Your funniest sex moment

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Well one time my mom walked in on me and this girl while we were starting to do our thing, just kinda looked at us, and closed the door and left lol. Another time me and this girl killed a bottle of rum and decided it would be a good idea to get it on...needless to say, certain "equipment" didnt work right (for either of us i might add), yea that night sucked ;[
 
luls @ AzzMan

Oh, another one.

Now, my bedroom right now is laid out so that my bed is pushed into a corner, with about eight inches of space between the bed and the wall on both sides. I had the lights out, and the door closed, and music playing (Explosions in the Sky \o/) and I was going down on my gf, under the covers. Ten seconds after her pants were off, I hear my mom walk up to the door and knock, and my gf panics, practically yells "Oh my God!" and attempts to hide. Apparently, "hiding" meant rolling straight into the wall that my bed is against, at maybe 8/10ths the speed of light, and then falling right down to the floor.

So with her hidden, I pull the covers up over myself, and the conversation goes as such:

"Can I come in?"
"Umm, no."
"Why not?"
"Nothing, just... go away."
"..."
"Please."
"What are you doing in there?"
"NOTHING. Just go away, leave please, oh god..."
"..."
"Just... give me a minute."
"Can I come in now?"
"NO, just please go. We're not doing anything, but go away."

Needless to say I got a talking to about an apparent "open doors policy" that I, for whatever reason, hadn't been told about earlier.
 
In case anyone was wondering, I did make it up to her the follwing night though, so all is good in teh land of sexy time =]
 
****ing parents!

i dont think they realise that ppl want to Shag the brains out of each other:p

Just cos they dont get none, doesnt mean that your kids should be so horrifically caged!

when im a parent if my kids bring ladies/guys back ill be handing my son condoms and my daughter some:p

Admitedly i will scare the guy Shitless before hand so he respects my daughter.

My son can do what the shit he likes as long as hes got a hat on
 
I just got this mental image of your son, wearing nothing but an enormous stovepipe hat, standing atop Capitol Hill with a machinegun in one hand and a megaphone in the other, firing at civilians and yelling obscenities and random words as he urinates on the Constitution. And you stand there, proud as can be, holding your daughter firm at your side, and she looks up at you and says "Daddy, can I do that too?" And you just shake your head 'no', and go back to watching your son terrorize America with nothing but a sweet stovepipe hat on.
 
i was going along the lines of this:
00148858.detail.a.jpg

No offensh to any mnative americans.
 
Stigmata said:
I just got this mental image of your son, wearing nothing but an enormous stovepipe hat, standing atop Capitol Hill with a machinegun in one hand and a megaphone in the other, firing at civilians and yelling obscenities and random words as he urinates on the Constitution. And you stand there, proud as can be, holding your daughter firm at your side, and she looks up at you and says "Daddy, can I do that too?" And you just shake your head 'no', and go back to watching your son terrorize America with nothing but a sweet stovepipe hat on.
Click to expand...

oh the sweet rofl waffles, that was good.
 
Stigmata said:
I just got this mental image of your son, wearing nothing but an enormous stovepipe hat, standing atop Capitol Hill with a machinegun in one hand and a megaphone in the other, firing at civilians and yelling obscenities and random words as he urinates on the Constitution. And you stand there, proud as can be, holding your daughter firm at your side, and she looks up at you and says "Daddy, can I do that too?" And you just shake your head 'no', and go back to watching your son terrorize America with nothing but a sweet stovepipe hat on.
Click to expand...

Draw that, now.
 
Stigmata said:
I just got this mental image of your son, wearing nothing but an enormous stovepipe hat, standing atop Capitol Hill with a machinegun in one hand and a megaphone in the other, firing at civilians and yelling obscenities and random words as he urinates on the Constitution. And you stand there, proud as can be, holding your daughter firm at your side, and she looks up at you and says "Daddy, can I do that too?" And you just shake your head 'no', and go back to watching your son terrorize America with nothing but a sweet stovepipe hat on.
Click to expand...

I didn't think this thread could get any funnier.

One time I was having a garden party at my house but indoors was, in theory, out of bounds on my mum's say so.
So naturally, me and my girlfriend-at-the-time go upstairs and start making out against the wall. She kneels down ready to... well, you know... when suddenly I hear what sounds like a motorbike revving outside. I look out the window, past the curtains we forgot to close and there are about 60 party guests on the lawn, clapping and cheering us on.
Needless to say, she got embarassed and we finished off later.
 
