Your funniest sex moment

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Not really sex, but talking on the phone with this lady from New York City, since my job has me talking to people all over the US who have our service...well, she starts talking about how she gets crazy at parties, and has pictures, and I shouldn't see them. Well, I end up seeing them, and she's not HOT HOT, but she's definitely do-able. Well, then she starts going on about girls on her laps/crazy things she's done...and how she wants me to go out there :O

Then how she has a daughter about my age, so I'm sitting here thinking of an awesome 3-some with her and her daughter, when I realize I've got a massive woody here at work... \=
 
CyberPitz said:
Not really sex, but talking on the phone with this lady from New York City, since my job has me talking to people all over the US who have our service...well, she starts talking about how she gets crazy at parties, and has pictures, and I shouldn't see them. Well, I end up seeing them, and she's not HOT HOT, but she's definitely do-able. Well, then she starts going on about girls on her laps/crazy things she's done...and how she wants me to go out there :O

Then how she has a daughter about my age, so I'm sitting here thinking of an awesome 3-some with her and her daughter, when I realize I've got a massive woody here at work... \=
Click to expand...

You sick freak!

:p

<3
 
i have no funny ones at all, but my friend told me an AMAZING ONE.


Once he was eating out his girlfriend, and he just so happened to get a bloody nose, so whipes it all over his hands and looks up at her and says "LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!"
and she was like "Oh my God?! Am I on my Period!?!"
 
How the hell did you start talking about her parties? What was the original topic? :D
 
Unfocused said:
How the hell did you start talking about her parties? What was the original topic? :D
Click to expand...

Rofl, well, she was talking to a coworker...
"Get over here and sit on my lap"
ME: Oh really? *intrigued voice*
Her: haha, ohhh boy, You'd be amazed what we do over here in New York. If you visited, you'd go back home with your mouth wide open saying, "I can't believe what I just saw!"

I've only gotten a woody off of imagining 2 people I've talked to here at work...
 
Lol, I want to call Cybie's work.

"Please note that your call is being recorded for our arousal."
 
Where do you work Pitz? :p
 
Ha, I refuse to give you psyco's any of the numbers there. "Is Pitz there?!?"
"WHO?!"
"PITZ BECAUSE HE'S GAY!"
*click*
 
Yeah, a bunch of nerdy sounding guys calling up asking for cyber probably wouldn't go down too well...
 
Nerdy vioce !?? WHATEVER just throw in a little "Mmmmmh.." or a "Grrrr"
;D
That'll keep them from hanging up oh yes.
"Mmmmhello.. Is Pitzyboy available ?.. Grrrr"
 
WacK said:
Nerdy vioce !?? WHATEVER just throw in a little "Mmmmmh.." or a "Grrrr"
;D
That'll keep them from hanging up oh yes.
"Mmmmhello.. Is Pitzyboy available ?.. Grrrr"
Click to expand...

Rofl, I forsee the receptionist hanging up on you and screaming.
 
You should give us your work number. If you answer it will be great, if someone else answers, no harm done.
 
o, so my girl and I go down to the falls because she wanted to see them. there is hardly anyone there (two people fishing) and we are wandering around. we come across a secluded spot and I get the urge. so i try to get her to fool around with me while we are there, after much talking she gives in. so she goes down on me, and after awhile i want to go down on her and she resists for a little bit again but gives in...again. so I go down on her, giving her the pleaser, and just giving her a good time. after a bit she is asking for more, I am more then happy to oblige. have her brace herself against a tree and I start going to town from behind. she is panting and moaning trying to stay quite and at about that time we hear some more cars pull up to the falls. she tries to get me to stop, worrying that we will get caught, but I easily convince her otherwise (its easy to convince her to keep going). so she climaxes and she is biting down on my hand to keep from screaming, and I hear some chatter out there and get the idea to make it a little harder for her. so while she is climaxing i pull out and stick it in her pooper and start thrusting. this is a little much for her and a small scream escapes. but that is all it took, I came, some people heard a noise and started to come in our direction. we hurridly get our pants back up, she is cursing me and Im trying to hold back a chuckle. as we are leaving (she is walking a bit funny due to the surprise buttsehks) we come across the people that heard the noise and they asked us if we knew what it was. I told them she fell on her butt.
 
