The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper
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Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
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All gone. We have been swamped by newbies and fools that have no clue as to the order of things. Our Citadel of free... controlled... focused thought is gone, replaced by the cancereous rabble of the Rebellion. Alas, alas, for Our Benefactors are gone, distant; and humanity itself has rejected its last chance for survival.
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City 14 News
Power outages not a problem say benefactors
Citizens are being asked to shortly endure the power outages throughout the city, avoid any wild animals and check into temporary help centres. The help centres are scattered around the city and will provide shelter, provisions and protection to citizens. Power outages not a problem say benefactors
The citadel was forced to cut power to the city earlier today in order to allow our benefactors to concentrate on their task of rooting out the rebel infestation that is threatening your security daily. All passenger trains in and out of the city have been halted for the time being.
Doctor Breen has issued a statement saying “We are sorry for these inconveniences but they must be endured until every rebel infestation has been contained and dealt with.”
Power will be restored shortly and the citadel is NOT broken because of a successful rebellion in City 17 and Doctor Breen is defiantly NOT dead and rebel scientists are most certainly NOT going to launch a rocket to free us of the grasp of our benefactors.
Have a safe day.
d00d
Newbie
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Xen Wildlife Sporadic
Concerning Headcrabs
Concerning Headcrabs
Surely all residents of Earth know these critters, and can safely say that many encounters with them are not the best, being that all transform into hideous zombies, but is it safe to say there are benefits to headcrabs?
The Combine would say "yes" to that question. But the real concern is, can humanity domesticate them? Dr. Kleiner, 53, crazy scientist and expert on teleportation said the following: "Yes, not only headcrabs can learn to live peacefully with humans, that is assuming they are debeaked (chuckles), but are also fine substitutes to cattle." To support Kleiner's statement the All Knowing Vortigaunt in vortessence said: "We agree that headcrabs are not the best, but we can live with it, considering that the fast headcrabs are not that bad."
As humanity and vortigaunts look for alternative methods of feeding, headcrabs are indeed a choice worthy of speculation. That is, considering Earth will be taken back by the rebellion.
-Vortigaunt, Silo in middle of the woods.
WingsofJecka
Newbie
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I loled. good post dood.
d00d
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Thanks!:thumbs:
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Azner
Tank
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you shoud put 'fineprint:'
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Kleinercast set to launch
On Saturday Dr. Isaac Kleiner, left-wing activist and zombie-rights campaigner, will launch a satellite that is said to revolutionize the TV world. Many people feel that the Breencast has overstayed its welcome and has become repetitive and over-reliant on gimmicks (such as the infamous puppet episode) and should be cancelled. Unfortunately for these souls COX (Combine on Xen™) have stated that there are no plans to cancel it in the foreseeable future.
Dr. Isaac Kleiner, at a recent zombie
rights protest outside the Overwatch Nexus
There is a ray of hope though, on Sunday Dr. Kleiner will launch his new satellite television station, Kleinercast. Although the name is unoriginal the line up looks exciting and contains a lot of variety, from Everybody Loves Lamarr to the Odessa Cubbage Happy Hour.
Despite Dr. Kleiner’s strong political beliefs he assures us that Klienercast will not contain any agenda and will even feature a Metropolice centred chat-show and a sermon every Sundaty by Father Gregori, who has often been criticized by Dr. Kleiner for his numerous ‘zombie rights abuses’.
The channel will start airing at noon on Sunday, make sure you catch it.
Tollbooth Willie
The Freeman
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Haha, nice one Rio.
Ophiguris
Newbie
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Hope that works.
-Jintor. Mostly Recovered, except for this cursed blob of flesh on my... DIE! WHY!? AHH! DIE!...
Now that is a grrrrrreat poster!
the_rebel_medic
Spy
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Charging, CLEAR!
*Thwump*
We have pulse... Any writers, this is a rallying call, Please return to work!
TDC Completly obliterated
Today, TDC writer the_rebel_medic has returned to his post at TDC after a lengthy holiday. Shocked at the destruction surrounding his office, he gingerly sat at his desk, some how untouched by the the destruction that has stricken every other location. "I was shocked" he said in an interview earlier, "How so much destruction could have occured after a two month holiday in the HQ Bathroom for christ sakes, I mean honestly, it and my office are all that's left. A Search and Rescue operation came into effect and editor 15357, writers Darkwolf and Azner had been found and were rushed to hospital with severe wounds and malnurisment. They will be expected to comment shortly.
