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GAIUS MARIUS

SON OF GAIUS

... GRANDSON OF GAIUS.

2000 word essay for the win.

It's lucky I enjoy the subject matter :D
 
42posts before 3000!!! 2 pages before 200!!! :D

Lol played COD4 on superhigh res...epic..
 
I have to buy cereal, pack, sort a crapload of screws and nails, and finish a project required to pass the course

ALL BEFORE THE END OF THE NIGHT
 
I tried making a scratch on the hidden packages in GTA IV earlier. I got to about 50 and gave up, and I'm using a damn guide. Why did there have to be 200... :|
 
omg working on my essay for the end of the unit. it took me 5-10 mins to write this out... lol... and it's just a tie in. i wrote the example lol...


The way in which this theory may tie in with the illegal actions of a juvenile shall be explained in the following example. It shall be noted that this example is entirely fictional and any relevance to any persons is unintentional and purely coincidental. This example shall be referred to as figure 1. It shall be referred to later in this essay.

Figure 1. A white Australian family of three has recently been through tough times monetarily. With the recent increases in fuel and food in the economy it has become harder and harder for the family to live without going into debt. Recently, the family has resorted to choosing between paying the electricity and gas bills or buying a week’s worth of meat from the local supermarket. The adolescent child of the family has recently been enrolled in a local high school and wants to appear fashionable when socialising with her new friends. However, due to the family budget, the parents of the child cannot afford to buy the child new fashionable clothes. The young person was later caught at the local fashion boutique, attempting to walk out of the shop with over $250 worth of clothing items and accessories. She was subsequently charged with theft as a juvenile. As she had no prior convictions, she was sentenced to a Youth Community Based Order.

This example shown above is a standard model showing how sociological strains can somewhat indirectly result in unlawful juvenile behaviour. Because the juvenile had wanted to feel socially acceptable amongst her peers, the young person had deliberately committed theft to try and equalise the monetary equation present (since the parents couldn’t afford to buy the juvenile clothes, the offender was led to theft to satisfy her needs in her own social group). This imbalances in this equation indirectly resulted in the offence, thus leading one to believe that certain strains on society can indirectly have an effect on the unlawful behaviour of individuals; in this case, a juvenile.

whaddya think? or tldr?
 
Handing in my re-done English oral today. *sigh* staying up all night, was worth it.
 
Hah, wonderful picture. kinda looks like pop-eye before he got gigantic tumors in his arms and had a stroke.
 
Koola Mena said:
omg working on my essay for the end of the unit. it took me 5-10 mins to write this out... lol... and it's just a tie in. i wrote the example lol...


The way in which this theory may tie in with the illegal actions of a juvenile shall be explained in the following example. It shall be noted that this example is entirely fictional and any relevance to any persons is unintentional and purely coincidental. This example shall be referred to as figure 1. It shall be referred to later in this essay.

Figure 1. A white Australian family of three has recently been through tough times monetarily. With the recent increases in fuel and food in the economy it has become harder and harder for the family to live without going into debt. Recently, the family has resorted to choosing between paying the electricity and gas bills or buying a week?s worth of meat from the local supermarket. The adolescent child of the family has recently been enrolled in a local high school and wants to appear fashionable when socialising with her new friends. However, due to the family budget, the parents of the child cannot afford to buy the child new fashionable clothes. The young person was later caught at the local fashion boutique, attempting to walk out of the shop with over $250 worth of clothing items and accessories. She was subsequently charged with theft as a juvenile. As she had no prior convictions, she was sentenced to a Youth Community Based Order.

This example shown above is a standard model showing how sociological strains can somewhat indirectly result in unlawful juvenile behaviour. Because the juvenile had wanted to feel socially acceptable amongst her peers, the young person had deliberately committed theft to try and equalise the monetary equation present (since the parents couldn?t afford to buy the juvenile clothes, the offender was led to theft to satisfy her needs in her own social group). This imbalances in this equation indirectly resulted in the offence, thus leading one to believe that certain strains on society can indirectly have an effect on the unlawful behaviour of individuals; in this case, a juvenile.

whaddya think? or tldr?
Click to expand...
I think you used shall too many times in the first paragraph. I know in law this denotes that it is mandatory. However, I have some possible alternatives:

will, must, should, will have to, will be able to.


you could change 'electricity and gas bills' to simply, 'utility bills' - I think it flows better, and is the standard way of clumping all of these bills together. [US]

'offence' is spelled offense

spelling in USA:
equalize
behavior
socializing

there is a part where you refer to her as The young person - I think you should stick with child there.

other than that pretty good, but maybe the last paragraph is restating what has already been said more than once. maybe trim it a little if possible.

good luck
 
So I stayed up all night last night due to arguing and talking with Raziaar. I made it until about noon before collapsing in fatigue, sleeping until dinner time.
 
Vegeta897 said:
So I stayed up all night last night due to arguing and talking with Raziaar. I made it until about noon before collapsing in fatigue, sleeping until dinner time.
Click to expand...

Just remember, I won. Not in that teeny tiny side argument I made a thread about, but in the main one.

That's right. I'm the victor.
 
How could you argue with Raziaar? I can't even comprehend... the idea of Raziaar being wrong is just too much.
 
VirusType2 said:
I think you used shall too many times in the first paragraph. I know in law this denotes that it is mandatory. However, I have some possible alternatives:

will, must, should, will have to, will be able to.


you could change 'electricity and gas bills' to simply, 'utility bills' - I think it flows better, and is the standard way of clumping all of these bills together. [US]

'offence' is spelled offense

spelling in USA:
equalize
behavior
socializing

there is a part where you refer to her as The young person - I think you should stick with child there.

other than that pretty good, but maybe the last paragraph is restating what has already been said more than once. maybe trim it a little if possible.

good luck
Click to expand...

Ok cheers for that :) Virus, the awesome thesarus :D

The young person is jargon which the Juvi Justice Teams use because "juvenile offender" is too harsh and can cast a poor lighting on the individual. In the juvi justice system, "child" is not really used that often because the legal age to be arrested is 10-17, most kids are adolescents. Thanks though :thumbs:

I think the restating was just reclarifying the point...but had that corrected cheers ;)
 
k. how about adolescent then? The young person .. just doesn't sound right to me.

glad I was helpful man. good luck with it.

or you could just say 'The youth'.
 
I'm not sure yet, I'll you all in about a week. If I get anything less then an 80/100 I'll kill someone.
 
i saw a midget today when i stepped of the bus. I wanted to tickle him but there were people watching, so instead i walked by with a smile on my face imagining tickling little midgets as soon as they get of the bus.
 
The way in which this theory may tie in with the illegal actions of a juvenile shall be explained in the following example. It shall be noted that this example is entirely fictional and any relevance to any persons is unintentional and purely coincidental. This example shall be referred to as figure 1. It shall be referred to later in this essay.
Click to expand...
The bits in bold are necessary and overwritten. Saying, 'it shall be noted' communicates nothing and is poor English.

I don't really think the 'entirely fictional...' bit is necessary either. If you were writing a legal document then perhaps, but not in a law essay.

The whole paragraph could be rewrote as:

The fictional example, figure 1, shows how this theory may tie in with the illegal actions of a juvenile.

My version communicates exactly the same thing but isn't unnecessarily dressed up.

The rest is fine.
 
Criminal law exam tomorrow morning.

Retry, Ignore, Fail?
 
I just realised what an awesome view you get in the Friendzone when looking out the windows.

Also, 200 page GET!
 
Lol i got criminology 2moz morning at 7, but i don't like my chances of getting up due to the fact that it's 12 now :(

got stuff to do
 
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