Sex Before Marriage?

[63]

Babies before marriage!

 

[Icarusintel]

i guess i gotta say yes... since i already did... besides, i dunno if i wanna get married anymore

 

[Skaadi]

Let's see... For "Do you believe in a god," I put Yes. For "Is alcohol good for you," I put depends on the person and circumstances. For "Coke or Pepsi," I put Pepsi. For "Were you preyed upon as a child," I put Yes.

But we can find a couple of threads in which I was with the majority... "Is pixel pr0n okay?" Yes. "Should Bush resign?" Yes.

Ehm, let me think back. The Do you Believe thread, I put yes. Same for the alcohol, same for the pepsi, I'm not sure about the last one. Cheers!

:cheers:

Hmmmmm, I wonder why my name came up as Shaadi.......

 

[burnzie]

Sex for the sake of sex is wrong in my view, i respect myself too much for that... but if you love the person then you dont need a peice of paper to tell you its ok to have sex.

 

[xLostx]

the people who are saying thet're going to wait or are never going to have sex are saying that cuz they cant get laid haw haw. i see nothing wrong with it and quite frankly I'd go crazy having to wait

 

[Nat Turner]

uh huh. yea pretty much all morals are in the mind. you aren't a child molester, if you aren't one in your mind. right...

anyway, its the fact that one made the sacrifice that makes it so meaningful. its just a very special gift. like giving her a new diamond bracelet, except that its truly unique and one of a kind.

Your thinking is worse than illogical, it is just plain foolish. No offense.

Virginity is a state of mind because it is a psychological condition. It only involves a single person. Yes somebody may help you "take it away", but that's all in your mind that something has been lost. You can also believe in virginity for handshakes just as easily, although it's unpopular to do so and pointless. Virginity through history has been morphed from "have you tried this before?" to "have you done this?if so, your entire life has been changed". WTF?

Being a child molestor is a physical act against children, and it harms them. Children cannot consent because they aren't intelligent enough to have their own responsibilities.

 

[burnzie]

the people who are saying thet're going to wait or are never going to have sex are saying that cuz they cant get laid haw haw. i see nothing wrong with it and quite frankly I'd go crazy having to wait

Ok well, ive had plenty and i still think its good to wait to atleast you have found someone you love... not just anyone. But as i said there is no need for a bit of paper to tell you so...

But yeah anyone saying they never want sex is kidding themselves.

 

[Nat Turner]

Ok well, ive had plenty and i still think its good to wait to atleast you have found someone you love... not just anyone. But as i said there is no need for a bit of paper to tell you so...

But yeah anyone saying they never want sex is kidding themselves.

Most people are kidding, a very few are actually asexual.

 

[Skaadi]

Most people are kidding, a very few are actually asexual.

Finally. *rolls eyes*

 

[Nat Turner]

Finally. *rolls eyes*

I doubt you're asexual, just not fully grown yet. A woman reaches her sexual prime at about age 30, I believe. Men, on the other hand, become fertile right after puberty, and reach their sexual prime around age 18.

 

[Skaadi]

I doubt you're asexual. A woman reaches her sexual prime at about age 30, I believe. Men, on the other hand, become fertile right after puberty, and reach their sexual prime around age 18.

Well, right now I'm 14, so yes, right at the moment I am. How about we have a long standing bet? If I'm still a virgin at 75, you give me that tank I've always wanted.

 

[Nat Turner]

Well, right now I'm 14, so yes, right at the moment I am. How about we have a long standing bet? If I'm still a virgin at 75, you give me that tank I've always wanted.

You are not asexual then, with roughly 99% likelihood. It is extremely rare. Our brains are basically wired to enjoy sex once we reach the right stage, just like anything else is enjoyable. So don't worry. Homosexuality is much more common than asexuality because our brains are still wired to be sexual, but just the recognition of what to be sexual with is different. (not flawed, unless you think that as animals the very point of life is to eat and reproduce. very hedonistic)

And it's probably better that you're not at this point, because sex should be a great responsibility and should not be taken lightly. If you want to succeed, that is.

 

[Skaadi]

You are not asexual then, with roughly 99% likelihood. It is extremely rare. Our brains are basically wired to enjoy sex once we reach the right stage, just like anything else is enjoyable. So don't worry. Homosexuality is much more common than asexuality because our brains are still wired to be sexual, but just the recognition of what to be sexual with is different. (not flawed, unless you think that as animals the very point of life is to eat and reproduce. very hedonistic)

And it's probably better that you're not at this point, because sex should be a great responsibility and should not be taken lightly. If you want to succeed, that is.

