The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper

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Mr. Grizzly. Proceed with the disinfection protocols. Clean that mind.
 
Yes sir. Commence procedure 106, method D151NF3CT. Subject is prepared for memory wiping.
 
(I need you all to choose a model that you want to be in Gmod, I'm going to make some comics of this.)
 
Cache of pigs found; species no longer considered extinct

-W.J. Russell and no. 801138

In a surprise turn of events, a scouting party came across a large number of pigs, of the genus sus scrofa domesticus, which previously had been thought to be extinct as of the year 20--, and although lean and rugged, they will be cloned in the disgusting and horrendous facilities alledgedly under combine control. [PHRASE REMOVED- ADMINISTRATION] is certainly an unjust and [PHRASE REMOVED- ADMINISTRATION] sick and degrading [PHRASE REMOVED- ADMINISTRATION]. They take hold [PHRASE REMOVED- ADMINISTRATION] right in there, squeeze real hard [PHRASE REMOVED- ADMINISTRATION] don't know which way you're going. [LIMIT REACHED: COMMENCE TRANSFER- ADMINISTRATION]

[at this point, the original author fell ill and the rest of the article was written by his intern, no. 801138- ADMINISTRATION]

This small group of fleshy animals will be treated by typical combine procedures, cloned, and their offspring will be ground up and dehydrated to be included in the ration packets in pill form, provided by our generous and merciful benefactors. Hail the combine!
[HAIL- ADMINISTRATION]

[the original author had this to say as he was removed from the premesis for medical treatment]
I'm sorry! I didn't know how things were run around here! I feel like I've screwewd everything up. Please, don't take me there, please don't... no!
[at this point he was loaded into a sterilized personnel transport and no further comment could be extracted]
 
(All of em.. combine, all the main characters (Except Gordon) And zombies!
 
YOUR CHANCE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!​

Is your life boring and blank?
Does nothing excite you anymore?
Are you tired of dr Breen making explicit remarks on the TV?

If you answered yes to any of these (and even if you didn't), then you might just be what we want!

New Little Odessa (that's right, the trandy and catchy N.L.O.!) is looking for volunteers to help them out!

Experience with working on high altitudes and ability to spot incoming gunships are extremely welcome!

If you want to feel the thrill of rebellion, join us now! Dial 633772-2822243 on your communicator!

We are waiting for YOU!


DISCLAIMER: Colonel Odessa Cubbage takes no responsibility for injuries taken during the course of your duties, including lungs perforated by pulse guns, head trauma resulting from long falls, incineration by gunship's cannon, massive bodily harm resulting from an encounter with a gunship while standing on a tall tower and not getting down the ladder quick, running exposed in the courtyard and accidental death due to being shot by a rogue scientist's laser guided rocket launcher.
Job experience may change without prior notice by N.L.O representatives. Results may vary.
Working for the N.L.O. can cause dyslexia, sleep problems, insomnia, lung cancer, spontaneous testicel dissipation, night watering, leprecy, dysortography, body lice, hair lice, pubic lice, headcrab induced fever and zombification, puking, regicide, cake obsession. do not drive heavy machinery while working for the N.L.O. or wield a laser guided rocket launcher.
 
Citadel Premises For Sale

A beautiful home for all the family. Needs to be restored with a little TLC due to a gas explosion caused by a rebellion task force. Includes all the essentials of a fabulous home.

Including a revolutionizing combine teleport fit for all the family to use, (Batteries not included, your own host body must be provided) that uses the entanglement system to transport to your dreamy destination. It includes a deluxe package that will immediately provide you with a one-way ticket to Nova Prospekt EACH. It is 10,000 bed roomed and even holds it's very own combine inspired prison to keep the children when they have been naughty or a fabulous place to hide your dead Mother-In-Laws body. Also included a penthouse study with a fantastic view from the fluffy cloud like realm of the citadel. Also includes portals to Xen for a family day-trip.

And much, much more. A family home if there was one. Price starts at 100 citizens. With a little loving TLC this could turn into the home of your dreams and furthermore it could become a perfect place to feed and clothe your army. It has suffered minor burns and has rotting combine soldier corpses throughout and is in need of a little work however nothing that can't be repaired by a few hundred vortigaunt slaves.



Please note that the previous owners and the combine are not responsible for misleading you entirely via this add, nor are they responsible for any injuries that occur in the purchasing of the premises this includes head trauma, fractures and death caused by falling detritus, burns occurring due to fire, radioactive poisoning caused by contact with the power core in the basement and having your limbs torn apart one-by-one by the pet strider. The core may resemble saurons eye but it isn't, any owners that say otherwise will be disintergrated accordingly.




citadel.jpg
 
To: Citidel
Heading: Citidel

Hey, I would like to pick up your offer about that.. uhh... Citidel? I'll pay extra NOT to get the Nova Prospekt Ticket.

Cheers! Ace.
 
To: Ace
Heading: Ace

I must thank you for your interesting offer Ace it is... uhh Ace. For the extra you have requested I have to ask you to pay by sending me Marc Laidlaw where I can interrogate him for my own ill gotten gains. Thank you for your interest.

Cheers
Citadel
 
No idea, but we should collaborate on a fanfic piece or something.

[edit] wtf, *I*'m new too, haven't visited this subforum in years :p
 
Letz go play HL2 RPG!!!1!!11!!1!!

Damnit, it sux how the guy who always started those buggered off someplace. He was a good writer.
 
Back to work, slaves.







