Half-Life: Gordon's Dead

What an excellent ending!. The G-man confronting his past was a nice twist. You've inspired me to resume my old fanfiction. Its a pity your next story won't take place within the HL universe.
 
@15357
Thanks, glad you like it enough to stick up for it, and expect that thread soon!

@Max35
I'm glad to have inspired you! I know, I know, but I want to move away to original fiction. Actually, because Gordon's Dead has almost no elements from the Half-Life universe in it, I've been working on converting it to an original fiction as well. I'm having some trouble with character background information, but it's getting there!
 
BetaMaster said:
@15357
Thanks, glad you like it enough to stick up for it, and expect that thread soon!
me love gordon's dead.

you'll be the leader of the Peole's Revolutionary Army!
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
BetaMaster said:
I say we discuss this revolution online...Do you use AIM or MSN?
Click to expand...

neither...

just pm me.
 
Wow Beta, you managed to give me a bit of hope....and then crush it under the G-Man's heel! Worst possible ending I have ever read in any fan fiction (as far as the good/bad ending types) but it worked and fit into the nihlistic attiude of the story.

Great work!
 
horrible that you have to kill such a kickass character like gordon. sorry, but he was so awesome 9/10 (1 off for killing gordon) dont kill me. so can i download it and change the ending to gordon kicks the g-mans ass? ok, so that would make it 10/10. congradulations! have a cookie.
 
BetaMaster, let's get the obvious part first, you are good, very very good, kind of a Stephen King style to your writing (one of my favorites I might add). Have you ever read any of the books from The Dark Tower? Based on your writing you would like it, I think. You made great use of wrtiting tecniques, held the suspense, and had a smooth text right from the beginning, also, the blackouts each character had added a very nice sense of displacement to the whole story.

Now to the less obvious part, you came up with deep psycological twists you kept true to the characters personalityes and in the case og the G-Man you managed to develop a traumatized child with a hate obsession so great that consumed his life and propelled him into destroying the very thing that gave meaning to it. That, I must say, was clever, if it came easily to you then consider yoursel gifted. Also, political games, simple details about characters that made the world as a whole seem real (like the fact of Lio not using his title of doctor) and smells, wich are difficult to conceive in a manner so complete as to be able to not only include them but also to describe them using every-day comparisons, wich you did very well.

So a complex intelligent writing, worthy of being called so, is the final result. If you want my advice, for what it's worth, follow the writing career. You have a balanced writing, you don't linger in one idea or fact longer than it can last and have a very good way of connecting the various things together.

Personally I am impressed, I'm not someone important, I'm no specialist and I'm not saying I underestimated you, call it hope. Your writing gives me hope for what's yet to come.

Congratulations.
 
@Battlefrank
It's a word document. I'll uplaod the entire story for you in a little bit. You need Microsoft Word, though.

@Fenbab
Wow, thanks. This has got to be one of the most in-depth reviews I've gotten. No, actually, I haven't read The Dark Tower series, but I'm a fan of Stephen King. I was at the library about four days ago, and was checking the series out. Now, you've pushed me into reading them.

I'm really glad that somebody noticed those little details I sprinkled into the story. One thing that bothers me while reading other stories people write is lack of character developement. I tried to do that with Gordon's Dead, and apparently succeeded. I think that psychological themes are a perfect premise for a story like Gordon's Dead.

Writing has always been a favourite pastime of mine, and always will. I only hope that I could go into a career of creative writing. Recently, as well, I've began working on a cartoon, which is currently being made in Flash, as I have no other animation tool. Animating and writing are the two professions that, if I could go into, I could live a satisfying, and overall happy, life.

Sorry for the lengthy response, I just felt talkative today :p.

I'll have other stories posted soon, as soon as I can start writing them. Probably not for another week or so, though. That's when the year's school ends. Yay!
 
BetaMaster said:
@Battlefrank
It's a word document. I'll uplaod the entire story for you in a little bit. You need Microsoft Word, though.

@Fenbab
Wow, thanks. This has got to be one of the most in-depth reviews I've gotten. No, actually, I haven't read The Dark Tower series, but I'm a fan of Stephen King. I was at the library about four days ago, and was checking the series out. Now, you've pushed me into reading them.

