The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper
- Thread starter 15357
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Greetings, CP318 here. I was on patrol yesterday and I found CP487 with a crow bar lodged in his head. I think he might have been...trying to open a crate..but, slipped and...then fell on his head, or something? I guess what I asking is if we could make our supply boxes more assicble so accidents like this won't happen again. Thank you. Concerned Civil Proterction Officer.
Anonymous Rebel,
Note to all Rebel forces, I would like to spread the word about an upcoming meeting next friday night at Cafe #14. Rebels are urged to bring all members and all weapons. No ammo please. We shall discuss our situation while dinning on punch and pie. No need to RSVP, just make sure every rebel in City 17 is present.
P.S. This is really a rebel, honestly. This is in NO WAY a trap by the combine. Really...SO BE THERE
Note to all Rebel forces, I would like to spread the word about an upcoming meeting next friday night at Cafe #14. Rebels are urged to bring all members and all weapons. No ammo please. We shall discuss our situation while dinning on punch and pie. No need to RSVP, just make sure every rebel in City 17 is present.
P.S. This is really a rebel, honestly. This is in NO WAY a trap by the combine. Really...SO BE THERE
the_rebel_medic
Spy
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COMBINE DISCOVER SECRET REBEL MEETING AT CAFÉ #14
Today,thanks to the blundering report by reporter DElta418 three hundred rebels were captured and taken into custordy by Combine Forces. "we want to thank that reporter for extending this invitation in a publicly distributed newspaper and making it so easy for us" said one of the overwatch personel.
We talked to DElta418 about this situation
TRM: DElta418 I have a few questions...
D418: *slams door*
As you can see this didn't go of to well.
Internal Memo:
Beware DElta418 a massive group of rebels are looking for your office, they have pulse rifles
Today,thanks to the blundering report by reporter DElta418 three hundred rebels were captured and taken into custordy by Combine Forces. "we want to thank that reporter for extending this invitation in a publicly distributed newspaper and making it so easy for us" said one of the overwatch personel.
We talked to DElta418 about this situation
TRM: DElta418 I have a few questions...
D418: *slams door*
As you can see this didn't go of to well.
Internal Memo:
Beware DElta418 a massive group of rebels are looking for your office, they have pulse rifles
the_rebel_medic
Spy
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Internal Memo:
The brai...arming is complete, boogymanx was unable to be br...armed due to lack of required articles (eg. brain)
The brai...arming is complete, boogymanx was unable to be br...armed due to lack of required articles (eg. brain)
Boogymanx
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Combine set world-record of capturing refugees
The Combine, who captured 300 rebels earlier today, set a world record! We talked to a CP and a rebel who didn't get caught.
Me: How does it feel to be engaged in one of the strangest world records yet?
CP #9874: It feels great. There's a huge picture of our whole team in the Citadel Book of Records. The refugees normally would've been there, but they couldn't make it because lack of lif... I mean lack of time.
Me: Thanks for this rather short interview.
CP #C987: You're welcome. Don't forget to tell DElta418 that he will get a civil-status promotion, and he is know able to get food 3 times a day, and they actually have some nutrition value this time. THANK YOU, DElta418!
After that we went to the rebel, which will be known as L.
Me: How do you feel about the fact that 300 rebels are captured?
L: Very very bad, ofcourse. This is a black day in the rebel history.
Me: Any feelings towards DElta418?
L: He's dead. Seriously, I'll kill him! As soon as I find out where the TDC HQ is, I'm going to bomb it!
Me: Umm, ookaaaaaaay.
This was Boogymanx, returning to TDC HQ now. (Hmm, it seems as if someone is following me...)
The Combine, who captured 300 rebels earlier today, set a world record! We talked to a CP and a rebel who didn't get caught.
Me: How does it feel to be engaged in one of the strangest world records yet?
CP #9874: It feels great. There's a huge picture of our whole team in the Citadel Book of Records. The refugees normally would've been there, but they couldn't make it because lack of lif... I mean lack of time.
Me: Thanks for this rather short interview.
CP #C987: You're welcome. Don't forget to tell DElta418 that he will get a civil-status promotion, and he is know able to get food 3 times a day, and they actually have some nutrition value this time. THANK YOU, DElta418!
After that we went to the rebel, which will be known as L.
Me: How do you feel about the fact that 300 rebels are captured?
L: Very very bad, ofcourse. This is a black day in the rebel history.
Me: Any feelings towards DElta418?
L: He's dead. Seriously, I'll kill him! As soon as I find out where the TDC HQ is, I'm going to bomb it!
Me: Umm, ookaaaaaaay.
This was Boogymanx, returning to TDC HQ now. (Hmm, it seems as if someone is following me...)
Seppo
Tank
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SHOCKING NEWS!! During the course of this day, the 26th of August 2005, a certain thread at halflife2.net has officially reached new levels of stupidity.