One time I was getting a little bit of head from my girlfriend and I didn't tell her I was about to get off, so I held her head on my dick and the magic milk came out her nose. She wasn't happy at all.
 
Vigilante said:
One time I was getting a little bit of head from my girlfriend and I didn't tell her I was about to get off, so I held her head on my dick and the magic milk came out her nose. She wasn't happy at all.
Click to expand...

Wa.. wahhahahahaha!!
Damn homie you win!

Warbie said:
Luminous condom in the dark and lightsaber noises.
Click to expand...

oh and that is sigged ! damn..
 
Vigilante said:
One time I was getting a little bit of head from my girlfriend and I didn't tell her I was about to get off, so I held her head on my dick and the magic milk came out her nose. She wasn't happy at all.
Click to expand...

Hahaha, that's a pretty disgusting thought! lol.
 
CyberPitz said:
Yeah, this should sustain every scat need you'll ever have.

If not, it will surely get you laughing.
Click to expand...
Oh great!

I remember laughing at porn.. well..uhm.. i almost always do (i know i'm special) usually when the dude trips (yes those movies DOES exist)or the d!ck jumps out or sumthing .. haha :p
 
WacK said:
Oh great!

I remember laughing at porn.. well..uhm.. i almost always do (i know i'm special) usually when the dude trips (yes those movies DOES exist)or the d!ck jumps out or sumthing .. haha :p
Click to expand...

I love the ones where they have bloopers. Guy's ready to blow his load into the girls mouth, but it launches into her eye.

"OH MY EYE!"
I bust up every time there
 
CyberPitz said:
I love the ones where they have bloopers. Guy's ready to blow his load into the girls mouth, but it launches into her eye.

"OH MY EYE!"
I bust up every time there
Click to expand...
Or the one where they all get AIDS, those make me rofl :LOL:
 
Stigmata said:
luls @ AzzMan

Oh, another one.

Now, my bedroom right now is laid out so that my bed is pushed into a corner, with about eight inches of space between the bed and the wall on both sides. I had the lights out, and the door closed, and music playing (Explosions in the Sky \o/) and I was going down on my gf, under the covers. Ten seconds after her pants were off, I hear my mom walk up to the door and knock, and my gf panics, practically yells "Oh my God!" and attempts to hide. Apparently, "hiding" meant rolling straight into the wall that my bed is against, at maybe 8/10ths the speed of light, and then falling right down to the floor.

So with her hidden, I pull the covers up over myself, and the conversation goes as such:

"Can I come in?"
"Umm, no."
"Why not?"
"Nothing, just... go away."
"..."
"Please."
"What are you doing in there?"
"NOTHING. Just go away, leave please, oh god..."
"..."
"Just... give me a minute."
"Can I come in now?"
"NO, just please go. We're not doing anything, but go away."

Needless to say I got a talking to about an apparent "open doors policy" that I, for whatever reason, hadn't been told about earlier.
Click to expand...

Here, this will help you all visualize the situation.

picture005oy5.jpg

picture032mm6.jpg

picture010ou1.jpg
 
baron insig said:
****ing parents!

i dont think they realise that ppl want to Shag the brains out of each other:p

Just cos they dont get none, doesnt mean that your kids should be so horrifically caged!

when im a parent if my kids bring ladies/guys back ill be handing my son condoms and my daughter some:p

Admitedly i will scare the guy Shitless before hand so he respects my daughter.

My son can do what the shit he likes as long as hes got a hat on
Click to expand...

Stigmata said:
I just got this mental image of your son, wearing nothing but an enormous stovepipe hat, standing atop Capitol Hill with a machinegun in one hand and a megaphone in the other, firing at civilians and yelling obscenities and random words as he urinates on the Constitution. And you stand there, proud as can be, holding your daughter firm at your side, and she looks up at you and says "Daddy, can I do that too?" And you just shake your head 'no', and go back to watching your son terrorize America with nothing but a sweet stovepipe hat on.
Click to expand...

You are fuxing epic, Stig.
 
No more stories ?? come on ppl go bang some chicks and tell us how it went xD
 
Easier said than done when you're a loser, in addition to having morals and standards :|
 
I have standards. Whenever I go to the brothel four people proceed behind me, bearing my gigantic battle-flag emblazoned with my phallic coat of arms so that my sperm should be fired to flow faster and harder.
 
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