The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper

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find it hard to stop smoking? those so-called "cures" not working for you? then how about this: STOP BUYING CIGARETTES!!!!!!!!
 
Tired of the same boring grind, day after day after day? Take an all expense paid trip to a fun retreat where you and your entire family can unwind, relax and take in the sights!

NOVA PROSPEKT
Ocean air, beautiful view of the antlion infested coastline, and an occasional battle with an Antlion Guard. This is the experience of a lifetime!! And no trip to Nova Prospekt is complete without a visit to our "health resort" where we make sure that when you leave, you feel better than ever!

Don't believe us? Hear what these people have to say:-
Citizen #123F44
"..."
Citizen #123G45
"Save yourself! AARGH I mean, It's wonderful."

Book your tickets today (Razortrain fare to and from Nova Prospekt is free, thanks to our ever loving benefactors).
 
Math REPUTEDLY "After"
Acorrding to Combine Officials​

City-17, Yesterday - Combine Officials have been warning concerned citizens about the possiblity of a large-scale math in the coming months.

"Ever since the Citadel sorta didn't explode" says Civil Protection Officer 1MN07G4Y, pointing to the massive, still exploding top-half of the citadel some kilometres above ground level, "we've been expecting some sort of fallout, some sort of "after-math" if you will. We hear that it doesn't even matter if you were in City 17 during... ahem... the "Freeman" events, but this math will affect you in some way".

Concerned Citizen Gordon Frohman spoke up. "Hey, I'm not one to complain and all, but don't you think it's weird how people are gradually getting smarter the closer we're getting to May 30th? And... uh... hey, a penny!"

The Daily Citizen reports new equipment being added to the Citadel's armoury, although nobody seems to know what. Anybody who is in posession of a zero-point energy manipulator has reported that they (the zero-point energy manipulators, not the people) ocassionally glow blue. All this is speculated to relate in some way to the coming Math. Weird people wandering the streets looking for a sheperd of some kind have been referred to local work farms.

We at the Daily Citizen urge you to be alert, not alarmed, and to remember Dr Breen's words: You will be destroyed in every single way possible and some that are fundamentally IMPOSSIBLE!
 
In a mysterious switch from their usual habits, headcrabs have suddenly turned their attention to Combine soldiers.

It is well known that headcrabs attack only male civilians due to their gender bias, and make them change clothes after zombification (usually to standard-issue white shirts and black pants). But in recent days Zombines have been spotted near the canals in City 17. More shocking is the fact that they have learned to use grenades, despite having trouble learning to walk!

The issue is under investigation.
 
Door Thieves​

Recent Complaints from City 17 citizens have been the fact that when they are sleeping, their doors get stolen... We now interview Citizen 50213 Citizen 50213:Yes it was one night, when we were sleeping, the Combine Metrocops came in and shot our friend dead, in the process, they destroyed our door but nevermind we thought as we could fix it in the morning, but in the morning, out door was gone! We then interviewed combine Officer 28193... Combine officer 28193: it has been to out knowledge that some thief is on the loose... this thief is pretending to rent rooms... if someone is wanting to rent a room, espacially a penthouse apartment please contact 19002833
The current suzpect for this crime is Gordon Frohman​
 
"Breencast" Off The Air​

City 17 - After 10 years of being the most popular TV series running, Administrator Dr. Wallace Breen's critically acclaimed "Breencast" is no longer airing.

The Office of the Administrator could not be reached for comment as to why the show got cancelled, but it is possible that it has something to do with a terrorist attack by Anticitizen One that blew the office to smithereens a few hours ago.

Already the repercussions of the apparent end of "Breencast" are being felt. "I don't miss Dr. Breen" remarks one citizen, "but I do miss his show. Remember when he had the jugglers on?"

"What idiot put Kleiner in charge?" asks another citizen, in referrence to Dr. Issac Kleiner's new show "Kleinercast" that has temporarily filled the 24-hour a day timeslot that "Breencast" once occupied.

Our Benefactors have refused to comment on the current situation, instead choosing to promote a spectacular Dark Energy flare show promised to "irradiate an area of many miles' radius". It is hinted that Our Benefactors themselves will preform a rare flyby appearence during this extraordinary event.
 
Good evening citizens, my name is Micheal Tuzee. It's been some time since the seige of TDC. Many members that were involved have scars of battle. But to the dismay of some HL2 fans waiting for the Episode One game to be released, some things they were hoping for didn't make it in the game. Crab and mortar synths are just a few. One possible explanation for this could be the explosion of the Citadel. As everyone knows, synths have a weakness to explosive damage. Also, it appears that players may get as close to stalkers as they want without the risk of being damaged by these worker-turned supermodels. There has even been a breakout, not of acne, but of a new species of zombies known by some as "zombine". These poor bastards- I mean soldiers, are now the victim of headcrab-ification. Some players refer to them as the terrorists of the zombie world, due to their well known habit of pulling out a grenade and running torwards their foes and letting the grenade damage and or kill the targets. Well that's all for the news tonight. I just took some laxatives a few minutes ago, so I need to take a shot in the bowl. Good night.
 
