Your funniest sex moment

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hneaz said:
hard to believe but its true...

also, i doubt most stories here are true.
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I for one am shocked and appaled that you would accuse us of lying. you are no longer allowed to look at my posts, not even this one.
 
hool10 said:
Is there anything you havn't done Pitzy? :p
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The Brick said:
Shaving his balls for one.
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It's true. I have not fully shaven any part of my pubic region. I have trimmed it with a size 2 guard...but other than that, no.

And I've never done anal, amazingly. Doggy style is the closest I come. I don't know, I just don't find that intriguing yet. Maybe after sex has fully worn itself out, and I need something crazy new. Oh, and I've never been whipped to where I bled.
 
Hmm, sounds to me like that "to where I bled" qualifier might lead to an interesting story :naughty:

And boo to not shaving. Pubic hair sucks.
 
CyberPitz said:
It's true. I have not fully shaven any part of my pubic region. I have trimmed it with a size 2 guard...but other than that, no.

And I've never done anal, amazingly. Doggy style is the closest I come. I don't know, I just don't find that intriguing yet. Maybe after sex has fully worn itself out, and I need something crazy new. Oh, and I've never been whipped to where I bled.
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I have, but she said it hurt, so i only got to for like 5 seconds:(




Only girls should shave their pubes, by the way. I shaved mine once not wanting to, someone "dared" me to shave a smiley face in my pubes, and i ****ed up horribly (shaving when drunk = intense) so I decided to start from scratch and rid of the hair. Itched for a week and drove me insane.
 
The itching stops by about the third time you shave, and you'd be surprised at the number of girls who'd appreciate it.
 
I never got the completely shaved thing, you need a little something down there to show everyone who's boss, not bush!


Trimming ftw.
 
Stigmata said:
The itching stops by about the third time you shave, and you'd be surprised at the number of girls who'd appreciate it.
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My girlfriend hated it. I do hear alot of people saying that alot of girls do like it shaved though. I felt 10 again when I did:hmph:
 
Heres a funny one that didnt happen to me.

At a friends apartment the other night, one of his roomates went into the shower. Apparently he went in with his girlfriend because sex noises could be heard. Now, just for some visual, imagine that nerdy white kid from the movie Road Trip, and that fat black chick, and you kinda have an idea of what the two look like, only his girlfriend isnt quite so fat.

So my friend goes up to the door to hear a little better, and the girl is making quiet moan sounds, and you can hear his roomate telling her to "shh." Once my friend realizes whats happening in their shower, he gets a little angry that they're ****ing in there, but doesnt say anything yet. When the shower goes off, the girl comes out in nothing but a towel, and you can see her hairy back. His roommate is obviously staying in there longer to try and spread out their exits, and make it seem as if nothing happened.

Well, eventually he comes out, and my friend calls him over. He basically says "dont **** in our shower, thats gross and everyone has to use that bathroom. And dont let her walk around naked." His roommate gets all apologetic and promises never to do it again, and to tell his girl not to walk around nude. Then my friend notices that the guy's eyes are really bloodshot, so he asks what happened. The response made me laugh. He said "Oh, I got soap in my eyes. It really stings."

So I just envisioned this nerdy kid trying to wash his hair, while grabbing this fat chicks back hair and ramming her from behind, and getting soap in his eyes.
 
Krynn72 said:
Heres a funny one that didnt happen to me.

At a friends apartment the other night, one of his roomates went into the shower. Apparently he went in with his girlfriend because sex noises could be heard. Now, just for some visual, imagine that nerdy white kid from the movie Road Trip, and that fat black chick, and you kinda have an idea of what the two look like, only his girlfriend isnt quite so fat.

So my friend goes up to the door to hear a little better, and the girl is making quiet moan sounds, and you can hear his roomate telling her to "shh." Once my friend realizes whats happening in their shower, he gets a little angry that they're ****ing in there, but doesnt say anything yet. When the shower goes off, the girl comes out in nothing but a towel, and you can see her hairy back. His roommate is obviously staying in there longer to try and spread out their exits, and make it seem as if nothing happened.

Well, eventually he comes out, and my friend calls him over. He basically says "dont **** in our shower, thats gross and everyone has to use that bathroom. And dont let her walk around naked." His roommate gets all apologetic and promises never to do it again, and to tell his girl not to walk around nude. Then my friend notices that the guy's eyes are really bloodshot, so he asks what happened. The response made me laugh. He said "Oh, I got soap in my eyes. It really stings."

So I just envisioned this nerdy kid trying to wash his hair, while grabbing this fat chicks back hair and ramming her from behind, and getting soap in his eyes.
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That's horribly disgusting. I've NEVER truely had sex in the shower. I think I need to. Would be fun I bet.
 
CyberPitz said:
That's horribly disgusting. I've NEVER truely had sex in the shower. I think I need to. Would be fun I bet.
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Until one of you slips and you both fall down, hitting your heads on the door and wall, landing face down in the water. You both suffocate from the water and die there with the water running. 4 hours later the water hitting your skin begins to pierce it, and gradually eats away at all the soft tissue of your bodies. Police are called to investigate after the manager of your apartment wonders why the water has been running so long and does not receive a response upon knocking on your locked door. The police break in and discover the water-rot corpses of you and your lover disgustingly and unnaturally shambled in eachothers forms on the shower floor. The sight is so revolting that the police officer shoots himself right there on the spot. As his body hits the floor, it gives way after being water logged for so long. 2 people in the room underneath are killed by the debris and a fire is started from the TV that was partially crushed. The whole apartment is evacuated.

