The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper

[Boogymanx]

Numbers lookalike brutally murdered in his sleep
A poor CS hostage that looked like TDC chiefthingy was brutally murdered while asleep. The hostage also slept in Numbers' bed, that was in Numbers' house. The Metrocop on the job muttered 'Damn conspiracy and I always get to do the filthy o wait this is supposed to be cs OMG U AWP N00B CAMPER WHY THE **** DID U SHOOT D HOSTAG?'

 

[15357]

>Command?
>/close z-999
...
...
...
...

Area contained.

The editor's quarters are now inacessible.
/exit

 

[ríomhaire]

Illegal Cloning Experiments Uncovered
Universal Union say "Meh"

Today it Dr. Isaac Kleiner and Dr. Eli Vance admited to illegal cloning experiments that took place in the Black Mesa Research Facility. Amoung the revealed clones were
Alex Kleiner
Walter Kleiner
Simon Vance
George 'Slick' Kennedy
Stanly 'Slick' Jackson
Mark 'Slick' Jefferson
Barney Calhoun
Brian Calhoun
Bart Calhoun
Bert Calhoun
and Bort Calhoun

Dr. Rosenburg and Dr. Keller claim they knew nothing of these experiments.

 

[Jintor]

If you see a black suited man, do not approach or touch him. He has your tax files.

 

[the_rebel_medic]

WILL PAY MONEY FOR GUNS
Please bring all weapons without ammo to 19232 Metro 1. Civil Protection Station and come unarmed with little white flags

This has been a public combine anouncment.

 

[ríomhaire]

The Univeral Union Rehabilitation Probram
Welcome to the world of tomorrow!
Our Benefactors have set up a programme for the increasing number of citizens who are claiming to have been held prisoner by a businessman for the past 10 years. They are instructed in the ways to be a good citizen. Unfortunatly many are finding the rehabilitation hard, one, known as Adrian S comited suicide earlier today.

 

[Boogymanx]

Barney Calhoun: CP undercover
TDC managed to get an interview with the 'virus' in the Metrocop system, Barney Calhoun.
TDC: Well mister Calhoun, how do you put up with the continous stress of pretending to be one of the Metrocops?
Calhoun: It's very hard. I fear that every day I may be discovered, and therefore I often make promises to buy beer. The sad thing is that there isn't any beer here.
TDC: The Combine Soldiers will be here soon, I'm sure you will enjoy being brainless. Now where the **** is my beer?
Calhoun: Well, you see, KICK IN THE NUTS!
TDC: Lies on the floor, in pain
Sound of a cocking shotgun
Calhoun: Lies on the floor, bleeding
Combine Soldier: Thanks for your co-operation, human. We will be sure to see that you get a promotion.

 

[TheGMan.]

Gays protest outside Citadel
In other news, Gays have been protesting out the Citadel for days now. Even some of the Combine soldiers are protesting, giving them more powerful weapons than the previous Dildos and Vibrators. We will keep a close eye on this.

 

[Boogymanx]

...What the ****?

 

[TheGMan.]

Man, I know, I said the exact same thing.

 

[Sloth]

Don't downgrade DC, everbody knows that all gays were sent out into the Wastes when the cities were taken.

 

[kupocake]

Don't downgrade DC, everbody knows that all gays were sent out into the Wastes when the cities were taken.

On the contrary, it was the macho heterosexuals who were set loose into the wastes, rather than suffering the bitter humiliation of being neutered like dogs. The combine has no beef with humans who're not going to advance the human race through reproduction. Ironically, the Combine's arrival allows for the true human equality that so many have tried and failed for. Rich, Poor, Male, Female, Black, Gay, Straight, White, Brown, Blue or Green, Humans are Humans. Filthy vile Humans.

 

[ríomhaire]

I vote to fire Gman.

 

[15357]

Don't downgrade DC, everbody knows that all gays were sent out into the Wastes when the cities were taken.

Actually, they were 'fed' to the combine energy generators.