A casualty list has been compiled and reads the following;
90,000 Memos, KIA
15357, Darkwolf, Azner, Ríomhaire, Jintor, d00d, Wounded, will return to duty.
Lemonking, Mesz, Diagnosed with a mild case of death.
The Rebel Medic, Active Service, minor wounds.
Hospitals are filled with the flatened bodies of Mesz and Lemonking, and are currently trying to, in a cartoon style, re-inflate and revive the pair. Results are looking grim at current dates.
More news as it comes
The Rebel Medic
RAAMC and TDC
*Thwump*
We have pulse... Any writers, this is a rallying call, Please return to work!
TDC Completly obliterated
Today, TDC writer the_rebel_medic has returned to his post at TDC after a lengthy holiday. Shocked at the destruction surrounding his office, he gingerly sat at his desk, some how untouched by the the destruction that has stricken every other location. "I was shocked" he said in an interview earlier, "How so much destruction could have occured after a two month holiday in the HQ Bathroom for christ sakes, I mean honestly, it and my office are all that's left. A Search and Rescue operation came into effect and editor 15357, writers Darkwolf and Azner had been found and were rushed to hospital with severe wounds and malnurisment. They will be expected to comment shortly.
A casualty list has been compiled and reads the following;
90,000 Memos, KIA
15357, Darkwolf, Azner, Ríomhaire, Jintor, d00d, Wounded, will return to duty.
Lemonking, Mesz, Diagnosed with a mild case of death.
The Rebel Medic, Active Service, minor wounds.
Hospitals are filled with the flatened bodies of Mesz and Lemonking, and are currently trying to, in a cartoon style, re-inflate and revive the pair. Results are looking grim at current dates.
More news as it comes
The Rebel Medic
RAAMC and TDC
Darkwolf
Tank
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Greetings from the new FAX news team. We would just like to say that the staff at the hospital did not reprogram our minds and we are doing this on our own free will. There is no need to be suspicious of our sudden defection as we certainly do NOT have a mind control device implanted in the base of our skull. I would like you to meet my new colleagues, Jintor and 15357. Again I stress, mind control devices do not exist. YOU SUSPECT NOTHING.
*walks away*
*walks away*
15357
Companion Cube
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Ahem.... ow... my head.... *lock and loads FAL*
Today, thousands of protesters armed with signs and pickets, who were crying out for the destruction of this very beneficial human world system that we are graced by our benefactors, clashed with nearly 5 dozen Civil Protection Special Operations Team members. This very newspaper, along with Numbers Universal Products Incorporated, sent services to our great defenders of the peace.
A protester had this to say:
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!! FRREEEEEEEEDOOO-"
He was then promptly shot only one time with a non-lethal weapon by a CP Commando defending himself, and was sent to the intensive care unit of C17 Hospital with multiple puncture wounds to the stomach, as well as massive lacerations. Continued on page 72.
Today, thousands of protesters armed with signs and pickets, who were crying out for the destruction of this very beneficial human world system that we are graced by our benefactors, clashed with nearly 5 dozen Civil Protection Special Operations Team members. This very newspaper, along with Numbers Universal Products Incorporated, sent services to our great defenders of the peace.
A protester had this to say:
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!! FRREEEEEEEEDOOO-"
He was then promptly shot only one time with a non-lethal weapon by a CP Commando defending himself, and was sent to the intensive care unit of C17 Hospital with multiple puncture wounds to the stomach, as well as massive lacerations. Continued on page 72.
Tollbooth Willie
The Freeman
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BREAKING NEWS
Daily Citizen writer Darkwolf was recently injured in an incident involving a grenade and his mouth.
When asked why he committed the act, he simply responded "*Gurgle*........Medic....". His condition is unknown at the moment, but stay tuned for an update in the near future.
Your's Truly, TollBooth Willie, signing off bitches.
Give him a banana!...Yes I know that was complete shit. F*ck you...It's almost midnight.