True, true. Ok, now bring up another point so I can ponder that. True about the responsibility though, a friend of mine didnt consider that (took it lightly) and now, at 16, is pregnant. Realy sucks.

 

[Nat Turner]

True, true. Ok, now bring up another point so I can ponder that. True about the responsibility though, a friend of mine didnt consider that (took it lightly) and now, at 16, is pregnant. Realy sucks.

Ok, I'll just ramble on.

Always use birth control, or you're taking a good gamble.

Just some tips in general:

Figure out soon how much you want in life, like set goals for yourself. For example, do you want to make a lot of money? Do nothing when you get older, with financial security? Not care, and just live for fun? Decide not to have any goals and just live like that, doing whatever you see best as the next step? Make the world a better place (to make you happier knowing you helped, not because it actually works )? Get married?

Just try to set a path for yourself. I like to do that, at least. Or at least decide whether you want to make one or not. And then what you decide, work towards it, unless you see a reason to change your goals. This may sound cheesy, but it's a good way to keep yourself emotionally sane, if you care about this.

But still be impulsive, of course. Always remember that, it's important. Makes life 10x more interesting. Wanna break into an abandoned house, just for the hell of it? Do it. Ask a guy out? Do it. Makes life exciting. But I like to always have a grasp of what I'm getting myself into, and I try to understand everything and always keep my priorities in check.

Hehe I hope you liked my ramble.

 

[Milkman]

Yes

Reason: Giggity.

'nuf said.

 

[Skaadi]

Ok, I'll just ramble on.

Always use birth control, or you're taking a good gamble.

Just some tips in general:

Figure out soon how much you want in life, like set goals for yourself. For example, do you want to make a lot of money? Do nothing when you get older, with financial security? Not care, and just live for fun? Decide not to have any goals and just live like that, doing whatever you see best as the next step? Make the world a better place (to make you happier knowing you helped, not because it actually works )? Get married?

Just try to set a path for yourself. I like to do that, at least. Or at least decide whether you want to make one or not. And then what you decide, work towards it, unless you see a reason to change your goals. This may sound cheesy, but it's a good way to keep yourself emotionally sane, if you care about this.

But still be impulsive, of course. Always remember that, it's important. Makes life 10x more interesting. Wanna break into an abandoned house, just for the hell of it? Do it. Ask a guy out? Do it. Makes life exciting. But I like to always have a grasp of what I'm getting myself into, and I try to understand everything and always keep my priorities in check.

Hehe I hope you liked my ramble.

There we go, now you've done it.

I've thought about it, this is what I want.

Career, no marrige, no kids, no sex. Work hard but enjoy life as much as possible, help people. yada

How old are you by the way? You really seem to have thought hard about all this.

 

[Nat Turner]

There we go, now you've done it.

I've thought about it, this is what I want.

Career, no marrige, no kids, no sex. Work hard but enjoy life as much as possible, help people. yada

How old are you by the way? You really seem to have thought hard about all this.

18. I think a lot and try to understand stuff, it's just what I enjoy doing.

edit: as long as you're happy with that, your life might get a little stale though. normal friends are harder to maintain when you get older because everyone has their own life to run, in general.

 

[Skaadi]

18. I think a lot and try to understand stuff, it's just what I enjoy doing.

edit: as long as you're happy with that, your life might get a little stale though. normal friends are harder to maintain when you get older because everyone has their own life to run, in general.

It will be hard, especially since i'm moving to Ireland, I will try my best to keep in touch with my friends though.

nah, I dont think it'll get stale. I've always liked being by myself. Theres a lot of things I want to study now but havent had the time because I'm around people who i'm always doing things for and being completely alone might give me some time.

 

[ailevation]

Too late for saving sex before marriage.

Oops accidentally voted 'No'. Well, I guess that's right to a certain point. Nobody doesn't want to have sex and come up with a baby, before you even want to imagine committment.

 

[TheSomeone]

Goals in my life:

Career: Artist (see my sig ), physicist, programmer
I want (a) partner(s), preferably skaadi (joke, joke), not sure if I beleive in marriage yet (Love is abstract, Marriage is concrete, do they mix? Not so sure) I want to write the foundations of a perfect society, I would probably like to raise two children and give them a dream education, and I want to accomplish something benefactory to the world.

Yeah, I'm getting off topic, but I couldn't help it.

 

[Skaadi]

Goals in my life:

Career: Artist (see my sig ), physicist, programmer
I want (a) partner(s), preferably skaadi (joke, joke), not sure if I beleive in marriage yet (Love is abstract, Marriage is concrete, do they mix? Not so sure) I want to write the foundations of a perfect society, I would probably like to raise two children and give them a dream education, and I want to accomplish something benefactory to the world.