-File 2010-34-597 [FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY]
---------------------------------------------------------

Report on G*y Pr*tests

It has come to my attention that there was an outbreak of gayness on sector h-56 in C17. The DC will not publish articles on it as you requested.

-To the Office of Internal Services

 

[TheGMan.]

William Breen.... homosexual?!
That's right, after making a speech throughout C17, William Breen openly admited he was homosexual. "I wanted to capture Dr. Freeman... and perform horrible homosexual acts to him, then I'd kill him so he wouldn't get the truth out". But now since the truth is out, we can now say that we have a gay owning us, and he could bring us in and do homosexual acts to any man. Now, we have a real reason to hide.

 

[15357]

Ok, if you make another article on gayness, I will report you to the mods. That is not very acceptable as we may have various standards of decency on these forums.

 

[TheGMan.]

No else has a problem except you. Oh well.

 

[Sieg]

Actually, they were 'fed' to the combine energy generators.


-File 2010-34-597 [FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY]
---------------------------------------------------------

Report on G*y Pr*tests

It has come to my attention that there was an outbreak of gayness on sector h-56 in C17. The DC will not publish articles on it as you requested.

-To the Office of Internal Services

Not to Dr.Breen ?

 

[TheGMan.]

Also, Mr. 15357.

* This is a place where people will come to express their more creative sides. People will spend a lot of time and effort writing fan fictions in this forum. As with modelling and skinning, not all attempts will be great. This won't be an chance for you to flame that person, instead you should take a moment to give them some constructive criticism to help them out.

* This is a HL2 Fan Fiction forum only. If you want to post Far Cry, STALKER, Doom 3 or any other game's fan fiction then either use their forums preferably or the General Gaming forum.

* The only threads that need to be started in this forum are threads containing fan fiction. Threads asking for the next chapter of someone's fan fiction will be deleted. Threads that are off topic, as per the forum rules, will either be moved or deleted.

* Other web sites may eventually catch on to the trend of writing fan fiction. I'm sure I don't really need to remind you that if you post a piece of writing here it should be completely authentic. Don't steal anyone elses work.

Not against the rules... So you're
A. A Homosexual, or have a homosexual sibiling or friend, and take offence in this.
or
B. Jealous of my authentic work.

 

[Sloth]

OK, Most people here have a line which they don't want to cross.

If your were putting some effort into an article it might be valid to state the fourm rules.

I might understand if it wasn't something that could have been made in a few seconds.

Finally his name is Wallace not William.

 

[TheGMan.]

Finally his name is Wallace not William.

I knew that. That was just a simple trivia to see if anyone would find out.

I might understand if it wasn't something that could have been made in a few seconds.

I am sure that 95% of these "articles" were made in a few seconds.

 

[Sloth]

But they are made to make people laugh, not reel back.

I don't think anybody here hates gays, but the way in which you used them as a crude tool for comedy crosses the moral line.

Also, stop posting like a Troll or Spammer and enjoy HL2.net properly like the rest of us do.

 

[TheGMan.]

I don't think anybody here hates gays, but the way in which you used them as a crude tool for comedy crosses the moral line.

That's the new trend in our generation, guess you haven't figured that out? If someone get's mad nowadays, people either call you a "fag" or "queer", and that is used as a tool for comedy, aswell.

And I am just trying to enjoy it, but then some guy reacts to a FICTIONAL article I made. Oh well, I will just drop it and not write articles that contain homosexuallity

 

[15357]

That's the new trend in our generation, guess you haven't figured that out? If someone get's mad nowadays, people either call you a "fag" or "queer", and that is used as a tool for comedy, aswell.

And I am just trying to enjoy it, but then some guy reacts to a FICTIONAL article I made. Oh well, I will just drop it and not write articles that contain homosexuallity

Alright, you immoral American, homosexuality is not universally accepted, even if you have no problem with it or you are a homosexual.

A 15 second artivle does not warrent such ah, jealousness as you said.