Daily Citizen writer Darkwolf was recently injured in an incident involving a grenade and his mouth.
When asked why he committed the act, he simply responded "*Gurgle*........Medic....". His condition is unknown at the moment, but stay tuned for an update in the near future.
Your's Truly, TollBooth Willie, signing off bitches.
Give him a banana!...Yes I know that was complete shit. F*ck you...It's almost midnight.
WingsofJecka
Newbie
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Once a new game comes out, there will be some more creativity.
E
Evisk
Guest
HEADCRAB UNION ON STRIKE
Today TDC received news that HU or Headcrab Union has lead the headcrabs on strike infront of City 17's Citadel.HU is lead by Heady Lamarr.
Mister/Miss (Seriously who can tell?) Lamarr has stated that the headcrabs are tired of Rebels and Combine alike
shooting/sticking them in "shells"/hitting them with crowbars
and the like while they are doing their respected jobs and that it won't be tolerated for long.
Lamarr also added that if things don't improve it may lead to open revolt.
He/She/It also stated that they want the man known as Gordon Freeman to stand trial
for the assault of the headcrab city of Ravenholm and slaying more then 50% of the town's population.
Civil Protection has dispatched troops on the scene just to make sure that the headcrabs don't start infesting innocent bystanders.
The office of Dr.Breen hasn't made any comments on the matter for now.
We will keep you in touch as the story unfolds.
Mister/Miss (Seriously who can tell?) Lamarr has stated that the headcrabs are tired of Rebels and Combine alike
shooting/sticking them in "shells"/hitting them with crowbars
and the like while they are doing their respected jobs and that it won't be tolerated for long.
Lamarr also added that if things don't improve it may lead to open revolt.
He/She/It also stated that they want the man known as Gordon Freeman to stand trial
for the assault of the headcrab city of Ravenholm and slaying more then 50% of the town's population.
Civil Protection has dispatched troops on the scene just to make sure that the headcrabs don't start infesting innocent bystanders.
The office of Dr.Breen hasn't made any comments on the matter for now.
We will keep you in touch as the story unfolds.
- On a side note this is my first attempt at writing this sort of thing so be gentle :angel:
E
Evisk
Guest
BREAKING NEWS
Today at precisely 1200 hours the Headcrab Union declared open revolt against the Combine.
TDC's own Azner went on a killing frenzy with a T-80 tank while the Headcrabs were on strike in front of City 17's Citadel.
We managed to pull one of the CP officers away from the fight for a short interview.Evisk : (explosion and gun fire in the background) Can you tell us what exactly happened here?
CP-425 : Well nothing big was happening the headcrabs were just peacefully protesting in front of the Citadel.
When suddenly this nut from TDC came and started screaming some random stuff and asking for orders from a "Mr. Medic" then he manned a T-80 tank and started blasting at the headcrabs.
Evisk : Can you tell us what the situation is right now ? (More explosions and gun fire)
CP-425 : The headcrabs are trying to over-run our positions as we speak but until they find host bodies they aren't much of a threat.
Evisk : Were any civilians hurt ?
CP-425 : Yes we had some civilian casualties due to headcrabs attaching to their heads.
Evisk : What will happen to TDC's reporter Azner?
CP-425 : We will probably shoot him after we stop the headcrabs.
Evisk : Ok thank you for your time CP-425.
After the interview a CP officer brought to us what looked like a note from HU's leader Heady Lamarr.
When asked where he found it he said that the headcrabs fired a shell that had three combine soldiers stuffed in and the one attached to one of the soldier's helm.
The note stated that HU will cease hostilities against the combine if they hand over Azner and Gordon Freeman.
As i read this CP officer 236 said that no way in hell will they hand over Azner as it seems he is "blasting the hell out of those head humpers".
As for Gordon Freeman CP officer 236 stated that they would gladly hand over Freeman if they could find him.
He was last seen heading to the old canals.
The office of Dr.Breen again refused to comment on the situation.
More news as the story unfolds.
E
Evisk
Guest
Thanks for the welcome ^_^
It's my first time writing fanfics and such so if you can give me some feedback it would be lovely.
It's my first time writing fanfics and such so if you can give me some feedback it would be lovely.
