Your funniest sex moment

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Shodan said:
My parents once told my girlfriend and me off for "Being too loud" apparantly the neighbors heard. :LOL:
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Ooh dear. I've been there. Even had my parents come in and yell "WILL YOU STOP MOANING SO LOUDLY?" (there are curtains around my bed) and then slam the door shut. Me and my gf usually end up staring at each others blank faces for a few seconds and then LOL in cases that people come in / we know we're being too loud.
 
Has nobody seen that skit? This guy is getting ready to bang this chick, she's like "Oh hold on, here's one of my boyfriends condoms". the dude slips it on, turns the light off, and you see his cock just there...red. It's a glow in the dark condom. So he gets ready to get it on, when the boyfriend comes home. You see red stick jump up and down as it goes to teh closet. BF gets inside, "What are you doing?" Girl is like "Oh just waiting for you" so the BF gets his condom on *green* and gets ready to go at it. Guy in closet tries to sneak out, but having a red stick floating through the dark room isn't normal. Well a fight ensues, so you just see the glowing cocks "sword dualing" while they are fighting...quite possibly teh funniest sex skit I've ever seen.
 
^ sounds hilarious.. I never saw that one... I wonder if its on youtube lol.
 
After my last girlfriend, I never want to have sex, ever :(

I swear she wanted to marry and have kids

You mean EJACULATED!?
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Just say squirt, its universal


From now on, instead of using D:, replace it with an image similar to the one below

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Well me, my girlfriend, my bud rob, jack, peter, and greg were all...well you know. And then rob's parents walked in (we were at his house) and they too joined in. It was a pretty good night.
 
JNightshade said:
Except it wasn't my dad, it was hers D:
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OK, well, at least you could run and not deal with them on a daily basis! :D

DEATH eVADER said:
After my last girlfriend, I never want to have sex, ever :(

I swear she wanted to marry and have kids
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Ahh I had a girl that would do stuff with me, but not sex. So we'd mainly be dry humping, and the words that uttered her mouth. "I want to marry you so we can have sex"

I ended the relationship the next day.
 
To set the scene, parents in house fine with gf stayign over but not meant to sleep in same room ( ****ing frigiid **** my mum is)
Sister room is right next to mine.

Night out, gf crashed at mine slept off the booze. wake up, and have the early morning horny as hell sex. DOggy style really thursting, that the bed was scraping agsint the wall. Sister storms in unbeknown that gf is staying over walks in and just stares blankly at me as im naked behind my naked gf

She didnt tell my parents or anyone, i think she is scarred for life XD
 
Ennui said:
This thread delivers.
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God damn right it does. I'm trying to think of some great moments, but too bad most of them were just bland sex. :(

Well, here's one that I've already asked on the forums. With a girl whom I've had sex with once before, but since she was sooo skinny, it felt like screwing a board. Well, we were going to go at it again, and my guy goes down for the count. I can't get him back up, really depressing. But my best guess is, he didn't like it last time, so refused to go for it this time....

Smart bastard, my penis is.
 
I was at pitzy's place, and was playing a game that he had gotten recently. his girl that he was seeing at the time shows up and they are talking and stuff. eventually I end up taking a nap in pitz comp chair (it was pretty late, and I am a rude inconsiderate person) I slowly wake up and hear some noises, I recognize what it is (they were fooling around under the covers) and too her surprise I say "when your done with him, give me a bj." I did not get it, but it was funny.
 
Kamikazi said:
I was at pitzy's place, and was playing a game that he had gotten recently. his girl that he was seeing at the time shows up and they are talking and stuff. eventually I end up taking a nap in pitz comp chair (it was pretty late, and I am a rude inconsiderate person) I slowly wake up and hear some noises, I recognize what it is (they were fooling around under the covers) and too her surprise I say "when your done with him, give me a bj." I did not get it, but it was funny.
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OH ROFL! I forgot all about that! Wasn't that Tasha? If I remember correctly, I think I said, "After you're done with me, give him a BJ". Though I'm not sure...she wasn't the part of my life I remember everything about \=
 
i think it was tash, either way it was funneh. I was kinda wanting that bj tho. :(
 
this threads elicits quite a few "ewwww" moments ..specifically the thought of teens trying in vain to hide their inexperience while engaged in a sort of graceless greco-roman embrace all the while keeping an eye on the door to prevent being caught in flagrante delicto

"I cant find the hole"

"stop humping me, my mom is in the next room"
 
Recently I've been tricking this chick to have sex with me by telling her that I'm administering some ointment into her using the tip of my penis. Shes been letting me do this for nine months now!
 
tehsolace said:
Recently I've been tricking this chick to have sex with me by telling her that I'm administering some ointment into her using the tip of my penis. Shes been letting me do this for nine months now!
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Fark thief :p

EDIT: Oh, there's a thread about it here too.