5 deaths, one pitiful failed attempt at sex in the shower.
 
Vegeta897 said:
Until one of you slips and you both fall down, hitting your heads on the door and wall, landing face down in the water. You both suffocate from the water and die there with the water running. 4 hours later the water hitting your skin begins to pierce it, and gradually eats away at all the soft tissue of your bodies. Police are called to investigate after the manager of your apartment wonders why the water has been running so long and does not receive a response upon knocking on your locked door. The police break in and discover the water-rot corpses of you and your lover disgustingly and unnaturally shambled in eachothers forms on the shower floor. The sight is so revolting that the police officer shoots himself right there on the spot. As his body hits the floor, it gives way after being water logged for so long. 2 people in the room underneath are killed by the debris and a fire is started from the TV that was partially crushed. The whole apartment is evacuated.

5 deaths, one pitiful failed attempt at sex in the shower.
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Shit, that's a risk I'm willing to take! And how could you slip with the little rubber things on the bottom of the tub! Man, I gotta stop thinking about this shit at work. Having a woody while trying to hide it when walking around = hard.
 
Oh, about that. Your penis would land directly on the drain and would effectively be grated like cheese.
 
No no no, the way you landed forced your penis against the drain.
 
Shower sex is alright, abit cramped though. Having wet hair (read head hair, not of the pubic region) everywhere gets a bit annoying too, but hey.
 
Vegeta897 said:
Until one of you slips and you both fall down, hitting your heads on the door and wall, landing face down in the water. You both suffocate from the water and die there with the water running. 4 hours later the water hitting your skin begins to pierce it, and gradually eats away at all the soft tissue of your bodies. Police are called to investigate after the manager of your apartment wonders why the water has been running so long and does not receive a response upon knocking on your locked door. The police break in and discover the water-rot corpses of you and your lover disgustingly and unnaturally shambled in eachothers forms on the shower floor. The sight is so revolting that the police officer shoots himself right there on the spot. As his body hits the floor, it gives way after being water logged for so long. 2 people in the room underneath are killed by the debris and a fire is started from the TV that was partially crushed. The whole apartment is evacuated.

5 deaths, one pitiful failed attempt at sex in the shower.
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Holy effing shit Vegeta ! You NEEEEEEEED your pillZ!
 
Pulse said:
Shower sex is alright, abit cramped though. Having wet hair (read head hair, not of the pubic region) everywhere gets a bit annoying too, but hey.
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I figure get the water to hit your back, while she's propped against the back of the shower...maybe something to hold onto, or you just using massive muscles to hold her up.
 
I've had shower sex. No funny stories though...
It's alright.
 
Seriously, it was the least comical sex ever. In hindsight, I should have predicted this thread and "accidentally" left the plug in or something. Or used a bottle of bleach rather than massaging shower gel.

Hilarious.
 
Reginald said:
Seriously, it was the least comical sex ever. In hindsight, I should have predicted this thread and "accidentally" left the plug in or something. Or used a bottle of bleach rather than massaging shower gel.

Hilarious.
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There we go, comic gold. I might have to try this shower sex thing in the coming weeks, and knowing my lack of balance, I'll probably fall, land headfirst on the side, and she'll then take my wallet.

Hmmm...
 
CyberPitz said:
There we go, comic gold. I might have to try this shower sex thing in the coming weeks, and knowing my lack of balance, I'll probably fall, land headfirst on the side, and she'll then take my wallet.

Hmmm...
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not if I try it first.
 
Vegeta897 said:
Until one of you slips and you both fall down, hitting your heads on the door and wall, landing face down in the water. You both suffocate from the water and die there with the water running. 4 hours later the water hitting your skin begins to pierce it, and gradually eats away at all the soft tissue of your bodies. Police are called to investigate after the manager of your apartment wonders why the water has been running so long and does not receive a response upon knocking on your locked door. The police break in and discover the water-rot corpses of you and your lover disgustingly and unnaturally shambled in eachothers forms on the shower floor. The sight is so revolting that the police officer shoots himself right there on the spot. As his body hits the floor, it gives way after being water logged for so long. 2 people in the room underneath are killed by the debris and a fire is started from the TV that was partially crushed. The whole apartment is evacuated.

5 deaths, one pitiful failed attempt at sex in the shower.
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If only there wasn't a four-line limit to the signature... ;(
 
I'll link to the post. I like my eyes and Sam's quote too much to delete them :D
 
You people a ****ed up mentally! :LOL: Especially you Vegeta. :LOL::LOL:
 
BTW has any of you guys heard of that guy who wanted his GF to cut out her eye because he wanted to skullf*ck her ?
It was in the news some years ago.. Sick shit i tell ya.
 
WacK said:
BTW has any of you guys heard of that guy who wanted his GF to cut out her eye because he wanted to skullf*ck her ?
It was in the news some years ago.. Sick shit i tell ya.
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Hey, it wasn't like that! I swear, she was almost gonna do it!
 
I went to norway on busniess , in a bar , woman came up 2 me , ask if she wanted a bang , i said ang about , we made love on a italian fireplace. She was ma ex-wife.
 
Hmm... considering the subject matter, would this count as necrophilia?
 
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