Your funniest sex moment

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i got some weird ones and some painful ones and maybe some funny ones.

me and my GF were doing it in the car somewhere in the woods late at nigh. while doing it the car windows got really steamy, few minutes later there was walking sound as i looked out there was a really creepy apparently drunk man wearing one of those working suits, he seemed like a zombie from far, skinny and walking funny, coming at our car and wiping the cars windows to see in. we really didn't know what to do, so we just sat there. we're scarred for life. :rolling:

the painful one was when we were again doing it in the car, really hard, banging like a jack hammer, when suddenly my "drill" slips out of the main dig and goes full force to the neighboring hole all the way in. i don't believe i ever saw my GF in more pain. but yea i was laughing my ass off. :cheese:

i can't remember any really funny, but there was this time while she was giving me a BJ while i sat on a rotten tree trunk, only to find out it had a big ass ant colony inside. of course we spent 10min cleaning the ants of my body. but i still got a BJ after. ;)
 
jverne said:
i got some weird ones and some painful ones and maybe some funny ones.

me and my GF were doing it in the car somewhere in the woods late at nigh. while doing it the car windows got really steamy, few minutes later there was walking sound as i looked out there was a really creepy apparently drunk man wearing one of those working suits, he seemed like a zombie from far, skinny and walking funny, coming at our car and wiping the cars windows to see in. we really didn't know what to do, so we just sat there. we're scarred for life. :rolling:

the painful one was when we were again doing it in the car, really hard, banging like a jack hammer, when suddenly my "drill" slips out of the main dig and goes full force to the neighboring hole all the way in. i don't believe i ever saw my GF in more pain. but yea i was laughing my ass off. :cheese:

i can't remember any really funny, but there was this time while she was giving me a BJ while i sat on a rotten tree trunk, only to find out it had a big ass ant colony inside. of course we spent 10min cleaning the ants of my body. but i still got a BJ after. ;)
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Christ just get a room.
 
Well I just remembered a story that happened to me when I was just 1. This story is entirely from my mom because you can't remember anything that young. So what happened was I was playing in the sand pit. And I found a used condom on the ground. :x I picked it up thinking it was a balloon and was going to blow into it! :p My mom took it away from me though before it touched my lips and washed my hands afterwards. When my mom told me this I was like "are you serious? LMAO AHAHA".
 
Kamikazi said:
:| ........ I am sorry to hear that, but could you please try not to kill the mood.
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There was a mood?

****ing against a door in a pet shop aint exactly on par with a candlelight dinner, but have it your way :p

Wasn't meaning to bum anyone out honestly... now I think about I'm really not sure why I mentioned that.



Anyway, back to the dirty stories! NEED MOAR FILTH!!
 
My lass fell asleep whilst laid on my arm last night (i was already asleep), now my shoulder is absolutely killing me. Not funny, just STUPID.
 
..edit

I getcha, you mean post lovin. Still, pretty loose link there.
 
riomhaire said:
Why say that you will call her Texaho and then never mention the word again fro the entire story?
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I meant that's what everybody at her school called her after they all had seen or were aware of the video.

It wasn't a name I came up with for the story :p
 
Not really sex, but hey, it's something!

Is it just me, or when you're goin' at it, beating your meat, and you get off, sometimes it smacks your forehead? I hate that.
 
CyberPitz said:
Not really sex, but hey, it's something!

Is it just me, or when you're goin' at it, beating your meat, and you get off, sometimes it smacks your forehead? I hate that.
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well, stop giving yourself head.
 
every time I try to have kamasutra style it's feel like I'm in some acrobatic gym where they train you to move ur hands or legs in kung fu style.
 
Ok this is totally true...
Me and 35 blokes were staying in a hotel in Canada for a few months, after a night out one of the guys took a girl back to his room, she's giving him head whilst his room mate is shagging his girlfriend in the opposite bed. Anyways she spits out into this cup of water by the bed. A few minutes later this other guy who has just arrived back comes in because he is really thirsty (even though its not his room) and grabs the cup and drinks some...
That seriously happened.

Also earlier in the course that guy who drank from the cup, had been chatting to this girl; as they are getting into a taxi, that bloke whose cum he drinks weeks later just jumped in with them. They ended up spit-roasting the drunk girl.
 
dekstar said:
It's fake.
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fpobair1_1.jpg
 
Me and my girlfriend where at her house and she was on top doing the cowgirl, we thought we locked the door then it opens and her 14 year old sister comes in screaming 'oh my god what are you doing!' my gf jumps out her skin and hides under the covers and her sister runs downstairs.

And as it goes it's always my fault so I had to go down and apologise to her sister and explain what happened (my gf has a thing about honesty) so instead of doing any of that i say 'look Emma i've been told to explain what happened so i'll keep it short, it wasn't what it looked like, i was just playing poker with your sister, and when you walked in she was on top but it didn't matter because i won a moment before hand!' needless to say i had a book thrown at my head and had to disappear very quickly!
 
Jesus Christ! Do all your girlfriends have either a little sister or brother:| . Girlfriend with no family FTW:naughty:
 
rae said:
i say 'look Emma i've been told to explain what happened so i'll keep it short, it wasn't what it looked like, i was just playing poker with your sister, and when you walked in she was on top but it didn't matter because i won a moment before hand!' needless to say i had a book thrown at my head and had to disappear very quickly!
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Haha, this is exactly what I would do in that situation :D
 
i dont get it :S . what does poker have to do with it ? unless your talking about strip poker and even then it doesnt make sense :S.
 
My girlfirend's dad is suprised that she isn't pregnant yet. Both of her older sisters got pregnant in high school. Hell, we don't even have sex. We're good Catholic kids. :p I love her more than anything else in the world though.
 
wakiwaki said:
My girlfirend's dad is suprised that she isn't pregnant yet. Both of her older sisters got pregnant in high school. Hell, we don't even have sex. We're good Catholic kids. :p I love her more than anything else in the world though.
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did they actually have the kids?

That would be scary... 5+ kids in the same house now-a-days is :O
 
Well, her dad threatened to kill her oldest sister's boyfriend if he left her. Yes they did have the kids, her oldest sister has 4 now, and her next oldest only has the 1. The oldest sister has moved out though. And it was 6 kids for a while, she has a younger sister too.
 
Rabarber said:
Your girlfriend's dad isn't pregnant? :O
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No, it's amazing, I know. He is one of those people who could steal a car by lifting the rear bumper and walking the car away. But what I meant was that he is suprised that my girlfriend isn't pregnant yet.
 
wakiwaki said:
Well, her dad threatened to kill her oldest sister's boyfriend if he left her. Yes they did have the kids, her oldest sister has 4 now, and her next oldest only has the 1. The oldest sister has moved out though. And it was 6 kids for a while, she has a younger sister too.
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haven't these people ever heard of CONTRACEPTIVES ? lol
 
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