Er, I mean employees..... yeah... Don't look at me like... *runs*

//lockdown
 
Jintor said:
Letz go play HL2 RPG!!!1!!11!!1!!

Damnit, it sux how the guy who always started those buggered off someplace. He was a good writer.
Click to expand...

Haha... I remember them! I was GMing the start of the Irish one after the dude buggered off. Then he started a second we just got underway... AND HE BUGGERED OFF AGAIN! D:
 
ATTENTION

This is your editor in chief. Labor Unions are currently illegal under Combine Civil Order codes. Any employee in any union will be dealt with... extreme prejudice.
 
Darkwolf said:
Haha... I remember them! I was GMing the start of the Irish one after the dude buggered off. Then he started a second we just got underway... AND HE BUGGERED OFF AGAIN! D:
Click to expand...

Do we want to start another one? I can do the writing, you can do the other writing, and 15357 can play a little guitar! YOU IN?
 
TollBooth Willie said:
I've been the janita here fo' almost 2 years now. I AIN'T YO' DAMN SLAVE.
Click to expand...

You've been promoted to chief hygene technician. Your bonus will be the usual 40% of your monthly pay, and you will recieve a raise of 115%.
 
15357 said:
You've been promoted to chief hygene technician. Your bonus will be the usual 40% of your monthly pay, and you will recieve a raise of 115%.
Click to expand...

GBut you don't pay us anything. You simply whip us twice a daym does that mean we'll get more whipping? :(
 
Darkwolf said:
He pays me...
Click to expand...

Yeah well you don't work in the reproductive simulation facility. He ties me up while I am naked to a chair the does terrible things to me. Especially hipping, always with the whipping :(

Oh hello nice security man what can I do for you this fine day.... hang on... Where are you taking me. Room 101? How... wait a minute... I don't remember seeing this one on the guided tour. :eek:
 
This thread has become a complete (bad) rollplay thing rather than a place to post witty/funny fake articles relating to the Half-Life series.

*riomhaire hids under stack of memos*
 
The Daily Citizen - Made For the Citizens, By the Citizens, and Of the Citizens!

Protip: Overwatch does not recommend that citizens ingest print copies of The Daily Citizen in lieu of standard rations. If a citizen does choose to do so, Overwatch cannot be held responsible for any similarities to the plot of Soylent Green.
 
riomhaire said:
This thread has become a complete (bad) rollplay thing rather than a place to post witty/funny fake articles relating to the Half-Life series.

*riomhaire hids under stack of memos*
Click to expand...

True that... so I wacked together a PSA, courtesy of the Media department.

zombiecooltf0.png
 
I think I prefer it as a Rollplay thing, with bits of the paper added in whenever.

Join us, Riomhaire... it's blisss....
 
51 pages back.

Hybro said:
Cubbage Captured

​

This exclusive picture shows depicts officer Colonel Cubbage, understood to have helped Dr. Freeman during his recent escape from combine forces, evidently being interrogated by the notorious Overwatch inside Nova Prospekt. It appears that the colonel was being beaten harshly by the combine forces, and on the table to the right of the picture are just visible a number of tools and instruments that appear to be used for this purpose. Unfortunately, my hovercam was only able to take and transmit this one picture before being spotted and destroyed so what the Overwatch wanted from Cubbage is unconfirmed, although it is strongly suspected that they are attempting to extract the location of rebel outposts from the colonel. It is quite likely that the safety of many civilians and freedom fighters alike has been put in jeopardy by the capture of Cubbage and they should expect visits from combine forces soon.

The colonel’s loss strikes a blow to the rebel forces at a time when leadership is greatly needed. Gordon Freeman is an obvious leader figure, but he is elusive and seems reluctant to take up that mantle, seemingly preferring to work alone. Reports suggest that the colonel was a senior member of the rebel forces stationed along the coast near City 17 and Nova Prospekt, a force that played a significant part in helping Dr. Freeman reach the infamous prison and subsequently free Eli Vance. Cubbage was one of the few known survivors of the Combine attack on the British Isles during the 7 Hour War and made his way be unknown means to City 17 shortly after the debacle. Some rumours have recently begun to surface concerning his contact with the mysterious ‘G-Man’, as pictures have emerged of the mysterious suited man giving the colonel an RPG Launcher which is believed to have subsequently passed into the hands of Dr. Freeman. Little at this time is clear, but one thing seems certain: Colonel Cubbage is lost to the rebellion.

Another disturbing detail that is evident from this picture is that the Overwatch are continuing to use Nova Prospekt, even after the antlion invasion led by Dr. Freeman. This means that combine soldiers are still being produced, although the supply of natural humans going to the plant is expected to dwindle as rebel forces take more of the city. More worryingly still, the capability of the combine forces to fend off the antlions indicated a strong Overwatch presence in the prison which will make capturing it highly difficult. All in all, it seems a bad day for the fledgling rebellion.

- Hybro
Click to expand...

Compare.

;(


We'll pick up, right? We always have.. :(
 
I would, but I'm two timezones away from HL2 and Garrysmod. And my brain hurts too much.
 
*wakes up from blow of MP7*

*combine radio whirs*

What the hell happened, sudden hatred of human race, wait that's not new, sudden need for gun, must kill rebels.

*head fills with implanted data, plans and weapons schematics*

(If I'm not too late, I wish to be a blu goggled combine soldier, seeing as I am one now...)
 
GUESS WHAT DIED.

(Hint. It's the Daily Citizen.)
 
We... will... pick up, won't we? Right, Sarge?
 
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