I'm really glad that somebody noticed those little details I sprinkled into the story. One thing that bothers me while reading other stories people write is lack of character developement. I tried to do that with Gordon's Dead, and apparently succeeded. I think that psychological themes are a perfect premise for a story like Gordon's Dead.

Writing has always been a favourite pastime of mine, and always will. I only hope that I could go into a career of creative writing. Recently, as well, I've began working on a cartoon, which is currently being made in Flash, as I have no other animation tool. Animating and writing are the two professions that, if I could go into, I could live a satisfying, and overall happy, life.

Sorry for the lengthy response, I just felt talkative today :p.

I'll have other stories posted soon, as soon as I can start writing them. Probably not for another week or so, though. That's when the year's school ends. Yay!
Click to expand...

hey, this sites gone mad. run.

Zerimski VS Munro the evi tyrant.

i think that we better get that revolution going now
 
Not sure if this is actually worth mentioning, but I'm going back and rewriting the earlier chapters to match my current writing style. It'll be pretty much the same, but it'll be better. When I finish that, I'll post a RAR/ZIP of the entire 38-page story.
 
If by dead you mean no more updates..well, yeah, then. The story ended.
I'm working on another story, original idea..
I'll type up a synopsis for y'all.

Basically, this man wakes up in room with no doors or windows, or any means of escaping. He tries to find an exit, but there aren't any. Suddenly, the walls begin to close in on him, but the ceiling disappears. He escapes through the top, and is in overlooking a small town. His hometown.
For instance, when he was seven, he was beaten up by fifth graders. In his mind-world, they're coming after him with knives, to kill him.
He's trapped in his mind, battling through dark, twisted versions of what he's experienced throughout his life.
After surviving each 'experience', he returns to the room he was originally in. Each time, more of the room has been unlocked. After the first experience, there's a door opening to another room.

Now, there are two endings I'm toying with...
(Beware, these ARE the endings)
First one:
In the end, he's unlocked a maze, and there's a final door. Inside is a bright white light, blindingly bright. He walks through, and wakes up. He's in a hospital bed. He's been in a coma for a little over fifteen years, and was thought to never be waking up.

Second ending:
After stepping through the door, he blacks out, and wakes up in a room looking exactly like the room in the beginning. Except this time there's spikes on the walls. He manages to get out in a similar fashion he originally did, but in the town where he was beaten up, the kids have guns, and he's shot and killed.
Scene changes to a hospital scene, where a doctor is attempting to resuscitate the man. He's dead, and they don't know why. His vitals suddenly dropped, and he flatlined.

It's kinda like the ending to Gordon's Dead, where the good guy loses.

So what do you think of the idea?
 
awesome, if it doesn't take 6 months to finish :)
 
Haha, good point. Gordon's Dead was actually the first story I'd finished, so this one should be finished quicker.
Would that be posted here under the Fanfiction section as well? Or is there a section for original fiction?
 
i have 1 question and 1 comment about the Gordons Dead story

Question: In the mail you sent to the guy, he replied back, You'll be hearing from our lawyers what does that mean?

Comment: WRITE A GAD DERN BOOK AND GET IT PUBLISHED HOLY CRAP THAT WAS A GOOD STORY I read the whole thing and i HATE Reading, i got and F in english because i HATE Reading but i acually read thsi whole thing 2 times! COME ON!
 
1. joke.

2. 10-33, my 11-22 does not correspond, no further comment.
 
BetaMaster said:
If by dead you mean no more updates..well, yeah, then. The story ended.
I'm working on another story, original idea..
I'll type up a synopsis for y'all.

Basically, this man wakes up in room with no doors or windows, or any means of escaping. He tries to find an exit, but there aren't any. Suddenly, the walls begin to close in on him, but the ceiling disappears. He escapes through the top, and is in overlooking a small town. His hometown.
For instance, when he was seven, he was beaten up by fifth graders. In his mind-world, they're coming after him with knives, to kill him.
He's trapped in his mind, battling through dark, twisted versions of what he's experienced throughout his life.
After surviving each 'experience', he returns to the room he was originally in. Each time, more of the room has been unlocked. After the first experience, there's a door opening to another room.

Now, there are two endings I'm toying with...
(Beware, these ARE the endings)
First one:
In the end, he's unlocked a maze, and there's a final door. Inside is a bright white light, blindingly bright. He walks through, and wakes up. He's in a hospital bed. He's been in a coma for a little over fifteen years, and was thought to never be waking up.