I think I'll ask a mod to delete the above posts....

 

[TheGMan.]

I'll repeat myself,

Oh well, I will just drop it and not write articles that contain homosexuallity

 

[ríomhaire]

William Breen.... homosexual?!
That's right, after making a speech throughout C17, William Breen openly admited he was homosexual. "I wanted to capture Dr. Freeman... and perform horrible homosexual acts to him, then I'd kill him so he wouldn't get the truth out". But now since the truth is out, we can now say that we have a gay owning us, and he could bring us in and do homosexual acts to any man. Now, we have a real reason to hide.

He was then fired by his brother Wallace Breen and given to the cremators.:flame:

 

[Darkwolf]

On a side not those articales weren't funny in anyway what soever anyway, if you want true comedy in newspapers look at some of our earlier posts (aka. pages 1-20 of this thread) or go to the chaser decides website.

(teh true masters)

-D

 

[Darkwolf]

Here is the first PROPER article in the newspaper, enjoy

Terrible accident in downtown City 17

It was just an ordinary day for Citizen #3847 and his co-citizens, as they gathered around the TV to watch Dr Breen's latest speech concerning the new ration cupouns (page 13), but today, disaster was bound to strike. At 12:31 PM yesterday, the small group of people fell victim to a freak accident, despite heroic interference from local Civil Protection teams, all three men were deseased when they arrived. Civil Protection Officer #33982 says in our interview;
(#33982) "Accident? What acci- oh right ermmm... yeah... hate to see that on the job, uh, terrible mess. Very sad, very sad."
(Reporter) "Could you tell us more about what happened?"
(#33982) "Oh sure. Me any my men were in the corridor outside, checking for disturbances when we heard a noise from a nearby apartment. We went to investigate and found one of the men, later revealed to be Citizen #3847 with his face hanging out the window but he didn't fall out to begin with, not until we... I mean, until the cord he was hanging on to somehow became unplugged. Then we proceeded to the kitchen where one of them was making a run for... I mean, running to help is friend."
(reporter) "He was trying to help his friend by running away from him?"
(#33982) "Exactly, so we tried to help him up from the floor..."
(reporter) "What was he doing on the floor?"
(#33982) "...when he tragically tumbled and hit his head on the table seventeen times before he finally broke his back from landing underneath a chair."
(reporter) "How did he land underneath the chair?"
(#33982) "I don't know but it was quite spectacular to watch. Now, once we made sure he was dead... uhm, you know, to avoid any mistakes in the paperwork, we found the third man, who myseriously had become stuck underneath a large filing cabinet which must have tripped over him as he got out of his chair. Very tragic."
(reporter) "I see. Well thankyou very much Officer."

It is sad that such a horrific set of circumstances can result in this tragedy. But as a countermeasure to this sort of thing to ever happen again, Dr Breen, in co-operation with the transhuman forces' council has decided to allow total scanner surveillance of all apartments, as opposed to the current "under suspition of crime only" -rules. Experts agree that, quote;
"This is a necessary rule in order to avoid these terrible accidents and increase over-all security in City 17."
-Source: The transhuman council for surveillance and public safety.

Some suspicion has been aimed at the resistance, witnesses has exclamed these accusation after interrogation from Civil Protection Officers, claiming that it looked like;
"An attempted murder, probably by the resistance, those wile scum! Thank god the CPs are on it, I feel so much safer with them around, and I'd love to join Civil Protection as soon as possible to thank them for it. God bless them! Each and everyone... Can I go now?"
The local Civil Protection have stated they are investigating the matter after several eye witnesses held similar statements.

/Civil Protection Investigative Reporter #2987

 

[XANA]

The section not yet covered (i think)

Hey how come nobody has made an obituary section yet? no newspaper is good without an obituarie section. i can see it now... "TDC Obituaries (the only part of a newspaper with a cuss word whether you like it or not)". oh and by the way, that homosexual breen thing is... kinda creepy. creepy, as in Ova's posts creepy, not micheal jackson's hands creepy.

