Your funniest sex moment

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Vegeta897 said:
Until one of you slips and you both fall down, hitting your heads on the door and wall, landing face down in the water. You both suffocate from the water and die there with the water running. 4 hours later the water hitting your skin begins to pierce it, and gradually eats away at all the soft tissue of your bodies. Police are called to investigate after the manager of your apartment wonders why the water has been running so long and does not receive a response upon knocking on your locked door. The police break in and discover the water-rot corpses of you and your lover disgustingly and unnaturally shambled in eachothers forms on the shower floor. The sight is so revolting that the police officer shoots himself right there on the spot. As his body hits the floor, it gives way after being water logged for so long. 2 people in the room underneath are killed by the debris and a fire is started from the TV that was partially crushed. The whole apartment is evacuated.

5 deaths, one pitiful failed attempt at sex in the shower.
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:eek: I almost feel into a comma after reading that, and falling backwards in my chair in shock over the possibilities of that happening.
 
Thread revival!?

Something that made me laugh. Last night I got a little more drunk than usual...*was purely accidental. I guess I poured a little too much Rum into my drink...* anyway, I wake up and my roomate is like "So, I was wondering what happened last night?" I'm like, "Um, what?" Since the night is VERY foggy...she's like "We fooled around twice!" I'm just like....woah...I don't remember that...DAMN. well, apparently I kept falling asleep during the second time, and that just made me lol...but then I feel bad, since I was falling asleep during foreplay :p
 
My ex hurt the living hell out of my penis whilst attempting to give me a handjob. She'd pull the coat down all the way, letting the friction of a small hand take place of my natural stuff!

And by the way, I loved going down on her.
 
I hate it when you haven't trimmed in a bit since your lazy, and when the girl gives you a handjob, she's going at it, but pulling hair each time...man, that hurts. And I know what you mean, peshy. I wish girls would only do that when they have lotion or something. Not dry on dry. D:.

Going down on chicks = win.
 
CyberPitz said:
I hate it when you haven't trimmed in a bit since your lazy, and when the girl gives you a handjob, she's going at it, but pulling hair each time...man, that hurts. And I know what you mean, peshy. I wish girls would only do that when they have lotion or something. Not dry on dry. D:.
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why don't you guys just tell her she has to use a lubericant like lotion or vasoline? That's what I did back in my young years of being a whipper snapper
 
zombieturtle01 said:
why don't you guys just tell her she has to use a lubericant like lotion or vasoline? That's what I did back in my young years of being a whipper snapper
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Because either there isn't any around or we expect them to do it right ><
 
Just bad that now it seems that she thinks I don't like the old handy just cause she hadn't done it right the first time... :(
 
This happened a few months ago...In the photo lab dark room at school with my girlfriend. I'm fingering her, and she's just about to cum when the teacher walks in. Luckily, it's dark, so we manage to compose ourselves before he notices anything is amiss. He quickly realizes he's not entirely welcome, and leaves. Girlfriend is pissed off (at the teacher, not me, thank goodness) I'm stuck sitting in the corner with wet fingers.

I'm still waiting for the point at which I can look back on this and laugh :|
 
Que-Ever said:
This happened a few months ago...In the photo lab dark room at school with my girlfriend. I'm fingering her, and she's just about to cum when the teacher walks in. Luckily, it's dark, so we manage to compose ourselves before he notices anything is amiss. He quickly realizes he's not entirely welcome, and leaves. Girlfriend is pissed off (at the teacher, not me, thank goodness) I'm stuck sitting in the corner with wet fingers.

I'm still waiting for the point at which I can look back on this and laugh :|
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I usually make the girl suck on my fingers after that. I don't know about you, but that's one of the hottest things ever.
 
I don't belong in this thread.
D:
/disturbed
 
Lmao ace

neither do i D:
wait, isnt this thread rly old?
 
I suck my fingers if the chick doesn't. Gotta get em clean somehow!
 
Just as long as she doesn't have a yeast infection... :x
 
Stigmata said:
Just as long as she doesn't have a yeast infection... :x
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I don't even want to think about that.

Well, I was fingering my girlfriend once, and I find this place that makes her really go crazy, well, I stay in that place for a little bit and she starts laughing, and she asks, "Do you like that other hole or something?" I was fingering her pisser...:x
 
Higlac said:
I don't even want to think about that.

