Your funniest sex moment

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This thread delivers like UPS.

I was once getting a blow job / Russian wank combo in a corn field, it was fraeky specially when later on my mates started looking for us with flashlights, I was trying to finish off before they found us, but damn French wine, I couldn't feel anything =(

They found us later on but I was dressed.
 
Adrien C said:
This thread delivers like UPS.
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ThisThreadDelivers.jpg
 
How in gods name can you have that and a blow job at the same time?
 
I prefer a Dutch Fvck.

Of course UrbanDictionary gets it completely wrong; a dutch fvck is when you light your cigarette from the end of someone else's.
 
Hmm, so it's called a russian wank. I like to put it under my right leg, then straighten my leg out...in essence making it go the same direction as your legs when you're standing straight up. It may hurt at first, but damn if it doesn't feel good.
 
Wait what da fuk? Haha, thats no Russian wank, a Russian wank or spanish wank is when you put your crowbar between her tits.
 
Adrien C said:
Wait what da fuk? Haha, thats no Russian wank, a Russian wank or spanish wank is when you put your crowbar between her tits.
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Ahh, those are fun times there....great when your sick of the mundane missionary.
 
Going down on a girl for the first time. I'm going crazy, having the time of my life. After all is said in done, I get up, pick out a hair form my teeth, hand it to her and say, "I believe this is your floss."

She just goes, :O

LETS GET THIS GOIN!
 
I cant remember if I posted my story here. So here goes.

Not really sex, but a bit of fun :) Anyway, Me and my girlfriend at the time and our parents were on holiday on this caravan site out in the country. Our caravans were 2 caravans away from each other. Anyway, her parents went round to mine and I stayed there alone with my girlfriend. We started making out as you do and it got a little hot :D Anyway, took off her top, got out her boobs and carried on making out and i'm there having fun playing away with her boobs :D
Next thing we know is the doors opening and her parents are comming back. Cue me diving back and my girlfriend struggling to put her clothes back on. Her step-dad was the first one in and he just stood their laughing his head off, girlfriend went bright red, I sat there kinda laughing and kinda embarrest (first time being caught doing anything like that :p)
What made it worse was that her step dad ran out and went and told my parents! And I never talk about sex or anything to my parents so it was really embarrasing going back later that night.
 
Ohhh this is hilarious. I just remembered it. First time I got off around a girl without sex. We were in her car, dry humping like mad dogs. We were going crazy. Her pants were down, mine were down. but we still had our under on, so no penetration. Well, while getting at it, I get off. I was so embarrassed for some reason. so I was like "uhhhhuhhh, OH SHOOT MY DAD GOTTA GO!" and took off out of the car. Oh god, it's funny now, yet slightly disturbing.
 
we're doing it doggy style in my girlfriends room. we were going at it for about 20 minutes when all the sudden the lights flick on and my girlfriend walks in.
...
 
Pitz, you seem to dry hump a lot. :D

gowiththeflow... busted. :D
 
Ren.182 said:
Pitz, you seem to dry hump a lot. :D

gowiththeflow... busted. :D
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This was mostly before I started having sex....back in teh day, I was like "I'm waiting till marriage!"

Now I just laugh at those thoughts.

Why would you be screwing a girl in your girlfriends room?
 
Blew my load all over my gf, like a legitimate 5 roper....and said "I faked it"
 
I refuse to let such an epic thread die.

So one time me and my girlfriend-at-the-time went to see a movie really late at night so no one else would be in the theater. This theater was part of a really large, really busy shopping mall so I parked on some level in the parking garage and we were on our way. When we were comming back however it was like 2am and the mall had long been closed and so the garage was completely empty. I couldnt remember where I parked so we were just roaming the garage for a while, and then there was this one car on one of the levels kind of near the stairs and we figured someone wouldnt be by to pick it up until morning so we kind of stood by it for a while... sat on it... and then we started making out on the hood of the car... it got pretty hot and we started fooling around. Alot of clothes began to fall off at this point.. so we're just about to really go at it when the car beeps and scares the living shit out of both of us. Some other couple was on the other side of the garage. We grabbed our clothes and ran for the stairs and thank god my car was on the next level.