 

[the_rebel_medic]

Lazy Medic Doesn't Bother To Read The Articals

Due to the fact that the medic has got a leg broken he has become to lazy to read the articles. Keep Reading

the_rebel_medic

 

[15357]

Here is the first PROPER article in the newspaper, enjoy

If anyone can do something similiar to that, I will give them a cookie and promote them to Senior Executive Officer. :E

 

[Jintor]

Politics 'entirely non-existant!'

In a statement today City17's Combine 'Benafactors' have begun work towards the removal of the entirety of a large, war-torn area known as 'the Politics forum' in common parlour, although officially called 'Sector 1948'.

'We think,' said officer 1423, 'that Rebels and Combine fighting through the streets of the politics forum is... uneffeciant. Occasionally - well, all the time - we manage to gain victories in their, but in terms of profit/loss ratios, it's not really worth it. So, we're going to nuke the ****ing place. Who's with me!'

A last-chance gamble by the Evil Rebel scum to recapture any vital information still in the Politics forum is in progress. Periodic fighting has broken out across Sector 1948, and Striders and gunships are on route.

 

[XANA]

breaking news today. hi im dan lather and it seems as if something strange has occured at the citadel today. a large explosion was seen by many bystanders. also, it seems as if the combine are sending out two different synths, one resembling an oversized crab and the other... well it appears to have a catapult on its back. be warned, do NOT confront them or poke them with sticks for your own amusement. other than the synths, it seems antlions have been introduced to our city and are wreaking havoc across the- ahhhhh!!!!!!! no my spine doesn't bend that way!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! micheal twozie back to you. AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

(you know i really hope valve includes the crab and mortar synth. that would be the best. it'd be better than a marathon of code: ly- no not better than that but you get the idea.)

 

[the_rebel_medic]

Terrible accident in downtown City 17

It was just an ordinary day for Citizen #3847 and his co-citizens, as they gathered around the TV to watch Dr Breen's latest speech concerning the new ration cupouns (page 13), but today, disaster was bound to strike. At 12:31 PM yesterday, the small group of people fell victim to a freak accident, despite heroic interference from local Civil Protection teams, all three men were deseased when they arrived. Civil Protection Officer #33982 says in our interview;
(#33982) "Accident? What acci- oh right ermmm... yeah... hate to see that on the job, uh, terrible mess. Very sad, very sad."
(Reporter) "Could you tell us more about what happened?"
(#33982) "Oh sure. Me any my men were in the corridor outside, checking for disturbances when we heard a noise from a nearby apartment. We went to investigate and found one of the men, later revealed to be Citizen #3847 with his face hanging out the window but he didn't fall out to begin with, not until we... I mean, until the cord he was hanging on to somehow became unplugged. Then we proceeded to the kitchen where one of them was making a run for... I mean, running to help is friend."
(reporter) "He was trying to help his friend by running away from him?"
(#33982) "Exactly, so we tried to help him up from the floor..."
(reporter) "What was he doing on the floor?"
(#33982) "...when he tragically tumbled and hit his head on the table seventeen times before he finally broke his back from landing underneath a chair."
(reporter) "How did he land underneath the chair?"
(#33982) "I don't know but it was quite spectacular to watch. Now, once we made sure he was dead... uhm, you know, to avoid any mistakes in the paperwork, we found the third man, who myseriously had become stuck underneath a large filing cabinet which must have tripped over him as he got out of his chair. Very tragic."
(reporter) "I see. Well thankyou very much Officer."

It is sad that such a horrific set of circumstances can result in this tragedy. But as a countermeasure to this sort of thing to ever happen again, Dr Breen, in co-operation with the transhuman forces' council has decided to allow total scanner surveillance of all apartments, as opposed to the current "under suspition of crime only" -rules. Experts agree that, quote;
"This is a necessary rule in order to avoid these terrible accidents and increase over-all security in City 17."
-Source: The transhuman council for surveillance and public safety.