Acepilotf14
Sucked so much dick for this title
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CP1: HOW MANY HEADCRABS?
CP2: WHAT?!
-Blasts are heard in the backround-
CP1: HOW MAAAANY HEADCRAABS?!!?!
CP2: NO, I DIDN'T HAVE TOAST THIS MORNING.
CP1: DAMIT, HOW MANY HEADCRABS?!
CP2: OH, YOU WANT TO DRYCLEAN MY MASK?
CP1: NO!
CP2: Jeez, all you had to do was say no.
CP1: THATS WHAT I JUST SAID!
It is chaos here, as the headcrabs are not even close to overrunning the Combine positions. Although we tempted Gordon Freeman with a gold-polished crowbar, still he has not commented on handing himself over to the headcrabs. The insane officer Azner has been detained and is being handed over as we speak. Although several headcrabs have attempted to attach to his head, 3/4 have died, and the last one is suffering from insanity and is being taken to the Headcrab National Hospital. Stay on the channel, hope your Television isn't detained, and wait for more news on the subject.
-Channel 6 Ace reporter- (PUN!)
Hunter-Chopper Pilot AcepilotF14 (Seriously, who names these people?!)
Had this to say:
"Hahaha... Thank God there are no flying Headcrabs, the rest of you can burn in hell!"
CP2: WHAT?!
-Blasts are heard in the backround-
CP1: HOW MAAAANY HEADCRAABS?!!?!
CP2: NO, I DIDN'T HAVE TOAST THIS MORNING.
CP1: DAMIT, HOW MANY HEADCRABS?!
CP2: OH, YOU WANT TO DRYCLEAN MY MASK?
CP1: NO!
CP2: Jeez, all you had to do was say no.
CP1: THATS WHAT I JUST SAID!
It is chaos here, as the headcrabs are not even close to overrunning the Combine positions. Although we tempted Gordon Freeman with a gold-polished crowbar, still he has not commented on handing himself over to the headcrabs. The insane officer Azner has been detained and is being handed over as we speak. Although several headcrabs have attempted to attach to his head, 3/4 have died, and the last one is suffering from insanity and is being taken to the Headcrab National Hospital. Stay on the channel, hope your Television isn't detained, and wait for more news on the subject.
-Channel 6 Ace reporter- (PUN!)
Hunter-Chopper Pilot AcepilotF14 (Seriously, who names these people?!)
Had this to say:
"Hahaha... Thank God there are no flying Headcrabs, the rest of you can burn in hell!"
Darkwolf
Tank
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Here is the latest from the front.
Over the past days, violence has esculated in central C-17. The legions of headcrabs have holed up at various points around the city, and containment teams have set up burnback areas and forcefields. Since the CPs have handed juristiction over to the Overwatch, less reports have been coming in from the front and the DC has had to use their teams of scouts to collect information.
Currently, the scouts report that the number of rebelling headcrabs is over nine thousand. When this information was passed onto Overwatch command, the response was less then expected, 'FVCK! NINE THOUSAND!!!' Going off these comments heed a warning from the offices of TDC. Stay in your homes, and makes sure all your vents are sealed up. Once you have completed this, vacum seal whatever room you happen to be in.
More from the front as it comes.
This is receantly unmind-controlled reporter Darkwolf.
Over the past days, violence has esculated in central C-17. The legions of headcrabs have holed up at various points around the city, and containment teams have set up burnback areas and forcefields. Since the CPs have handed juristiction over to the Overwatch, less reports have been coming in from the front and the DC has had to use their teams of scouts to collect information.
Currently, the scouts report that the number of rebelling headcrabs is over nine thousand. When this information was passed onto Overwatch command, the response was less then expected, 'FVCK! NINE THOUSAND!!!' Going off these comments heed a warning from the offices of TDC. Stay in your homes, and makes sure all your vents are sealed up. Once you have completed this, vacum seal whatever room you happen to be in.
More from the front as it comes.
This is receantly unmind-controlled reporter Darkwolf.
