Sex Before Marriage?

[poseyjmac]

If you get your panties into a twist because your partner has had sex in the past, then you have issues. Mature and loving couples should focus on their present experiences and what it means to them instead of hanging themselves up on a past lover.

was a mans wife having sex with the mailman last week unimportant? according to your logic it is, as it happened in the past. move on, right?

You have this RIDICULOUS notion that "true" love is only possible through marriage.

i do? quote me where i said that.

You may not marry the girlfriend you had at 16, but that doesn't make the experience you had at the time any less real and valid.

Agreed.

So what are you saying? That sex loses its worth if you do it repeatedly?

if you do it repeatedly with many different people. yeah i think so.

Does this also apply to kissing? Does it also apply to saying "I love you"? How absurd.

same answer as above.

What happens if you divorce and get remarried? Is the sex somehow less intimate? Is the marriage a fraud? Is the love you feel for your current wife diminished by past experience? Again, absurd.

not less intimate. sex can always be intimate. its just not your first.

get ready for this. you say that its a crock, and not worth anything. yet you are very angry over it. now why does this get to you so much, if it means so little, and holds such little value?

 

[Pi Mu Rho]

anyway, its the fact that one made the sacrifice that makes it so meaningful. its just a very special gift. like giving her a new diamond bracelet, except that its truly unique and one of a kind.

More of a pearl necklace than a diamond bracelet.


Sorry, sorry. Had to be said.

 

[Reaktor4]

was a mans wife having sex with the mailman last week unimportant? according to your logic it is, as it happened in the past. move on, right?

dont be stupid.

 

[poseyjmac]

Name those 13 women, first and last, just for shits and giggles.
Saying "many" is enough to generalize.

no, because i think you would find some way to jerk off to their names. plus this is the internet, you could be some stalker

I never assumed you were christian. Talk about irony, you just assumed that I assumed. In addition, this is coming from a guy who assumes "many" women see abstainance as very meaningful. And although you've never actually said premarital sex is wrong, you've more than often suggested it by saying abstinance is good.

False. i never said that you thought i was a christian. i simply said 'im not a christian', no strings attached. so therefore i made no assumption.

speaking of assumptions. you believe that i think premarital sex is wrong because i think abstinence is good. when in fact, i CAN believe abstinence is a worthy and meaningful sacrifice while still believing that premarital sex is ok.

 

[Absinthe]

was a mans wife having sex with the mailman last week unimportant? according to your logic it is, as it happened in the past. move on, right?

Here comes the quote train! Choo Choo!

"The importance and attributed meaningfulness to these actions is dependent on the intent behind them."

Thank you for misrepresenting my argument.

i do? quote me where i said that.

A direct quote is not possible. That you place so much emphasis on saving it for marriage directly implies it, however.

if you do it repeatedly with many different people. yeah i think so.

Then it's important to make the distinction between a promiscuous hussey with shallow regards for her partners and a person who has had sexual relationships with people he's cared for throughout his life.

I still don't buy into the idea that repetition cheapens sex. Screwing around for a while and then settling in more intimately with a person you find yourself loving is acceptable.

not less intimate. sex can always be intimate. its just not your first.

And why should you care? Why is a number so important to you?

get ready for this. you say that its a crock, and not worth anything. yet you are very angry over it. now why does this get to you so much, if it means so little, and holds such little value?

Nice deflection, but it's not going to work. I think abstinence has little value. I think people would be better off if they didn't swear themselves to such a momentous promise. But while the idea itself is something I don't care for, I do care about people practicing it. So many people break and end up doing something ridiculously stupid. Many people who pledge abstinence ignored Sex Ed because they feel it doesn't apply to them. Marriages are rushed for a quick orgasm and then fall apart.
There are many things in life that, by themselves, don't warrant concern. When they have such large effects, such concern is justified.

 

[poseyjmac]

More of a pearl necklace than a diamond bracelet.


Sorry, sorry. Had to be said.

hehe. gave me a chuckle.

 

[poseyjmac]

Here comes the quote train! Choo Choo!

"The importance and attributed meaningfulness to these actions is dependent on the intent behind them."

Thank you for misrepresenting my argument.

you have a good quote there, unfortunately thats all you have. if you want to make a point based off this, be my guest.