Since I don't have any funny stories of myself, I have a story that my friends from college have told me.

Here's one of them:

The people of this story come from a relatively small high school where everybody pretty much knows everybody, small class sized and whatnot. So...there was a girl from Texas (who for reasons in this story is now called "Texaho")that was a complete slut at this high school. Anyways, 3 guys gang-banged her in my friend's house. Little did she, my friend was in the closet video taping all of this. Days later, somehow the tape was taken from my friend's house and passed around. It apparently got to the point where most of the school (hundreds of people) had seen this video and if they hadn't seen it, they knew about it. Now my friend never managed to get a shot of her face in the video and the quality wasn't so great so the girl would've normally been able to gab about it like anybody else at school and stay anonymous, but here's the kicker: Some time before the video was taken, she had some kind of accident and broke her leg. Naturally she had a big cast on it and of course it showed up in the video. So the video shows these guys banging the shit out of this girl with a huge cast in the shot. There was no mistaking her. She never lived it down.
 
ROFL. I love it when whores get pulled like that. It's great how they don't have a problem doing it, but when people start to talk about it, she gets all self conscious about it.

I'll never understand it.
 
Shift said:
According to one of my mates, he was getting it down, cumed on his hand, and threw it in his girlfriends face while shouting, "GO WEB! GO!!"
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ahahahahaha

oh my god, just saw this post cant stop laughing :LOL:
 
CyberPitz said:
Usually if you just dive in at random directions, you're bound to find something new!
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Don't do that, someone's bound to lose an eye.

Or in some extreme instances, break a leg...
 
Thread wins.

A couple of years ago, while traveling with a friend in Thailand. I pick up this Australian chick. Bit of a surfer girl. Very fit and tanned. And with a very loud voice. More of a moan actually. Anyway, it is around 10 AM, we are in my bungalow (hut to be more precise) and she is making a lot of noise again. When I am in the position for it, I look out of the window and I see 5 Thai gardeners, leaning on their rakes and smoking cigarettes while watching my hut. I give them a wave, they cheer and give me a thumbs up. I tell the Ozzie chick what just happened and she winks while moaning even louder.
 
I really can't believe I'm telling this story.

It was when I was losing my virginity. My girlfriend and I were staying at my best friend's house, we did the deed, and we were doing the post-sex cuddling on his couch. Then, without any warning, he barges in. No knock, not even a polite door-opening, he just slams it open and starts cracking up.

I took the condom, slowly lifted it upside down, and made it spill all over his floor. His expression was priceless.
 
CyberPitz said:
ROFL. I love it when whores get pulled like that. It's great how they don't have a problem doing it, but when people start to talk about it, she gets all self conscious about it.

I'll never understand it.
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Or maybe it's not the fact that they are talking, but the fact that they are acting like jerks to her.
Tell me what would you do if a guy had sex with three girls, would you and your friends go around and laugh at him? Would you humiliate him?
 
Slacker said:
I really can't believe I'm telling this story.

It was when I was losing my virginity. My girlfriend and I were staying at my best friend's house, we did the deed, and we were doing the post-sex cuddling on his couch. Then, without any warning, he barges in. No knock, not even a polite door-opening, he just slams it open and starts cracking up.

I took the condom, slowly lifted it upside down, and made it spill all over his floor. His expression was priceless.
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:LOL:
 
Gray Fox said:
brickzb8.gif
Or maybe it's not the fact that they are talking, but the fact that they are acting like jerks to her.
Tell me what would you do if a guy had sex with three girls, would you and your friends go around and laugh at him? Would you humiliate him?
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Well, if I was the guy, and the video was going all around the net, would I be embarrassed? No....if they were making fun of me? what do I care, I shagged 3 chicks at the same time. More power to me. They can attempt to humiliate me all they want. I did it without remorse, I won't have any if they start to tease me. This isn't elementary school...
 
CyberPitz said:
Well, if I was the guy, and the video was going all around the net, would I be embarrassed? No....if they were making fun of me? what do I care, I shagged 3 chicks at the same time. More power to me. They can attempt to humiliate me all they want. I did it without remorse, I won't have any if they start to tease me. This isn't elementary school...
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Would you also call yourself a whore then, because thats what you called her.
 
That sort of thing is WAY different for girls. You can say they could just pay it no mind, but keep in mind it's high school. People will go to any measures to get a reaction.
 
Bad^Hat said:
That sort of thing is WAY different for girls. You can say they could just pay it no mind, but keep in mind it's high school. People will go to any measures to get a reaction.
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Why is it different?
Because a sexually retarded culture says so?
Because girls don't enjoy sex?
Because they only put out to satisfy guys?
 
Fox...why make this a thread with meaning!

It was fun the way it was!

<3
 
this thread is about to have a moral to it if fox keeps talking.
 
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