Well, I was fingering my girlfriend once, and I find this place that makes her really go crazy, well, I stay in that place for a little bit and she starts laughing, and she asks, "Do you like that other hole or something?" I was fingering her pisser...:x
Click to expand...

I must admit, never done that one. I shall relay to you a trade skill that my father passed down to me. Stick your middle finger in to the second knuckle, and motion your finger like, "Come here" sort of thing. And it works well...

Is it sad most of the things I know about sex was taught by my dad? Not this birds and the bees shit, like "DO THIS AND IT WILL MAKE HER SCREAM" shit.
 
Haha, that's actually kind of awesome.

As long as he didn't... demonstrate.
 
Argh - damm annnoying lack of time...

Agree with Pitzy on this point - having her lick your fingers is wonderfull, even better when they seem to enjoy it :p
 
CyberPitz said:
I must admit, never done that one. I shall relay to you a trade skill that my father passed down to me. Stick your middle finger in to the second knuckle, and motion your finger like, "Come here" sort of thing. And it works well...

Is it sad most of the things I know about sex was taught by my dad? Not this birds and the bees shit, like "DO THIS AND IT WILL MAKE HER SCREAM" shit.
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That's pretty basic stuff imho :p
 
Higlac said:
Well, I was fingering my girlfriend once, and I find this place that makes her really go crazy, well, I stay in that place for a little bit and she starts laughing, and she asks, "Do you like that other hole or something?" I was fingering her pisser...:x
Click to expand...

I know this is the internet and everything, and I think I usually have a high tolerance for this kind of stuff, but come on... too much information.
 
CyberPitz said:
I must admit, never done that one. I shall relay to you a trade skill that my father passed down to me. Stick your middle finger in to the second knuckle, and motion your finger like, "Come here" sort of thing. And it works well...

Is it sad most of the things I know about sex was taught by my dad? Not this birds and the bees shit, like "DO THIS AND IT WILL MAKE HER SCREAM" shit.
Click to expand...

Well, yeah, i was doing that too, but this was just when I was wandering around down there.
 
A few weeks back, my friend suffered a most terrible fate.

He started ****ing his girl... but she was so damn dry that as soon as she got on his dick his dick skin got peeled all. the. way. down.
Like a banana peel.

Needless to say, I didn't see him for a while... and he has to put this cream all over his dick like every day now.
 
Absinthe said:
I know this is the internet and everything, and I think I usually have a high tolerance for this kind of stuff, but come on... too much information.
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Look at what thread you're in.
 
xlucidx said:
A few weeks back, my friend suffered a most terrible fate.

He started ****ing his girl... but she was so damn dry that as soon as she got on his dick his dick skin got peeled all. the. way. down.
Like a banana peel.

Needless to say, I didn't see him for a while... and he has to put this cream all over his dick like every day now.
Click to expand...
:|:|:|
 
xlucidx said:
A few weeks back, my friend suffered a most terrible fate.

He started ****ing his girl... but she was so damn dry that as soon as she got on his dick his dick skin got peeled all. the. way. down.
Like a banana peel.

Needless to say, I didn't see him for a while... and he has to put this cream all over his dick like every day now.
Click to expand...

Awww ****...! :|
 
xlucidx said:
A few weeks back, my friend suffered a most terrible fate.

He started ****ing his girl... but she was so damn dry that as soon as she got on his dick his dick skin got peeled all. the. way. down.
Like a banana peel.

Needless to say, I didn't see him for a while... and he has to put this cream all over his dick like every day now.
Click to expand...
I came.
 
xlucidx said:
A few weeks back, my friend suffered a most terrible fate.

He started ****ing his girl... but she was so damn dry that as soon as she got on his dick his dick skin got peeled all. the. way. down.
Like a banana peel.

Needless to say, I didn't see him for a while... and he has to put this cream all over his dick like every day now.
Click to expand...

I f***ing lol'd.

I once had a cut on my dick where an ex dug her nails in. Hurt so much and any attempt to jerk off tore the cut open again through friction. Was a difficult couple of weeks. :|
 
Reginald said:
I f***ing lol'd.

I once had a cut on my dick where an ex dug her nails in. Hurt so much and any attempt to jerk off tore the cut open again through friction. Was a difficult couple of weeks. :|
Click to expand...

now THAT is wayyy too much information.
 
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