Shall we start another war? yes? okay then. 15357, I'm sorry but I am a much better actician so I'll take command, your my Field Officer though. Right, XANA, we need you to take the pulse rifle found under your desk and get on the opposing newspapers left flank. Keep suppressing them until I give the word, then throw some smoke out for Azner who will move the DC tank under the cover of the blown out building which was destroyed by 99.vikram using an RPG. After that, keep suppresing them. Now, Azner, we need you to use that tank to destroy the enemy HQ doors to allow a flood of memos, led by 15357, to enter and slaughter everyone inside. 15357, I will meet you inside shortly, take any weapon you please, now, LETS MOVE!
 
BREACH!

Alpha, go!

MOVE!

OH GOD NO! PRIVAAATTEEEE!

****. KILL THEM ALL!
 
*hides the bodies along with squad*


Uh.... These were ARMED EVIL TERROTISTS!
 
Citadel In Meltdown?​
Rumours of the meltdown in the citadel have been disputed by Combine sources who declared earlier today "No no, the citadel isn't being intentionaly destroyed to send a data stream to another universe and I'm sure if we did do that, which we aren't, it wouldn't destroy city at all. Infact, all that would happen is that there would be...fireworks and...ponies...and everyone would get their own free car...er...yeah" before boarding a train out of the city. I'm sure we can all rest easily tonight knowing we're all safe from a meltdown.
 
Biotics Menace City 17​

City 17 - The latest in a series of malevolent attacks by Anticitizen One has resulted in swarms of Biotics (known colloquially as Antlions) appearing throughout City 17.

Due to the collapse of the defense field keeping these creatures away, the Biotics are free to tunnel underneath the city unchecked. However the Overwatch assures that the defense system will be restored in the coming days.

Meanwhile as the heroic defenders of City 17 continue to treat the rebel infection, the Overwatch has issued several advisories to citizens on ways to deal with the exogen breach.

If possible, citizens should always stay in the presence of Civil Protection or Overwatch personnel. If such arrangements are impossible, always stay in the presence of a steriliser.

If a citizen encounters what appears to be a Biotic burrow, he or she is expected to cover it up immediatedly. An abandoned car should suffice in this role, provided that citizen survives long enough to push the car in.

However it's stressed that the most effective way a citizen can defend from the Biotics and the rebel infection will always be to join the mighty forces of the Overwatch. Only an armed and disciplined Overwatch soldier with the best of training stands a remote chance of surviving.
 
Will Buy 2 Used / New Trains from Any one. Please call 1-800-TRAINS, that's 1-800-TRAINS.
 
RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE... WOO HOO! BOOM BOOM BOOM... havin fun Blow HQ hahahahahhahahah BOOM BOOM BOOM!
 
*Walks in*
...
*Looks at all bodies*
...
*Shrugs and goes to his office*

I'm back btw.
 
the_rebel_medic said:
*Runs in with 50 memos as cover*

15357, Status report?

*fires and kills enemy*

WOOOO!
Click to expand...
i'll give you my status report... here goes... 200 at my 2 o lcock, 500 at my 11 0 clock and one broken down destroyed piece of crap HQ at my 12 o clock... not to mention I NEED FRIGGIN BACK UP... mabye some Droids?->:borg:
 
*Can't help but notice that nothing is being written*

login: root
password: **************

root@dc1: radup ppp0

/Iradiation command accepted please select areas.
All, -Darkwolf, editor.

/Accepted, core release valves open. Meltdown in progress
 
*uses Vortessence to freeze time and goes out for coffee*
 
the_rebel_medic said:
*Runs in with 50 memos as cover*

15357, Status report?

*fires and kills enemy*

WOOOO!
Click to expand...

Alpha - 2 - 39, We are ****ED! REQUESTING ASSISTANCE!
 
This is Echo-Foxtrot 19, requesting airstrike on B22-15 Mark A19-87 NOW!

*Bombs rain down in assistance for 15357*

This is Echo-Foxtrot 19, Requesting paradrop on B22-37 Mark A21-99 NOW, HE NEEDS BACKUP!

*300 memos rain in*

15357, I need you to maintain suppresive fire on the exit, DO IT AND STOP CRYING!

