The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper

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To: Darkwolf
Re: Re: Registry

Sir, I have recieved multiple beatings for some unkown reasons.. seems they think I am a 'Commie'... Sir, What is a commie?
Well, I am actually asking you for something else. Can I have a raise, Sir? I mean, I have been giving ATLEAST 30% work effort, and I think that is a big step up from last month. Respond to me via my Breen-Phone.. The CP's stole my computer...

Signed,
AcepilotF14
Ace Reporter. (LOL! PUN!)
P.S.: Can I have exclusive rights to Hunter-Choppers?
 
To: Darkwolf
Re:Re:Re: Registry
I followed your order and returned the beating I got to the CP's. Never thought that giving back could be such fun!
 
Acepilotf14 said:
P.S.: Can I have exclusive rights to Hunter-Choppers?
Click to expand...

I hold all military and security sections here. And i say why not since i apointed you a jet already.
 
Then I guess I should gain control of the grammar and spelling schools. You get VIP access, Azner.
 
Internal Memo
To: All
Gmod Pose Weapons

Fine, well, if you have an SAR-21 that would be great, but it would have to be a -21. no others

Thanks
 
Internal Memo
To: Azner; Acepilot
Re: Burn

You just got burned dude, that was a burn. Burned dude... burned. Also, Ithink you'll find that TRM is the head of equipment and security.

Due to that burn and the slightly increased work standard from Acepilot, I've put a recommendation to the Editor-In-Chief for that raise you requested.

Lastly to all reporters, start reporting and stop with the memos. Please remember to incinerate all memos recieved after reading, to prevent them from growing. Should I find excess memos around the office, I will have to install self-destruct features in all office paper.
 
INTERNAL SERVICE PROCESSOR V1.29b

....

WELCOME!

//access tdc main control

PASSWORD?

//******************************************************

INCORRECT PASSWORD

//*

....

ACCESSED

//lockdown 7 - 495

...

DOOR 98 NOT RESPONDING...

DOOR 342 NOT RESPONDING...

//ignore

ALL AUXILARY SYSTEMS DISABLED

LOCKDOWN COMPLETE.

//exit

--------------------------------------------------------

Hmm, no bathroom breaks for you until you write some good articles, employees.
 
"Headcrab Godfather At Large"
Yes, a new godfather has appeared, a much stronger one of the headcrabs. Strozz Gurnga, leader of the grey Crabfia announced that he would crush the combine and the rebels hard. Most rebel forces have been "Heading To Hell" *Stifles for a laugh* but the combine have merely been bombed a little. Metro Cop Officer 167472 said: F*ck The F*cking headcrabs. TDC will be increasing security.
 
"Micheal Jackson Found!"

Today a long forgotten legend was found in a small shack outside of City 53. Micheal Jackson was found on a routine sweep of a nearby forest by Combine Forces. Mr. Jackson since his release back to Neverland Ranch in 2005 was rarely seen in public following charges of child molestation. Since he had become disgruntled at society, and even moreso once Combine Forces took the right for anyone to reproduce in general.
When CP forces attempted to take Jackson into custody, be brandished a firearm of unknown orgin. Our Civil forces took Mr. Jackson seriously, shooting him 1153 times. Jackson was pronounced dead on scene before Civil Medics could arrive.
One Combine troop was injured when a round he fired at Jackson's face ricocheted off of the ballistic plastic that coated the man's face, and struck him in the thigh.


In Other news, Pamela Anderson's grave exhumed to find out if it really was her breasts that killed her...
 
Jintor in Malaysia
"Living in the sunshine..."

In shocking news today, DC reporter and not-actually-editor-but fairly close Jintor has been spotted lounging around in an Air-Conditioned apartment in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. When asked exactly wtf he was doing there he responded "Dude, it's too fsking hot outside. Maybe later, when I can go swimming."

In other news, the Combine's presence appears to have missed Malaysia and its' delicious Durian altogether, although Singapore appears to have been invaded from behind... again.
 
Purple headcrabs!
Yesterday citizens of City 19 were disturbed by several headcrabs of amazing purple color. It seems, that they accidentaly got in the local artist's paint storage and turned over some bottles with purple paint.
The loss of purple paint was a real tragedy for the artist, and he was taken away by CP for disturbing them while patroling.