A direct quote is not possible. That you place so much emphasis on saving it for marriage directly implies it, however.

i imply nothing. my belief system is not standard. your assumption im afraid.

Then it's important to make the distinction between a promiscuous hussey with shallow regards for her partners and a person who has had sexual relationships with people he's cared for throughout his life.

sure. theres definately a distinction there.

I still don't buy into the idea that repetition cheapens sex. Screwing around for a while and then settling in more intimately with a person you find yourself loving is acceptable.

and thats your opinion.

And why should you care? Why is a number so important to you?

actually the lack of a number is what makes it so special, imo.

Nice deflection, but it's not going to work. I think abstinence has little value. I think people would be better off if they didn't swear themselves to such a momentous promise. But while the idea itself is something I don't care for, I do care about people practicing it. So many people break and end up doing something ridiculously stupid. Many people who pledge abstinence ignored Sex Ed because they feel it doesn't apply to them. Marriages are rushed for a quick orgasm and then fall apart.
There are many things in life that, by themselves, don't warrant concern. When they have such large effects, such concern is justified.

i was 80 to 20 odds that you wouldn't answer my question. so i give myself $5.

 

[Absinthe]

you have a good quote there, unfortunately thats all you have. if you want to make a point based off this, be my guest.

The point speaks for itself. It's right there.

i imply nothing. my belief system is not standard. your assumption im afraid.

Then I'm not understanding the value you place in losing your virginity in marriage. I'm afraid your belief system isn't making a whole lot of sense.

actually the lack of a number is what makes it so special, imo.

Semantics. And your rationale is still mighty unclear.

i was 80 to 20 odds that you wouldn't answer my question. so i give myself $5.

Are you purposefully this cryptic? I answered your question directly and concisely.

And before any more confusion takes place, allow me to make myself clear. I do not think people should have sex before marriage. I think they save themselves for when they are ready, mature, and willing to share themselves with a person they think is worth it. If it just so happens that this takes place when you're married, then so be it. But I find the idea of purposefully restricting yourself for the sole sake of marriage is foolish and isn't doing anybody any favors, especially yourself.

 

[poseyjmac]

I'm afraid your belief system isn't making a whole lot of sense.

look at it this way. i like pizza. but when i have to eat a sandwich instead, its not wrong, or bad. its just not as good as pizza. i think abstaining is a valuable thing to some people. but i also don't think its wrong to have sex outside of marriage.

 

[Absinthe]

Well... we'll just leave it at that. :cheers:

 

[Skaadi]

Cooper, I'm looking forward to driving that tank around Sligo. *rubs hands together*

But anyway, it is a decision, definetely not a genetic trait. I suppose the decision came from the fact that I'm around people quite a bit, and yet I still feel separated from them. I'm really most happy when I'm alone, i've always been like that. Normally I'll see a happy looking couple walking down the street, and I do feel a sense of how nice that might be, but I could never imagine myself so close to someone. Love is something that doesnt come easily to me, back to the couple, I know that they love each other, but I dont feel any need for love. I never have.

So when I'm older, I'm going to move out of the country to Sligo, buy a house on the outskirts of a nice little town, pick up on a career there and spend the rest of my life like that. Thats what I want for myself.

Sounds kinda weird but I explained it as best I could.

 

[MiccyNarc]

Abstinence is a crock and has done more harm than good.

How could abstinence do harm?

 

[>>FrEnZy<<]

And before any more confusion takes place, allow me to make myself clear. I do not think people should have sex before marriage. I think they save themselves for when they are ready, mature, and willing to share themselves with a person they think is worth it.