Yeah, I'm getting off topic, but I couldn't help it.

*sobs* nobody likes me............

 

[Nat Turner]

Goals in my life:

Career: Artist (see my sig ), physicist, programmer
I want (a) partner(s), preferably skaadi (joke, joke),

Cool choices.

not sure if I beleive in marriage yet (Love is abstract, Marriage is concrete, do they mix? Not so sure) I want to write the foundations of a perfect society, I would probably like to raise two children and give them a dream education, and I want to accomplish something benefactory to the world.

I believe in marriage the same way I believe in dressing like a guy. You also get money off taxes (not sure about UK if you live there)

 

[>>FrEnZy<<]

Your thinking is worse than illogical, it is just plain foolish. No offense.

Virginity is a state of mind because it is a psychological condition. It only involves a single person. Yes somebody may help you "take it away", but that's all in your mind that something has been lost. You can also believe in virginity for handshakes just as easily, although it's unpopular to do so and pointless. Virginity through history has been morphed from "have you tried this before?" to "have you done this?if so, your entire life has been changed". WTF?

Being a child molestor is a physical act against children, and it harms them. Children cannot consent because they aren't intelligent enough to have their own responsibilities.

Virginity is not a state of mind. It is an experience. You can't make your experiences disappear.

Hence, what I must assume you are saying here is that whether or not being a virgin is bad or good is something that is determined by the individual's psychological condition.

Now, by saying that a persons concept of whether or not being a virgin is a state of mind, you are implying that the defining factor of what is right and wrong is up to that person.

If we generalise this defining factor (that whether or not something is right or wrong is up to that individual person) to the child abuse example you have given us, then this implies, that as a child does not know whether or not being sexually abused is wrong there is nothing wrong with sexually abusing children.

This is why, the definition of virginity being the 'psychological state' of the individual person does not hold. Because relying on this persons state of intelligence is not a reliable enough basis from which to derive whether something (such as not being a virgin) is right or wrong.

in other words, saying 'if you think your a virgin then its okay' is not valid, because the experiences you have had contradicts the thought. You are lying to yourself if your saying that you are a virgin when you are not.

saying "if you think not being a virgin is okay, then it is okay' is also invalid as relying on the persons intelligence is not a reliable enough basis to derive a truth about what is right or wrong.

Now, this being established, what we are here to do, is dicuss what sexuality is and its consequences, and from the facts derived from this discussion, formulate what ought to be.

 

[poseyjmac]

Your thinking is worse than illogical, it is just plain foolish. No offense.

Virginity is a state of mind because it is a psychological condition. It only involves a single person. Yes somebody may help you "take it away", but that's all in your mind that something has been lost. You can also believe in virginity for handshakes just as easily, although it's unpopular to do so and pointless. Virginity through history has been morphed from "have you tried this before?" to "have you done this?if so, your entire life has been changed". WTF?

Being a child molestor is a physical act against children, and it harms them. Children cannot consent because they aren't intelligent enough to have their own responsibilities.

you don't get it. for the third time, its a gift of sacrifice for a woman. many women would consider it the ultimate gift from a man. it says, that guy is serious about being with the one he really loves, and that hes not just out to give it all away for just any girl. it also demonstrates committment. a woman likes security, and many women would feel more secure with someone that is strong enough to make that committment. less likely to cheat too.

heh, the above is simply truth. and while its not true for everyone, its true for many, and no matter what you say, it doesn't make the act of abstaining any less meaningful to the men and women who value it as a unique gift. its easy to see that you are bitter about it, don't agree with it, and are trying to come up with some meaningful post to invalidate virginity. but the truth is, you can't. its like winning a marathon, not everyone can do it, but just because you don't win, doesn't mean you aren't a decent runner, so don't beat yourself up over it

 

[>>FrEnZy<<]

Will you marry me posey?

 

[Nat Turner]

You can be happy and not feel pleasure. (abstinence)

I can be happy while feeling pleasure.

The second is clearly the better solution. You've probably been brainwashed to believe otherwise, and are unable to be happy and have premarital sex.

I'm too tired to reply to Frenzy's post.

 

[Cooper]

Skaadi I respect your desire to live a life with no sex or family outside of relatives. However, deciding not to have any love in your life from a partner at the age of fourteen is a little odd. May I ask what brought you to your decision?