Second ending:
After stepping through the door, he blacks out, and wakes up in a room looking exactly like the room in the beginning. Except this time there's spikes on the walls. He manages to get out in a similar fashion he originally did, but in the town where he was beaten up, the kids have guns, and he's shot and killed.
Scene changes to a hospital scene, where a doctor is attempting to resuscitate the man. He's dead, and they don't know why. His vitals suddenly dropped, and he flatlined.

It's kinda like the ending to Gordon's Dead, where the good guy loses.

So what do you think of the idea?
Click to expand...

Cool endings.. both of them.. but my favorite is the last..
The first one is too simple ' I think ' :bounce:

Keep us updated.. :D
And keep up the good work! :cheers:
 
Ahh, I'm glad you like the second one! That's the one I had decided on...It fit in better.
 
Its good but I don't see the connection between your story and Halflife. Or is this story a breakaway from the Halflife theme?
 
*blinks*

Woah. Just read this whole topic at once, now my eyes are tired. I LOVED your writing, you're my new role model, I'm nearing 14 and I want to be just like you! Errm ok. I haven't been writing stories, well, only like 5 sentences and then I drop it.


Have the VALVe lawyers contacted you yet?
 
Dammit i wish i could write.I'll try a paragraph.

Once upon a time there was a guy.He liked to do stuff.The guy's favorite stuff was doing things.One day there was a problem.The guy died.THE END

yep,best story ever.
 
It's called practice dude. Of course, I've been doing it for several years now, and I still suck, but don't let that discourage you, lol!
 
eatbugs said:
Its good but I don't see the connection between your story and Halflife. Or is this story a breakaway from the Halflife theme?
Click to expand...
Well, like I said...It's based loosely on the Half-Life world. It's not part of the storyline, per se, but the same characters are in it. I could just as easily have written this with new, original characters, but this way I didn't have to divulge so much in background information as to who the individual characters were, but I could still be creative in making up their past. I guess you could say it's a breakaway, but you could also say that it was just used so that the readers would have a more vivid mental image of who the characters were and how they talk (mainly, the G-Man). I might go back and rewrite it with new characters, although I'd rather move on to my new idea.
 
Boogymanx said:
I feel rather ignored.
Click to expand...
:eek: I'm sorry, I thought I had replied to your post, too!

Boogymanx said:
*blinks*

Woah. Just read this whole topic at once, now my eyes are tired. I LOVED your writing, you're my new role model, I'm nearing 14 and I want to be just like you! Errm ok. I haven't been writing stories, well, only like 5 sentences and then I drop it.


Have the VALVe lawyers contacted you yet?
Click to expand...
First of all, wow. Complete props to you for reading all 16 pages at once. Second of all, thank you! I'm glad I'm your role model, because I was like you a few years ago. I'd get a few sentences, sometimes paragraphs, written out, and then I would't know where to go from there, so I'd throw it away. Just keep working on it, you'll get the hang of it!

And yes, Valve's lawyers contacted me, and I'm losing my house and my car...Damn them and their lawsuit about killing off a copywritten character... :p
 
BetaMaster said:
:eek: I'm sorry, I thought I had replied to your post, too!

And yes, Valve's lawyers contacted me, and I'm losing my house and my car...Damn them and their lawsuit about killing off a copywritten character... :p
Click to expand...

:D .. hehe
 
I'm going to rewrite Gordon's Dead with original characters and backgrounds. I think this shouldn't be a fanfiction any longer, since I don't really require the use of the HL world. I started working on it today in school, I have background info for all the characters and how they tie in together. I'm still having a little trouble coming up with a mysterious pen-name for the 'G-Man,' but I might end up just giving him an ID, like A00253.
 
BetaMaster said:
I'm going to rewrite Gordon's Dead with original characters and backgrounds. I think this shouldn't be a fanfiction any longer, since I don't really require the use of the HL world. I started working on it today in school, I have background info for all the characters and how they tie in together. I'm still having a little trouble coming up with a mysterious pen-name for the 'G-Man,' but I might end up just giving him an ID, like A00253.
Click to expand...

Cool BetaMaster.. :cheese: cant wait!!..

sniff :( but i have to..
 
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