of course it's just a jpg ...hilarity ensues :E
 
hehe I guess you would have prefered I gave her a beating and set her on fire ...maybe next time ;)
 
Aww, I think my phonefax prank was funnier than the fallapart phone...


Still pretty funny though Stern :E. It's always great when a prank comes off, especially when other people are in on it :)

I have to figure out how to get my Electronics Teacher back for all his bad jokes. Trouble is I have left school and i'll only get one chance to do it (when I collect my project). Still can't think of anything, computer pranks are more my area.
 
will Stern pull the computer prank on the client lady?
stay tuned for Stern's cs_office hi-jinx :)
 
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