I personally don't really see a lot of enjoyment in life if you have no one to share it with. Yes, knowledge and a career is cool but where does it get you when your dead and the only person who knows you died was the gravedigger. To me, the ultimate joy in life is sharing it with someone else, doing things for others and seeing that happiness bubble out of them. To make a difference in the world, to raise a family and try to instill them with the things they will need not only in order to survive but to affect the lives of others and our world positively. I don't know, perhaps it is just me but I like the thought of coming home at night to someone who knows me better then anyone else, who I can share anything and whos arms are always open. Living alone your whole life is something few people can do, because many have found that there is little joy in it. Unless you are so religious that you would kill yourself otherwise.

Sure, I enjoy being alone like everyone else every once and a while. I enjoy my hunting trips, being alone with nature and I enjoy quietly reading a book. Everybody wants to have space, but humans are social creatures. We were not made to live by ourselves.

I am certainly not saying your choice of how you decide to live your life is bad. It is just alien to me. Good luck, however.

I wouldn't mind taking that bet you mentioned, even if I do have to buy you a tank someday.

EDIT: As far as my take on whether or not a person should have premarital sex. I say no, they shouldn't. I used to think the opposite but that is the beauty of life, we learn new things everyday and reform our beliefs and opinions as we go through new experiences.

 

[TheSomeone]

you don't get it. for the third time, its a gift of sacrifice for a woman. many women would consider it the ultimate gift from a man. it says, that guy is serious about being with the one he really loves, and that hes not just out to give it all away for just any girl. it also demonstrates committment. a woman likes security, and many women would feel more secure with someone that is strong enough to make that committment. less likely to cheat too.

Okay, first of all, you want to stop generalizing women according to your beleifs? It's very offensive. You have no idea that women hold a man's virginity to be the ultimate gift. I have no idea where you pulled that out of.

Second, stop being so shallow. If a woman and a man love each other, it doesn't matter how many times they've had sex before. Just because a couple doesn't lose their virginity together doesn't mean they're a loyal and loving couple.

And third of all, your point doesn't explain why premarital sex is wrong, it just explains why sex with more than one woman is. If you really love a woman and you know you're going to marry her, shouldn't you show her affection (or as you call it, the greatest gift of all) for her before you are actually married?

 

[Nat Turner]

Skaadi I respect your desire to live a life with no sex or family outside of relatives. However, deciding not to have any love in your life from a partner at the age of fourteen is a little odd. May I ask what brought you to your decision?

She cannot comprehend sexuality or its necessity, because she does not feel it, yet. She is making the rational choice to abstain because she doesn't just take it for granted of how good it is.

edit:

Would you choose to live without food if you were never hungry? I would.

 

[poseyjmac]

some people live happy lives with just friends and jerking off(but not together).

imo, sex has been overhyped by pop-culture. when in reality it is just dual-masturbation. you both want to feel good, so you use each other to do it. if you didn't, you would get your orgasm in another way. its a drug, and people will get their fix. coincedentally it makes you feel 'normal' when you do have sex with a woman, so then its boosts your happiness level. but if your mind wasn't influenced by pop-culture, you would realize that to be happy is all within yourself.

 

[Nat Turner]

some people live happy lives with just friends and jerking off(but not together).

imo, sex has been overhyped by pop-culture. when in reality it is just dual-masturbation. you both want to feel good, so you use each other to do it. if you didn't, you would get your orgasm in another way. its a drug, and people will get their fix. coincedentally it makes you feel 'normal' when you do have sex with a woman, so then its boosts your happiness level. but if your mind wasn't influenced by pop-culture, you would realize that to be happy is all within yourself.

It is good to be happy, no matter the reason. Whether it is influenced by how you perceive pop culture or not is irrelevant. Happiness comes at a great difficulty to some, you shouldn't just dismiss it.

 

[poseyjmac]

ill reply to your other quote in a sec. on phone

 

[TheSomeone]

some people live happy lives with just friends and jerking off(but not together).

imo, sex has been overhyped by pop-culture. when in reality it is just dual-masturbation. you both want to feel good, so you use each other to do it. if you didn't, you would get your orgasm in another way. its a drug, and people will get their fix. coincedentally it makes you feel 'normal' when you do have sex with a woman, so then its boosts your happiness level. but if your mind wasn't influenced by pop-culture, you would realize that to be happy is all within yourself.

You are just shallow beyond beleif.

Sex isn't only about the orgasm, it's about the experience, it's the ultimate connection to another human being, it's the perfect unison.

 

[CyberPitz]

I've rushed too many relationships for sex. If relationships fail, so will marriage. So I figure..***sh to sex..if it lasts..there's the keeper

 

[Cooper]

Humans are not creatures that do things only out of necessity. It is not necessary for a bunch of guys to grab a ball and jump on top of each other, but they do it out of enjoyment. Same with ice cream, it isn't necessary but we enjoy it. Life is about many things and one of them is pleasure.