In other news, earlier today an unknown person was killed by the CP, when he attempted to steal the latest issue of the " CP special Xmas edition " magazine. Evidences were destroyed, along with the magazine. CP officer 126 9887 2387, owner of the magazine: I haven't even read that issue yet! Beware, citizens!!! I meet you on the street - and you're *@%$#!
So, be viligant, and please report of any unauthorized event to your local CP outpost.
 
Jintor said:
Jintor in Malaysia
"Living in the sunshine..."

In shocking news today, DC reporter and not-actually-editor-but fairly close Jintor has been spotted lounging around in an Air-Conditioned apartment in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. When asked exactly wtf he was doing there he responded "Dude, it's too fsking hot outside. Maybe later, when I can go swimming."

In other news, the Combine's presence appears to have missed Malaysia and its' delicious Durian altogether, although Singapore appears to have been invaded from behind... again.
Click to expand...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOqtFh-ysNU
 
A joke for zombies only!
Gordon: Hey you, zombie guy, give me back my glasses!
Zombie: Zombines, look, I am Gordon!
Gordon: Boom! This is the ninth comedian zombie I've shot! Oh, no, eighth, second just died funny!
 
Internal Memo
To: All
Subject:I'm back (finally)

Now, please excuse my lack of knowledge, I have not (yet) read EVERY page, But I have a basic idea about what's going on.

First off, When I do get My office, try to make sure it is on a low level, but not on the ground floor. I'd like it if no Mawmen (or as you call them 'zombies') to ba able to access my Office. I'd also like the office to be on a lower level to ensure a 0% chance of the collsision with a combine advisor, dropship or gunship.

Second off, why does Jintor want the "male_05"? because if we are picking characters for pictures, than make mine a 'Metro cop" or classic "vortigant" from HL1.

Third off, I'd post a new article soon, or atleast have a pic (If I had the Gmod on this computer), but I can only do so when somebody posts AFTER this post (So that I don't break the 'No Double/Triple/etc. posting rule).

It's great to be back at TDC.
 
Rebel Forces Destroy Lab.

Reports are still coming in to verify - - - but a sexually frustrated rebel attatched an improvised explosive device to himself and walked into the sterilization lab, causing complete destruction of the building. At this time CP forces are calling this a search and rescue, however for City 23, this is a grim reminder that rebels are still capable of killing their own to strike a blow at the combine.

In other news, middle eastern terrorists destroy Combine gunship with RPG

Breen is quoted stating "We are still in complete control."
 
*Does summoning dance of the mystical AJRimmer*

God damnit we need some quality articles in here.
 
The Daily Citzen
A Many People Newspaper
December 21, 2018

Jolly Red Mawmen
Earlier in the past week, several Mawmen corpses have been found. Though this is normally insignificant, these corpses are unique. Each has been found with a red hat which seems to be cone in shape, and trimmed with white fir. Several citzens have begun giving this Mawman killer the name of 'Jolly Old St. Nick', preaching that his acts are sre 'kindness and joy', returning the citzens, rebels and metros for that matter, a freedom of the Mawman menace. "Ohh, hellz yeah, Ravenholm is a lot quiter now, you can even hear some crazy coute out there, we call him a ghost." a word from our everyday citzen. "It will allow us to get some fresh meat for the new troops, instead of letting it be killed by our older brethren." says the Headcrab movement leader. It would seem that St. Nick, is doing a christmas deed for all of us, now if only he could stop these combine from snooping over my---


Due to severe trauma, our writer Ophiguris has been knocked unconcious. His sudden, fainting reasons are unknown. Do not panic.

_________________________________________________________________
City 17 Weather
Lo: 23dgs Celsius, 90% of outbreak, outbreak, outbr---
Hi: 25dgs Celsius, 99.9% brick covered door ways
 
Dogs pronounced Illegal
All Illegal alien Dogs to be killed.
Today, several hundred throusand dogs all around the globe were executed as Combine Representative CR 553266-A Has announced that an unkown source of Combine Intelligence that all Dogs are to be killed, and if they will not die, just put them in the 'Fun' cage.
----------------------------------------------------------
CMBN:+67 REB:-6 ZOMB:+34.8 HDCB:-7 NUKE:+1 CHOC:+89 DOG:-500,822
CHEF:-5 XBX:+76 DOW:-99.999 CAT:+67 SONY:-88725.73111 LOLZ:-2
HL2.net: +7742.8 MOM:-4 FUN:-277 1ST AMENDMENT:-1 :p:lol!
 