Rumours had been circling on the internet, and it had been widely speculated whether new levels of stupidity could be achieved, but now it's been confirmed. And the confirmation came straight from the horse's mouth: "It is now officially the stupidest thread ever" states the CEO of the ISRC (International Stupidity Research Center). He claims that he hadn't seen such high levels of stupidity since this thread
"I've never seen anything like this." he continues, "it's scary to see how dumb we all actually are".
Rumours had been circling on the internet, and it had been widely speculated whether new levels of stupidity could be achieved, but now it's been confirmed. And the confirmation came straight from the horse's mouth: "It is now officially the stupidest thread ever" states the CEO of the ISRC (International Stupidity Research Center). He claims that he hadn't seen such high levels of stupidity since this thread
"I've never seen anything like this." he continues, "it's scary to see how dumb we all actually are".
Darkwolf
Tank
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News Drought
City-17 is now declaring news restrictions on all citizens.
You may only read/listen/watch news on days that a number in your block number is rostered. Anybody that does not adhere to these restrictions will be sevearly punished. Normal penalties include a... friendly chat with your local CP officer.
The reason for these heavy restrictions is the suddenly stemmed outflow of news from C17's leading provider. The Daily Citizen is currently being bombarded by angry citizens with watermelons, accusing the newspaper tycoon of
"withholding the truth" and
"stopping City-17s entire life cycle because what happens is dictaded by the Newspaper giant."
The editor-in-cheif refused to comment, it is suspected he may still be swimming in his own urine in his penthouse office. The reason for his trapping behind his 600mm thick Jaffa blast door appears to be a total lockdown instigated almost a week ago at the DC headquaters due to a complete Windows 2003 server crash.
Hopefully this article will prompt the "unavalible" editor-in-cheif to actually learn to use his Debian/Redhat based server to end this lockdown and end the torment of C17's people and DC's editors.
As I speak on behalf of all Jornalists, please, THINK OF OUR BLADDERS!!!
-d
City-17 is now declaring news restrictions on all citizens.
You may only read/listen/watch news on days that a number in your block number is rostered. Anybody that does not adhere to these restrictions will be sevearly punished. Normal penalties include a... friendly chat with your local CP officer.
The reason for these heavy restrictions is the suddenly stemmed outflow of news from C17's leading provider. The Daily Citizen is currently being bombarded by angry citizens with watermelons, accusing the newspaper tycoon of
"withholding the truth" and
"stopping City-17s entire life cycle because what happens is dictaded by the Newspaper giant."
The editor-in-cheif refused to comment, it is suspected he may still be swimming in his own urine in his penthouse office. The reason for his trapping behind his 600mm thick Jaffa blast door appears to be a total lockdown instigated almost a week ago at the DC headquaters due to a complete Windows 2003 server crash.
Hopefully this article will prompt the "unavalible" editor-in-cheif to actually learn to use his Debian/Redhat based server to end this lockdown and end the torment of C17's people and DC's editors.
As I speak on behalf of all Jornalists, please, THINK OF OUR BLADDERS!!!
-d
T
TwIsTeD
Guest
Wanted new players for new rpg called journey to xen
must be able to wait at least a day for reply
must be able to wait at least a day for reply
Boogymanx
Newbie
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Noob spams The Daily Citizen
TwIsTeD, apparently with a shift key that's acting strange, has spammed The Daily Citizen. The message in question is
TwIsTeD, apparently with a shift key that's acting strange, has spammed The Daily Citizen. The message in question is
Your loyal writer has adjusted this message to fit the spelling needs of our beloved brainwa... newspaper.TwIsTeD said:
Ennui
The Freeman
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Ennui Enters Thread
September 5th, Off-Topic Chat
Ennui, esteemed moderator and all around general enlightened cat, has clicked on this thread for the first time, despite that it's been around forever and is 37 pages long. He thus feels like somewhat of a noob for the first time on Halflife2.net in close to a year and a half. More news when this story develops!
September 5th, Off-Topic Chat
Ennui, esteemed moderator and all around general enlightened cat, has clicked on this thread for the first time, despite that it's been around forever and is 37 pages long. He thus feels like somewhat of a noob for the first time on Halflife2.net in close to a year and a half. More news when this story develops!
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
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Edcrab laughs at Ennui
Edcrab, a long-absent but highly regarded reporter/journalist for our beloved Daily Citizen, popped in this evening just to go "LOL!" at Ennui.
Ennui is thought to be a newcomer to the Daily Citizen, but this will not be hold against him, claims the editorial team: "As long as he hasn't been reading the Combine Telegraph," said Editor-in-Chief 15357, "because then we'll have to render him down into ExplosoGlurp- you know, the biological explosives we've got eighteen thousand drums of. Right security hazard, but every Combine world needs them, just so we can detonate them and take down the Resistance at chokepoints."
Meanwhile, Edcrab is to be hunted down and fed to the inmates of Jerry's Barnacle Farm as penance for ignoring the paper for the last month.
Sloth
Tank
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Incoming Data Burst; Location Outside mapped area...
In plight of near loss of the Paper, the 'Correspondent Reporter' Evilsloth, has almost finished his hike to the Zen Temple in the foothills of the Asian Steppes. Data Burst with the interview of the Chief Monk is expected within the next day or two.