So no, I wouldn't live without food completely. I would just eat less of it.

I understand if a person is asexual and feels no need for sex at all, however at the age of fourteen, especially for a female, it seems odd to me. More like a decision then a genetic trait. A decision made by someone who has not yet experienced love.

Again, I have no problem with her life style. More power to her for sticking with her decision if it is indeed a decision. If it is an actual genetic trait of hers and she will have no desire for sex or a partner her whole life then it saddens me. She will miss out on one of the greatest things in life. Of course, if you never want it then you'll never miss it too.

 

[Nat Turner]

You are just shallow beyond beleif.

Sex isn't only about the orgasm, it's about the experience, it's the ultimate connection to another human being, it's the perfect unison.

He is not shallow, because he rationally thought out his beliefs. If you are shallow, you simply don't think about things.

Sex is different for everyone. It's significant varies greatly from person to person; you are just as wrong as him for generalizing.

 

[Absinthe]

you don't get it. for the third time, its a gift of sacrifice for a woman. many women would consider it the ultimate gift from a man. it says, that guy is serious about being with the one he really loves, and that hes not just out to give it all away for just any girl. it also demonstrates committment. a woman likes security, and many women would feel more secure with someone that is strong enough to make that committment. less likely to cheat too.

Allow me to call bullshit. If you expect to find yourself in shallow relationships where the major basis for love is sheer ****ing, then perhaps that holds true to you, but it doesn't for most people. If you get your panties into a twist because your partner has had sex in the past, then you have issues. Mature and loving couples should focus on their present experiences and what it means to them instead of hanging themselves up on a past lover.
You have this RIDICULOUS notion that "true" love is only possible through marriage. What a crock. You may not marry the girlfriend you had at 16, but that doesn't make the experience you had at the time any less real and valid. So what are you saying? That sex loses its worth if you do it repeatedly? Does this also apply to kissing? Does it also apply to saying "I love you"? How absurd. The importance and attributed meaningfulness to these actions is dependent on the intent behind them.
What happens if you divorce and get remarried? Is the sex somehow less intimate? Is the marriage a fraud? Is the love you feel for your current wife diminished by past experience? Again, absurd.

it doesn't make the act of abstaining any less meaningful to the men and women who value it as a unique gift.

Abstinence is a crock and has done more harm than good.

 

[Cooper]

You are just shallow beyond beleif.

Sex isn't only about the orgasm, it's about the experience, it's the ultimate connection to another human being, it's the perfect unison.

In my opinion it is the deepest expression of love. But again, many people have different thoughts on love and sex.

 

[poseyjmac]

Okay, first of all, you want to stop generalizing women according to your beleifs? It's very offensive. You have no idea that women hold a man's virginity to be the ultimate gift. I have no idea where you pulled that out of.

False. i didn't generalize. look at the keyword 'many'. which is accurate, as there are many christian women alone that believe this, not counting non-christians. i can think of 13 women off the top of my head that i know that believe this. now if i said, all women, then i would be generalizing.

Second, stop being so shallow. If a woman and a man love each other, it doesn't matter how many times they've had sex before. Just because a couple doesn't lose their virginity together doesn't mean they're a loyal and loving couple.

False. i never said that. ive only said for a group of men and women(not all) it does mean something great.

And third of all, your point doesn't explain why premarital sex is wrong, it just explains why sex with more than one woman is. If you really love a woman and you know you're going to marry her, shouldn't you show her affection (or as you call it, the greatest gift of all) for her before you are actually married?

i never said pre-marital sex is wrong, im saying the gift of abstaining is very meanigful. little advice when arguing with me, im not a christian, so don't go making assumptions based on what little you know of my beliefs.

to the second part, the fact is you never do know, until you are married. its like walking the last 20 ft of the marathon because you think you've won. no, you finish strong.

 

[TheSomeone]

False. i didn't generalize. look at the keyword 'many'. which is accurate, as there are many christian women alone that believe this, not counting non-christians. i can think of 13 women off the top of my head that i know that believe this. now if i said, all women, then i would be generalizing.

Name those 13 women, first and last, just for shits and giggles.
Saying "many" is enough to generalize.

i never said pre-marital sex is wrong, im saying the gift of abstaining is very meanigful. little advice when arguing with me, im not a christian, so don't go making assumptions based on what little you know of my beliefs.

I never assumed you were christian. Talk about irony, you just assumed that I assumed. In addition, this is coming from a guy who assumes "many" women see abstainance as very meaningful. And although you've never actually said premarital sex is wrong, you've more than often suggested it by saying abstinance is good.