And what is your idea of 'worth it?' I would think that when a person is ready, mature and willing to share themselves with a person who is worth it, they would be willing to commit to a relationship that will sustain the couple through out a life time. How convinient that we have the institution of marriage to cater for this commitment.
I believe that the act of sexual intercourse should be a meaningful and intimate one, and because of this, I believe that this act should only be carried out when it is with someone you trust, some one you care for, and someone who is willing to commit themselves to you for the rest of your life. That is the importance I attach to the intimate act of sex.
What I don't understand is why anyone else would be prepared to share something so intimate with a person if they are not willing to commit to that person. It seems to me that unless you are willing to commit yourself to the person you share this intamacy with for the rest of your life, then the insentive behind the intercourse isnt to share something intimate with someone, but to attain pleasure from someone without taking the responsibility of caring for that person.
This is the problem with premarital relationships. It's more about two people coming together to attain pleasure from eachother instead of two people coming together because they are mature enough to care for one another. Because two people who truly cared for one another, would stick together, like family, no matter how boring, or how unpleasureable the relationship got. Your parents dont kick you out of the house when they are sick of you. So why would your partner, who you have shared one of the most intimate experiences you've ever had in life, kick you out? Only because that partner was in the relationship due to selfish reasons, and not due to the responsibilities and commitments that kind of intimate relationship requires.

 

[Mr-Fusion]

How could abstinence do harm?

Tension induced exploding testicle syndrome.

 

[JellyWorld]

Is it just me or have half the posts in the past few pages been dedicated to trying to persaude a 14-year old girl to have sex?

I sense a consipracy.

 

[Skaadi]

Is it just me or have half the posts in the past few pages been dedicated to trying to persaude a 14-year old girl to have sex?

I sense a consipracy.

Yeah, pretty much. But I want my tank so they dont win this round.

 

[CptStern]

I'm the only one here who can make somewhat of a judgement here ...well you guys are all valid too but I'm the only one married (there's more but they havent posted in this thread yet)


waiting till you get married to have sex is like learning to drive for the first time in a ferrari


you wait all your life to meet someone who you want to marry, you're so wrapped out in the excitement/emotion of the wedding day, she looks the best she ever has and you spoil the only opportunity to live that moment you'll ever have just because of inexperience? My honeymoon night was ....errr ..good because we had long ago established each other's likes and dislikes.

marriage is tough as it is. Balancing home life, work, mortgages, car payments, life/home/health insurance, furnances that refuse to work one cold december morning and will end up costing you $4000, kids who need constant attention etc etc .. puts a strain on people's relationships. Finding out you're sexually incompatible with someone after your married isnt the proper way to start a life long commitment. Heck I wouldnt even think of getting married to someone till I've lived with that person for a few years ...which is what I did. I knew what I was getting before I got married and I'm happier for it



just to clarify: it's your choice: just dont waste opportunities to enjoy life because of what some book/person says. Make the choice that's right for YOU




oh and always wear condoms

 

[DEATH eVADER]

"We are not talking about love, we are talking about S.E.X. in front of the C.H.I.L.D.R.E.N"

"Sex Cauldron, I though they shut that place down"

I've never had intercourse, so I don't know. But I voted yes, mainly because I don't believe in what any religion says because they contradict themselves.

Did Jesus say you must marry beore having Sex: Yes, but he wasn't strong on the subject
Did God give us Free Will: Yes

 

[The Monkey]

I sure hope so.

I don't understand how such ideas have survived until the 21st century. There's non-religious no reason whatsoever not to have sex before marrige. Sex is a natural action of human needs and doesn't have anything to do with love.

 

[Sloth]

oh and always wear condoms

that shows your a parentness... but your right.

It was funny i had a girlfriend when i was 14 and for some reason her friends kept on telling me "Bad luck" and giggling. It was only later that one of them told me that my girlfriend didn't want to have sex before marriage. As if i cared at 14...

 

[CptStern]

ewwwww .. 14 yr old ..ick! ... I dont want to think about it ...you shouldnt be having sex at 14 ..you dont have all the right parts yet

ptui!! ick!! gag!!! :x

 

[The Monkey]

ewwwww .. 14 yr old ..ick! ... I dont want to think about it ...you shouldnt be having sex at 14 ..you dont have all the right parts yet

ptui!! ick!! gag!!! :x

What? I have a friend who lost his virginity at 12.

 

[Sloth]

ewwwww .. 14 yr old ..ick! ... I dont want to think about it ...you shouldnt be having sex at 14 ..you dont have all the right parts yet

ptui!! ick!! gag!!! :x

Agreeded ! She was a ditzy hoe anyways!

What? I have a friend who lost his virginity at 12.

Shhh!
You'll make him choke even further!