Kamikazi said:
o, so my girl and I go down to the falls because she wanted to see them. there is hardly anyone there (two people fishing) and we are wandering around. we come across a secluded spot and I get the urge. so i try to get her to fool around with me while we are there, after much talking she gives in. so she goes down on me, and after awhile i want to go down on her and she resists for a little bit again but gives in...again. so I go down on her, giving her the pleaser, and just giving her a good time. after a bit she is asking for more, I am more then happy to oblige. have her brace herself against a tree and I start going to town from behind. she is panting and moaning trying to stay quite and at about that time we hear some more cars pull up to the falls. she tries to get me to stop, worrying that we will get caught, but I easily convince her otherwise (its easy to convince her to keep going). so she climaxes and she is biting down on my hand to keep from screaming, and I hear some chatter out there and get the idea to make it a little harder for her. so while she is climaxing i pull out and stick it in her pooper and start thrusting. this is a little much for her and a small scream escapes. but that is all it took, I came, some people heard a noise and started to come in our direction. we hurridly get our pants back up, she is cursing me and Im trying to hold back a chuckle. as we are leaving (she is walking a bit funny due to the surprise buttsehks) we come across the people that heard the noise and they asked us if we knew what it was. I told them she fell on her butt.
Click to expand...



now just imagine how easy it is for other dudes to convince her ;)


One time I was dating this guy for about 3 months, he was kind of a dick (pun huhuh).
But anyways, he was over one night, completely wasted, but not me (I don't get wasted, have no reason to *shrugs*)

And he's like "ayeee, I want youu to go down on meeee" so, I don't really like him, but now he is drunk and trying to make me blow him, so I don't like him more

So, I seduce him a bit and blind fold him, when his pants are down I take a spoon and poor some honey on his dick (keep in mind he is PISS drunk)

he giggles a bit, but then I call my dog over, and the dog starts licking his dick really fast and he's like "whoa, kinda into it are we???" and his hand goes down thinking it's my head, and the dog gets pissed and snaps at his dick XD

(my dog hates him) So he takes the blind fold off and his penis has a tiny little scratch on it and he's like "what the **** bitch!" so I told him if he didn't enjoy that, then I could never be with him, and he left
 
Bull Squid Sally said:
now just imagine how easy it is for other dudes to convince her ;)


One time I was dating this guy for about 3 months, he was kind of a dick (pun huhuh).
But anyways, he was over one night, completely wasted, but not me (I don't get wasted, have no reason to *shrugs*)

And he's like "ayeee, I want youu to go down on meeee" so, I don't really like him, but now he is drunk and trying to make me blow him, so I don't like him more

So, I seduce him a bit and blind fold him, when his pants are down I take a spoon and poor some honey on his dick (keep in mind he is PISS drunk)

he giggles a bit, but then I call my dog over, and the dog starts licking his dick really fast and he's like "whoa, kinda into it are we???" and his hand goes down thinking it's my head, and the dog gets pissed and snaps at his dick XD

(my dog hates him) So he takes the blind fold off and his penis has a tiny little scratch on it and he's like "what the **** bitch!" so I told him if he didn't enjoy that, then I could never be with him, and he left
Click to expand...

for some reason i am not really concerned about other dudes convincing her to do things. also I could swear i saw that somewhere.
 
LoL at surprise buttsechs xD

"Oh baby you're so good.. mmmmmh"
"HERE COMES THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!"
"Eh?.. AAAARGH!!?"
 
A girl I don't really like just said she liked me and asked me out... over msn. She was serious too. I gave the I'm-currently-seeing-someone-else-excuse. It did the trick.



Yep this is my funniest story that's even remotely sex related. (read: only one)
 
Just remember.. When you get off onto the girls stomach, careful not to role over quickly. You'll just get it on your sheets, then you're sleeping in your jizz!
 
Bull Squid Sally said:
now just imagine how easy it is for other dudes to convince her ;)


One time I was dating this guy for about 3 months, he was kind of a dick (pun huhuh).
But anyways, he was over one night, completely wasted, but not me (I don't get wasted, have no reason to *shrugs*)

And he's like "ayeee, I want youu to go down on meeee" so, I don't really like him, but now he is drunk and trying to make me blow him, so I don't like him more

So, I seduce him a bit and blind fold him, when his pants are down I take a spoon and poor some honey on his dick (keep in mind he is PISS drunk)

he giggles a bit, but then I call my dog over, and the dog starts licking his dick really fast and he's like "whoa, kinda into it are we???" and his hand goes down thinking it's my head, and the dog gets pissed and snaps at his dick XD

(my dog hates him) So he takes the blind fold off and his penis has a tiny little scratch on it and he's like "what the **** bitch!" so I told him if he didn't enjoy that, then I could never be with him, and he left
Click to expand...