Ophiguris
Newbie
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THE DAILY CITZEN
November 24th, 2028
Rebels At Large
Earlier today, a train leaving for Nova Prospekt was hijacked. CPs are unable to determine how any rebebls managed to get INSIDE the train. One possible, and highly respected, theory suggests rebels disguised as Civil Protection agents and snook onto the train shortly before departure. Here's a clip from our interview with Mr. Henderson:
DC: Mr. Henderson di---
Henderson: Did you receive a beating on your way in?
DC: Yes, but back on topic, are you aware that rebel activity is skyrocketing and shows no signs of repreve?
Henderson: We are aware, and as some citzens have noticed, we've stretched security to valuable lengths. Unfortunately, our Citdael has been destroyed, which has greatly hindered our hunt for the rebel base.
DC: Are you any closer than you were before?
Henderson: We're are currently hot on the trail, but I will not be able to answer any more questions in that regard. For some citzens may feel a need to find 'sanctuary' or hospitality amongst these rebels.
DC: back to the train hijacking, were any of your men able to ID any of the rebels.
Henderson: We confirmed ten rebel deaths, but the only rebel that has been I dentified and still at large, is Barney Calhoun.
DC: thank you for your time.
Henderson: Be sure to get a beating from the receptionist.
Only a few details were revealed but CPs say they'll be keeping a better eye out. In the words of Breen, we ask that any rebels who might have been spotted before the attack be reported by any witnesses. Witnesses have been offered a 'get out of beating free' card. We expect MANY witnesses to come forward.
_________________________________________________________________
Low: few Strider patrols with acid rain at -2dg C
November 24th, 2028
Rebels At Large
Earlier today, a train leaving for Nova Prospekt was hijacked. CPs are unable to determine how any rebebls managed to get INSIDE the train. One possible, and highly respected, theory suggests rebels disguised as Civil Protection agents and snook onto the train shortly before departure. Here's a clip from our interview with Mr. Henderson:
DC: Mr. Henderson di---
Henderson: Did you receive a beating on your way in?
DC: Yes, but back on topic, are you aware that rebel activity is skyrocketing and shows no signs of repreve?
Henderson: We are aware, and as some citzens have noticed, we've stretched security to valuable lengths. Unfortunately, our Citdael has been destroyed, which has greatly hindered our hunt for the rebel base.
DC: Are you any closer than you were before?
Henderson: We're are currently hot on the trail, but I will not be able to answer any more questions in that regard. For some citzens may feel a need to find 'sanctuary' or hospitality amongst these rebels.
DC: back to the train hijacking, were any of your men able to ID any of the rebels.
Henderson: We confirmed ten rebel deaths, but the only rebel that has been I dentified and still at large, is Barney Calhoun.
DC: thank you for your time.
Henderson: Be sure to get a beating from the receptionist.
Only a few details were revealed but CPs say they'll be keeping a better eye out. In the words of Breen, we ask that any rebels who might have been spotted before the attack be reported by any witnesses. Witnesses have been offered a 'get out of beating free' card. We expect MANY witnesses to come forward.
_________________________________________________________________
City 17 Weather
High: medium beating followed by rain at 23dg. CLow: few Strider patrols with acid rain at -2dg C
Ophiguris
Newbie
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Good article, though you should fix up your spelling. Snuck and citadel are both wrong.
Isn't Citadael spelt C-I-T-D-A-E-L???
That's ( If I remember correctly) how they spell it in Star Craft, unless I didn't spell Citdael... I can't find it in the article...
Azner
Tank
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Cmon, get back on topic about the headcrab revolution.
HeadCrab Union Enlarges, Militia Squads Forming
Our very own boys have sought up to help the CPs,
and other military units to destroy headcrabs,
here are the ranks and positions of your friends and family.
HeadCrab Union Enlarges, Militia Squads Forming
Our very own boys have sought up to help the CPs,
and other military units to destroy headcrabs,
here are the ranks and positions of your friends and family.