Im not sure if they saw us (or figured out what we were doing) because it was pretty dark and far away but we definately left some pretty interesting marks on their car... I bet they had some explaining to do when they got home.
 
It's about 11:00PM on a Friday night. Everybody is out cruising. well, driving out in the park, we see this car sitting there. It's like they tried to tuck it away. We knew what was up. We pulled up behind it, turned the brights on, and laid on the horn. They jumped up so fast. Ohh boy, seeing 2 kids half naked jumping up that fast is just classic....I always like to make swings by that park to make sure nobody else is there....

Then there was a time me and my girlfriend took her parents van with us to the movies. But we didn't see the movie. We parked in the back and started to fool around. Well, I'm eating her out, and these skater punks walk by the van. We freeze....they walk away, we thought we were safe. Well, I kept going, and then out of the corner of my eye, one of them is staring at me, all cooky eyed like he's seeing a pron for the first time....I give him a look like he is going to die, and he runs for the hills. We quickly clean up, and move to another location to finish up ;) We DID buy some warming oils for a reason. :O
 
It's not exactly a sex story, but it involves a lot of booze, a strip club and a vomit. You wanna hear it?
 
Taxman said:
It's not exactly a sex story, but it involves a lot of booze, a strip club and a vomit. You wanna hear it?
Click to expand...

Already heard it, your sister wouldn't shut up about it last night!

Ok, lets hear it taxy ;)
 
Unfocused said:
And he's the one whining that girls do not want him "in any shape or form" (if I remember correctly). oO
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Yeah, see, this is what I tell myself when I get down in the dumps. I remind me that I CAN get girls and such, but then it doesn't really help for some reason....but I view sex as completely different from dating. Dating takes more than sex. Shit, most anybody can maneuver their way to sex.
 
CyberPitz said:
Yeah, see, this is what I tell myself when I get down in the dumps. I remind me that I CAN get girls and such, but then it doesn't really help for some reason....but I view sex as completely different from dating. Dating takes more than sex. Shit, most anybody can maneuver their way to sex.
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and then you got people like me, that can barley get girls to talk to them. of course it doesn't help that I exude this aura of "do not trust" for some odd reason.
 
Kamikazi said:
and then you got people like me, that can barley get girls to talk to them. of course it doesn't help that I exude this aura of "do not trust" for some odd reason.
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I don't know, the constant talk of how you can kill somebody and get away with it by grinding their bones and such in insane detail might not help :p
 
Kamikazi said:
and then you got people like me, that can barley get girls to talk to them. of course it doesn't help that I exude this aura of "do not trust" for some odd reason.
Click to expand...
Yeah same way. I think the only time I ever got a girl to show me her self topless was some girl trying out for suicidegirls.com. Some girl from Britain that had 3somes, had a kid, was 18, and got drunk a lot. ;) Now I could be completely wrong and it could be this old hag and I joked about that with her lol. Felt weird though so I don't talk to her anymore. Found her on some game site called ogame.org. Anywho I would have never thought Pitz would be pimp daddy. Plus you look like a young Bill Gates kinda. :p *So how do you do it lol?
 
hool10 said:
Yeah same way. I think the only time I ever got a girl to show me her self topless was some girl trying out for suicidegirls.com. Some girl from Britain that had 3somes, had a kid, was 18, and got drunk a lot. ;) Now I could be completely wrong and it could be this old hag and I joked about that with her lol. Felt weird though so I don't talk to her anymore. Found her on some game site called ogame.org. Anywho I would have never thought Pitz would be pimp daddy. Plus you look like a young Bill Gates kinda. :p *So how do you do it lol?
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People ask me how I do it, but I don't even know! It's so weird....I don't really do much. I just talk to them. It's so weird. I guess my case of silly "depression" or whatever is what doesn't help me figure it out....Anyway, I guess it's all about attitude. Just, essentially, let them know that you fancy them in a way, and then just keep flirting with them. At this age, most girls aren't into the dating thing, or if they are, they won't mind some sex on the side....so it's not so hard now as it was. I've only had sex with...about 10 girls. That may sound like alot, but it's not in 4 years :( That's alot of not getting offness.
 
It's called confidence. It attracts women more than you think. It'll get you laid in no time.
 
That's true, he certainly is. However, I believe he was trying to point at me.
 
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