...End Data Burst
In plight of near loss of the Paper, the 'Correspondent Reporter' Evilsloth, has almost finished his hike to the Zen Temple in the foothills of the Asian Steppes. Data Burst with the interview of the Chief Monk is expected within the next day or two.
...End Data Burst
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
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---Intercepted Message---
My god. I didn't think they'd really do it. But they have.
The citidel is coming down on top of us, and we're f***ing out of instant noodles.
There's combine crawling all over the streets, street-to-street battles everywhere. I think i caught a glimps of Gordon Freeman, but my Vort pal dragged us away first. Their energy blast is simply amazing.
If anyone has instant noodles, call me. 1800 IEATNOODLES.
My god. I didn't think they'd really do it. But they have.
The citidel is coming down on top of us, and we're f***ing out of instant noodles.
There's combine crawling all over the streets, street-to-street battles everywhere. I think i caught a glimps of Gordon Freeman, but my Vort pal dragged us away first. Their energy blast is simply amazing.
If anyone has instant noodles, call me. 1800 IEATNOODLES.
Edcrab
Veteran Incompetent
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Peace of the Xen Temple
Following an unfortunate incident whereby this reporter attempted to visit the tranquiliy of an untouched Zen Temple and instead found themselves in a shrine full of Vortigaunt monks, the Union Religious Group (URG) has called for yet more bans on unregistered religion.
The Vorts of the Xen Temple did very little accept wonder around hitting gongs and making a huge profit in the lucrative mountain tours business- but the URG, undaunted by this peaceful existence, wants them out.
"It's just really annoying, you know?" said one spokesman. "All the damn gongs really get to you. And they hog all the instant noodles!"
During the ritual Dance of the Bullsquid- whereby five angry bullsquids are let loose within the temple grounds- I was allowed into the Vort's sacred halls.
"This is a place of great peace and tranquility," said Brother Shrut'grif, "and as the bullsquids butcher each other and eat our acolytes we learn a little more about the great entropic rift that is existence. Now please shoot this thing before it decides to taste my other leg."
A couple of burning zombies- possibly converts- wandered in at this point.
"GAAA OHHHH GOD NOOOOO!" said one, possibly indulging in a ritual chant. Close to hand a Vort throw molotovs at it, again, presumably part of some ritual.
As long as the Vort's of the Xen Temple are on hand to hit gongs, watch bullsquids participate in philosophical deathmatches and set fire to parasitic hybrids, we can rest easy that some people have found true peace.
But the URG is not convinced. "You're all a bunch of idiots," said their spokesman. "Seriously, you're mad."
As Brother Shrut'grif put it: "If a zombie dies alone as you fling it from the mountains, does it make a sound? Yes. Yes it does."
15357
Companion Cube
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--Internal Message--
Note that the DC HQ will be subjected to severe does of radiation (again), enough to kill any living organism and short circuit all electronic equipment.
I will be going now, Good Bye.
--------------------------------------
Launch Sequence Start
5
4
3
2
1
0
ignition...
ESCAPE POD #3 has succesfully launched.
Next command?
//nuke
DC HQ subjected to nuclear radiation.
//exit
Note that the DC HQ will be subjected to severe does of radiation (again), enough to kill any living organism and short circuit all electronic equipment.
I will be going now, Good Bye.
--------------------------------------
Launch Sequence Start
5
4
3
2
1
0
ignition...
ESCAPE POD #3 has succesfully launched.
Next command?
//nuke
DC HQ subjected to nuclear radiation.
//exit
the_rebel_medic
Spy
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//access terminal
welcome to the daily citizen nuke access unit
//artical in progress
nuke launch suspended
//HOS nuke_lockdown
Nukes locked down...
15357 attempts to kill TDC
Even after all the wars that have occured, the members killed and 15357 nearly assasinated, TRM and boogymanx AND Jintor being promoted, he had initiated a launch sequence for the nuclear warheads.
Fortunatley for all of TDC TRM had suspended the launch and will be terminated at the end of this artical. TRM has reported 15357 to the CP and he is currently being executed
This has been a public service announcment, Thankyou
TRM
//launch nukes
Target?
//citadel
Purpose?
//fun
Quantity?
//all
Launching, enjoy the fireworks
/me gets into a helmeted hazard suit
welcome to the daily citizen nuke access unit
//artical in progress
nuke launch suspended
//HOS nuke_lockdown
Nukes locked down...
15357 attempts to kill TDC
Even after all the wars that have occured, the members killed and 15357 nearly assasinated, TRM and boogymanx AND Jintor being promoted, he had initiated a launch sequence for the nuclear warheads.
Fortunatley for all of TDC TRM had suspended the launch and will be terminated at the end of this artical. TRM has reported 15357 to the CP and he is currently being executed
This has been a public service announcment, Thankyou
TRM
//launch nukes
Target?
//citadel
Purpose?
//fun
Quantity?
//all
Launching, enjoy the fireworks
/me gets into a helmeted hazard suit
- Status