FREE WILL PRONOUNCED ILLEGAL
All Hail the GLORIOUS COMBINE

City 2, Yesterday - True enlightenment has struck the head of local Benefactor charity in City 2, yesterday, as he pronounced all forms of free will now illegal.

"There is no individuality" he - or possibly they - spoke. "Only the Universal Union. We are legion. Join us. I - oh, shit- " just before he was cut down in a rain of gunfire.

Inquiries are continuing.
 
Today, It has been pronounced that Television or 'Internet' is now against the law.
Any and all mammals will be shocked, beaten, and possibly stripped of their skin, if found using a computer or watching TV. This does not include the Breen Show. Weeknights 12 A.M. To Midnight. This Advisor had this to say 'We do not approve of the 'Gmod' As it always shows us Combine in stupid and/or bad situations! ALL HAIL THE COMBINE!'
 
I guess we'll have to close down shop then, won't we, Mr. Acepilot?
 
Oh, yes, the Combine were behind the Taiwan Quake in 2006, apparently as part of their preliminary plans to cut off the internets.
 
Don't worry, were operating on a combine server. I have a... friend of a friend.
 
The Daily Citzen
A Many People Newspaper
December 31st, 2018

Combine Entanglement
It is unfortunate that we announce the Combine have, for the first time ever, successfully used a teleporting entanglement device which allows constant deployment throughout all of City 17. It is the first time that combine have managed to teleport from one place to another in the same dimesion. Citzens have never been more aware and the resistance is growing faster than ever. Already cordinated attacks against both Nova Prospekt as well as larger combine outposts to eliminate all combine teleports. It is a daunting task, and many citzens question their safety while their only defense storms the coast. It is a great fear now, with only a loose mawman killer, to defend civillians from Combine troops which can reach deep into civillians housing installments, and tear apart their lives, and legs.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

City 17 Weather
Hi: 17dgs Celsius with a 0% Chance of Percepitation
Lo: -4dgs Celsius with a large downpour of re-appearing Combine troops and striders... and APCs




OOA (Out of Article):

You guys can make pictures for my articles, if you wish, seeing as I can't... not good ones, all I have is Photoshop... No G-mod, No HL2, well, not on the computer.
 
I think you forget who our paymasters are, Ophiguris. *rolls up sleeves*
 
The Combine are our friends. The Combine wish to protect us. The Combine are our benefactors.

Is that explanation enough?

(Alpha. Code. Stormwind.)
 
Public Execution Planned For Ophiguris

Today, after a brutal wave of corporal punishment towards writer Ophiguris the sentance has been increased by the combine to death. Ophiguris has been sentanced after disrespecting our benefactors and will be punished severly.
"Quiet simply it's the worst display of the year, I mean, 2006 had some bad moments but this one takes the [Apperature Science] cake!" said combine executioner #4096 "He will be punished accordingly".
There are currently plans under way to revive the writer by the TDC medical staff, but these are yet to be confirmed. The
execution is set for the 5/1/2007. "We can hardly wait" said a citizen loyal to the rebels while a gun was held to his head "This
should be better then when they hung Saddam, because, you know, he was loyal to the combine and we WANT THE COMBINE
TO BUU--" The citizen was shot.
While it is currently unknown how the victim will be executed it's currently a toss up between stalkerfication, electrecution-in-that-first-pod-in-the-citadel-that-Gordon-Freeman-when-you-choose-between-that-one-and-the-good-one,
firing squad and being fed to the antlions. "At the moment we hope that it's shooting, so he can be revived" said writer/security head/medical head the_rebel_medic "Any other way and there either won't be enough of him left to revive or there won't be any at all."
TDC currently has not formal stance

the_rebel_medic
 
Ophiguris II Cloned!
Earlier today Ophiguris' corpse was cloned, with remarkable accuracy AND sped growth to grow the citzen to his full and original age. Ophiguris is alive and while and STILL writes for TDC.
 
Internal Memo: All but Ophiguris

From: Jintor, Combine Overseer 122231234.

Message: Conditioning in clone Ophiguris II rapidly breaking down. Code: Advise, prescribe, treat. Combine Counter-Direction team on location, ready for surgery. Media blackout in effect.

Superior Authoritization required.
 
*sigh*
Internal Memo
To: Security Dept.

Code: Outbreak. Containment. Disinfect.
 
You don't want to know. Lights out.

*bashes Ophiguris with MP7*
 
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