*runs over to access terminal*

Blog entry #3242

Wow a war has started again! I saw 15357 cry LOL!
I am in command, I feel like such a big boy! Hooray
Till next time
TRM AKA Medico
 
*turns off simulation machine*

*pushes everyone over*

HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLO!!!!!!!!!!!! FAX NEWS WAS DESTOYED 345 WARS AGO!!! WAKE UP AND START WRITING FKING ARTICLES!
 
I guess it's up to me now to write the stories:

WARNING: BREEDING HAZARDOUS​

City 17 - Overwatch officials have issued an official warning to all citizens of Earth to not engage in activities relation to reproduction.

With the removal of the reproduction field provided by our Benefactors, Rebel disinfomation from the latest airing of "Kleinercast" urges citizens to "give serious concern to doing your part for the revival of the species".

However the Overwatch warns that the Resistance deliberately left out important infomation concerning the hazards of procreation. It is feared the Resistance will use this common lack of knowledge of reproductive activites in order to harm innocent citizens.

One of these generally unknown risks is the threat of becomming infected with what was once known as a "sexually transmitted disease". Any citizen engaging in unauthorized reproductive activities stands a high chance of acquiring one of these diseases and their malevolent side-effects, which can include death.

The Resistance also neglects to mention the lack of any facilities on Earth designed to harvest newborn humans. The Overwatch projects that as much as 3/4ths of newborns will die without adequate harvesting facilities, making reproduction an useless endeavor.

All citizens who see unauthorized reproduction activites are ordered to report them to a Civil Protection officer or Overwatch solider immediately. Civic deeds will not go unrewarded, and the unfaithful citizen will be able to be cured in the same manner as standard resistors.

However any caught for inactive coercion will be subject to punishment, ranging from food ration reduction to recieving the same treatment as all others who resist due to the severity of the current rebel infection.

For those citizens that seek a reproduction simulation without any risks attached, they should do they part for their Benefactors by joining the glorious forces of Civil Protection. All Civil Protection officers are awarded cetain privileges including the right to use a non-mechanical reproduction simulator.
 
*blink*

Wah? What happened? Did we... win?
 
No one wins until I get Aftermath.
 
guys! it looks like editors of any rival newspapers aren't letting me possess them. it seems they've built a machine that has a counter-emp thing. it blocks my ability to stop the electrical signals sent out by the brain, after which i control the signals. also, i think i'm liable to get caught at any time, whether it be by editors, admins, or- oh crap, an advisor! help me, please! i left a secret weapon with your mom, but unfortunately, the power to her house is out and she can't see due to the darkness, and your mom's so stupid, the only flashlight she has is a solar-powered one. i'm sending this message to you via computer, so as soon as you get this message, get help, please. help me;alkhk w9q8 48y qka;sdj;hgah as,tihjsdf.ja
 
Lack Of Good Reports​

We have noticed a lack of good reports this week and would please like everyone to report something, this report aint that good either...*Breaks pen and goes for a stroll with some coffee*
 
TOTAL EMERGENCY CREATED!
Not by Jintor, We Swear​

City 17, DC Towers, Today - Nothing is happening.

That is all.
 
Jintor said:
TOTAL EMERGENCY CREATED!
Not by Jintor, We Swear​

City 17, DC Towers, Today - Nothing is happening.

That is all.
Click to expand...
IT WAS'NT BY HIM! IT WAS BY....[CENSORED] Btw nice one :D
 
ríomhaire said:
Just shut up and activate a few towers.
Click to expand...
.gnihtyna od yllauatca ll'ti ton ro rehtehw wonk t'nod tsuj i ,yrt ll'i
s-jfz hjkayhs
screwed up signal. but as i said, i'll try, i just don't know whether or not it'll actually do anything.
 
*sets fire to C17*

Burn... baby.... burn....
 
C21 (TDC) -- Three citizens were killed Tuesday in an Rebel missile strike on a car in northern EZ-984, Combine hospital sources said.

The Combine Defense Forces confirmed the attack on a vehicle it said was carrying prisoners from AC-398 and said there were casualties.

Ten people were wounded in the attack in City 21, Combine sources said. Six Police officers were among those hurt, the sources said.

They said an unknown number of rebels fled just before the car was hit. The driver also was among the wounded.

The CDF said the rebels were "involved in attempts to dispatch attacks against the combi- I mean humanity."

"The CDF regrets any civilian casualties caused by our operations," a statement said. "However, it must be stressed that responsibility for the current situation lies with the terror organizations and rebels which operate from within the civilian population, and with the Freeman, which has refused to stop the rocket fire."

The rebels have attacked military and civilian targets in City 21 and in Combine settlements and is considered a terrorist organization by the Combine State Security Department.
 
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