Tank And APC Battalion:
Lead Officer: Azner
Command Officer: Jintor
Tank Engineers: Vortigaunt Lover
MG-Squad:
Main Gunner: Vortigaunt Zurg
Officer Gunner: Darkwolf
Medic Team
Medic Officer: The Rebel Medic
Spec Ops
Special Operations Officer:15357
2nd Officer :Riomhaire
Pilots
Lead Pilot: Acepilot-F14
2nd Pilot: Evisk
More Pictures Coming Up Soon
Lead Officer: Azner
Command Officer: Jintor
Tank Engineers: Vortigaunt Lover
MG-Squad:
Main Gunner: Vortigaunt Zurg
Officer Gunner: Darkwolf
Medic Team
Medic Officer: The Rebel Medic
Spec Ops
Special Operations Officer:15357
2nd Officer :Riomhaire
Pilots
Lead Pilot: Acepilot-F14
2nd Pilot: Evisk
More Pictures Coming Up Soon
Jintor
Didn't Get Temp-Banned
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*sudden... urge... to post... pointless stories... about... Digimon*
ARARLajORAHROAHRrhaOIRHARhrRKLHrHGhghghH!H1hj!Hh!H!HH!!HHH!HHHHHH!
WHHHaHHHhHHHYYYYYTYYY *grabs grenade and explodes*
You may have noticed a sudden lowering of quality from Jintor's work. This is because of the flu. Please wait while normal service is being restored.
ARARLajORAHROAHRrhaOIRHARhrRKLHrHGhghghH!H1hj!Hh!H!HH!!HHH!HHHHHH!
WHHHaHHHhHHHYYYYYTYYY *grabs grenade and explodes*
You may have noticed a sudden lowering of quality from Jintor's work. This is because of the flu. Please wait while normal service is being restored.
Azner
Tank
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Headcrabs Protest Into The Citadel!
CPs try their best to fight back.
Our very own TDC Writer The Rebel Medic using a sniper rifle to take down headcrabs on the top of the TDC building.
Officer Azner outside of an APC with Officer Jintor Driving it.
Officer Darkwolf Ready to *pwn* Headcrab enforcers
Officer 15357 loading up his .357
A
Aurora
Guest
Breaking news!
This is Sarah number 987324987 with a special report from Ravenholm. Today, at 6 am a conflict took place in the main square of this overrunbyzombiestown. Over than a hundred hungry and bloody zombies came out on the main square to tell their protests against Citadel's actions. May I remind you that two days ago Citadel announced that they will be no longer supplying Ravenholm with fresh rebels and nail polish. The zombies organized a strike, gathered MANY red signatures and refused to eat rebels for the profit of CPs. Here is a short interview with the strikers leader, Mr. FOOOOD
S987324987: Are you going to continue your protests?
Mr. FOOOOD: Ouuuaahh!
S987324987: And do you think that your strike will be successful? Do you think that CItadel will continue supply zombies with extra strong Super Combine nail polish?
Mr. FOOOOD: YEAAHHH! F.........AK! ZOMbie FOOoooooD! ZOMBIE POLISH! Combine TASTYYiiiii! Saraaaahh snaaaaaack!
As you can see, zombies are really optimistic about this strike and quite ambitious about the profit they can get from it. Reporters aren't actually rebels, so zombies made quite a tasty meal out of my two colleagues here, so I better get going. I'll keep you informed about the further situation.
This is Sarah number 987324987 with a special report from Ravenholm. Today, at 6 am a conflict took place in the main square of this overrunbyzombiestown. Over than a hundred hungry and bloody zombies came out on the main square to tell their protests against Citadel's actions. May I remind you that two days ago Citadel announced that they will be no longer supplying Ravenholm with fresh rebels and nail polish. The zombies organized a strike, gathered MANY red signatures and refused to eat rebels for the profit of CPs. Here is a short interview with the strikers leader, Mr. FOOOOD
S987324987: Are you going to continue your protests?
Mr. FOOOOD: Ouuuaahh!
S987324987: And do you think that your strike will be successful? Do you think that CItadel will continue supply zombies with extra strong Super Combine nail polish?
Mr. FOOOOD: YEAAHHH! F.........AK! ZOMbie FOOoooooD! ZOMBIE POLISH! Combine TASTYYiiiii! Saraaaahh snaaaaaack!
As you can see, zombies are really optimistic about this strike and quite ambitious about the profit they can get from it. Reporters aren't actually rebels, so zombies made quite a tasty meal out of my two colleagues here, so I better get going. I'll keep you informed about the further situation.
- Status