Blatent copypasta.
 
Well, not funny..but interesting *and I don't remember if I already posted...*

Was doing this girl in my bed.the way it sits is the bed is in the corner of the room. Well, we started parallel with the bed. Then for some reason, we'd end up her sitting upright in the corner, and us going at it. We were doing it pretty rough. We were sweating up a storm. Well, we finally realized what was happening, so we go back to our positions. Well, 5 minutes later, we end up in the same corner doing the same thing.

Now THAT was some good ****ing sex. I wish I could have some of that again.
 
funny you should mention you jerked off into some coke cause i jerked off into my womans shake today, she said it was delicious. and no, you have not posted that, do i know the girl?
 
I raped Pitzy last night...
domokun9ze.gif
's joined in too

:D
 
I was having raging sex with this fine dame in my bed, and things were looking good but it was dark - we got faster and faster and I thought I was going to blow my load right inside her. Suddenly I heard the cold crisp sound of snapping bone and sliding muscle tissue and flipped my light switch on, and lo and behold I was ****ing a cadaver! You should have seen the look on my face, it was timeless.

I have got to stop picking up broads at the funeral home!
 
babyheadcrab said:
I was ****ing a cadaver! You should have seen the look on my face, it was timeless.

I have got to stop picking up broads at the funeral home!
Click to expand...

EEEEEW HOMIE!!! EEEEEEEEEEEWW!!! F*CKING ..AAAAARGH!
 
Kamikazi said:
funny you should mention you jerked off into some coke cause i jerked off into my womans shake today, she said it was delicious. and no, you have not posted that, do i know the girl?
Click to expand...

Nah, it was Tracy. She used to work with me at Braum's. We were going to date, but she went psyco. Good thing, too, because she went down into the bad drugs isle. You might have seen her once or twice though. Damn..I still miss that lay.
 
once, me and my friend were driving, and we decided to pick up a hooker. Well, when we got to my place, the hooker was all like "I don't feel like doin this tonight" and me and my friend were pretty horny, so we tried to convince her otherwise.... well, she wouldn't listen, and she started kicking and hitting. So my friend went behind her and put a generic brand black trash bag over her head and then I knocked her out with a lamp.
The next morning she woke up in a motel.


Nah, just kidding! That would be terrible, I would never use generic brand trash bags, I only use Glad!
 
One night, not too long ago, one night down by the docks, I was standing alone under an arch, watching all the men jibbing the boom, out in the harbour, and playing about with a yardarm, when a certain lady came up to me and made me a certain proposal. This lady had been searching for me for days. She'd lost tracks of my whereabouts. However, the fact was she eventually caught up with me, and when she caught up with me she made me this certain proposal. Well, this proposal wasn't entirely out of order and normally I would have subscribed to it. I mean I would have subscribed to it in the normal course of events. The only trouble was that she was falling apart with the pox. So I turned it down. Well, this lady was very insistent and started taking liberties with me down under this arch, liberties which by any criterion I couldn't be expected to tolerate, the facts being what they were, so I clumped her one. It was on my mind at the time to do away with her, you know, to kill her, and the fact is, that as killings go, it would have been a simple matter, nothing to it. Her chauffeur, who had located me for her, he'd popped round the corner to have a drink, which just left this lady and myself, you see, alone, standing underneath this arch, watching all the steamers steaming up, no one about, all quiet on the Western Front, and there she was up against this wall - well, just sliding down the wall, following the blow I'd given her. Well, to sum up, everything was in my favour, for a killing. Don't worry about the chauffeur. The chauffeur would never have spoken. He was an old friend of the family. But...in the end I thought...Aaah, why go to all the bother...you know, getting rid of the corpse and all that, getting yourself into a state of tension. So I just gave her another belt in the nose, a cockslap and a couple of turns of the boot, and sort of left it at that.

How did I know she was diseased? I decided she was.
 
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