Some suspicion has been aimed at the resistance, witnesses has exclamed these accusation after interrogation from Civil Protection Officers, claiming that it looked like;
"An attempted murder, probably by the resistance, those wile scum! Thank god the CPs are on it, I feel so much safer with them around, and I'd love to join Civil Protection as soon as possible to thank them for it. God bless them! Each and everyone... Can I go now?"
The local Civil Protection have stated they are investigating the matter after several eye witnesses held similar statements.

/Civil Protection Investigative Reporter #2987, thakyou

now gimmie a cookie

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Terrible accident in downtown City 17

It was just an ordinary day for Citizen #3847 and his co-citizens, as they gathered around the TV to watch Dr Breen's latest speech concerning the new ration cupouns (page 13), but today, disaster was bound to strike. At 12:31 PM yesterday, the small group of people fell victim to a freak accident, despite heroic interference from local Civil Protection teams, all three men were deseased when they arrived. Civil Protection Officer #33982 says in our interview;
(#33982) "Accident? What acci- oh right ermmm... yeah... hate to see that on the job, uh, terrible mess. Very sad, very sad."
(Reporter) "Could you tell us more about what happened?"
(#33982) "Oh sure. Me any my men were in the corridor outside, checking for disturbances when we heard a noise from a nearby apartment. We went to investigate and found one of the men, later revealed to be Citizen #3847 with his face hanging out the window but he didn't fall out to begin with, not until we... I mean, until the cord he was hanging on to somehow became unplugged. Then we proceeded to the kitchen where one of them was making a run for... I mean, running to help is friend."
(reporter) "He was trying to help his friend by running away from him?"
(#33982) "Exactly, so we tried to help him up from the floor..."
(reporter) "What was he doing on the floor?"
(#33982) "...when he tragically tumbled and hit his head on the table seventeen times before he finally broke his back from landing underneath a chair."
(reporter) "How did he land underneath the chair?"
(#33982) "I don't know but it was quite spectacular to watch. Now, once we made sure he was dead... uhm, you know, to avoid any mistakes in the paperwork, we found the third man, who myseriously had become stuck underneath a large filing cabinet which must have tripped over him as he got out of his chair. Very tragic."
(reporter) "I see. Well thankyou very much Officer."

It is sad that such a horrific set of circumstances can result in this tragedy. But as a countermeasure to this sort of thing to ever happen again, Dr Breen, in co-operation with the transhuman forces' council has decided to allow total scanner surveillance of all apartments, as opposed to the current "under suspition of crime only" -rules. Experts agree that, quote;
"This is a necessary rule in order to avoid these terrible accidents and increase over-all security in City 17."
-Source: The transhuman council for surveillance and public safety.

Some suspicion has been aimed at the resistance, witnesses has exclamed these accusation after interrogation from Civil Protection Officers, claiming that it looked like;
"An attempted murder, probably by the resistance, those wile scum! Thank god the CPs are on it, I feel so much safer with them around, and I'd love to join Civil Protection as soon as possible to thank them for it. God bless them! Each and everyone... Can I go now?"
The local Civil Protection have stated they are investigating the matter after several eye witnesses held similar statements.

/Civil Protection Investigative Reporter #2987, thakyou

now gimmie a cookie

Plagarism! I demand royaltys! I DEMAND ROYALTYS!!!

 

[Jintor]

Mr Flibble is veeery aaaangry....

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Mr Flibble is veeery aaaangry....

Indeed, this limits a full hours of W.O.O.

 

[ríomhaire]

Shiny Virus Cured:
Our Benefactors have released antidote to the Shiny Eye virus which was infecting people with the blood type A+1. The distribution is rather unique. The vaccine is being evaporated and being sent through the air as steam. Citizens with broad-banded ventilation vents are unconcerned though some users with only 56mm vents are not pleased with this method of delivery continued on page 16

 

[15357]

now gimmie a cookie

Please report to torture chamber number 5.

 

[15357]

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