 

[CptStern]

What? I have a friend who lost his virginity at 12.

NANANANANANANSHUTUPIMNOTLISTENINGYADDAYADDAYDAAAAAAAAA

 

[Sloth]

See i told you so...

Stern: Take deep breaths and think of non-childern thoughts

 

[CptStern]

See i told you so...

Stern: Take deep breaths and think of non-childern thoughts

that's it! from now on, my cut off age is officially joan rivers :x

 

[Sloth]

I feel sadened for you...

 

[jondy]

Who the hell waits for sex on purpose? Christ, if you have an opportunity and it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't, that's fine, but sweet Jesus don't try and force your feelings onto other people.

And not having sex before marriage seems nonsensical to me; mainly because I'd rather be experienced and know that I'm sexually compatible with someone before settling down with them for the rest of my life

 

[DEATH eVADER]

What? I have a friend who lost his virginity at 12.

Mastubation is not a way to lose your virginity

 

[The Monkey]

Mastubation is not a way to lose your virginity

I didn't believe when I heard it first either, but he's just not the kind of guy who lies about these stuff.

 

[Kmack]

the only basis behind not having sex before marriage is based upon social (often religious) reasoning. there is no biological benefit to abstinance (aside from disease avoidance, but that can be avoided). Frankly, I think it is foolish. You could get hit by a car tomorrow, dying before you have had sex is a fate I wish upon no one. Life is way to short to waste time abstaining, gett out there, and get laid. But remember, its different times we live in so, bag it before you tag it! 20 of you think it's not right that blows my mind, though i can only assume its because you are too young, too naive, or too poisened by religious teachings or Sex Ed classes. trust me on this one

 

[Sulkdodds]

I don't think it's relevant whether sex is before marriage or not. What is relevant is whether you really love the person - the point of sex with someone you love is not mainly the sex part, but the love part.

Alternatively, you could just have sex with people because it's great. As long as it doesn't harm anyone then there's nothing wrong with that either.



EDIT: By the way Skaadi, you say it's a decision you've made - do you actually feel sexual urges at all (yet)? Because I personally was a pretty late starter as well and I couldn't see what all the fuss was about for quite a while.

 

[CptStern]

I don't think it's relevant whether sex is before marriage or not. What is relevant is whether you really love the person - the point of sex with someone you love is not mainly the sex part, but the love part.

well, casual sex can be very good as well ..sex with strangers is exciting but I agree it's better when you actually have feelings for somebody


ps: wear condoms

 

[Pi Mu Rho]

well, casual sex can be very good as well ..sex with strangers is exciting

/me winks at Stern

 

[CptStern]

/me winks back, then quickly avoids eyes so as to not give anything away :naughty:

 

[Sulkdodds]

You should practise what you preach, Stern. I AM YOUR ILLEGITIMATE LOVECHILD.

DUN DUN DUN.

 

[CptStern]

mommy poked a hole in my rubber glove that day ...sorry son, you were an accident

 

[kirovman]

Oh noes! The hypocracy of it all astounds me!

Oh think of the children!

[/drama]

 

[poseyjmac]

the only basis behind not having sex before marriage is based upon social (often religious) reasoning. there is no biological benefit to abstinance (aside from disease avoidance, but that can be avoided). Frankly, I think it is foolish. You could get hit by a car tomorrow, dying before you have had sex is a fate I wish upon no one. Life is way to short to waste time abstaining, gett out there, and get laid. But remember, its different times we live in so, bag it before you tag it! 20 of you think it's not right that blows my mind, though i can only assume its because you are too young, too naive, or too poisened by religious teachings or Sex Ed classes. trust me on this one

you haven't been reading my posts have you? ive explained why it can be a meaningful gift, and it's merits can exist outside of religion. its a sacrifice, which is what makes it valuable to some people.

also remember. sex is just an excursion. as is skydiving. its just as valid as saying: dying before you skydive is a fate i wish upon no one. because remember, not everyone is like you some people value other things.

 

[jondy]

because remember, not everyone is like you some people value other things.

Asexuality isn't common, and we weren't built from the ground up for skydiving either.

It doesn't matter what you do as long as you don't do it to prove anything- to god, to your family, or to yourself.