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I though I already said... why the sudden interest? :OWHERE DO YOU LIVE PLEASE TELL ME.
I think you used shall too many times in the first paragraph. I know in law this denotes that it is mandatory. However, I have some possible alternatives:omg working on my essay for the end of the unit. it took me 5-10 mins to write this out... lol... and it's just a tie in. i wrote the example lol...
The way in which this theory may tie in with the illegal actions of a juvenile shall be explained in the following example. It shall be noted that this example is entirely fictional and any relevance to any persons is unintentional and purely coincidental. This example shall be referred to as figure 1. It shall be referred to later in this essay.
Figure 1. A white Australian family of three has recently been through tough times monetarily. With the recent increases in fuel and food in the economy it has become harder and harder for the family to live without going into debt. Recently, the family has resorted to choosing between paying the electricity and gas bills or buying a week?s worth of meat from the local supermarket. The adolescent child of the family has recently been enrolled in a local high school and wants to appear fashionable when socialising with her new friends. However, due to the family budget, the parents of the child cannot afford to buy the child new fashionable clothes. The young person was later caught at the local fashion boutique, attempting to walk out of the shop with over $250 worth of clothing items and accessories. She was subsequently charged with theft as a juvenile. As she had no prior convictions, she was sentenced to a Youth Community Based Order.
This example shown above is a standard model showing how sociological strains can somewhat indirectly result in unlawful juvenile behaviour. Because the juvenile had wanted to feel socially acceptable amongst her peers, the young person had deliberately committed theft to try and equalise the monetary equation present (since the parents couldn?t afford to buy the juvenile clothes, the offender was led to theft to satisfy her needs in her own social group). This imbalances in this equation indirectly resulted in the offence, thus leading one to believe that certain strains on society can indirectly have an effect on the unlawful behaviour of individuals; in this case, a juvenile.
whaddya think? or tldr?
So I stayed up all night last night due to arguing and talking with Raziaar. I made it until about noon before collapsing in fatigue, sleeping until dinner time.
How could you argue with Raziaar? I can't even comprehend... the idea of Raziaar being wrong is just too much.
http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?t=142680How could you argue with Raziaar? I can't even comprehend... the idea of Raziaar being wrong is just too much.
I think you used shall too many times in the first paragraph. I know in law this denotes that it is mandatory. However, I have some possible alternatives:
will, must, should, will have to, will be able to.
you could change 'electricity and gas bills' to simply, 'utility bills' - I think it flows better, and is the standard way of clumping all of these bills together. [US]
'offence' is spelled offense
spelling in USA:
equalize
behavior
socializing
there is a part where you refer to her as The young person - I think you should stick with child there.
other than that pretty good, but maybe the last paragraph is restating what has already been said more than once. maybe trim it a little if possible.
good luck
The bits in bold are necessary and overwritten. Saying, 'it shall be noted' communicates nothing and is poor English.The way in which this theory may tie in with the illegal actions of a juvenile shall be explained in the following example. It shall be noted that this example is entirely fictional and any relevance to any persons is unintentional and purely coincidental. This example shall be referred to as figure 1. It shall be referred to later in this essay.